


Advent Calendar 2020

by Phantje



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Advent Calendar, Blogger Dan Howell, Blogging, Christmas, Falling In Love, Fluff, M/M, No Smut, Nursery Teacher Phil, One Story in 25 Chapters, Photographer Dan Howell, Photography, Single Parents, Slow Burn, Strangers to Lovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-01
Updated: 2020-12-25
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:08:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 25
Words: 130,598
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27815089
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Phantje/pseuds/Phantje
Summary: Dan is a single father to his son Mes. When Mes does not go to Dan's best friend Meggie's nursery, he tags along to Dan's photography studio. With Mes, the studio, and his film-review-blog, Dan is certainly busy, and yet finds time to be a little lonely - he is skilled like that. Dan's life seems to suddenly start spinning when he rescues a client from a malicious photo booth.Phil is the co-founder of the IRL store, but wants to start working to meet new people and to fill his days. That has nothing to do whatsoever with him pining after the mysterious blogger, and he isn't even really all that lonely, actually.Phil starts working at a nursery, makes a new friend, and gets more than he bargained for in falling in love with the photographer.(This is one continuous story that I will upload a new chapter to each day until Christmas (always around this time, morning GMT) Enjoy!)
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Comments: 294
Kudos: 88





	1. 01.12.2020

**Author's Note:**

> I cannot believe that this is the 5th year running that I upload an Advent Calendar - so if this one does not progress quickly enough for you, you can always read the fully updated other ones. :)   
> Enjoy the chapter and have a lovely first of December! I will see you tomorrow! Please do come and chat in the comments. :) Love oo xx

** Tuesday, 1st of December 2020  **

Dan’s POV 

To get this absolutely straight, Dan does not think waking up in the morning is easy or can be fundamentally made easy by changing some parameters.

Also, he does not trust anyone proclaiming themselves to be a ‘morning person’, but there is usually something wrong with them in more than the aspect of ‘liking’ ‘to’ ‘wake’ ‘up’ ‘ _early’_.

“But you have so much time ahead of you, and you can be productive!”

“Meggie.” Dan had tried to bring his longest and best friend back to the ground of reason when they had first talked about this. It was never the wisest of decisions to challenge Meggie to a discussion in a topic she was unnecessarily passionate about, but it was also a lot of fun.

“Don’t be condescending.” Meggie had folded her arms. “I am telling you! Seeing the sun rise is the best way to start a day!”

“Well, as an experienced Seeing The Sun Rise-er, I can tell you that’s not true!”

“When have you ever seen the sun rise?” Meggie had cocked up an eyebrow which would have been impressive and even intimidating had she not had Mes’ comforter over her shoulder.

“Actually,” Dan had snatched the comforter off her and had draped it around Mes instead, “I’ll have you know that thanks to this little guy,” (Mes had been a little over 2 years old at that time) “I have been woken up countless times because he was so adamant about seeing the sun rise. He must be taking after you.”

“Have you ever thought that _this_ ” (cue her dramatic hand waving) “might be why people assume I am Mes’ mother?”

“Ah.”

“You haven’t?!” This had not exactly been an eye-opener for Dan, but it was fun to rile Meggie up – it still is.

“Also, in winter, I see the sun rise and it doesn’t improve my days that much!” Dan had got them back on track.

“It doesn’t?” Meggie had gasped. “There is something seriously wrong with you.”

“Objection. There is something seriously wrong with you. Every productive thing you do in the morning, you can do at a later point with a much better mood!”

“But there is no joy like having completed a job before the day has even properly begun.”

“There you have it.” Dan had grinned at Meggie, which was always sure to infuriate her. “Before the day has properly begun. You admit that what you are proposing is bizarre.”

“I did no such thing!” Meggie had huffed before starting to chase Dan with Mes in his arms around the kitchen.

This conversation had been nearly two years ago and yet, Dan remembers it fondly.

Sadly, reminiscing about happy memories is not a certified way to start a day full of energy. In Dan’s case it usually even lulls him back to sleep but with having his alarm set as late as possible, he cannot allow himself to doze off again.

Fighting against the cold and his basic human instincts, which he is sure Meggie lacks, Dan pushes the covers off and swings his legs out of the bed. He sways a little when he stands up, but he does not lose balance – that happens like once a fortnight at most! – and quickly goes to get changed.

Next, Dan makes his way over to Mes’ room, and he has to admit that waking up early is never easy but it is certainly made easier, or at least more rewarding if it means that he gets to spend more time with his favourite human.

Said favourite human managed to turn himself around a full 180 degrees in sleep, but Mes counted for like a quarter of a human at most so it was not such a physically impressive feat after all.

“Good morning, Mes.” Dan says softly. He sits down on the edge of the bed and strokes Mes’ delightfully curly head. His mum tears up at least twice on a visit telling Dan how much of his spitting image Mes is.

“It’s time to get up.” Dan cannot keep the compassion out of his voice. Whenever Meggie is over and Dan lets her win the arm-wrestle for who gets to wake up Mes, she is always enthusiastic about starting a new day, but Dan is reasonable and prefers to ease Mes into a state of consciousness.

“Come on, darling.” Dan gently shakes Mes a little before he opens his eyes and blinks at him.

“Good day, fella. How was it sleeping upside down?” Dan asks, not left unbothered by the fact that this sort of brilliant joke still passes Mes by absolutely unnoticed.

“Morning.” Mes says. He rubs his eyes and then climbs into Dan’s lap. “Merry Christmas.” Mes presses a wet kiss onto Dan’s cheek.

“Merry Christmas? You are 24 days early for that.” Dan frowns, kisses him back anyway.

“It’s not Christmas?”

“No. Why did you think it was Christmas?”

“You said I could wear grandma-mama’s jumper today.” Mes looks conflicted.

Dan smiles and flattens the bed-hair that sticks out at the back of Mes’ head. “You can wear grandma-mama’s jumper because it’s the first of December today. We can finally get as festive as we like without fearing that grandma-mama will disown us.”

Dan picks Mes up and carries him to the bathroom.

“What is disown?” Mes asks on the way.

Ah, Dan had managed to manoeuvre himself skilfully into a dead-end (ha! Like, literally!). He prefers telling the truth at all times, but he does not need to start out their December by explaining to Mes that being disowned means not inheriting after someone had passed away. That was too gloomy.

“We would not get presents.” Dan eventually settles with. He might have to unpick that at some later point, but for now that explanation would have to do.

“I would like to get presents.” Mes says sincerely.

“As do I!” Dan agrees and helps Mes with brushing his teeth.

After the bathroom, Dan chases Mes into his room and helps him with putting on the jumper his grandmother had made for his son.

“Smile for grandma-mama.” Dan says, snapping a quick picture of Mes in his little outfit.

While Mes is having a bowl of surprisingly healthy breakfast, considering that he is Dan’s offspring, Dan sends the picture to his grandmother.

Mes had been confused with the names of his own grandmother, Dan’s mother, and Dan’s grandmother, which was why the name grandma-mama had stuck. Dan has his grandmother saved like that in his contacts even.

When Meggie had seen that for the first time, she had been endeared but not too preoccupied to roll her eyes. “You do know that nicknames are supposed to be shorter than the real name or title of profession, right?”

Dan had managed to shut her up quite quickly with showing her how Meggie had saved herself as Margaret the Great. Meggie had huffed but since not dared to pick up the matter of discussion again.

Not long after Dan sent the picture, he can see that grandma-mama was _typing…_ , but even if he admires her deeply for keeping up with the technology game, he cannot way for her to finish the message. They need to get going if they want to arrive on time.

He does check his phone after breakfast briefly and sees that she has written praise for Mes, which is always welcome but does not require an immediate answer.

Dan places Mes’ bowl into the sink and wraps him up in a scarf and his winter jacket. He throws the same combination on as well and takes Mes’ hand.

On their way to Meggie’s nursery, Dan and Mes hold hands and point out all animals they can see to each other.

“Dad! A squirrel!” Mes says tugging on his hand excitedly.

“Isn’t that a chicken?” Dan asks.

“No, dad. Chickens don’t run up trees like that.”

“Ah, chicken don’t do that. I see.” Dan laughs and squeezes Mes’ tiny hand. He has grown considerably over the past four years of their acquaintance, but he was still only a quarter of Dan at most.

They continue like that for the remainder of the walk. It is much quicker to take a bus to the nursery, and they would have to get up later for that too, but Dan has come to cherish his walk with Mes and he is not about to give up on that for some stuffy commuter air.

Dan opens the gate leading up to the nursery and lets Mes run to ring the doorbell. The nursery is not exactly Meggie’s in the sense that she is the sole owner and teacher, but she does have enough authority and power to enable Mes to have somewhat fluid attendance times.

As a freelancing photographer, Dan is actually able to take Mes to work with him occasionally and as much as he wants him to get accustomed to other children his age, he also loves having him around.

Mes’ mother had passed away weeks after Mes’ birth, and Dan is very serious about that not affecting the family time Mes has in the slightest.

“What a nice jacket you have there!” Meggie says to Mes after opening the door. She had got Mes the jacket for his fourth birthday in October. 

“It was my favourite birthday present.” Mes smiles and hugs her legs.

“Are you teaching him sarcasm?”

“He’s a natural.” Dan shrugs and helps Mes out of his jacket.

“My jumper is also nice.” Mes tells Meggie proudly.

“Did your dad make that?”

“No.” Mes laughs. The audacity. “My grandma-mama.”

“Oh. It is very pretty.” Meggie agrees. “Go on ahead and grab a cushion for the morning round.”

Dan kneels down and receives Mes’ traditional kiss before kissing him on the top of his head in return and gently pushing him towards the big room.

“See you later, Mes!”

“Bye!” Mes waves happily and darts around the corner.

“Are we that late?” Dan asks when he gets back up.

“Not really. Turns out Stacey has called in sick because she needs to nurse her aging grandfather.” Meggie rubs her temples. “We are criminally understaffed.”

“Do you want me to step in?” Dan grimaces.

“That’s lovely, but I know you love your pictures. I will look for some volunteer. Now in December, there must be _loads_ of them…”

“You will be fine.” Dan says and pats Meggie’s shoulder.

“I better be.” Meggie sighs before quickly putting on a smile to open the door for the next child.

Dan greets the parents and the small girl before leaving the nursery, crossing his fingers for Meggie to see. She smiles at him and waves a little.

Apart from Mes, the best thing that had ever happened in Dan’s life was the photography studio he had managed to acquire with the help of his mother’s persuasion strategies.

It had a gorgeous window front which let in enough natural light for good portraits but also space enough in the back for some more artificial lighting possibilities.

To be honest, Dan has a lot of photography experiences but none of them are exactly academic. He knows which light will get him the desired effect, but he does not always know how to explain that with the appropriate vocabulary.

Then again, he has yet to meet the client that insists on that explanation.

Dan opens his studio and switches on the light so that everyone outside is greeted by the snazzy sign Meggie got him for the opening of his very own studio.

_& Sons’ Photos – Come in for your picture fixture_.

Meggie had initially hated the name &Sons’ Photos, but as long as Dan put the ridiculous rhyme in the second part, she had agreed to get him a sign made.

Yesterday, after collecting Mes from the nursery, they had decorated Dan’s studio with some fake greenery, fairy lights, and baubles.

For the fact that Dan and his four-year-old son had decorated it, it actually looks classy and cosy. Because Dan is alone in the studio, he does not refrain from literally patting his shoulder before getting out of his jacket and getting ready for the day.

That includes dashing to the coffee shop next door and hovering the entire place. With caffeine in his blood and a presentable floor, Dan feels ready to take on the day.

It’s a slow kind of day with two appointments, one just before and one just after his mandatory lunch break. He does not think it is all that mandatory, but both Meggie and his mother force him regularly to swear he has regular meals and the best way to achieve that is to condition himself to eat at roughly the same time each day.

After taking pictures of two couples and doing an impromptu friend group photo shoot, Dan closes down the studio and makes his way to the nursery.

A slow day at the studio has allowed Dan to make some more tweaks in the decoration and to develop some ideas for his blog. By now, they are actually more concrete plans than just ideas, but he would still like to run them by Meggie first.

That is why Dan asks her once he has been granted entry to the nursery: “Do you want to grab tea together?” He picks Mes up and cuddles him, making up for the hours they couldn’t spend together.

“My working class self is confused. Do you mean dinner or the hot drink?” Meggie asks, wrapping a scarf around her neck.

Another absolute perk of Meggie being a nursery teacher is that she stays late with Mes every time so that Dan can close his studio alongside all other shops on the street.

“I am talking about a savoury snack with a hot drink after work.” Dan explains and sets Mes down to put his jacket on him.

“I’m down.”

“Lucky, we’re both single, right?” Dan laughs.

“So lucky!” Meggie agrees, matching Dan’s tone that is precariously balanced between sarcasm and glee perfectly.

Dan picks Mes up and links arms with Meggie.

On the way to a small café nearby, it’s too dark for them to play spot the animal, but Mes is busy recounting everything that has happened, anyways.

Dan listens intently. It is always fun to listen to Mes’ stories. Conversations with Mes are generally the most interesting Dan has ever had in the span of his existence.

In the café, Mes is busy drawing in the notebook Dan has taken out for him, so Dan has time to share his plan with Meggie.

“You remember my blog, right?” Dan asks taking a sip of tea.

“Stop asking me that every time you talk about I-review-films.” Meggie snaps and takes a sip of her own tea, frowns and adds another dash of milk. “Stroke of creative genius, by the way.”

“Fine. Just checking.” Dan says, ignoring her attempt at being funny.

“Dan, I read your blog. I like your blog.” Meggie surprises Dan.

“You do?”

“Yes. Any plans for some future posts?” she asks.

“Yes, actually. You remember classic Netflix originals like Tall Girl, or The Perfect Date?”

“Yes.” Dan gives Meggie credit for not sounding all too impatient.

“Yeah, so, I noticed that there are a whole lot of horrendous Christmas movies out there to stream.”

“There are.” Meggie agrees.

“I am thinking of reviewing a selection of them – of the older ones – during December for something like ‘How to Ruin Your Twelve Days of Christmas’.”

“So twelve blog posts?”

“I was thinking of nine, actually.” Dan rolls his eyes and dodges Meggie’s punch. “Yeah. Twelve. Or well, thirteen as I would like to set it off with a post about Love Actually, you know a good film that will show just how not good the others are.”

Meggie nods and looks at Dan for a while. “Obviously, I like the idea. You did not tell me because you expect artistic advice, did you?”

“Well, no. I just wanted a first opinion.”

“Your readers will love whatever you do, trust me. They will probably be over the moon with 13 posts – that’s like more than you did all year!”

“Blog posts take time!”

“For a perfectionist like you, they do.” Meggie says knowingly and elegantly takes a bite of her panini, she thankfully ruins her posture with sputtering, so Dan doesn’t have to take a jab at her.

“I will get working on them right away then.” Dan says and starts eating too. “Mes, we will have to watch quite a few films in the next time.”

“I like films!”

“You are not planning to watch Love Actually with Mes, do you?” Meggie asks, raising her eyebrows.

“It won’t hurt him. It didn’t hurt me.”

“You were 12 when it came out, not 4, Dan!”

In the end, Dan has promised to distract Mes essentially whenever Martin Freeman is on the screen, but as Love Actually is advertised as a family movie, he will not worry all too much about it.

Once they have all finished their paninis and teas, Dan wraps Mes up in his scarf, and they leave for home. Dan quickly hugs Meggie before she jumps onto her bus.

Dan holds Mes tightly and patiently answers all his questions. There is a whole lot of them, ranging from: “Do you speak Japanese? Mimi says all fathers speak Japanese?” to “Do I have to wear shoes?”

Before Dan and Mes settle down in front of the television, Dan changes them both into pyjamas and prepares some vegetable sticks and water. He even quickly washes his and Mes’ faces in the event that Mes should fall asleep during the film.

“There you go.” Dan says as he wraps Mes up in a blanket. He first makes it burrito-tight, but then loosens it up a little to Mes’ giggles.

“Here we go!” Dan says and sinks back into the sofa when he presses play. He pulls his computer onto his lap and listens to Bill Nye’s singing.

Phil’s POV 

Blindly, Phil reaches for his phone. It is December and it is the morning, but it is no longer dark outside. The fact that Phil reaches blindly for his phone is due to him not wearing his glasses. And without them, virtually any object on his bedside table might as well be his phone.

Judging by the fact that his companiable cactus would not need to be charged, Phil manages to single out the object most likely to be his phone.

Martyn, his brother, has often suggested that keeping a pet cactus, no matter how companiable, next to one’s face when sleeping might not be the best idea, especially if one was more mole than eagle, but Phil ignores that piece of advice resolutely. And whenever he does accidentally grab the cactus and not his glass of water, he simply picks out the thorns quietly and does not tell Martyn about the incident.

“M’hello.” Phil mumbles into the phone as soon as he manages to pick up the call.

“A m’hello morning to you too.” Martyn says cheerfully on the other end. “Were you sleeping?”

“Of course not!” Phil yawns.

“Ha! You make the next tea, Cornelia. He was in fact sleeping.” Martyn says triumphantly somewhat away from the speaker.

“Phil!” Cornelia sounds disappointed.

“It’s too early.” Phil protests.

“It’s half past eleven.” Martyn says drily.

“Case in point.”

Phil lets Martyn’s chatter slowly wake him. He makes his way to the kitchen and makes himself a coffee.

He will probably not ever tell Martyn so directly, but he appreciates his regular calls, especially the ones in the morning. Phil likes sleeping long, like every normal human, but he also knows it’s not good to waste an entire day, so having his brother wake him with cheerful chattering is a very good compromise, in Phil’s eyes.

“And what are you going to do today, brother?” Martyn asks.

“Look for a job.” Phil replies.

“Hilarious, I myself was planning to catch up with my buddy Prince Charles.”

“I am serious.” Phil says calmly.

“You do not need to look for a job, you know that? You do enough of work for our IRL store.”

“I do the bare minimum.”

“Yes, but the minimum lets you lead a very comfortable life!”

Phil and Martyn and founded the online shop IRL store together and were selling board games, merchandise, clothing, homeware, and even the occasional book in very decent numbers. Compared to what Phil would have earned had he become a weatherman (his childhood dream), they are actually very rich now.

“Yes. And that is why I want to give back to people!” Phil says. He has thought about this for the past few boredom-ridden days and was very happy with this idea.

“Contrary to my buddy Prince Charles you are not actually royalty though.”

“I earn very well, and I want to help others.” Phil has the rather annoying habit of speaking somewhat petulantly when talking to his elder brother which does not help in making him feel more mature – which he certainly should, he was over 30!

“Don’t listen to Martyn!” Cornelia calls from the back. “I am proud of you!”

Phil adores Cornelia. Martyn had lucked out when he found her. They are very happy together, in fact, they are getting married the next year.

On good days, Phil is able to just let Cornelia and Martyn’s banter lift him up, but today is not that good a day, so Phil feels lonely instead of part of a big, happy family.

“Thank you, Cornelia.” Phil replies as cheerfully as he can.

“You sound gloomy.” Martyn shoots back immediately, trust him to detect the slightest hint of an unhappy mood.

“It’s nothing.” Phil quickly assures him. “I promise I won’t do anything stupid. I will look for available jobs and then apply.”

“It is not a bad idea.” Martyn allows. “You do not sound too cheerful though.”

Phil is still looking for an excuse, when Martyn already asks: “When was the last time MMAHB uploaded?”

Phil flinches at the abbreviation, that Martyn, against all linguistic rules pronounces as ‘mahb’, illegally turning it into an acronym.

“A while.” Phil admits, but quickly follows with: “This does not have anything to do with that though.”

“Yeah, right. If one individual has influence on you and your happiness, it’s MMAHB.” Martyn chuckles. “You are a sucker for that blog.”

“Don’t say ‘that blog’.” Phil grumbles.

“I thought you didn’t like the abbreviation.”

“I do not, in fact, like it, but it’s better than what it stands for and than ‘that blog’.” Phil rubs his temples.

“What is wrong with Mysterious Man And His Blog?”

“It’s rubbish and not true.” Phil has walked straight into Martyn’s teasing trap, but it was too late to turn back around now.

Phil has to endure a bit more teasing about his alleged obsession with MMAHB’s blog (he did point out that ‘Mysterious Man And His Blog’s blog’ did not make sense, but that has only resulted in more teasing) before Martyn has calmed down again.

“I need to go. Nobody needs my help.” Phil says. He has adopted this pathetic goodbye when Martyn had once not stopped laughing for 5 minutes straight when Phil had dared to attempt to get off the phone with a “Gotta dash.”.

“Take care and don’t you dare sell yourself below value. I will find you more to do here if you’re that desperate. Ah, speaking of which, don’t forget the meetings. I demand that you still attend those.”

“Yes, I know. I scheduled them.” Phil rolls his eyes.

“Ah, yes. Don’t forget about them!”

“I won’t.” Phil promises.

“Good. Bye for now then.”

“Bye.” Phil says and hangs up the phone.

He pours the rest of his cold coffee into the sink and goes to take a long, hot shower. He has of course not done anything that would make him deserve such a treat, but on the day he will set out to work again, he can do with some pampering.

After the shower, Phil pats moisture into his cheeks and makes a mental note to look up whether that is in fact a thing or only one more of the lies Martyn has told him when they were younger. After all, it had taken very confused students at university to tell him that he did not have to leave the fridge door open for two seconds when making a toast to balance out the temperature.

In Phil’s defence, he had been very young when Martyn had convinced him of that and over the years with no one correcting his behaviour, he had simply accepted it as a given. He now, usually, does not leave the fridge door open when making a toast, at least not as ceremoniously.

Phil is duly impressed and very proud of himself for changing into fresh clothes so swiftly after the shower and promptly loses about an hour getting stuck in a YouTube loop of people baking with interesting ingredients.

Because it would be foolish to go out without eating anything now that it is well after lunch, Phil decides to quickly make himself a bowl of cereal.

Cereal without Netflix alongside can be considered a crime in some parts of his apartment, so he settles down on his couch and watches the show Somebody Feed Phil, because he is hilarious like that.

With the episode done and the bowl rinsed, Phil finally puts on his shoes, grabs his phone, wallet, and keys and heads out – immediately returning to put on a jacket.

“Record time.” Phil sighs when he checks his phone and sees that it is half past three. It is not yet getting dark, but he will hardly have a whole day scouting for jobs. It will be more like a couple of hours.

A bit later, it turns out, that even that was a way too generous calculation.

Unable to resist some clever advertising for a new board game, Phil ends up in a games store. Getting roped in to testing a game with a couple of strangers.

Phil graciously ignores the attempts of cheating from the others and manages to have quite a good time despite being a raging introvert because he knows the shop keeper quite well by now.

When they are done playing the game, Phil gets on his way and notices with a shock that it’s already slowly getting dark outside.

He hurries along some shop fronts looking for hire notices but cannot see any. In his sudden urge to find something, Phil ventures onto some streets he has never been on and spots a photobooth which looks fun.

However, he forces him to pass it by and continue on his quest as he has done way too many things that have nothing to do with his grand plan that day already.

In the end, discouraged by his lack of success, Phil returns to one of his 17 cafés of comfort and gets in line for a pick me up cup of liquid sugar.

“You don’t happen to be hiring?” Phil asks the barista after he has handed Phil his cup. Phil opens it to sprinkle some complementary cinnamon on top. He ends of spilling about a tenth of his coffee on the counter.  
“We’re not.” The barista looks terrified but seeing that both of Phil’s hands are now sticky after trying to wipe up the puddle he created, he cannot even blame him.

“Pity.” Phil smiles. The barista grimaces, but Phil is sure he means it kindly.

Phil makes his way home, carrying the empty cup all the way back, a habit his mother had forced on him by accident – the only way she could ensure the cup was being recycled was when she put it in her own trusty bins, and so now Phil does the same thing.

Were all humans that impressionable by their older brothers and mothers?

To ignore the fact that the day had not been too much of a success, – which was virtually unheard of for a 1st of December! – Phil opts for crisps for dinner. He puts Netflix on shuffle, which is the worst update he has ever heard of, and quickly escapes the Halloween thriller he had accidentally started once.

He goes onto his home screen and puts on some Nailed It!, that’s no Bake Off, of course, but loud American shows make the living room feel fuller, also Bake Off makes him miss his family, so that is a no-no, when he is already feeling sorry for himself.

Before going to bed, Phil tries his best and refreshes his favourite blog. There is no new entry, Phil sighs, refreshes again, sighs again, and finally admits that it’s time to go to bed.

If he wants to have an even marginally better day tomorrow, he needs to get up earlier and make most of it that way.


	2. 02.12.2020

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy 2nd of December! :) Enjoy the chapter and please stay warm and safe! :) I will see you tomorrow! xx

** Wednesday, 2nd of December 2020 **

Dan’s POV 

The worst thing, Dan decides when gently punching the alarm clock into silent submission, is that getting up early shows no mercy on you, no matter how productive you were the day before.

Rather late at night, Dan has finally finished his blog post on Love Actually. He has watched the film a couple of times the evening before. Once with Mes, distracting him with tickling whenever Martin Freeman was on screen and then two more time when Mes was soundly sleeping in his room.

It has taken a while before Dan settled on a format for the blog post. He was slightly tempted to make it festive and jazz up his monochrome and aesthetic layout for that, but in the end, consistency prevailed.

After pressing upload, Dan had closed his laptop, satisfied with the day’s work, but all that is not kept in mind by his merciless alarm clock.

The sound of Mes crying in pain is the worst sound in the world in the sense that Dan feels physically sick when he hears it, but his alarm clock is the most abominable sound ever.

For a short while, he has attempted to wake up to the Undertale Soundtrack, but that was too cheerful and apart from a vicious sunflower appearing in his dreams, nothing had come of it.

To wake up, a jarring sound is necessary, which makes Dan despise the concept of getting up early even more.

Dan decides to make himself some coffee before waking up Mes. It is not a good idea to wake him up petty because his alarm clock had no compassion or admiration for him. He does not want to influence Mes’ mood like that, so he will calm down, come to his senses and then go to Mess.

As a rule, Dan does not forget how incredibly lucky he is to have Mes in his life, but some unnecessary small things sometimes obscure the view. It is the best idea to wait for clear sight before resuming life.

Of course, you cannot wait for all eternity, and sometimes, you need to get the cloth out and clean the lens yourself, but it is dangerous to just rush out with impaired vision like that.

Well, something like that in any case.

Dan does like to consider himself something of a writer with his blog doing quite well and everything, but the danger is always that his mind will try to write his biography while he is just leading his life right after writing another one of his blog posts. That does tend to get a little annoying.

Dan’s biggest issue with that is not wanting to seem pretentious, but sadly, not wanting to be pretentious was sometimes just the thing that makes you distinguishable pretentious.

Being stuck in one’s head happens and is not always a waste of time, but on a usually tightly scheduled morning with not masses of time to spare, it is certainly not the best way to go about things.

Dan shakes his head, pours some milk into his coffee to make it drinkable and sets out to wake Mes.

Today, Mes’ curly head pokes out of the blanket at the right end of the bed.

Dan switches on a light on Mes’ desk and walks over to him to sit down on the edge of the bed.

Mes wakes up a little quicker this time around. He seems excited which makes Dan both happy and wary. He has no exact clue as to what goes on inside Mes’ head and so he cannot be sure if what Mes is excited about is something worth getting excited about.

For all he knows and has experienced in the past, Mes could be excited because he and a friend at nursery want to speak backwards all day. Not that that is not something you’re not allowed to get excited over. It is simply not something Dan gets excited over. Even worse, on that particular instance, he had to calm Mes down all evening because he had realised how difficult it was to speak backwards.

Mes’ excitement is best taken with a grain of salt, which Dan is happy to do, technically being the legally responsible of the two.

“Are you ready to start the day?” Dan asks Mes and pulls him onto his lap for some morning cuddles.

“Yes!” Mes wiggles excitedly.

“Good.”

“We’re going to the studio today.” Mes says. It is not a question, sadly. Dan has found that hopeful questions are way easier to let down than excited statements.

“Not today, Mes.” Dan says carefully. “It’s Wednesday today.” He adds. Of course, just because Dan and Mes routinely spend Thursdays together does not mean that Wednesdays are out of bounds, but telling Mes he couldn’t come because Dan is going on a trip is not a good idea.

Trips of any sort, even to the grocery store excite Mes even further and despite his young years, he has already developed a very strong fear of missing out.

“No?” Mes asks with big round eyes.

“No.” Dan says apologetically.

“You have to work?” Mes asks.

“Yes.” Dan agrees. Every now and then they go over this. He is pretty sure that Mes understands the concept rather well, but he can also not blame him for verifying it every now and then as Dan’s job is more fluid than your normal 9 to 5.

“Can I come?” Mes asks with a bright smile. Dan sometimes suspects that Mes knows about this being one of his nearly irresistible features.

“Not today.” Dan says. Mes’ forehead scrunches up so Dan quickly retaliates and says: “We will see.”

It is very bad to lie, and it is a lie as Dan does not plan on taking Mes on the trip, but maybe Mes will have forgotten all about that by the time they get to the nursery. That has happened before!

It does, however, not happen that day.

Dan and Mes play spot a red thing on their way to the nursery. They get into a serious (on Mes’ part) discussion on whether Dan’s black cab can count as red because it’s incognito and actually wearing a red sweater underneath.

In the end, Mes agrees that Dan can count it as red because he knows about the sweater but that maybe to others the car does not seem red, maybe.

Dan pats Mes’ head and tries hard not to laugh too loudly.

Everything seems idyllic and calm when they arrive at the nursery too. When Dan sits Mes down to get out of his shoes, however, Mes struggles against him a little.

“Are we going to work?” Mes asks, pulling his foot out of Dan’s reach.

“I am going to work. You will be here with Meggie and craft.” Dan says, gently taking hold of Mes’ foot again.

“I am not working?” Mes asks, forehead scrunching up again.

Dan’s stomach curls but he really cannot take Mes with him today.

Softly, Dan rubs his thumb over Mes’ forehead to ease the frown. “No. You need to rest for today. I need your help tomorrow.”

This time, Dan is not exactly lying. He will take Mes along tomorrow. He is not honest about the reason why Mes needs to stay behind, but he is doing a little better than earlier, at least.

“Okay, dad.” Mes says, corners of his mouth still pointing down.

“Cheer up.” Dan says and kisses Mes cheek. “You will enjoy the crafting, I am sure of it.”

“Yes.” Mes is smiling now and kisses Dan’s cheek in return.

Once he is freed from his second shoe, Mes jumps up, hugs Dan briefly and then runs towards the noise coming out of the big room.

“I am not a bad father.” Dan whispers to himself.

“Nobody thinks you are.” Meggie whispers into his ear, making him fall over. In his defence, he did think he was alone, far away from prying ears!

Dan is not one for perfect punctuality in all aspects of life that do not concern his job, so he cannot really blame the couple for being a little late. Also, they do not know that Dan is missing out on time with his son. And another also: They are not the real reason behind Dan and Mes not spending time together.  
All the undoubtedly very clever explanations and rationalisations do not help Dan in becoming happy about having to wait in the cold for his clients.

Eventually, the two of them turn up. It is a nice couple, certainly more on the cheesy side – those sorts of people that might actually enjoy the Christmas films unironically – but Dan can work well with them.

He is not dead to romantic things. The old-fashioned townhall they chose to take pictures in front of is very pretty actually.

Dan might have chosen the bit of the building that was not being suffocated by fairy lights, but on the pictures, it does not even look all that bad.

Because no matter how much Dan likes to be home and with his family, he is still a people pleaser, eager for them to enjoy the experience they paid for, so he talks to the couple about their Christmas plans.

Dan will not become friends with them presumably, but the way he behaved and the way they seemed to have enjoyed themselves, Dan can at least hope to have found customers and not just clients.

Meggie has assured him time and time again that such a distinction does not exist, but it is the way Dan likes to organise his brain, so convention can kindly get lost.

It truly is a cold sort of December, so Dan graciously accepts the coffee the couple invite him on. He does get a take-away and apologises for having to get back to the studio, though.

“Don’t worry. Thank you for the pictures.” The man raises his cup at him.

“I will come collect them next week.” The woman smiles. “And merry Christmas.” She clasps Dan’s arm and tilts her head. Dan tries not to overly judge people, but he is basically absolutely certain that this woman enjoys Hallmark and Netflix Christmas movies.

Not that that is a bad thing, he is after all writing a blog about them.

When Dan gets back to the studio, he gets to work on the pictures he just took and also cannot resist checking on his blog. He does not exactly care for the numbers, but it is a nice surprise to see some likes on it.

It will be quite a bit of work to get all blog posts done before Christmas. This is more due to Dan not being used to uploading quite as regularly and close together as that. He is a perfectionist, and it takes a good while until he is happy with the result, but just based on the raw time he has, Dan should be able to get everything done.

Some more clients come into the studio during the day and Dan makes the most of it, chatting as much as he feels comfortable and listening to people’s stories.

Dan does tend to get a bit more open and more assertive when Mes is around, but he manages well enough on his own. The contrary would of course be rather worrying, but for the moment, Dan lets himself off the hook with allowing that Mes missing him makes Dan miss Mes, so this is a special situation.

At the end of Dan’s workday, he hurries to the nursery and hugs Mes extra tightly – he does that every day, but he does have a good reason to hug extra tightly every day too.

“He missed you.” Meggie whispers.

“Let’s get home now.” Dan says loudly, trying to cancel out the sound of his shattering heart.

It is an entirely different thing if he assumes that Mes misses him and being told by Meggie that Mes has missed him.

“See you on Friday!” Dan says to Meggie and lifts Mes onto his back.

“Bye!” Mes says enthusiastically.

“I will not take it personally that he is excited not to see me tomorrow.” Meggie wipes a fake tear off her cheek.

“Good because that’s not what he said.” Dan rolls his eyes.

They continue to bicker until they reach Meggie’s bus stop. Meggie jumps onto the bus and Dan and Mes wave after her until the bus turns around the corner.

“Should we dash home and meander in the park?” Dan asks.

“Yes!” Mes says excitedly and wiggles on Dan’s back. Dan laughs and strides home. Mes is quick and agile, but he cannot exactly stride, so for a quick walk, it’s better to hoist Mes onto his back.

Meander is one of the vocabularies Dan never really meant to teach Mes, but which has stuck and has now come to have its very own connotation.

For Mes, and for Dan too, meandering means leaving all bags at home and walking through some park or piece of greenery with a hot chocolate they made at home and filled into their very own take-away cups.

As with so many of Dan and Mes’ traditions, Meggie has made fun of it first before Mes has invited her to come along once and now she is converted.

It is good and vital to have someone like Meggie, no specifically Meggie in his life, in order to remind Dan time and time again that he might not be entire normal but that that is in fact a very nice thing.

Mes dances around Dan’s legs excitedly as soon as they get home and Dan prepares their hot chocolates. He sings a little and tells Dan snippets of his day. It’s not easy to follow because they really are just snippets, but it is fun and endearing.

Outside in the park, the mood is a little less excited. It’s almost festive. Of course, there is no snow in England early on in December, but the air is nice and crisp and with the dark night sky and twinkling lights from the nearby houses, it does feel like winter.

Mes is sipping his hot chocolate with both hands. Evolutionary, he is far ahead of other four-year-olds that cannot walk and drink out of a take-away cup.

“Dad.” Mes says suddenly.

“Yes?”

“I can help you more.” Dan looks down at him and is met with Mes’ big and round eyes.

“Pardon?”

“You work hard. I can help you.”

“Oh. You’re a star.” Dan says and pats Mes’ head. He knees down on the cold floor and looks into Mes’ eyes. “I am very happy you can help me tomorrow. But we are fine. I am fine. I like to work. And I like to spend time with you.”

“Are you tired?” Mes asks, tilting his head a little.

“No.” Dan says certainly.

“Can you read to me at home?”

“Of course!” Dan smiles and stand up again. He grabs Mes’ hand once he has finished his hot chocolate.

Having a bit of a bad day in regard to parenting is not pleasant, but Dan is positive that he could make up for the loss with spending the next day with Mes completely. The Mes-ier a day, the better.

Phil’s POV 

There is hope for this world yet, Phil is certain, and he even has evidence to support his thesis.

First, he has woken up when there was still a bit of darkness outside which means he has already improved with his aim to get up earlier and that without setting an alarm!

And secondly, most importantly, I-review-films has uploaded a new blog post. Not that Phil has kept track, but the last post was already more than a month ago. For Halloween, the entry had been called: Third Person Singular Neuter, talking about Stephen King’s IT, but a postscript of that post promised that lighter content would follow in the future.

The entire November, nothing new has been uploaded, but now, finally, sometime in the night of the 1st of December, a new blog post has appeared!

Ever since reading the mail notification of a newly uploaded blog entry, Phil has been very excited. He is now also awake enough to really value what that notification properly.

He swings his legs out of the bed and quickly washes up in the bathroom. He makes himself a cup of coffee and pulls over a comfortable Christmas jumper before sitting down with his steaming mug and computer on the sofa to fully enjoy the new blog post.

Sadly, the blog posts of I-review-films were rare enough that Phil had developed a routine to enjoy them properly and is not afraid to stick to it whenever possible. To be able to survive family dinners, Phil has not yet told anyone about the specific ritual, but he is not exactly ashamed of it either.

It only means that Phil gets ready quickly to feel comfortable when reading and has a steaming cup of coffee to keep him company.

Phil opens the blog page on his computer – which he has obviously saved as a bookmark and settles into the cushions clutching the cup of coffee.

**Love Actually is Actually Pretty Lovely**

Phil smiles at the headline. He does enjoy every single one of the blog posts, but he does also feel like that the author is especially funny and relatable when writing about romantic movies no matter how good or bad he ends up judging the film to be.

**Jon Snow was right, Winter Has Come. Snow, and now I mean the solid state of water, has not yet graced us with its appearance, but the temperatures have sunk low enough to be certain that it is time to say goodbye to the golden days of autumn and welcome the increasingly dark days with little natural sunlight winter bestows on us.**

**An ingenious way of coping with the impending doom that is more darkness is watching Christmas movies. First of all, there are so many of these out there that you will never run out and need not fear to be left in the dark for even a second. And most convincingly, watching even a small selection of specifically titled Christmas movies will make you realise that life in the real world is not all that bad.**

**That being said, not all Christmas movies are all bad. One of my all-time favourites – and also long-time favourites, because the film is from 2003, after all – is Richard Curtis’ Love Actually staring everyone who has been and all those that wanted to be in Harry Potter (for all those taking this at face value, I kindly refer you back to the notice on top).**

Phil is in no danger of taking everything seriously from a blog he loves for its sarcasm, but he still does the author the favour and glances up to where the conditions for this blog are listed.

_The contents of this blog are not to be taken as facts but as mere opinions of an uneducated individual. Anyone caught in the act of repeating thoughts as information will be legally pursued. (Also, spoilers are part of this concept, so suck it up.)_

Phil rolls his eyes, takes a sip of coffee and continues reading.

**Love Actually shows with ease and elegance how multiple, interwoven stories can be told that focus on equal parts on all the important human emotions. Love, friendship, trust, and hunger (on that more later). Due to its age and the rather complicated nature of the film, I will not attempt to give a brief overview of the plot – as with all Christmas movies, it’s not really difficult and actually easy to follow, though.**

**Anyone saying that the links between characters are artificial and do not add to the story (would be right), is blind to how the world works. Fine, maybe nobody does happen to be in love with his best friend’s wife while having the time to be friends with a secretary and working in an art gallery to give said friend an opportunity to get closer to her boss, but maybe that’s the world’s and not the film’s fault. There are ample of love stories in the film which have an almost healthy time to develop with the film setting off some time in November, which I appreciate, especially as it’s a rarity as we shall see.**

**The film does sport some nude scenes, but these are quickly and efficiently overcome with Hugh Grant’s masterful dancing. The feel-good moments far outweigh any other emotion handed over (apart from Emma Thompson’s crying which breaks any normal human’s heart), which makes the film an absolute winner in my books. It is cheerful, cheesy, British, awkward, and happy – the perfect ingredients for a sweet Christmas treat.**

**Honorary mentions go to Colin Firth’s Portuguese and his angry stomping at the airport as well as Bill Nye’s excessive swearing which is wonderfully refreshing.**

**Absolutely mandatory to evaluate in any Christmas film are the food options portrayed. Indisputably the worst are the nibbles on Keira Knightley’s wedding, but the film knows about the ‘baby fingers’, so I can let that pass. Most delicious and appetizing are both Keira Knightley’s wedding cake slice she offers to the one with an unrequited crush on her (being unknowingly cruel) and the chocolate biscuits Hugh Grant is offered. Out of all food options in the film that is the one I would love to try.**

**Equally as telling about a Christmas film are the small children playing roles of up to no consequence at all. In Love Actually, we have Thomas Broadie-Sangster (as his 13-year-old self) and Emma Thompson’s very convincing children. The cherry on top is Hugh Grant’s nephew-to-be in his nativity octopus costume – a very engaging and absolutely unnecessary role.**

**Lastly, and by far a film’s favourite trope are songs, Christmas songs in particular. Love Actually is rather tame on the carol front with one very striking Good King Wenceslas sung by Hugh Grant and his chauffeur, but we do get to enjoy a very emotional ‘Christmas Is All Around’ and a power ballad if there ever was one: ‘All I Want for Christmas Is You’. The songs, as you will notice, beautifully frame the film, even if ‘God Only Knows’ and Hugh Grant’s emotional speech are actually the ones to bring the film to a close, the two previous songs tell you all you need to know about the film – and yet, you still want to watch it after all, isn’t that amazing?**

Phil is smiling brightly at the screen. One thing the blog always ensures is that Phil wants to watch the film it’s written about as soon as he has finished reading.

Phil knows Love Actually almost intimately, but he does still want to watch it. Now, preferably. He is about to source his computer for the quickest way to watch Love Actually, when he sees that even if there is a gap after that paragraph, there is still more to the blog post.

Phil scrolls down and continues reading.

**Love Actually, I am afraid, is an exception rather than the rule for Christmas movies. First of all, it is British, then it is old and actually tries for you to like the characters.**

**Because there is a whole range of Christmas movies out there, that conveniently forget just how this special celebration came about, and that deserve their own platform for being so effortlessly bad, I have decided to compile for you a list: How to Ruin Your Twelve Days of Christmas.**

**In order for me to still receive presents from my religious grandmother, I feel obliged to point out here (once!) that I do not intend to offend anyone with my opinions. Go for it, enjoy the films for what they are. I enjoy them for giving me something to lose my mind over. Whatever it is they give you, enjoy it. If you care to read about my experience with a dozen of them, I will glad to see you here again soon.**

Twelve? Twelve more blog posts? In December? Before Christmas?

Phil puts down his empty coffee cup and quickly skims over the post again. He focuses on the end, and yes! There will be twelve more posts! And quite soon at that too! That was nearly the load of one whole year in some weeks.

Suddenly, Phil feels motivated to look for jobs. Working will be so much easier when he knows that he will be rewarded with blog posts to look forward to!

For a moment, Phil wonders whether he should look into where his motivation stems from, but then he decides to be happy he has found motivation at all and not let some conventional societal ideas ruin the fun for him.

After rereading the blog post a couple more times and adding more points onto his mental list as to why the author surely was British and maybe around his age too?, Phil starts searching the internet for some job opportunity ideas.

He does earn well already but does that somewhat accidentally, so that he does not have all too many qualifications that would make it easier for him to find a job.

Phil has lunch in between and finally puts on Love Actually. He means to continue researching alongside, but the blog was right – as always. It’s a film you cannot help wanting to watch from start to finish.

Once he is done with the film for the first time, Phil starts it again, dials down the volume a little and returns to his internet search. He finds a list with some low wage jobs that might need seasonal support.

Phil grabs his phone and decides to shoot Martyn, or M with a ridiculous red heart, as he has saved himself, a quick text.

Do you think I’d be a good barista?

The text can have barely arrived when Martyn texts back.

No! ABORT!

Before Phil can react to that, his phone is ringing.

“Hel…” Phil starts but Martyn already screeches: “ABORT!” into his ear

“I did not actually apply but thank you for the confidence boost.” Phil answers.

“I don’t want you to lose a limb.” Martyn replies, unfaced.

“Fine. Is there anything you think I can actually do?”

“Of course, there is loads.” Martyn says, just as unfaced, and Phil forgives him on the spot.

“Go have a look at newspapers and pages and look for people that are looking for help. You can work with humans, right?”

“It’s better if they are not fully grown, but yes.” Phil admits.

“Go look for something like that then.”

“Humans?” Phil does have to admit that he was a little distracted by the dancing Hugh Grant that has made a reappearance on the screen.

“Humans you can help.” Martyn gently corrects him.

“I will do that.” Phil says, already opening a new tab on his browser.

“I should really go find MMAHB and thank him.”

“What?” Phil sputters a little.

“You sound much more cheerful which means he has uploaded a new post.”

“That does not mean any such thing.” Phil tries to save face here, always a futile attempt.

“Are you telling me he has not uploaded anything?” Martyn’s voice is challenging Phil to dare and reply, which he should ignore and get on with his task, but he answers anyways.

“He did, which you would know if you had him on notifications.”

“I did see that he has uploaded, but I don’t need notifications because your mood is enough of an indicator.”

“It is not!” Phil protests and really wants to stop engaging with Martyn, but he is powerless.

In the end, Martyn gets him to relay what the post was about. Martyn only wants Phil to talk about it to have more fuel for teasing, but Phil sadly enjoys having someone to talk to about the blog. He will be able to bare the additional teasing, especially if he has more blog posts to show him that the world, or even England, also has nice people living in it.


	3. 03.12.2020

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good morning! :) Enjoy the chapter and feel free to let me know what you think. :) Take care and stay safe! Until tomorrow! xx

** Thursday, 3rd of December 2020  **

Dan’s POV 

Sometimes, dreams are a very lovely way to enhance a sleeping experience. Sometimes, they absolutely steal any last bit of recovering aspect away from sleep, and sometimes, they even offer inspiration.

After a series of engaging but not overly troubling dream sequences, Dan would not have minded a peaceful start to the day. The universe, however, is not having any of that.

Instead of letting Dan wake up naturally or even making him wake up to the alarm clock, ready for the day, even if a little unhappy, the universe integrates the sound of the alarm clock into Dan’s dream which ruins the dream because it is a very unpleasant noise.

It also steals some quality waking up time, because Dan sleeps on for another ten minutes until he figures out that even in dreams, frogs should not make such a malicious sound.

Dan groans and stops the noise. He sits up and tears at his hair a little. That is out of frustration, but it reminds him that he needs to take a shower urgently, after skipping the day before.

He glances into Mes’ room quickly but finds him soundly asleep, so Dan can take the time he needs and has in the bathroom.

Showered and presentable to more than just Mes, Meggie, and his immediate family, Dan quickly makes himself a cup of coffee and then goes to wake up Mes.

“Good morning, Mr Photographer.” Dan says and massages Mes’ head until he slowly blinks open his eyes. When his eyes focus on Dan, he sends him a big toothy smile and Dan melts a little.

The day has not started ideally but with Mes looking at him like that the day is already settled to be a winner.

“Let’s have breakfast and walk to the studio.” Dan says the magical word, and Mes is immediately wide awake. He jumps onto Dan’s lap and hugs him. Dan has become an expert at catching Mes’ knees to keep them from going into less than pleasant areas.

Holding Mes at his knees, Dan stands up and carries him into the kitchen to eat. Mes giggles delightfully.

“Can I have an ice cream?” Mes asks Dan.

“No.” Dan laughs.

“Why not?”

“It’s not breakfast food.” Dan says and pushes the cereal bowl closer to where Mes is waving with his spoon.

“Why not?”

“Because it is sweet.”

“Cereal is sweet too.” Mes argues which is a frighteningly good point.

“But you cannot have that many sweet things at once.”

“I will only have ice cream then. Not cereal.” Mes pushes the bowl away from him.

“But ice cream is cold and will upset a sleeping stomach.” Dan says.

“Really?” Mes is wavering so Dan quickly turns his educated guess into a widely agreed fact and convinces Mes to stick to cereal in the morning and ice cream every now and then as a treat.

Once they are done with breakfast, Dan takes Mes to the bathroom and gives him a quick bath. They are a little behind schedule, but it is no fun to rush in the morning when they are going to be on their own in the studio anyways.

Dan might as well make the most of the time they had at home and get them to the studio as stress free as possible.

Mes picks a jumper, and Dan helps him dress. At the door, they have a short and earnest discussion over the benefits of a woollen hat compared to a cap. Dan, once again, manages to make Mes see his point, which is a true feat – twice in one day!

Dan does lose a little more often than he likes to admit, and he takes care not to remind Mes of all the victories he has had against him, but all in all, he is just helping to develop Mes’ argumentation skills, so it’s a good thing, surely? Even if he loses, right?

Dan and Mes arrive at the studio. Dan unlocks the door and then carries Mes to switch on all lights. It would be quicker if Dan does it on his own but there is absolutely no fun in that. Also, they are not in a hurry, so Dan indulging Mes is indulging himself too and so everyone is happy.

“Good job!” Dan says and unzips his jacket. Mes, on his own feet again, copies him and holds out the jacket for Dan to take.

There is never much need for Dan to worry about things for Mes to do at the studio. Mes never seems to get bored and always finds something to do.

Dan does have some drawing things, some toys, and harmless props for Mes to occupy himself with, but dashing around the customers and looking at the equipment would probably already be enough to keep Mes entertained.

They do not have to wait long before the first customers – regular clients that keep coming back for an updated ID picture – arrive.

“You have your trusted assistant with you today, I see.” The woman says kindly and smiles at Mes.

“I do.” Dan agrees and takes the jacket from the woman. He folds it carefully a couple of times and then hands it over to Mes to take to the sofa.

Mes grabs the jacket with a serious expression and quickly walks to the sofa.

“What can I help you with today?” Dan asks. “Another ID picture?”

“No. My son says I should have a nice and engaging picture for my craft page.” She explains. “I want to smile and look kind. Do your work.” She throws her hands out and smiles brightly at Dan. Dan likes her a lot. It’s customers like these that make his work so much fun.

Dan allows Mes to switch the light on and off to be involved in the process. That would not have been necessary all that often, but Mes delightfully proud smile whenever he got to do something was well worth taking some unnecessary pictures.

Another customer comes into the studio, collecting pictures Dan has taken a couple of weeks back.

It gets considerably calmer after that, but Dan is never one to be unhappy about unforeseen free time with Mes.

Dan folds himself under the small table he has put for Mes predominantly but other small people coming to his studio too.

“Do you want to draw something?” Dan asks Mes who has been staring into different picture books while Dan has been busy with the customer.

“Yes.” Mes says and pushes the picture book over to Dan while grabbing the blank pages. Dan closes the book and puts it onto the pile of other books. Some of them about photography, but they all have pictures in them, so they are all picture books per definition, aren’t they?

Mes has inherited Dan’s indecisiveness, which means that Dan ends up telling Mes what sort of body parts to draw for the monster. The entire time, Mes is worrying his lip between his teeth, and his forehead is scrunching up. Dan laughs and gently rubs his thumb over Mes’ forehead.

It is adorable and not exactly unrelatable to see Mes focus like that on a relatively easy task.

“Let’s put your signature.” Dan says when Mes is done with his monster.

“My name?” Mes asks.

“Yes. You still know how to spell it?”

“M – E – S.” Mes says slowly.

“Perfect!”

“Seagull, comb, worm.” Mes says and draws the according symbols which do look pretty close to the letters that make out his name. He has a couple too many sideway lines for the E, but other than that, he is basically literate, Dan decides.

“Well done!” Dan says.

Together, they take the picture and exchange it for the monster Mes has drawn the last time he was at the studio. The empty picture frame Dan sticks the picture to with sello-tape every week for convenience says Monster of The Week. Mes usually points out his masterpieces to every new client walking into the studio, and if he is not there, Dan more often than not does the honours for him.

“This is very good.” Dan praises Mes.

“It’s not as scary.” Mes says. He seems undecided.

“It is a cute monster.” Dan agrees.

“Dad! Monsters can’t be cute!”

“Of course they can! They can be whatever they like! We can draw a pretty monster next week.”

With this matter expertly dealt with, Dan closes the studio briefly and takes Mes for an early lunch break. It’s Dan that’s hungry because he did not have breakfast, but Mes is happy to eat as well.

After lunch, they return to the studio. Dan can feel the lunch-tiredness setting in, but Mes seems very energised and excited to do something.

Meggie says Mes sleeps like a log whenever it’s nap time in the nursery, but apparently, for Dan, he makes an exception, keeping his energy levels high throughout the day at the studio.

Dan is not mad, he is only concerned Mes will collapse with fatigue at some point.

A new client arrives, and Dan cannot worry about the matter anymore.

The shoot is pretty straightforward, some nice portraits of a couple, celebrating their one-year-anniversary.

Normally, Dan would set up the lights, position the people and get the shoot successfully over with. This time, however, Mes has announced that he wants to hold up the lights, not just switch the big light on and off.

Dan has feared the day may come where Mes notices that task his not that big or important.

While Mes is talking to the couple and showing them the monster he had drawn and the couple gushes over Mes (rightly so!), Dan takes out his phone and quickly sends Meggie a text. 

What can a 4 y/o not do?

He does not have to wait long before Meggie answers.

Drive a car.

Dan is not impressed.

Haha. Can he hold a light?

I don’t know, can he?

You are not a real teacher, you know?

Quit hurting my feelings.

Sure, he can hold a light. Make sure

he doesn’t hold it for too long and that

he knows it’s an exception.

Will do.

Oh and I will steal Mes when I’m done here.

Steal him? Why?

I need to scare away men.

Oh plural, and also don’t use my son like that.

He is our son.

He really isn’t?!

For today he will be, and you can’t do anything

about that.

Fine. See you later then.

Of course, Dan could have said no to Meggie, but then she does know what to do and what not to do. Presumably, she simply wants to go Christmas present shopping without anyone looking at her weird or making advances.

If Dan were in her shoes, that’s being approached by others, he might do the same. Actually, he probably does the same but doesn’t notice because he always has Mes with him. Otherwise, masses of people would probably approach him.

Yeah.

Totally.

Dan snaps out of his pathetic thought palace and joins Mes and the couple. He crouches down to Mes’ level and seriously explains to him that today, he will get to hold the lights for a short while.

“Because it is hard labour, you cannot always do it and we need to take breaks.” Dan says, and Mes nods. Dan straightens up and turns to the couple. “If that’s okay.”

“Sure! Yes! We’d have come sooner if we’d have known it would be such a lovely atmosphere here.”

Dan nearly suspects them of being paid to say something as ridiculous as that, but as there is no one that would pay for Dan to be told a compliment, he has to accept it and get on with what he is paid to do.

Not long after the couple leave, full of praises and promises to tell everyone they know about Dan’s ‘adorable, little studio’, Meggie arrives to take Mes for a trip.

To Mes’ credit, he seems a little conflicted as to whether he should go along with Meggie.

“We can buy dad a Christmas present.” Meggie says. This is a winning argument for Mes, and Dan cannot resist cuddling his loyal son while Meggie grins and goes to get Mes’ jacket.

“Thank you for your hard work.” Dan says, making Mes beam up at him.

Mes and Meggie leave, Mes clutching Meggie’s hand tightly. It is an adorable sight. Dan loves seeing Meggie and Mes get along so well. Meggie is an amazing aunt figure, he supposes. Meggie would not love to be called an aunt yet, but that is what she is to Mes. Or a godmother. She is certainly very good at what she does.

And yet, seeing the two of them together like that, Dan cannot help but wonder what it would feel like to actually see his partner with Mes like that.

Dan’s heart beats quicker at that thought so he quickly stops thinking about it and drowns himself in his blog. He puts on one of the selected Christmas movies and starts taking notes on what he wants to point out.

He has to stop three quarters through the film because finally, a client arrives. Even more come after that that Dan ends up staying open for later than usual which means he can grab dinner with Meggie once she is done with Mes.

Meggie texts him to say that Mes is on the verge of falling asleep standing up, so she will take him home directly. She is quite far away from their home so it will take her a while to get there. Dan will probably be there before them.

Dan closes his studio and makes his way towards the general direction of their home, leisurely because another text came in from Meggie saying she just missed the one bus going straight to Dan’s home. He has eons of time.

Dan turns around a corner and per tradition glares at the photobooth wedged in between some shops. Of course, Dan has taken pictures in booths like that before as well, but on normal days, they were simply machines that took away his work.

This booth is even occupied now, poking even more fun at Dan.

When Dan gets closer, he can hear someone swearing inside. First, the fact that someone swears at a machine that can never replicate what Dan can do makes him smile. But then he starts smiling because the person is not exactly cursing. They use the tone of voice one uses to swear but all they are saying is: “Dandelion! Be clearer in your blooming instructions then, sir.”

The body belonging to the voice stumbles out of the booth, catching slightly on the frilly curtain. In the process, the man loses his jacket. Dan smiles and takes a step closer to pick it up for him.

The man takes out the pictures of the machine, back towards Dan. Dan holds out the jacket for him to take, which is a good idea, because when the man turns around, Dan can suddenly not do anything.

“You dropped this.” Dan says, amazed that words come out of his mouth.

The man in front of him his beautiful. There is something incredibly enticing about his eyes, not to mention the dark hair and surprised smile. Everything about the man is gorgeous, but Dan cannot possibly openly stare for any longer than this.

“Oh, thank you.” The man’s smile widens, and Dan can feel his heart stumbling in his chest – it truly has been a long while since he has seen someone as pretty as this.

“I cannot get my face parallel.” The man says, motioning at the booth.

“Symmetrical?” Dan asks after a beat.

“That’s the one!” the man laughs, and of course his laugh is melodic and infectious. “You sound professional.”

“Oh, well, I am, technically.” Dan says, rubbing his neck when the man finally takes the jacket from him.

“Technically?”

“I do have a studio.” Dan admits. He is really bad at this, whatever this is. If it’s flirting, it’s atrocious, and if it’s talking to a new client, it’s not any better.

“Oh wow.”

“I could take the pictures for you.” Dan offers, which is slightly better. Hang on. Take pictures of this man? They would be perfect, of course, but is Dan really able to work when his mind is doing weird things like this?

“You could?” the eyes of the man sparkle a little, which Dan knows is the fairy lights reflecting when the man turns his head a little, but it’s still a very unnecessary special effect from the universe.

“Sure.” Dan finally manages a smile and starts walking back to the studio.

“That’s incredibly kind of you!” the man says when he catches up with him.

Dan is totally out of his depths, but he manages to stop himself from saying: “Well, it’s Christmas.” just in time. He might be bad, but he does not have to refer back to Hallmark movies yet.

Phil’s POV 

Just because Phil wakes up on time one day does not mean his body will have magically adjusted to the new reality. Lesson learned.

When Phil eventually does manage to get up, it is well past early morning. It can actually only by a stretch still be considered morning, but Phil cannot make himself care.

He has slept well and so he has simply worked on his self-care.

Phil’s day actually starts being quite nice when he realises that there is absolutely no one around that has any desire to judge him. It’s only him and if he is satisfied with the self-care explanation or simply the good night’s sleep, he does no need to feel bad in the slightest.

While making himself some coffee, Phil wonders whether he should look into becoming a motivational speaker. He quickly discards that thought again. He would, after all be motivating people to not be so hard on themselves. That was also a worthy occupation but maybe not exactly what people lacking motivation really needed.

And if Phil cannot motivate himself to get up early by sheer persuasion strategies, he should not attempt to motivate others.

Phil pours himself some cereal into a bowl and takes it to the living room. He needs to return to the kitchen because he accidentally ate half the bowl dry already. After topping up the cereal and actually pouring milk in as well, Phil sits down in front of his television.

He could be looking for jobs already, but then his mother has always said not to multitask while eating.

Thinking about it, she has probably meant not to watch television while eating, but the phrase was easily alternated to fit not working while eating.

After finishing the bowl of cereal, Phil finishes the episode, because it is unethical to press pause on a Netflix show, or something like that.

He cannot exactly procrastinate looking for jobs any longer. He needs to get a move on and find something he likes to do.

It’s much nicer to look for work from the comfort of his home. That together with the fact that Phil procrastinated looking for work not just doing work, makes him wonder whether it is clever of him to look for work.

If he does not want to leave the house and does not want to do tasks, should he be working?

No, backing out now is not an option. Also, having to leave a comfortable space is always bad, but looking at it from a different perspective, Phil will get to meet (hopefully) nice people, and he will get some fresh air, and quite amazingly, he will feel even better when he comes back home in the evening.

Also, over the past few years, Phil has slowly come to evaluate the findings of his long-time study. Not leaving the house and if leaving only mixing with the same sort of people at his and Martyn’s company has not upped the chances of him meeting someone he can fall in love with.

For that, he has slowly come to realize, he will have to leave the house and go to some new places. And what better way was there than to get a job and organically meet new people?

At the end of a very arduous search for work, Phil has managed to compile a list of schools, elderly homes, and nurseries that are looking for help.

Over a phone call, Martyn kindly dissuades Phil from applying at the elderly homes. They do need help, he admits, “but they need competent help, Phil!”

“Hey! I am competent.”

“In many ways, yes.” Martyn says enigmatically. “You yourself said you wanted not fully grown humans.”

“Elderlies are different.”

“Yes, but they need more hands-on care than small ones.” Martyn says kindly. It is on the verge of patronizing, but Phil has to admit that he has a point.

“Should I just apply at the nurseries then? I don’t really have qualifications for schools.”

“They are only looking for help, so maybe your bachelors in English language could be enough.” Now, he is being patronizing, but sadly justly so. Phil has briefly forgotten about that diploma.

“So schools and nurseries?” Phil asks.

“Yes.”

“Okay.” Phil waits a while and then blurts out: “How do I apply again?”

Martyn does laugh at him but then proceeds to calmly explain everything Phil needs for an application. In Phil’s defence, he has founded a company and did not need to apply for that. Also, Martyn handles all applications they receive, so Phil could not have learned with examples like that either.

“Anything else I need? How about that EPS check?” Phil asks. “Isn’t that something I need for working with children?”

“The DBS check?” Martyn laughs.

“What would that even stand for.”

“It’s the Disclosure and Barring Service.”

“That was a rhetorical question.”

“No, that would mean you knew the answer, but that’s not the case, is it?”

“Know-it-all.” Phil mutters. “So, do I need that?”

“You do, but you do have it already.”

“I do?”

“Yes. You got it for when we started the firm for wanting to be, and I quote: Absolutely certain of all possible possibilities.”

“See, who is clever now?”

“Me, because I remember.” Martyn says. Can he like stop being right just for a second?

Martyn educates Phil a little more on what he needs to know for the process of applying somewhere, which is a lot more helpful than it probably should have been.

The last very vital advice Martyn has for Phil is to go and update his picture for his CV.

“Thank you.” Phil says at the end of the call.

“You’re welcome. Good luck, Phil. You’ll find something and they’re going to be glad to have you.”

“Thanks.” Phil says, genuinely touched by Martyn’s belief in him.

In order not to disappoint anyone, Phil quickly gets to work on his CV. There is a couple of additions to make and a bit of rephrasing needed, but all in all it’s not too difficult a task.

That makes it more difficult to explain why it is dark by the time Phil is done. Getting side-tracked is his absolute speciality, but he seems to have taken it to another level.

Quickly, Phil jumps into the shower – and he does actually jump, he slides a little but manages to brace himself against the wall. He takes it a little easier after that as to not spoil is grand plan with injuring himself.

Showered dressed and somewhat nourished, Phil leaves the house, not even forgetting his jacket this time. He is certainly getting better at this.

Phil starts walking into the general direction of the city. He remembers the photobooth he has seen the day before and will try to find it again.

Finding the photobooth is more difficult than Phil thought at first. When he does eventually find it, he is quite worn out already. It is dark, not particularly warm, and he is not the best with unknown machinery on the best of days.

This going to be fun.

The first hurdle that presents itself to Phil is finding the part where he can select an ID picture. When he does find it, the camera flashes way too soon for him to have found a correct position but then immediately beeps at him for not sitting properly, thank you very much.

“You could have told me.” Phil mutters. He is out in public, but it’s not like anyone is going to hear him.

“Again, then, shall we?” Phil asks, to regain the trust of the machine and cancels the pictures he has just taken.

The machine buffers and all Phil can do is blankly stare at his own reflection until the machine is ready to work with him again.

The buffering does not get better, but Phil tries to quickly twist his face into the right direction before the shutter goes off and the machine takes a picture without explicitly asking for his consent again.

Phil tries to cancel these pictures as well, but the machine decides that it’s best for him to have the pictures anyways, still kindly pointing out that the pictures Phil took are far from symmetrical.

“Dandelion! Be clearer in your blooming instructions then, sir.” Phil’s voice is a little bit louder now, but he does have good reason to be annoyed that his kindness and politeness did not work on the machine.

Phil rolls his eyes (mostly at himself, as to not upset the machine further), and tries to climb out of the booth to have a look at the picture he has just taken. The curtain interrupts his glorious exit, but everything is too late by now anyways – he has lost the respect of the machine.

Phil reaches for the pictures which are not as bad as they could have been but certainly not symmetrical or presentable either.

He turns around to return inside, but there is a man standing in front of him. Holding out Phil’s jacket to him.

And oh! Whole milk cheese! This man is very beautiful.

He has dark brown hair. His jacket is zipped up to the top and only the nose is poking out. His cheeks are flushed from the cold. And… maybe now is the time that Phil should stop staring into the brown eyes.

The man cranes his necks to free his mouth which should not exactly look attractive, but still does.

“You dropped this.” His voice is warm and melodic.

Calm down, he literally said three words! Phil quickly tells himself off and focuses on not appearing absolutely idiotic in front of the man, which might be a tad more difficult than he anticipated as the man must have surely seen his struggle with the curtain.

“Oh, thank you.” Phil says as normally as he can manage and smiles to show that he is harmless. The man returns the smile carefully. Not at all eager for this encounter to stay that terribly brief, Phil decides to make a fool out of himself, apparently.

In any case, he says while unnecessary pointing at the booth behind him: “I cannot get my face parallel.”

Didn’t he and Martyn just establish that Phil has a bachelors in English language? One pretty man and he forgets everything he ever learned? Impressive.

The man looks at him and then carefully asks: “Symmetrical?”

“That’s the one!” Phil’s laugh sounds horrible to his own ears. He can only imagine what he sounds like to others. “You sound professional.” He adds in a very weak attempt to save the situation. Phil also notices that the man is still holding out his jacket and quickly takes it from him.

“Oh, well, I am, technically.” The man is rubbing his neck.

Phil decides that no one could possibly know for sure that this is because he is uncomfortable. He will keep on talking for as long as possible. He cannot waste an opportunity to talk to such a human.

“Technically?”

“I do have a studio.”

“Oh wow.” Great, now the man is going to run far away and tell his friends and family that he met a weirdo on the streets.

“I could take the pictures for you.” The man says. He does say that, right? This is not Phil’s mind deciding to play author to jazz up his life, right?

“You could?” Phil asks, carefully testing the waters.

“Sure.” The man now looks like he deliberately smiles at Phil, and Phil feels like his life has for once been lived to its full extend.

The man turns around and starts walking in what Phil hopes will be the direction of his studio. Phil will not get abducted now, will he?

No, the man does not seem like that sort of person. He does not seem like the sort of person to be interested in abducting Phil in any case.

No! No more negative thoughts, Phil tells himself. Of course not wanting to be abducted classifies more as a positive than a negative thought, but still, it’s not the sort of thought to have in a situation where Phil is actually rather keen on not seeming totally weird.

Phil quickly hurries after the man and falls into step with him.

“That’s incredibly kind of you!” Phil says sincerely.

“No problem, we’re nearly there!” He points towards a dark shop. Of course, it’s dark. The man owns the studio. If he is here, the studio is bound to be dark.

Not sure what to say and absolutely keen not to mess this up, Phil stays quiet until they reach the door.

“What exactly is it that you need?” the man asks when he steps inside and switches on the light. “An ID picture?”

“Yes. Well, I think like an ID picture. It’s for my CV.” Phil explains.

“Ah, I see.” The man walks to the counter and places his bag on top. Phil feels guilty instantly.

“Sorry for keeping you after hours. You don’t have to do this.”

“Don’t be ridiculous.” The man laughs, and then spins around to Phil looking shocked. “Sorry. I mean, it doesn’t matter. I am happy to help.”

“I appreciate it a lot!” Phil smiles and feels light when the man returns the smile.

“I’ll get the camera ready and you can get out of your jacket.” The man instructs. Phil raises his jacket he has lying over his arm.

“Oh yes. You’re right. Drop it off on the sofa and join me back here.”

Phil quickly does as he’s told and tries desperately to stay calm.

While dropping off his jacket, Phil spots a picture frame with a children’s drawing. It says Monster of The Week on top which Phil thinks is adorable.

The man that runs this studio must be getting along well with his young customers. There is even a small desk and chair in the corner with activities for young ones.

Phil does not let his mind run wild and quickly joins the photographer in the back. He needs to be respectful to this kind man that sacrifices his free time.

“A picture for your CV?”

“Yes.” Phil says and sits down where the man points to. He sits straight and smiles.

“I’m afraid you cannot smile as brightly as that.” The man apologises.

“Oh, yes. Sure.” Phil groans inside. “I swear I am not trying to make this difficult for you.”

“You’re fine.” the man adjusts the camera and counts down to the first picture.

“As expected.” He mumbles.

“Pardon?”

“Good, so far. Let’s take another one.” He smiles briefly at Phil and then dives back behind the camera.

Phil feels a little insecure in the studio lighting but then he also thinks that a make-up artist would have to work wonders in order to make him look truly good, so he decides to take a few deep breaths and focus on keeping a neutral but not unattractive face.

Thanks to Martyn, he has many experiences of ugly pictures from bad angles and thinks he knows just what not to do with his face. Accessing information while sitting in front of a specimen like that is truly a feat, though.

“Okay. We’re done.” The man says after three more pictures.

“Really?” Phil asks.

“Yes.” The man chuckles a little. The noise is quite a surprise and makes Phil miss a step. He catches himself rather elegantly and walks over to the camera.

“Let’s look at them on the monitor.” The man says and walks to the counter.

The pictures are not bad at all. The man suggests the second one he took, and Phil agrees immediately with no opinion of his own to guide him in the decision, obviously.

“Do you want them developed or should I send them somewhere?” the man asks.

“I have a memory stick, actually.” Phil says. “I need the picture for tomorrow.”

“No problem.” The man smiles and holds out his hand. Phil stares a short while before understanding with a jolt that the man is waiting for the stick.

He walks over to his jacket and takes it out of the pocket. When he hands it over to the man, he sincerely hopes he has not left anything on the stick. He tries to check whenever taking sticks to shops, but something might always slip his mind.

“There you go.” The man is done before Phil has even looked around the entire studio, handing the stick back to Phil.

Phil tenses a little when the man’s fingers brush against his own. He tells himself off for that and instead takes his wallet out of his pocket.

“How much do I owe you.”

Phil eventually persuades the photographer to accept double of what the pictures cost to make up for working after hours.

“Feel free to come back whenever you need pictures taken.” He says and puts the money away. He hands Phil the receipt together with a business card. Phil takes them and puts them into his wallet.

“Thank you.” Phil says. He sincerely wishes he has to take pictures in the near future.

Phil grabs his jacket and puts it on. The man glances on the phone and just like that all notions of an idea of potentially asking him whether Phil could buy him a coffee are gone. He has kept him from going home before, not asking to have a drink only spears Phil from a rejection.

“See you.” The man says after locking the door.

“Yes.” Phil agrees dumbly.

“Oh, and good luck on your applications.” The man smiles and Phil does not want to leave his side ever again.

Reigning in the dramatic side of himself, Phil smiles and says: “Thank you very much. Thanks for the pictures. Have a good evening.”

Just in time, he stops himself from bowing and waves a little instead.

The man smiles back, and for the first time, Phil sees a dimple. Whole milk cheese! A dimple!

Well, Phil thinks on his solitary walk home, this could have gone a whole lot better but then it could have easily been even worse. He has pictures and he did not make too much of a gigantic fool of himself in front one of the prettiest people he has seen the last 6 and a half years, and then it had been Benedict Cumberbatch in a play, no human could reach that. Even if this man certainly got closer than anyone before.


	4. 04.12.2020

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there everyone! :) The chapters do wary in length. I hope that's alright! :) I am sending energy to all of you to get through Friday and to then hopefully enjoy a nice weekend! Take care and stay safe! xx

** Friday, 4th of December 2020  **

Dan’s POV 

Something is pinching Dan’s side. He does not get to sleep for long and now he is even sleeping uncomfortably, isn’t the universe nice?

Dan shifts a little and groans, worsening the pain in his side.

Moments before he can wonder why he is awake at all, his alarm clock picks up again, only it sounds pretty faint and far away. Still, it’s his alarm, so Dan flinches and sits up.

Finally, it registers with him where he is. He is lying in Mes’ tiny bed with Mes sprawled out on top of him.

With Dan’s sudden sitting up, Mes has woken up as well and looks unhappily at Dan.

“Sorry little one.” Dan says. He scoops Mes into his arms and climbs out of Mes’ bed to go and silence his alarm clock. He looks back on the bed and can see that the thing that has caused pains in his side was the picture book he has read to Mes the evening before.

All evidence suggests that he has fallen asleep while reading to him. Amazing. Just the sort of rest he needs in order to successfully live through a Friday.

“Should we banish this monstrous machine and expel it from out kingdom?” Dan asks Mes, pointing at his alarm.

“No.” Mes giggles.

“Not even after we have been disturbed in our nightly slumber?” Dan asks and whirls Mes around.

“No!” Mes laughs loudly now.

“No?”

“I like the alarm!”

“You like the alarm?” Dan asks and sets Mes down onto his bed. Who on earth would like alarms?

“Yes.” Mes smiles at him.

“Why?”

“You come to me after this sound.” Mes makes grabby hands, and Dan immediately picks him up again. Mes was too adorable for Dan to cope. Mes likes the alarm clock because that’s when Dan wakes up and comes into Mes’ room?

Does Dan deserve a son like that? Evidently not.

Will he make most of it and cherish the living breath out of him? Absolutely. Though not literally, because it does not sound like anyone would be terribly alive after having the living breath cherished out of them.

With the added time of both of them waking up to the first round of Dan’s alarm, Dan plays around with Mes in his bedroom. He chases him and throws him high into the air or catches him when he jumps off the bed.

They have a lot of fun and make up for the somewhat lost time the evening before.

Mes has been very tired when Dan had arrived home. He and Meggie had only been there a little while longer than Dan. They had quickly eaten something before Dan had changed him and Mes only to then fall asleep while reading a story to him, allegedly.

Mes had been very lively in the studio and Dan had guessed it would mean Mes would drastically and immediately lose all energy at some point. He had been right.

He himself did not have that good a reason to have been tired enough to fall asleep folded in on himself in Mes’ bed.

It must have taken a bigger emotional toll on him to meet the CV man. It had been a brave and wise decision to invite him to his studio, even if no real flirting had come of it. Then again, Dan cannot just expect himself to turn into a functioning human when there was a pretty and interesting man in front of him. The exact opposite could have much more been expected, and for that, Dan has fared rather well!

The CV man was kind, gorgeous and nice. What were the odds?

More importantly, what were the odds of meeting him again? Dan has not joked when he invited the man to come back whenever he needed a picture taken.

It has been incredibly easy to take pictures of him, the first one being almost perfect, as expected, but obviously Dan also really wanted to see the man again, if possible.

Dan hopes he will be successful with his job searching, but then, wouldn’t anyone be absolutely out of their minds not to employ him?

“Dad, can I have ice cream?” Mes’ question takes Dan back into the kitchen and out of his fantasy world.

“Nice try, Mes.” Dan laughs and fills a bowl with cereal. He grabs an apple for himself and sits down opposite Mes.

“Do you remember what you will be doing tomorrow?” Dan asks Mes.

“Eat ice cream?” Mes asks.

“No, well maybe. Anyways, grandma is coming over and you’ll be going on a trip!” Dan reminds him.

“To see the monkeys?” Mes asks, remembering their latest outing to the zoo.

“No. You will be going to Christmas markets, I think.” Dan smiles.

“And you?” Mes asks carefully.

“I will work.” Dan says, quickly swallowing the ‘have to’. He likes his work and the last thing he needs to do is make Mes worry about how much he is working.

“You can tell Meggie all about what we did yesterday.” Dan tries to change topics.

“I told her yesterday.” Mes says pushing the cereal around in his bowl.

“After your trip tomorrow, you can tell me everything you did while we meander.”

Bless Mes’ tiny heart, this unattractive promise makes him perk up and smile at Dan. He really does not deserve Mes.

Dan reaches over and kisses the top of Mes’ head.

“I love you.” Dan says. If all he can do is shower Mes with affection, that is what he will be doing.

“I love you too, dad.” Mes says, happily continuing his cereal.

Dan has to change Mes another time after he splashes himself with water while attempting to brush his teeth, but apart from that they are both good with their schedule and happy.

On the walk to the nursery, they play spot the animal again. This always slows them down as Mes insists on peering into every bush after once spotting a hedgehog inside one. Dan doesn’t mind, he crouches down beside Mes and lists all the crocodiles and hippopotamuses he sees behind the leaves.

“No hedged-hog.” Mes says sadly and straightens up again.

“No hedgehog today.” Dan agrees. “We might see a rabbit on the field.”

Mes’ enthusiasm rekindles, and he sets off, tugging on Dan’s hand to reach the small field as quickly as possible.

They do spot a rabbit and Mes’ day is made, Dan is happy to notice.

At the nursery, Meggie is swamped worse than usual. Dan crosses his fingers for her, both figuratively and literally. She smiles at the encouraging gesture but then needs to focus on the child tugging at her trousers, crying.

“Have fun, Mes.” Dan says and kisses Mes’ cheek.

“You too.” Mes says happily. Dan envies him for being immune to any sort of noise and watches briefly while he skips away.

Dan smiles over to Meggie one last time and then makes his way to the studio.

The sight of the empty rooms makes Dan smile. He has had a very nice time with the CV man the evening before.

With a bang, Dan places his bag onto the counter regretting that move immediately when he remembers that his computer is in there, but still. He needs to stop obsessing over that one time. For all he knows, it might remain a one-time thing. It will take its toll on Dan if he thinks about this constantly.

Dan takes his computer out of the bag, it’s not the newest but it usually does its work quite well, well enough, at least. He does not need to jeopardize that with banging the computer against counters uselessly.

After checking that the computer will still cooperate, Dan walks around the studio switching on all lights he can find. It looks cosy. Certainly cosy enough to be inside and hopefully cosy enough to encourage people to come inside too.

It is a slow morning. Not unusually slow, but still slow enough for Dan to put on the Christmas movie where he left off. He has to admit that this one is rather less bad – if still horrendous in its own special way – than he remembers. He does not want to put a decent one first, calculating that he might need to make amends for truly horrible ones later on.

Dan restarts the movie again, has to pause it every time customers come inside, but finishes it again before he takes his lunch break.

Dan re-watches the film for a third time and takes detailed notes. It is very likely that he will not be able to continue in this thorough manner for all movies he has on his list, but it is better to start properly and become sloppy than not giving a damn right from the off.

Even the slowest days come to a close, Dan realises happily when it’s time for him to lock up and go and collect Mes from the nursery.

“You up for some meandering and pizza after?” Dan asks Meggie while helping Mes into his shoes.

“Yes. I need that.”

“Oh dear.”

They make their way home quickly. At first, Mes resists Dan’s piggy-back ride but when Dan swears on his favourite necktie that he will take Mes and Meggie to meander in the park, he relents and eagerly clutches Dan’s shoulders.

At home, Dan disposes off his bag, probably again a little too enthusiastically for the state his computer is already in, and then takes Meggie’s place in the kitchen after a quick loo break for Mes.

Before Mes could have gotten impatient, they are outside on their way to the park to meander with their hot chocolates in hand.

“Isn’t it a power move?” Dan asks Meggie while they follow Mes who approaches a lit-up Christmas tree.

“What is?”

“Taking your own take-away cups from home with your own beverages.”

“A power move if ever there was one.” Meggie replies dryly.

“I shan’t be mocked.”

“Oh yes you shalled.” Meggie nudges him and gently strokes Mes’ head when they catch up with him.

After finishing their hot chocolate walking through the dark park, Dan hands Meggie their empty cups with a pleading grin. Mes is already running on the spot, excited to play catch with Dan.

Meggie sighs dramatically and takes the cups with a big smile.

Nearly a whole round of the park later, Mes is hanging over Dan’s shoulder exhaustedly, but Dan is not doing much better. His lungs ache but even if he has always disliked running for this precise pain, he actually revels in it in this moment.

“You know, Meggie, having a child is the best thing that has ever happened to anyone’s fitness. I don’t even need a dog.”

“That’s insensitive, you idiot.”

“Yes, I know. Toddlers and the like are not just bipedal versions of dogs.”

“First of all, ‘toddlers and the like’?” Meggie raises her eyebrows at Dan. “And second of all, it’s insensitive, you idiot, because you, as the less privileged part of the society did not have to carry out Mes, did you?”

“Ah yes. Good point. I didn’t mean it like that.” Dan grimaces. “I do appreciate all you have done for humanity.”

“Thanks, Dan, that means a lot.”

“I didn’t mean you specifically.” Dan says.

Getting chased the rest of the way home with Mes on his back his what finishes Dan off eventually.

Back home, Meggie does the honours and order pizza for the three of them.

Meggie gets them drinks from the kitchen while Dan changes first Mes and then himself into pyjamas. He offers her some as well, but she wants to get home later, so she declines.

While waiting for the pizza to arrive, Meggie puts on Love Actually.

“Oh, so now that’s okay?” Dan raises his eyebrows at her for a change.

“The damage has already been done.” Meggie shrugs.

Dan has to admit defeat, but there is no time for bitterness to settle over him because the pizza arrives, and the epitome of a cosy evening can finally take form.

All Dan manages to do after Meggie leaves after Love Actually, is lift up Mes into his arms, turn off all lights, and take him to sleep in Dan’s bed. He likes Mes’ company, and also, his room at the other end of the apartment is simply too far away right now.

Phil’s POV 

By the time Phil is woken up by his alarm clock the next morning, he has basically completely dealt with his thoughts and emotions from meeting the man the day before. And with that he means that continuing to think about someone as otherworldly beautiful and evidently perfect (he is good with kids apparently, come on!) is useless and will get him nowhere.

So for the time being that Phil’s brain power is actually needed elsewhere, he will cease to think about him. Should Phil be able to create a scenario in which he needs another picture taken, he will embrace it and go to the studio again.

The studio!

Phil flings his phone onto his bed and quickly runs to look inside his wallet. The man has given him a business card!

Phil takes the sleek card out and eagerly reads its contents.

&Son’s Photos it says in big, elegant letters and beneath, slightly smaller and in italics: Come in for your picture fixture.

Phil smiles and turns the black card around. On the back, it only says the address of the shop and a landline as well as the studio’s mail address.

Phil puts the wallet down again and sighs. The business card is the nicest looking, if very monochrome, one he has ever seen, and yet he would not have minded a more traditional one that at least gave him the name of the photographer!

Phil returns to his bedroom and decides that starting now, he will not spend more time thinking about the man than he will spend worrying about his work. That essentially means nothing more than splitting his thinking time neatly in half, but he doesn’t care. It would sound good on paper, so it’s a goal worth pursuing.

Happy with the low goal he has set himself, Phil takes a shower and makes himself a cup of tea.

He is dressed and having breakfast when his phone suddenly rings in his bedroom.

Phil only nearly chokes on his cereal when he jumps up and bolts into the bedroom. Because Phil wants to hand in his applications in person, he has got up early which means that it is too early even for Martyn to be calling already.

Phil grabs the phone and hopes it’s nothing serious. Mum, it flashes on the screen. He takes a deep breath and answers the call.

“Are you alright?” his mother asks.

“Yes? Me? What? Yes, I am alright. Are you alright?” Phil asks.

“You are? Did you sleep well? Are you in pain?”

“I did sleep well. Should I be in pain?” Phil slowly makes his way back into the kitchen. He really hopes he isn’t dreaming. Having to go to the hassle of getting ready in the morning again after already doing it in his sleep would be too exhausting.

“No, of course you shouldn’t!”

“Why did you call, mum?” Phil asks when he sits down to take a well-earned sip of coffee. When he burns his tongue ever so slightly, he can at least be sure he is not sleeping.

“I saw that you were online, and this is not the usual time you get up, so naturally, I started worrying.” She does say this as if it was the most natural thing in the world.

“I have been awake at this time before.” Phil argues.

“But not for ages!” she argues back quickly. “Why are you up now then?”

“I am going to go and apply for some jobs and want to do it early and in person.”

“That sounds clever. What sort of jobs?”

Phil ignores his mother’s wary tone and calmly explains that with Martyn’s nudging he has decided for schools and nurseries.

“Good idea.” His mother sounds relieved, but then she knows him longest, so she might actually really know quite well what he can and cannot do.

“Yeah.”  
“Were you planning on telling us at all?”

“Well, on Sunday at latest. I would have certainly told you when I got a job.”

“That’s something, at least.” His mother laughs. “I am proud of you, Phil.”

“Thank you.” Phil cannot hide his surprise well, but his mother is already preparing her next attack so it’s not that bad.

“What about your love life?” she asks and nearly makes it seem like she has had a perfectly legitimate segue.

“Ah, nothing.” Phil answers when he has dealt with his shock.

“No? Have you stopped being in love with that blog poster then?”

“Did Martyn tell on me?” Phil is unhappy to be having this conversation, but he is very happy that at least, they are having it on the phone and not in person. He can feel his cheeks heating up which would certainly not help him stand his ground.

“I forced him to.” His mum says happily.

“I am not in love with him. I don’t even know him, really.” Phil says honestly.

“But if you did, you would be?”

“I don’t know, maybe?” Phil feels hot. “Let’s not talk about that.”

“Alright.” His mum chuckles. “I want you to be happy. Go out and meet people.”

“I will try.” Phil promises which is always easier than trying to argue with her.

Phil is proud that it’s only after the phone call that his mind wanders towards the photographer again. Thank goodness for that as well! If he had thought about it then, his mother with her trillion senses would have immediately picked up on it, might have even told Martyn who would then have picked on Phil.

No, his thoughts and fantasies need to stay in his head. There, they can at least not cause too much harm.

Phil finishes his breakfast and grabs his things to go and apply for jobs. He is nervous and excited and determined. He will not back out now, and if it’s supposed to happen, it will happen.

The first stop for Phil is a copy shop to have physical copies of his CV. The next is the first school where the secretary immediately tells him that they have sadly already found someone.

Miraculously, Phil manages not to be discouraged by that. He smiles at the secretary and goes to the next school on his list.

The headmaster clearly has better things to do than listening to Phil’s self-introduction. He is still overall polite, but when Phil leaves the office, he is pretty sure that this will not be where he is going to start working any time soon.

At the next school, the secretary welcomes him warmly which turns out to be something of a red herring. The headmistress seems a little distant but not unfriendly. However, when Phil dares to comment that he thinks her name Felicity is nice, all she says is: “It’s Felicitas.”

The rest of the conversation is awkward to say the least.

Phil says goodbye to the friendly secretary. He feels sorry that he will not have a chance to work with her, but he doubts that Felicity-It’s-Felicitas will be inclined to turn a blind eye on his mishap.

After a quick stop at a café (a new one, not one of his trusted 17 ones, but you need to stay adventurous to stay young!), Phil approaches a dainty looking building, housing a small nursery. In the calls for help Phil has read, this nursery has seemed the most desperate. Time would tell whether they were desperate enough to hire him.

Phil rings the doorbell. He has to wait quite a while before someone opens the door. A woman roughly the same age as Phil, probably a little younger than him smiles at him with a herd of children running around her legs.

“Hello, can I help you?” the woman asks.

“Ah. Yes. I think.” Incredibly strong start, Phil. Keep it up. “I want to apply for the post.”

“Thank heavens! Come inside, come inside.” The woman picks up three children one after the other and creates a path for Phil to walk through with that.

“You go play hide and seek. The winner gets to choose the carol we’ll be singing later.”

The children discuss with the woman about the particular rules about this game of hide and seek but eventually, they scurry off into another room and start playing.

“Sorry about that.” The woman smiles apologetically.

“Not at all.” Phil returns the smile.

“Well if that has not scared you off, I think we’re on a good path. What’s your name?”

“Phil. Phil Lester.” Phil says and opens his bag to give her his CV.

“Oh wow. You are overqualified for this.” The woman worries her lip between her teeth.

“Are you sure you want to do this?”

“Yes.” Phil says earnestly. He wants a job, but he actually also really likes the atmosphere of this nursery.

“Well, Phil. I will take a good look at this and pretend that you have just the qualifications we need. I will confer with my colleagues, of which I theoretically have two, you know, and then I will get back to you as soon as possible.”

“Perfect.” Phil smiles.

“Oh. Could you start Monday if all works out?”

“Of course.” It’s not like Phil has anything to do.

“Marvellous.”

In that moment, the noise in the other room gets louder. They are still standing in front of the door, able to keep an eye on the children.

“I think my presence is needed.” The woman sighs.

“Yes. Oh. I am sorry. What’s your name?” Phil asks, not at all the epitome of awkwardness, you’re doing great, Phil!

“Margaret, call me Meggie. Everyone does.” Meggie smiles.

“Okay. Thank you, Meggie.”

“My pleasure. I mean it.” Meggie looks sincere which Phil appreciates. “Coming!” Meggie calls into the room and grimaces at Phil. “Take care, Phil. I will call you.”

“Have a good day!” Phil calls and shows himself out while Meggie gets swarmed with children.

After this maybe even successful application, Phil still makes himself hand his CV to two more potential employers. They are friendly enough but clearly not all that interested. To be fair, one of them was looking for a modern languages’ assistant and the other for a PE substitute. Phil did not tell them he was neither of those things but then words were probably not needed.

On the way home, Phil buys himself a frozen pizza for dinner and some sausage rolls for a snack.

He has had a good day and deserves to reward himself.

If he spends the rest of the first of maybe more productive days watching David Attenborough documentaries, no one needs to know. Actually, those are quite informative, and it makes sense to watch them – maybe not exclusively and not for the entire Friday afternoon, but Phil cannot be bothered to think of anything else to do.


	5. 05.12.2020

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's the weekend! I hope you get to relax! <3 See you tomorrow! :) Take care and stay safe! xx

** Saturday, 5th of December 2020  **

Dan’s POV 

Out of all sleep-disrupting noises, Mes’ voice is Dan’s absolute favourite. Mes is even allowed to jump all over Dan and wake him like that.

Dan has never told him that of course, and chances are that he never will. Mes is already clever enough to remember things and the better he remembers the worse it will be for Dan, because, after all, Mes is only going to grow.

The second favourite noise is a phone ringing, actually. So far, early morning calls have only meant good news for Dan, so he has not (yet?) developed a distaste to the sound.

His alarm clock is uncontestably the worst sound out there. It means business and stress and a cut short sleep for societal reasons like work.

A sound Dan feels more or less ambiguous about is his doorbell ringing. On very late mornings, it’s usually postmen that ring his doorbell, but urgently enough to let Dan think there is a fire somewhere. Of course, those poor fellas are only doing their job, but Dan certainly does not need the adrenaline rush in the morning.

The other reason his doorbell is rung in the morning, is when people come over to visit, which in and of itself is a pleasant thing.

If Dan, however, only wakes up to the doorbell, that means he has slept through an alarm, or forgotten to put an alarm. In any case, it means that he is not fully prepared to welcome guests of any sort.

This morning, it is the later of the few wake up sounds that wakes Dan. Careful not yet to wake Mes, Dan climbs out of his bed and nearly slips on the bag he has carelessly thrown into his room the evening before.

He makes it to the front door without causing too much havoc on his way. He opens the door, and the tension finally falls off him when he sees that it’s his mother smiling at him.

He remembers instantly that she will take Mes on a trip today. He has simply not expected her to be this early. It is still proper dark out (with not the hint of dawn), which means she is here before Dan’s alarm could have rung. Dan did not forget to put it on, his mum is simply earlier.

“I genuinely thought that with you having a job and all, you would be better at getting up at times others consider normal.” She says and presses a kiss to Dan’s cheek as she walks into the apartment.

“I am still me.” Dan pouts.

“Good.” She says, cups his cheek briefly and then pushes a full shopping bag into his arms.

“Thanks?” Dan peeks inside but gets slapped on the hand.

“Presents. No peeking.” She gets out of her coat and hugs Dan properly. “You look good. Only a little tired.”

“Thank you.” Dan squirms a little and puts the bag of presents into a cupboard Mes would not think of opening because it only has utility things inside.

“Why are you so early?” Dan asks and yawns.

“Because I wanted you to have a proper breakfast.” She says. “You have food in the house, right?”

“Yeah…” Dan says.

“You know what, you wake Mes, I make tea, and then you go out to buy some croissants.”

“Me?”

“Yes, I am your guest, and I don’t get to cuddle Mes that often.” Her arguments are sadly very compelling.

“Why don’t you just wake him then?”

“He would worry where you are. You wake him and I make tea.” His mother says resolutely and disappears into the kitchen. Dan smiles after her. It is nice to know that his mother knows him and his son so well.

After waking Mes and giving him a quick rinse and getting both of them dressed, Dan deposits Mes in the kitchen with his grandmother and goes to grab some croissants.

When he returns, the table is laid, and they can have breakfast together. It is nice to be eating in the morning. It is nice to spend time with his mother. Everything about this morning is nice.

Of course, there is no way Dan would not rather come to the Christmas market with Mes and his mother, but Saturdays in December are good for business. He will take the next one off for a trip with Mes and Meggie, he cannot exactly well afford to let so many clients pass by.

“I will take a happy, quiet, and content child home for you.” Dan’s mother says as she puts on her jacket.

“I’d rather just have Mes.” Dan laughs. He kneels down and closes the jacket for Mes. “Enjoy your day with grandma.” He says and kisses Mes’ cheek.

“Yes.” Mes says eagerly. It is good to see that he is excited. It is heart-breaking to see him worry about Dan and his level of fun, after all, technically, Dan is the parent in their constellation.

With Mes and his mother done, Dan has enough time to quickly fold the laundry and take a shower before setting out for the studio. Business truly is good. It would not hurt to look his absolute best, well most presentable, for maybe even potential tourists that have come in person to marvel at the absolute lack of Christmas markets in town.

On the way to the studio, Dan grabs himself a coffee-to-go. He does like tea, of course, but his body is well used to the caffeine kick in the morning.

Dan unlocks the studio and puts on all the lights inside. It is still somewhat dark outside, and he is positive that his studio is illuminating the street in a faint and rather atmospherically warm light.

After checking that all lights are on, Dan plugs his computer into the larger monitor and puts on some instrumental Christmas music.

If a client requests it, he does not resist putting on Christmas songs with lyrics, but he could not possibly bear them for the entire day.

The studio is exactly as busy as Dan predicted it. There are people coming in to buy vouchers for people as Christmas presents, which is both a lovely idea and ensures that Dan will not get bored in the following year, also maybe, he will get to keep some of the clients as customers, which would be lovely.

There are also tourist groups that fancy the idea of a professional picture in their askew Father Christmas Hats.

Dan is not one to deny his customers anything. If he grants them their wish does not mean he has the same one. He is just being decent and polite.

Dan also has two scheduled appointments to take care of and by far enough foot traffic to make him exhausted well before lunch.

After lunch, the same continues, and Dan finally can positively say he makes good money. He and Mes are able to live off the revenue of his studio well enough throughout the year. They are not even poor, but it is always better to have a bit more on his balance.

Every now and then, Dan manages to jot down a few ideas for the film that is essentially playing in his head more than on the computer. He does need to get a move on with the blog if he wants to upload another 12 posts before Christmas. Even then, he will probably end up uploading last minute. It’s after all not the first time he has worked to a deadline, preferring to be punctual rather than finishing early – which was a way nicer way than saying he was sloppy, procrastinated, and only works well when the deadline and pressure were collective crushing him.

By the time it’s time for Dan to get ready to close his shop, his computer has only forsaken him twice (without deleting important pictures, thankfully) and he is well overdue some hydration, but other than that, he can look back on a very successful day.

Dan is about to go into the back to switch off the first lights, when the door opens. Any client or customer is always welcome when Dan is there, so he spins on his heel and turns to the door with a smile on his face.

The smile doesn’t falter, and Dan truly deserves an award for that, he thinks.

CV man is back! He is wearing an even fancier coat than before and his hair is a little messy, it must be windy outside.

“Hey.” Dan says and awkwardly lets his hands drop down at his sides.

“Hey.” CV man smiles. Oh wow. He is in fact prettier than Dan remembers him to be.

“You came back.” Dan stretches his mouth into a wider smile in order not to let that cheesy, idiotic sentence get to him.

“You did say I could.” The man grins at him, and a load drops off Dan’s shoulders.

“I did.” Dan nods. He is unsure of how to continue. He does not trust his mouth not to say something cheesy again. But if he does not want to scare CV man away, he needs to be a presentable version of himself.

“Is there something I can help you with? Pictures, preferably. I am not well stocked on lawnmowers, I am afraid.”

Maybe Dan should just stop speaking altogether. Then, something like this wouldn’t happen.

“Lawnmowers?” CV man frowns and starts laughing.

“Sorry. That was a joke.”

“Yes. That’s why I am laughing.” CV man laughs even more, and after wanting to disappear from the earth’s surface seconds ago, Dan now starts laughing with him, and his skin doesn’t feel like it’s crawling in on itself anymore either.

“Long day?” CV man asks carefully.

Dan is beyond thankful for that lifeline. “Yes. Saturdays are crazy, but fun. Many different people, different tastes, different styles. Inspirational.” Dan feels his eyes twitching from stopping them trailing up and down CV man’s body.

“And then there’s me.” CV man grins, and Dan does not know how to react. Surely, he does not think he is _not_ the most inspirational out of all of them?

“Another set of CV pictures, for you, then?” Dan asks. Changing topics when he does not know what to say works marvellously with Mes, he can only hope it will work now too.

“No… but I don’t want to keep you here, again.” The man kneads his fingers.

“Not at all! I promised to take more pictures and I will take them. I am not needed anywhere else right now.” Dan smiles and might or might not make an embarrassing little sound when the smile from the man brightens up and his eyes widen in excitement. He can only trust that the crescendo in the music was loud enough to hide such a pathetic little noise.

Phil’s POV

One of the traditions Phil has kept all his life no matter how little he had to do or how often he can sleep long on whichever day he chooses, is to have a lie in on a Saturday.

Of course, he has had to get up early occasionally even then, but especially if it was due to family holiday scheduled events, he was sure to have made his discontent known to the one responsible. His mother would only roll her eyes and then go on to wake Martyn, which made Phil even more mad, because surely, as the youngest he had the sleeping longer royalties of their family?

In any case, Phil really likes and treasures his Saturday lie-ins. He likes to think that it is them that keep him connected to the rest of the working world. The majority of people in working fields Phil could have theoretically pursued himself had a free day on Saturdays. With sleeping long together with them (not literally (sadly (or not so sadly, actually))), Phil was staying connected to them.

Now, with a job hopefully on the horizon, Phil thinks there is all the more reason to synch up the rest of the working people with taking his Saturday morning sleep incredibly seriously.

There are of course some people that belong to the same working field as Phil that do not know how to honour traditions.

By the looks of it, Martyn is one of them. Because when Phil does eventually wake up, puts on his glasses, and checks his phone, he sees an unknown number that has called him.

Martyn knows his number by heart and likes using the landlines at the office headquarters (a rather small room they are renting with a big storage adjoined so that their firm actually has a proper address) to call Phil.

This means Martyn is already working which is atrocious. Nobody should be working this early on a Saturday. In any case, Martyn should know better than to try and bother Phil with work this early on a Saturday.

Phil groans and gets up. He walks into the bathroom and puts toothpaste on his toothbrush before dialling the number back. Martyn does deserve his attention, especially as he likes all the admin stuff their company presents them with and allows Phil to receive the same amount of money for the creative ideas for products as he gets for his relentless work.

He does deserve attention, but Phil might as well multitask and brush his teeth. If it’s one of their habitually longer conversations, he would only forget to brush his teeth afterwards, and Phil prefers to be hygienic, so that is not an option.

Phil starts brushing his teeth and wedges the phone between his ear and shoulder.

Martyn picks up the phone, so Phil says: “Mowning.” which is impressive for the amount of foam in his mouth.

Only, it is not so impressive, because the voice that answers is not Martyn’s. “Phil Lester?”

Phil spits out bits of the foam and stares at his shocked reflection. “Yes… Sorry. Yes. That’s me.”

The voice on the other end sounds amused when she asks: “Bad time?”

Phil is pretty sure the one that calls and not the one that answers a call is supposed to be the one to ask that.

“No. Yes. No!” By now, his brain has registered that he is in fact talking to Meggie on the phone. “I am brushing my teeth, I thought you were my brother.”

“I am flattered, I am sure.” Meggie laughs. “I called you earlier to tell you that we would like to have you on our team.”

“Really?” Phil asks.

“Yes.”

“Are you sure?” Phil asks again.

“Yes, I am. I guessed you were not used to applying somewhere, but you really shouldn’t question why someone chose you.” Meggie tells him.

“Oh. Of course. I am happy you chose me! I truly am!” Phil says quickly.

“Good. So, you can start on Monday, right?”

“Yes. Nothing else keeping me busy.”

“I can’t deny that that is good to hear. I will spend my afternoon with ‘the parents’, but if you have any questions, you can text me, or we will just go through them on Monday morning.”

Meggie tells him all basic information about his work schedule he better needs to know before coming on Monday, and Phil quickly runs into his kitchen to write them down on an empty cereal packet, like the professional nursery teacher he evidently is.

“Oh, another thing. I need a picture of you to introduce you to our parents and guardians. We will not have time to schedule a meeting with them on such short notice, so until we can do that, we need a nice picture.”

“How nice?” Phil asks.

“A little friendlier than you CV picture if possible, but nothing extravagant. Go for a selfie if you’re confident. They just need to recognise your face. Don’t worry about it too much, Phil.”

“I won’t.” Phil says, placing down the pen he is still holding because it is a little disconcerting to see his hand shaking so much.

“Perfect. For now, that’s all from me.” Meggie says.

“Lovely. I am looking forward to working with you.” Phil says earnestly.

“I’d have had you make tea if you forgot to say that.” Meggie laughs.

“I can still make tea.” Phil offers.

“There we have it, employee of the month. Okay. I can see their car now. I need to go.”

Phil barely manages to wish Meggie a good weekend before the call cuts off. Phil places his phone on the counter and stares into the sink. There is no particular reason for that, it is simply what’s closest.

Phil has managed to get a job. He will get to work with children! He is very excited because of that. His excitement mainly stems from that. Yes.

Yes. It does.

Well, no. It doesn’t. Not exclusively. Phil glances over at the scribbles on the cereal books and starts smiling immediately when he sees the runes that are supposed to say: picture.

He does not have to look long and far for something resembling a good reason to get another picture taken. He has found a legitimate explanation without even looking for it! He did not manipulate anyone. Everything has come together nicely.

The universe evidently wants him to meet the photographer again!

Phil grabs the phone again and quicky texts Martyn: I did it!

Martyn’s answer comes quickly.

I sure hope you didn’t.

????

^^

?!

“Pizza with Pumpkin Spice. It’s an alliteration,

it’s bound to taste good”

Phil looks at the last text he has sent and does see that even if Martyn changed the order of things around and clearly mocked him with the pretend quote, his last text does say that he wants to try more alliteration based foods and will pumpkin spiced pizza a go.

It was not good. Really actually one of the worst things Phil has ever eaten. He shudders at the memory.

Ah yes, I did do that, no need to repeat.

I meant I got a job at a nursery!

Job or place?

Haha.

Congratulations! You will do great.

Phil thanks Martyn for his sincerity, which he hopes conveys enough threat of pain should Martyn have been sarcastic.

He then puts his phone away again and looks around the kitchen. There is nothing he would like more than to immediately go to &Son’s and get his picture taken, but he should wait and calm down a little first.

Looking around his kitchen, Phil notices resignedly that he really should stock up on almost everything. He needs more juice, more fruits (unless he wants his mother to have a cardiac arrest the next time she sees his kitchen), paper towels, and cereal.

He needs essentially everything, in short.

After getting dressed, Phil grabs his things and goes shopping. As always, he tries to go for the essentials and ends up buying virtually every Christmas sweet on offer, but he is only human, after all.

At home, Phil tidies away everything and pats his own back. In the privacy of his own home, everything is allowed!

He checks the time and sees it is barely afternoon and therefore too early to go to the studio. First, he will continue with Attenborough and then he will take a shower and change into some nicer clothes.

He is making the effort for the picture, not the photographer, of course.

Phil ends up watching two episodes of horrendous quality of some property show he could have maybe found on TV but that someone illegally uploaded to YouTube before leisurely getting ready.

He has all the time in the world, and he does need all the time to get ready.

He will approach the situation openly and just try to see where being himself will get him. He will not have any other option but being himself. It is way too late now to try and turn himself into something he is not. All he can do is be himself and hope that the photographer is not appalled by that.

It is not quite as late as when he first ended up at the studio. Phil heart beats fast when he approaches the friendly looking shop front. He has been spot-on with thinking it would look inviting from the outside.

Inside, he can see the photographer working away on his computer while chatting to customers.

When the customers look like they are about to leave, Phil approaches the front door, only to be beaten to it by a group of people invading the studio.

Of course, Phil is happy that the photographer has good business. He is only somewhat annoyed that he cannot go in himself. He is selfish enough to want his full attention and therefore cannot just trail after some random people.

Instead of mopping about it all too much, Phil decides to go to a book shop on the same street. He gets stuck looking at the encyclopaedias for children and knows he now needs to hurry if he wants to make his way to the studio on time.

Phil leaves the bookshop and sees another set of customers getting ready to leave the studio. He waits until they have disappeared before approaching the studio.

The photographer is on his way into the back of the studio when Phil opens the door. Is this a bad idea? Is it stupid? Is the studio already closed?

Phil’s thoughts stop whirling for a second when the photographer turns around to him immediately and smiles.

“Hey.” He says. 

“Hey.” Phil replies. Maybe this is not all that bad. The photographer is smiling. Phil is smiling. The photographer doesn’t recoil. Maybe this is fine.

“You came back.” The photographer’s smile widens, and Phil almost feels brave.

Brave enough, at least, to be able to say: “You did say I could.”

“I did.” He nods and then says: “Is there something I can help you with? Pictures, preferably. I am not well stocked on lawnmowers, I am afraid.”

“Lawnmowers?” Phil has never been all too good at hiding his confusion, nor at containing his laughter at other people’s jokes.

“Sorry. That was a joke.”

“Yes. That’s why I am laughing.” Phil is relieved to see that the photographer joins in with the laughing. There is, after all, always a chance he thinks someone is being hilarious, when they are not even aware, they had made any sort of joke.

“Long day?” Phil asks, desperate not to let awkward silence fall between them.

“Yes. Saturdays are crazy, but fun. Many different people, different tastes, different styles. Inspirational.”

“And then there’s me.” Phil smiles. He is not eager to hear how much of a bother he is compared to other people. Being self-deprecating is a somewhat safe way to ensure he will not suffer too much. 

“Another set of CV pictures, for you, then?” The photographer looks at him expectantly. He does look tired and he has literally confessed to having had a long day. Was this a mistake after all? Should Phil leave this hard-working photographer alone and finally let his not so selfish side win?

“No… but I don’t want to keep you here, again.” Phil is uncomfortable at the thought of making another person uncomfortable. 

“Not at all! I promised to take more pictures and I will take them. I am not needed anywhere else right now.” The photographer speaks quickly, and he smiles at Phil, genuinely if he is any judge.

This is not a mistake. Phil will now make the most of it and will try to show that the photographer does not need to regret being kind to Phil.

“What can I do for you, then?” the photographer asks again while setting up the camera in the back of the studio.

“I need a smiling, engaging, friendly – I suppose – picture to introduce myself.”

“Introducing yourself?” the photographer glances up, and Phil squirms a little under his gaze.

“Yes. I got the job.”

“You did?” he glances up again, but this time, Phil is at least a little prepared.

“Yes.”

“Congratulations! We’ll take the best pictures ever.”

Phil laughs and tries to be relaxed.

“Perfect.”

Phil frowns. He has not noticed that the photographer has already taken a picture.

“Try turning left a little.” The photographer directs and takes some more pictures. Phil is eager to follow the instructions well.

For as long as the photographer is behind his tripod, that is not all too difficult, but when he approaches Phil for some closer pictures, Phil freezes up a little.

“Relax.” The photographer says and laughs. Phil smiles at the sound but flinches when he hears the shutter.

“One more.” The photographer places a hand onto Phil’s shoulder, and they slump down immediately.

Phil feels as if something has lodged up in his throat, but he manages to control his facial muscles at least.

“Gorgeous.” The photographer looks at his camera. His head snaps up, and he looks at Phil. “It’s a good picture.” He explains quickly. As if Phil had been in danger of thinking that the photographer thought he was gorgeous.

“It appears that against all odds you are good at what you do.” Phil says. The photographer immediately starts laughing loudly and Phil relaxes while slapping his cheeks repeatedly (in his mind!) for being so careless with a virtual stranger.

“What do I owe you?” Phil asks when they walk towards the counter.

“You gave me way too much last time…”

“Good. I am going to do that again.” Phil smiles.

“I cannot let you do that.” The photographer’s eyes widen, but Phil does not stop smiling.

“It’s Christmas money from my grandparents. I don’t want to use it for more sweets.” Phil lies, but at least, the photographer sighs and shakes his head with a smile.

He plugs the memory card into his computer and starts typing away.

“Not now.” He hisses shortly afterwards.

“Pardon?”

“Ah, it’s nothing. My computer had a long day, too. He’ll be back on his feet in no time.” He drums onto the counter for a while, worrying his lip between his teeth. Before Phil can get absolutely transfixed by that, the computer lights up again and the photographer says: “There’s the spirit.”

Phil laughs at that alteration and earns a self-conscious grin from the photographer.

“Could you maybe print out one of them? I will pay extra. And it does not have to be great quality. Nothing fancy.”

“You just started your job and you already want to slack off?”

“It needs to be quick, that’s all.” Phil excuses himself.

“It is a shame to print this out like this, but if you are so desperate.” The photographer sighs loudly and crouches down to the machines that jumped to life underneath the counter.

“I am.” Phil agrees. The photographer laughs, and finally, Phil can be sure that it was not at all a mistake to come into the studio.

Phil does manage to persuade the photographer to accept double of what he paid the last time with the water-tight explanation of Phil needing to stop himself from buying more sweets.

Phil enjoys the photographer’s company and does not even want to think about leaving, when the photographer’s phone buzzes.

“Ah, that’s my mother.” He apologises. “She’ll want me to have dinner with her.”

“Of course. Thank you so much for these.” Phil says and holds up the envelope with the two copies – just to be sure.

“Not at all. It was a pleasure.”

“I’ll get going then.” Phil says reluctantly. “Have a nice evening. Have a nice dinner.” He adds because that is evidently what normal people do.

“Thank you.” The photographer smiles. “Do come back. Anytime.”

“Yeah.” Phil says vaguely and raises his hand for a very unnecessary wave.

The photographer smiles, returns the wave, and answers his phone. Phil smiles and leaves the studio.

On his way home, in order to not let his thoughts run wild and to copy the two examples of filial excellence (first Meggie and now the photographer), Phil calls his mother.

They chat until Phil gets home about some news story his mum has heard. Phil will have ample of time to tell them about the new developments at lunch the next day.

Phil makes himself a quick dinner, puts on some reruns of festive Bake Off, and proves once again that he is not at all capable of preventing his impulse-purchases.


	6. 06.12.2020

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you have a lovely Sunday! <3 Take care and see you tomorrow! Enjoy the chapter and stay safe! xx

** Sunday, 6th of December 2020  **

Dan’s POV 

Dan loves spending time with Mes, and he certainly does not mind having his mother’s company alongside as well.

However, Dan does have the honour of their company really rather regularly. Usually, he does not take that honour lightly and genuinely appreciates it for what it is – a privilege, but it just so happens that every once in a while, Dan would like to be spending his time differently.

It is the first time in four years that Dan is thinking this way, and yet the bad thoughts are already eating away at him. What sort of bad father does one have to be to be unhappy about having to spend an evening with one’s son and his grandmother?

Only very slowly does Dan manage to ease his mind into thinking that he does not resent spending time with Mes. He also does not wish to be elsewhere when he is with them. He certainly does not mean to desert Mes in any way and neglect him.

The only thing he wants to do is spend more time with the CV man.

Had his mother not called to tell him they were on their way and that she was going to reheat some stew she had left in the car to keep cool (or something like that, even though Dan’s prediction without having picked up the phone turned out to be almost perfectly correct), Dan would have had the chance to spend at least a little more time with CV man.

Dan turns over in his bed and rubs his forehead. It is now the next morning and the thoughts of being a bad father and about CV man have still not left him.

There is, of course, no way to know that Dan would have spent much more time with CV man had his mother not called. He had slipped up horribly calling him ‘gorgeous’ without thinking, so maybe CV man had waited for something like the phone call to get him out of the studio.

Where that has been a rather foolish verbal accident, Dan is still rather proud of backhandedly letting CV man know that he was not living with his mother. Dan does not know that he cares, but should he care, telling him his mother wanted to have lunch with him and not that she wanted him home spoke of some degree of independence which Dan is rather chuffed about.

Dan turns back around and tears at his hair, only softly, but he needs something to let off steam.

His thoughts are confusing. Going into all extremes at the same time. He was hopeless. In absolutely all ways.

He was hopelessly clueless, mainly.

Dan groans and sits up. He has invited CV man back and if Dan has not messed everything up, he might return. Until then, it is no use to keep thinking about him.

It will hinder the tiniest last bit of productivity Dan still has to invest somewhere, so he needs to stop doing that.

He will work on being the best father he can possibly be to Mes, and he will use his energy to think about his blog and work on that instead of worrying about or hoping for something absolutely fictional.

Taking care to be extra quiet, Dan quickly glances into Mes’ room. Mes is still sleeping. Dan’s mum has really brought his energy level right down to zero, but that was probably a good thing. Mes would sleep now, recharge for the rest of Sunday, and be ready to start the new week with his energy levels skyrocketing as usual.

Dan makes himself a cup of tea. He doesn’t want to wake up. He just wants to be comfortable in front of the television with The Princess Switch running in the background while writing a blog post about the exact same film.

It does take the entire length of the film to finalise his blog post. That is mainly because the film is annoyingly captivating at times.

When he is done, he copies the text into his blog but before he can upload it, Mes calls for him. Dan makes sure to safe the document a couple of times and hurries into Mes’ room.

After dressing him in a new pair of pyjamas, Dan takes Mes into the living room, restarts the movie and quickly gets him a bowl of cereal. Mes is all set and happily munching his cereal so that Dan has time to read through his blog post again, correcting some spelling mistakes before uploading the finished product.

It is not his worst blog post, Dan hopes.

**The Princess Switch – (I’d have switched films had it not been for my unparalleled dedication to this blog)**

**As you will all be able to tell from the heading, you are in for a treat. The Princess Switch might not be the absolute worst Christmas film I have ever watched, but then it has to be noted that the film certainly tried to earn that title. (Maybe, I am reluctant to hand out the title of worst Christmas film because it appeared to have tried so hard…)**

**The Princess Switch is a Netflix original film that will steal 102 minutes of your life without being sorry about that or making amends with nice music. In previous blog posts, I have already spoken about brandings like ‘Netflix Original’ to not necessarily being a bad thing (as can be seen with Queer Eye [even though that first run when Netflix was still renting out movies at most!], or Sex Education [even if that is British and can maybe not be counted in the same category as American rom-coms]). However, when it comes to Christmas films, I dare say that brandings such as ‘Netflix Original’ or the other classic ‘Hallmark Movie’ are effective enough warning labels of what to expect from the film.**

**If the film does not happen to be princess (or indeed prince as we shall see at a later point in this thrilling 12-blog journey!) themed, there will be a girl finding love in a usually rural area. We will get into the particulars of the films and how they daringly switch up these tropes to create a new, heart-warming Christmas experience when the fitting film presents itself.**

**For now, I am going to talk about The Princess Switch, starring Vanessa Hudges alongside no one other than Vanessa Hudges. Having the same actress pose for two characters that are either twins or distantly related (because that seems totally probable) is not a novel thing (in American cinema – as far as I can tell, they tend to use real twins in European retellings of the same story), but it is still as mind-boggling as ever. For the duration of the film (102 minutes, I remind you!), I could not help wondering what this experience must have been like for the actors. There is, after all, two couples with one romantic female lead. In the end, I could not let go of the impression that it was a weird triangle relationship, but that might just have been me.**

**Other than with Love Actually, I do not expect anyone to have already watched this film, but then again, it is hardly a secret gem that nobody knows of either (not that it is a gem at all). In order to help everyone along, the plot of the film is basically: American Vanessa Hudges is a baker with her own bakery that gets to compete at a worldwide baking competition in Belgravia. European (for the lack of a more precise, accurate description of her origins) Vanessa Hudges is a countess that is engaged to the prince of Belgravia. The two of them meet in the television studio ‘Wembley’ (cause that sounds European enough to convince the world that this place is completely real) and the countess (not a princess!) convinces American VH to switch places with her which results in some _hilarious_ misunderstandings that make this movie a romantic _comedy_ if there ever was one. **

**Apart from VH, there are a total of three other actors, or so it seems. There is American VH’s romantic interest the prince, and European VH’s love interest Kevin and his daughter. Kevin’s daughter is by far the cleverest out of all characters in the movie, she knows it’s not her VH that pathetically attempts the secret handshake – that girl has got some brain! Do not worry, she is not the only obligatory small child without which no Christmas movie would be allowed to call itself that! There are masses of tiny, royal ballet dancers and some children in a shelter (that seem obsessed with seeing adults kiss).**

**Another staple for a Christmas movie is carols of all size and shapes. There is a carol sung by carol singers (1 star), there is a carol sing along in the square (zero stars! Minus stars if I could do that. Actually, I can, so minus three stars!), and there is a decent carol sung by adults and children in the shelter (I will be generous, so three and a quarter stars). The best musical nod this movie provides is the Carol of the Bells, made famous by John Williams in Home Alone.**

**Where sub-par music is, inedible food is not far away. Even if American VH calls herself a baker (and ends up winning the contest – spoiler, but that would not have come as a surprise to anyone watching the film, after all the two VHs still need to meet at the same time with their corresponding romantic interests), every single ‘sugar cookie’ (call them biscuits, or even more accurately cardboard with a glaze and be done with it) makes you feel sorry for the actors that have to eat and pretend to like them! Oh, another heads-up. The baking competition is no Bake Off, even if they have some fancy Kitchen Aids, don’t let them fool you, it’s nowhere near the same!**

**This film is not absolutely inherently completely all-the-time bad though. Otherwise, trust me, I would not have finished it. There are some funny scenes. VH imitating herself is funny (even if this film should probably come with a trigger warning for unauthentic posh English – also ‘sounding like Downton Abbey’ would be a freaking compliment, European VH!). Thought provoking and equally disturbing is American VH’s favourite film being A Christmas Prince. It melts my brain trying to think how on earth American and European VH live in a universe where they first of all both exist and where Europe allegedly as two small kingdoms with an eligible bachelor prince – or is it just the one kingdom and A Christmas Prince is simply fiction which just coincidentally happens to have almost the exact same plotline as VH’s lives in this one? Thought provoking – a statement on modern societies, I am sure.**

**In conclusion, yes, this film is a waste of time – but!, you can also make it into a fun evening, alone or with others, both works just fine. Don’t dare to take anything seriously at all and just enjoy it for whatever you want it to be.**

**Surprisingly, if you isolate some phrases, they do become quite deep, but then that is the nature of language and literature, I believe. Go and see whether you can spot any sensical phrases in the movie, I dare you! To spurn you on, I will share mine: “It is always dignified to be kind.” That, in any case, is a good message to give people – be it Christmas or not.**

**By any means, knock yourself out and love this movie. I don’t and I won’t but do whatever tickles your fancy (and that is, I’m afraid what British people actually sound like, sorry).**

**I will be back once we have all processed this film. May the spirit of Christmas not only keep the wells in Belgravia unfrozen but keep your hearts warm too.**

Dan finishes the movie another time with Mes and has to agree with his blog post. Actually, for him it’s worse because he has now wasted a multiplicity of 102 minutes because of this film.

Mes giggles whenever Dan groans and buries his head in his hands. Dan is pretty sure Mes does not quite understand why Dan is suffering, but he is amused and having a good time so that is really what matters to Dan.

When the credits finally appear on the screen, Dan puts the movie out and grabs two handfuls of Mes to get him changed for the meandering he has promised him.

Today, Dan takes Mes into a park that is a little farther away, to switch it up a little bit. He is carrying both of their cups in one hand (a man of many talents), because he has made the hot chocolate piping hot to still be warm when they get to the park.

The whole way, Mes is talking about the day he has had with his grandmother.

There are a lot of animals featuring in Mes’ retelling. Not only that, there is food, as well as toys, as well as trees in Mes’ very active and not always easy to follow account of his Saturday. Dan is paying close attention and yet he misses a couple of turns in the story and nearly chokes on his hot chocolate when he thinks Mes is telling him they were eating hedgehogs.

“Who was the friendliest you met then?” Dan asks.

“Grandma.” Mes asks without missing a beat. Either Mes truly is a natural in sarcasm, or Dan has accidentally raised a very warm-hearted, sincere little human with loads of love to give.

“And the kindest animal?” Dan prompts.

“The slug seemed very nice.” Mes answers after a short while of deliberation.

“Oh yes. They are kind creatures.” Dan agrees and strokes Mes’ head.

Mes finishes his hot chocolate and hands the empty cup to Dan.

“Dad.”

“Yes, Mes?” Dan stops and looks down at him.

“I missed you.”

“I missed you too.”

“But I also liked the trip with grandma.” Mes sounds conflicted. Dan kneels down and pulls Mes into a tight hug.

“You are allowed to enjoy all days as much as you want. I want you to enjoy them as much as you can, Mes. Knowing you were happy makes me happy. I missed you and I am looking forward to next Saturday.” Dan presses a kiss to Mes’ cheek but when he tries to let go, Mes still has his arms around Dan’s neck.

“I love you, dad.”

“I love you too.” Dan says.

“So, do we want to go home?” Dan asks eventually.

“Yes.”

“Do you want to walk, big boy?”

“I think I am still a little bit small.” Mes mumbles. Dan laughs softly and scoops Mes up to carry him home.

Dan is well and truly exhausted once they get home, but a happy and content Mes is well worth it.

All that is left for them to do on this lazy Sunday is dinner and calling grandma-mama. Mes has a lot to tell her and Dan is happy just keeping Mes from falling off his lap while he excitedly recounts the same animal encounters to Dan’s grandmother.

“Have a nice evening grandma-mama, we love you!” Dan says at the end of Mes’ dramatic performance.

“Nice try, Daniel.” His grandmother says. “Mes, dear, what carol do you want us to sing?”

Dan stops himself from groaning and makes a real effort to enjoy their joined carol singing – after he has just bashed some innocent people’s carol sing-along that is a little difficult, but Mes’ earnest and solemn expression quickly wins him over.

“Have a nice evening, you two.”

“Plagiarism. You just stole my line.” Dan gasps.

“I love you, silly boy.”

“Love you too, grandma-mama.” Dan says, and Mes babbles after him.

The rest of the evening, they spend cuddled up in front of the television with some Christmas special episodes Dan can find that are child friendly.

Dan takes Mes into his room after brushing his teeth and tugs him in. He reads him a story and watches his big brown eyes slowly shut and a peaceful expression settle over his face.

Dan stays and watches Mes for a while. And only when Dan is changed and lies down in his bed does he notice that he is alone. Not lonely and not without people, but well, that does not mean that he cannot be alone. He certainly would not mind having a bit of company and a more than fun-sized cuddle buddy.

Dan groans and squeezes his eyes shut. If that is the best description of a partner he can come up with, he is probably neither ready, nor does he deserve a partner.

Desperate to drown out at least a little bit of his loneliness, Dan switches on his computer again.

Phil’s POV 

Because of his various wish or amazon purchases and other impromptu buys, Phil is very happy that no one apart from him has any access to his bank account. Access would probably yet be less bad than them being able to see just what he is spending his money on.

Well, what is done is done. Phil cannot do anything about the money he spent. He cannot go and un-spend it.

Phil closes the mail that has just informed him that the order has been processed. He will have to deal with the consequences of his purchase now. Or well, when it actually reaches him. Now, he might as well forget all about it and live his life as if he was completely normal.

This brilliant plan of his get spoiled when Phil mindlessly refreshes his mails and gets a notification for an uploaded blog post by I-review-films!

Phil jumps out of his bed and races himself to the kitchen to make himself some coffee. And while that his brewing, he quickly runs into the bathroom.

The coffee is made but Phil knows that, as he has slept rather longer than shorter, he will soon have to leave to get to his parents’ house on time for lunch, so he quickly changes into some proper trousers and a festive sweater. Only then does he sit down on his sofa, with the coffee and his computer.

He opens the blog and excitedly starts reading the newest blog post: ‘The Princess Switch – (I’d have switched films had it not been for my unparalleled dedication to this blog)’

When Phil is done reading the blog entry, he is smiling brightly. The weird thing is that Phil does not exactly know what makes him smile so much when reading the blog. The author seems intelligent, sarcastic (duh), and funny.

Phil is usually content living his own life and leaving others to live theirs. However, with the author of this blog, he cannot help wishing he knew more about him. (Phil is pretty sure the author is a ‘him’, the handful of hints distributed throughout the blog posts suggest as much to him.)

Phil’s phone chimes and he grabs it. He regrets that the next moment, not because anything bad happens, but because his lovely, delusional bubble of him and the blog is viciously burst by Martyn who tells Phil that he and Cornelia are now on their way. That is not as much code as it is a direct request to put a jacket on and leave the apartment should he have not already done so.

Phil has not already done so, so he groans and quickly readies his apartment for his departure.

On days where the family gets together for a family lunch, that means that Phil puts a bag of sweets onto the coffee table for when he returns and is in dire needs of some consolation.

On his way to his parents’ house, Phil grumbles a little about the fact that they stole his opportunity to watch the film the blog recommended. Well, not recommended exactly, but talked about and therefore installed the unquenchable desire in Phil to watch it too.

He will of course have enough time to watch it in the evening, but the desire is unquenchable and certainly not impressed by a family lunch.

The bus that takes Phil to his destination turns around the penultimate corner, and Phil briefly closes his eyes.

He loves his family and is thankful to be spending precious together with them. Problem is that even if Phil can stand his parents’ happiness, adding Martyn and Cornelia’s to the load makes it very difficult for Phil to ignore the fact that he is alone.

Having read the blog in the morning is the best thing that could have happened to Phil. He is, of course, still alone, but first of all, he can think about the blog when it gets too much, and he can also rely on the fact that the author, at least, would not judge him for being alone.

Phil gets off the bus and walks down the narrow path to get to his parents’ house. At a notice board that is filled to the brim, Phil spots the advertisement for a Carol sing along evening. He is of course not tempted to go, but it reminds him of the blog, and immediately, he starts smiling.

“Phil!” his mother greets him when he rings the doorbell.

“Don’t pretend you are surprised. You invited me to come.” Phil says and kicks of his shoes at the entry.

“I am still happy to see you.”

“I should hope so.” Phil grins and kisses his mother’s cheek.

“Go on through, they are all in the living room.” his mother pushes him into that direction and closes the door.

“There he is, the star of the hour, or should I say millennium?” Martyn says when Phil steps into the living room.

“Phil works well enough, actually.” Phil grumbles and kisses the top of his father’s head, mainly because it makes Martyn roll his eyes which in turn makes Cornelia slap in lightly.

“Congratulations on your new job.” His father says calmly and smiles at him.

“New? More like ‘first’ job.” Martyn says and earns another slap from Cornelia.

“Stop it, we are all proud of Phil.” Cornelia says.

“Who says I am not?” Martyn asks.

Phil shakes his head and plops down on his allocated chair, next to his mother still from the time when she had to cut up food for him.

“When are you going to start?” Cornelia asks Phil.

“Wait for me! I want to hear!” Phil’s mum shouts from the kitchen. Phil laughs and explains all particulars he knows about the job when his mother joins them with the Sunday lunch.

There is not exactly much to tell but everyone listens eagerly, and Phil enjoys lunch a great deal more than he had first feared.

“It’s a lovely thing of you to do.” His mother says when he is done.

Phil and Martyn are helping her carry the things into the kitchen and cannot escape when she orders them to help her with the washing up.

“Lovely.” She repeats. She is certainly on the verge of looking unbearably proud for a rather small success in Phil’s life, but her pride does boost his self-esteem as well.

“A lovely thing indeed.” Martyn agrees and grins at him.

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“The same thing mum meant!”

“Yeah, right.”

“Don’t fight, boys.” Phil’s mother looks more amused than concerned, which concerns Phil a little bit.

“I am just saying with your job and you going out, you …”

“Outside.” Phil corrects him quickly.

“… and you going outside, you might actually meet someone finally.” Martyn’s grin widens, and Phil can feel his face heating up.

“I don’t need a job to meet people.” Phil says confidently, which is evidently a lie. If he dares to count the photographer as someone he has met, he has only met him because of the new job, but no one in the kitchen needs to know that!

“We are talking about real-life people. MMAHB does not count.”

“Mahb?” Phil’s mother asks confused.

“I told you, mum: Mysterious Man and His Blog.”

“Oh. Phil’s crush.”

“Mum!” Phil whines. “He is not my crush.”

“He is the love of his life.” Martyn cackles. “When are you going to make your first move then?”

Phil deals with Martyn’s excessive teasing in the most mature way he can think of. He flees the room and seeks refuge with Cornelia and his father. 

“Cornelia! Ask him about MMAHB! He might tell you something!” Martyn calls from the kitchen, and Phil groans.

“I’ll deal with him.” Cornelia says and walks into the kitchen, leaving Phil with his father. At least now, Phil is sure not to have to talk about the blog or indeed any aspect of his love-life.

“Dad. Do you have any tips on how to deal with small children?” Phil asks and sits down in Martyn’s allocated chair.

“Just be yourself.” His father says. Phil stares at him, so he elaborates a little more. “Be open and funny. Be yourself and they will like you.”

Phil wonders how on earth he has ended up leaving that impression on his father, a person that should know him rather well, actually. Well, good for him!

“Above all that matters, don’t swear!” Martyn says directly into Phil’s ear before poking him in his side.

“Flippity flop!”

“Mum!” Martyn says full volume. “Phil swore!”

Within the blink of an eye, Phil’s mum comes running into the dining room, looking excited. “Did he really?” she asks.

“Why are you like this?” Phil groans.

“No. Why are we like this.” Martyn says and plants a loud kiss onto Phil’s cheek. Phil pushes him away, but he is not really annoyed. He does love his idiotic and special family a lot.

After lunch, they all go for a walk before having tea and cake in the afternoon. Phil gets spared more teasing about the job or the blog or any fundamental thing about his life, which he thinks is largely thanks to Cornelia. She is the perfect addition to the family, balancing out Martyn and almost giving him the chance to appear part of something normal and enviable.

On his way home, Phil notices that even if he is envious of the love everyone seems to be experiencing, he does not feel quite as bad as he has done after other Sunday lunches with his family. He attributes all of that to the job, the blog, and the photographer.

Of course, the job is the only thing that is ‘allowed’ to have an effect on Phil, but it would be boring to play by the rules like that.

Phil does truly like the photographer (and thinks he is attractive, not that anyone needs to know that), so he might as well gain strength from their encounters.

Same with the blog. It might not be wise to rely on positive emotions solely from an internet blog, but using it as a reliable resource for happy feelings is not forbidden, is it?

Phil arrives home and opens the bag of sweets he has prepared for himself earlier.

He pulls his computer onto his lap and without any chance to refute the sound-echo, Martyn’s question rings through his mind: When are you going to make a move?

Phil immediately pushes the computer off his lap and starts whatever Netflix offers him first.

After one episode of Nailed It, Phil has calmed down enough to grab the computer again. If he wants to write a comment underneath the blog, he can do that. It does not mean he is making a move. He is expressing his appreciation and the author deserves that.

With a fast beating heart – too fast, evidently, for what Phil has just told himself this _isn’t_ – Phil writes a comment and posts it before he can think too much about it.

He stops Nailed It and puts on The Princess Switch, ready to ‘waste 102 minutes’ as the blog has promised.

The film has barely started when Phil gets a notification on his phone. It’s a mail telling him his comment was liked by the author.

His heart which had just calmed down starts beating faster again at the thought of being awake at the same time as the author.

However, Phil is awake enough to realise that that is rather silly. He discards the thought as good as he can and focuses on the film – finding to agree with basically every point the author has made.


	7. 07.12.2020

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you have a lovely start into the week and a good day today. :) Maybe the chapter can help a little with that! :) Take care and see you tomorrow! Stay safe. xx

** Monday, 7th of December 2020 **

Dan’s POV 

It is funny really how one simple comment makes Dan decide that picking up the work to write twelve blog posts until Christmas has been worth it. The comment is friendly and encouraging and just what Dan needs.

As usual, no words form in Dan’s head that he could have possibly used to reply to the kind reader. All Dan sees himself capable of doing is liking the comment. For all he knows, the reader doesn’t even care about that. It might as well have been someone that feels like they need to honestly say when something has pleased them without really caring to compliment the author, or as it were, the medium through which the content reached them.

Dan does not mind either way. His evening (and following day at that too!) is made. The reader can and will stay anonymous, and Dan can continue his December knowing there are very kind people out there.

After reading the comment and liking it almost instantly (because that is an action that does not really require any brainpower), Dan had closed his computer again. There is nothing that could have made his evening even nicer, so he might as well sleep.

The next morning, Dan still feels the positive effects of the comment. He is happy and content. He is excited to work on more of his Christmas blog posts and he is looking forward to meeting people at work that are potentially just as friendly as his anonymous reader.

Dan silences his alarm and sits up in his bed. He routinely checks his mails and sees that customers of his have written. Dan opens the mail, scared they might want to cancel the appointment. Instead, the mail tells him that he has asked them to send him a mail to remind him that he promised Mes to come along when he was next shooting pictures for the newlywed couple.

At the time, Dan has only promised as much because he could see how nervous the two of them were with just him and the camera, whereas they both lit up as soon as Mes came toddling into the room.

Dan knows that there is little chance that Mes still remembers this promise, but it is not his method of parenting to ignore his promises whenever convenient. Also, the way the couple sounds, it is also their wish that Mes should come along.

Really, in taking Mes, Dan is making a lot of people very happy – which is a feat he does not achieve often, so he should make the most of it now.

When Dan is about to get up to go and wake Mes after writing a quick note to the couple thanking them for that necessary reminder, Dan phone rings.

Magaret the Great is calling.

“Hello?”

“Good morning.” Meggie replies. She sounds calm enough and certainly not in pain, which eases Dan’s mind.

“Is there anything I can do for you?” Dan asks and walks into the kitchen with the intent to make coffee.

“I just wanted to ask whether Mes is coming today.”

This question is not that unusual, considering that Mes’ attendance times are not perfectly regular. It still makes Dan narrow his eyes at no one in particular.

He stops with his coffee-making ambitions and asks: “Are you using him?”

“No!” Meggie’s answer is too quick that Dan at least knows he is on the right track.

“Why do you care if he comes or not then?”

“That’s not fair, Dan. I always care.”

“Sorry.” Dan mumbles, that was certainly a little too far.

“But…” Meggie starts again, and Dan smiles, he was not wrong with his hunch. “I do need Mes’ help today. Somebody will start to help out at the nursery today, and I want to have the social butterfly here to welcome him.”

“Uh! Him!” Dan wiggles his eyebrows.

“Shut up.”

“Fine. Yes. I was planning on taking Mes to the nursery. Starting a week at the studio usually means he does not want to go to the nursery at all.”

“Perfect. Thank you, Dan.”

“You gotta thank the social butterfly himself.” Dan laughs. “Oh. I do need to collect him around lunch though. I promised customers he’d be there.”

“Aren’t you the one using Mes?” Meggie asks.

“Of course not!”

They continue bickering for a while until Meggie finally remembers that she also wanted to ask Dan if he could come a little earlier so that the atmosphere at the nursery is not so sterile.

“Are you calling my son a mess?” Dan asks, ridiculously proud of that pun.

“I am certainly calling you the father of all mess there is.” Meggie answers. Dan knows she tries not to show she is also amused, but he knows her well enough to know that she is smiling right now.

“I’ll get going then. Once I wake Mes up. Anything else I can do for you?”

“That’s all.” Meggie says happily. “I truly appreciate this, Dan. Thank you.”

“It’s alright. I really need to go now, though.” Dan says and hangs up the phone.

Waking Mes is not terribly difficult. He is looking forward to the nursery because he wants to tell Meggie about his trip with grandma and his phone call with grandma-mama.

Dan does tell him that he will come at lunch to take Mes to the studio. There is a danger of Mes being too excited about that but having him refuse to come along at lunch would have been worse.

On their way to the nursery, Dan stops at a bakery and buys him and Mes some cereal rolls to share. Raisins in bread is truly a daring move, but Dan does not exactly hate it either.

Dan feels bad to offer this as breakfast to Mes, but he knows that Meggie will take great care of Mes and all the other small children. At lunch, Dan can make up for the bad start into the day.

“Delivery for Margaret the Great!” Dan calls when Meggie opens the door.

“What a lovely surprise.” Meggie says and hugs Mes tightly.

“I can only stay until lunch.” Mes apologises to Meggie.

“That is quite alright, Mes.” Meggie laughs.

“I’ll leave you two to it then. I wouldn’t want risking to soil the atmosphere.” Dan says and kisses the top of Mes’ head when Meggie lets go of him again.

“You are an idiot.” Meggie says fondly and punches his shoulder.

“Take care, both of you. Until later!” Dan says and leaves the nursery with a small wave.

At the studio, Dan turns on all the lights and then settles down on the small sofa with the next Christmas movie playing.

He flinches at an unexpected noise and catches himself relieved when it turns out not to be a client coming into the studio.

Dan does not know how on earth he has managed to raise a ‘social butterfly’ that Meggie could want to come early to make a third party feel at ease when Dan is almost the perfect polar opposite to a social anything.

Did Mes get all the sociability that Dan is so incredibly innocent of? Surely not. Surely, Dan must have raised him in some way or other that has made him like this. Or is everything predestined in the genes?

Dan notices that he has not paid attention to the film and starts it again. It has never proved incredibly useful to wonder about his parenting abilities and strategies in the past, so he can better use this time to get ahead with his blog posts.

Dan does not manage to post his blog. He is almost nearly perfectly done but then all of a sudden, clients start arriving and he is forced to save what he has so far and continue working on it, the next morning presumably.

When he has dealt with the clients that are on a very good way of becoming customers, Dan quickly tidies the studio and prepares the shoot for the customers requesting that Mes should be there. Well, Dan offered, and they agreed, which is maybe not synonymous with requesting, but still. It’s for that couple Dan prepares the studio.

Once he is done, he goes to the nursery and rings the doorbell.

Meggie opens the door with a fully dressed Mes in front of her.

“You look relaxed.” Dan remarks.

“Yes. Things are going great.” Meggie smiles, and Dan is happy for her. If someone deserves competent help, it surely is Meggie.

“That’s good to hear.” Dan says. Something crashes down in the adjoining room, and Meggie turns around immediately.

“I’ll see you tomorrow then!” Dan says and grabs Mes’ hand.

In the morning, they did not play spot the animal because Dan had wanted Mes to focus on chewing, but now, walks next to Mes in the speed Mes sets.

“Dad, where can we see turtles?” Mes asks looking closely at every puddle they pass.

“Not here, I’m afraid.”

“No?”

“No. Why do you want to see turtles?” Dan asks and steers Mes around another puddle he would have missed because he is now staring at the tops of trees again.

“Phil likes them.” Mes answers.

“Phil?” Dan asks.

“Look! A penguin!”

“A pigeon.” Dan corrects Mes. They continue looking out for birds, and Dan forgets about that mysterious Phil person for the time being.

After lunch, Dan takes Mes to the studio and not long after, the couple arrives, smiling and laughing. It is lovely to see that they are more at ease with Dan now than before. That is obviously also thanks to Mes, who is already running around them, eagerly taking jackets from them.

  
“You have a very nice jumper, Mes.” The man says.

“Thank you.” Mes says politely. “Phil likes it too.”

That Phil person again! Dan will have to ask Mes who that is later. Now, he needs to focus on the customers in front of him and make their maternity shoot enough fun that they will want to return with the baby for some more photos.

A couple more clients and customers come into the studio after Dan is done with the big appointment of the day. Dan works with them, and Mes is either making conversation (better than Dan has ever done in his almost thirty years of existence) or drawing something at his little desk.

Dan loves having Mes with him. A Mes-ier life, truly is a better life. It almost makes Dan despairingly sad not to have him around the next day too.

Christmas is not the time to be selfish, though – Dan decides, in true Netflix Original heroine fashion, and wraps Mes up tightly in his scarf to take him home and spend the evening reading books with him.

After the third picture book in succession, Dan leans back and closes his eyes.

“Meggie can read to you some more tomorrow.” He says tiredly.

“Or Phil.” Mes adds, and Dan is slightly more awake again.

“Who is Phil?” Dan asks.

“My friend.” Mes answers, leafing through the book on his lap.

“Your friend?” Dan has not heard that name form Mes before.

“Yes. He helps Meggie, so he is also my friend.” Dan loves Mes’ way of reasoning. It is the most loyal sentence he has ever heard any human say.

“And he likes your jumper and turtles?” Dan asks.

“Yes. I like him.” For Mes life seems very simple and straightforward. Dan is happy for him. He wishes Mes can stay like that for as long as possible. Those that like him, his friends, and nice animals are friends. Wouldn’t the world be a nice place if you could make friends as easy as that?

Dan has never been as easy as that. Actually, as far as friends and acquaintances go, Dan might have decided just as quickly for himself that the CV man is a kind man and potential… friend, because not only did he look kind – and nice, he also understood Dan’s humour.

Maybe, not all hope of easy friendships is lost for Dan. Well, the CV man would have to return for that to happen, but hope is not yet lost.

Phil’s POV 

Phil’s first reaction to his alarm clock is that of absolute glee to be included in the normal working world again.

Okay, fine. The very first reaction to his alarm clock is that of surprise, quickly followed by annoyance, which in turn is followed by turning over in bed to burry his head in his pillows.

Very quickly after that, however, Phil realises that he has put the alarm clock in order to wake up well before he needs to leave his apartment to get to the nursery. And then, very quickly, absolute glee settles over Phil.

Phil makes the painful experience that no amount of absolute glee is an insurance for an easy morning. The first thing Phil does when getting out of his bed is step on his belt and in the process of jumping up and down, clutching his foot in pain, he bangs against the bedside table with his knee and falls back onto the bed with a dramatic sigh that he has well earned.

“Let’s try this again.” Phil tells himself. He pushes all thoughts of ‘absolute glee’ out of his mind and tries to simply be reasonably excited but not to an extend that makes him unable to function.

This time around, Phil manages to avoid the belt and makes his way into the bathroom to take a shower without any further accidents. He does bang his funny bone in the shower.

Phil hisses and decides to change his strategy. All these mishaps now surely mean that he gets the bad stuff out of his system and that the rest of the day will work swimmingly.

At breakfast, Phil does not burn his tongue with the coffee which simply has to be a good sign. He has cereal and puts on The Princess Switch again. He certainly does not like the film well enough to watch it all the time, but by now, he has connected good emotions and memories to the film, so he can use it to channel some energy.

Not too late but certainly also not too soon, Phil has to stop the film in order to get to the nursery the half hour early Meggie asked him to.

On his way there, Phil worries with every new turn whether he is in the correct bus or not. Other than that, his fingers tremble a little, but with some graciousness, he can still pass as a picture of calm and collectedness.

Phil gets off the bus and looks around in panic. He quickly sees that he is at the right corner and even turns the right direction at a critical point.

Not long now, and the nursery will appear in front of him. When it does, Phil feels an additional shudder, but then, miraculously, he does calm down.

He had made it this far, he actually has the job, he is on time. Now, all he can do is approach the situation openly, be kind to the children and make most of this opportunity to leave his apartment.

Phil rings the doorbell and does not have to wait long before Meggie opens it for him.

“Punctual, I like that.” She steps aside and lets Phil enter.

“Since when have you been here?” Phil asks as he gets out of his jacket.

“Only like ten, fifteen minutes. Doesn’t matter. I usually arrive the time you just got here to heat the place and stuff.” Meggie takes his jacket from him and goes into her office.

“This is for your valuables, as in: I will lock this room when neither of us is in it.” Meggie starts the short but concise tour of her realm that Phil will now get to share with her.

“I should have warned you before I made you agree to work here, but we will have to take care of the children. So help them brush their teeth, help them on the loo in some cases, and brush their teeth.”

“No problem.” Phil said quickly.

“Lovely. I swear I am usually more organised than this, but things were a little busy lately.”

“No problem. Please don’t sack me immediately when you come to your senses. Give me some warning at least.”

“We need to work on the way you sell yourself, Phil.” Meggie shakes her head. “Oh, I can call you Phil, right? It will be easiest for the children.”

“Of course.” Phil nods.

“I am never letting go of you, you are way too easy to work with.”

“We have not yet worked together.”

“Phil, that was the perfect preparation for some self-assured comment. You are hopeless. But not for long. We will get you to be confident.”

“Perfect.” Phil laughs. He is a little bit scared because Meggie does sound very serious, but it will be fun to get challenged by her. And she does only want his best, so it will all work out marvellously. It has to! Phil is not ready to give up this position.

“The bathrooms with the tiny little lockers for all our tiny little children in need of help.” Meggie points into a very tidy and spacious bathroom. “They do not always love to be called tiny or small or little, but a little bit of teasing is always fine.”

“Noted.” Phil says. He will take care not to tease too much and gain their trust first, but it is still a relief to see how relaxed Meggie is about everything.

The tour continues in the big room where some desks can be pushed to the side for the general playtime and brought into the middle for lunch or craft activities.

“And then we have a reading nook, play area thing. The children can stand up there, but I have to sit or lie down, so it’s a reading nook for me.” Meggie explains and points through the room where behind some cupboard, there is an elevated floor – a mezzanine, if Phil can trust Grand Designs.

“That looks cosy.” Phil says.

“It really is. It is a little difficult to get back down with a gaggle of children around you, but it’s nice once you’re up there or nice to have been up there once you get down successfully.”

The tour ends in a dimly lit room that they use for nap time. Phil wonders how the children are going to fit in there, but Meggie assures him that they are all rather smaller than one imagines a functioning human to be.

“Any further questions?” Meggie asks and closes the nap-room door.

“No further questions.” Phil salutes. Meggie laughs, and Phil decides then and there that he will be friends with Meggie.

“Perfect. They will start arriving soon. You can introduce yourself to them and they will naturally get to know you over the day. Some are shyer than others, but they will all warm up to you sooner or later, I am sure.”

“Meggie!” a voice suddenly calls from the big room. Phil raises his eyebrows, but Meggie does not seem fazed.

“Oh yes. Mes is here already. His father dropped him off a little earlier.”

As soon as Meggie has said that, a small (but not tiny, as it turns out when other children start arriving) human comes running around the corner, straight into Meggie’s legs. Meggie seems to have been prepared for the impact and simply laughs while patting the small human’s back.

“This is Mes. Mes, meet Phil. He is here to play with all of you and help me.” Meggie introduces them.

“He helps you?” the boy asks. Is he really called Mes? What sort of name is that?

“Yes.” Meggie agrees.

“He is our friend.” Mes says and smiles at Phil. The name might be unusual, but Phil likes it. He likes the small boy, so he is bound to like his name as well.

“Yes.” Meggie laughs.

“I am Mes.” The boy says, still smiling at Phil. “I like your socks.”

Phil looks down at his feet and sees a mismatched pair of foxes and turtles in bright colours. Hadn’t he wanted to take care of how he dressed himself? Then again, it is probably a rather appropriate attire for working with children.

“Thank you.” Phil says to the brown-haired boy that is eagerly looking up at him. “I like your jumper.”

The boy is wearing a jumper with a minimalistic drawing of a bear’s face, which is cute and absolutely matches his curly hair.

“Thank you. My dad got it for me.” Mes says proudly.

“Mes, do you want to help lay the table?” Meggie asks, and Mes turns to her. Phil was not uncomfortable being looked at by Mes, but his stare truly is intense as well.

“Yes!” Mes shouts and sprints into the big room. Phil follows them. This is going to be fun and what is more, it’s going to be possible.

Throughout the day, Phil’s initial impression and hope solidifies. Yes. This is fun and it is possible too.

Phil gets along with the children well. There are of course some shyer ones among them, but he has elicited smiles from almost everyone. Some have only smiled when he walked into a wall, but a smile is a smile!

The most surprising and lovely thing that happens continuously is Mes visiting Phil regularly as if to make sure that everything is alright with him.

“Are you having fun?” Mes asks.

“Yes.” Phil replies with a smile, it is fun colouring butterflies with a group of toddlers. When Mes walks away again, Phil thinks that maybe he should be the one to make sure that Mes is having fun, not the other way around.

Phil is eager to turn things around, but at lunch, he is busy with cleaning messy hands and after lunch, he cannot seem to find Mes anywhere.

Phil walks over to where Meggie is looking over some children building blocks and asks her: “Has Mes already been collected?”

“Yes. His father came early.”

“Mes is a caring boy.” Phil says vaguely.

“Yes. He is. He is like that with virtually anyone. He likes to take care of people, but he also likes to be taken care of. Now that he thinks you’re his friend, he will take care of you as much as you can take care of him.” Meggie explains.

“Ah.” Phil smiles. “Is it okay for me to be friends with him?”

“Sure. We keep it professional, but I don’t see anything wrong with being friends.”

After this short conversation, Meggie is called over to a table where two children have glued themselves to the table in an attempt to glue glitter onto some paper. Meggie is the master of the situation, and Phil is in charge of keeping enough children busy that she can work her glue-feeing wonders in peace and quiet.

It ends up feeling like a very long day, which, Meggie assures him, is perfectly normal for the first day, and is also mainly due to the fact that Phil has arrived when it was still dark and is making his way home when it’s already dark again.

December can be rather ruthless with the dark hours, but Phil does think it’s festive too.

A festive atmosphere can very easily change into a lonely atmosphere, as Phil once again experiences. It is fine. He is on his own at home, but he will get to see humans regularly, talk to people and make some friends.

Maybe, he will wind up making friends with people a little closer to his age too. But for the first day, having made friends with Meggie and Mes is already a good result.

Phil will not make the mistake to become greedy. He also will not jump to a way bigger hurdle and think he can suddenly win over people just because he has made two friends. At the very least, the photographer is certainly a level too high for Phil, yet.


	8. 08.12.2020

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy the chapter and stay safe! :) I will see you tomorrow or in the comments! <3 Take care! xx

** Tuesday, 8th of December 2020  **

Sometimes, Dan manages to get up just when his alarm clock politely suggests that that would be indeed a good idea.

Usually, in order for him to succeeded with getting up, something urgent needs to be on his to-do list. It does help if he has not slept the evening before because it has been pressing on his mind so much, but occasionally, a good night’s sleep could also be combined with getting up successfully.

Today, the matter on Dan’s mind is the blog post he has nearly finished the day before and can now upload. He has reminded himself before falling asleep that he would have to get up on time in order to have time to edit and upload before he has to take Mes to the nursery.

That seems to have been enough of a reminder for Dan to remember the goal he set himself when the alarm rings in the morning. He does of course not welcome the alarm piercing through his dream, but he is thankful to be woken on time so that he has a genuine chance to get to work on the blog.

Knowing himself very well, Dan first gets ready completely and makes himself a cup of coffee before sitting down in front of his computer to read over the blog entry.

It is always surprising how much time he actually has in the morning if he is awake minutes after the alarm wakes him. Usually, it takes at least twenty minutes for him to accept defeat and greet the day, but on the rare day like today, Dan is awake as instantaneously as he is capable of and can actually use the minutes effectively.

Just because Dan has realised anew that the time in the morning can be well spend does not mean, that he will come running to Meggie and tell her all about it. He is not stupid. She would only use that against him in the future with patronising variations of ‘I told you so’ and other wise phrases.

No, Dan will use these exceptional days well, but he will keep them for himself as to not give Meggie ideas to schedule her visits even earlier, for example.

By the time Dan has had all these highly significant thoughts, his computer is finally ready to open his documents. He really should think about getting a new one, but for as long as this one is still willing to somewhat cooperate, he should not chide him too much. He might as well give up premature because he is sulking and with the amount of pictures, he has on it that he still needs to work with, that would be absolutely tragic.

Dan opens his blog preparations and then starts working. He glances on the clock in the top corner of his screen and sees that he does not have masses of time before he needs to take Mes to the nursery.

Thankfully, the blog is really almost done already, and it only needs a little tweaking before Dan can upload it.

It always feels funny to upload a blog knowing that people might or might not read what he has written. They might or might not take offence to what he has written, and they might or might not enjoy his efforts.

Dan refreshes the page as usual to check whether it was successfully uploaded and sees that two other people have commented on the previous posts. Both are short and tell him they enjoy reading someone with a similar opinion to them.

The first comment Dan has received, seems to have encouraged others to comment as well. Dan smiles, likes the comments, and shuts down his computer to go and wake Mes.

“Good morning little cocoon goop.” Dan sits down on Mes’ bed and strokes his head gently. “My little wrapped up pre-butterfly goop.”

Mes slowly opens his eyes and as usual, Dan’s heart feels light when he smiles at him.

“There you are, goop. Are you ready to transform into a beautiful social butterfly?”

Dan can see that Mes is registering that it’s Dan’s voice that’s speaking to him, but the meaning of his words does not seem to be registering with him. Then again, would the meaning register with anyone?

“Here we go.” Dan says and pulls the cocooned Mes onto his lap. “Are we ready to start the day?” Dan asks.

“Yes.” Mes says, which means he is miles ahead of Dan once again.

“Good.” Dan says. “Let’s get you dressed and have breakfast.”

Mes unwraps himself from the blanket and jumps down from Dan’s lap.

“Wow. A beautiful butterfly!” Dan says and snatches Mes up to whirl him around for a short while.

“You are silly, dad.” Mes says delightedly.

Eventually, Dan manages to concentrate and get Mes dressed. They have breakfast together and Mes talks about the things he wants to do at the nursery.

Dan is having some food too, because he is going on a trip to take pictures of a couple in front of the townhall they married in. So he will need some nourishment before he reaches his trusty café next to his studio.

On the way to the nursery, they count green cars instead of looking out for animals. There are only eleven green cars that pass them, so Mes actually manages to count all on his own. He calls out: “Ten-one!” at the eleventh car, but Dan takes that as a very obvious sign of how clever Mes is for being able to do simple maths already.

When Dan tells Meggie as much, she rolls her eyes but does pat Mes’ head as well.

“You are early again.” Meggie comments and looks at Dan taking off Mes’ jacket.

“I will have to work – a T.R.I.P., if you want.” Dan explains.

“You do treat Mes as if he is your dog an awful lot.” Meggie whispers. Dan punches her and ignores the comment.

“I don’t know why they would have me go there. It is quite far away.”

“Maybe, your pictures are good?” Meggie asks and crosses her arms in front of her chest.

“Right.”

“Believe in yourself, or you’ll suffer the consequences.” Meggie warns.

“Yes, yes, not achieving my biggest dreams… I know.”

“I meant my fists, but yours is good too.” Meggie laughs. “You are a good photographer.”

“The best!” Mes chimes in and hugs Dan’s legs.

“Thank you, Mes.” Dan pats his head. “Be a good boy. You can call me at lunch if you want.”

Dan crouches down and kisses Mes’ cheek and gets kissed in return.

“You made him want to call you.” Meggie whispers into Dan’s ear when he stands back up.

“Guilty as charged.” Dan whispers back. “He can call me though, right?”

“Yes. If we can manage it without attracting too much attention.”

“I heard you have help now.” Dan wiggles his eyebrows.

“Phil is a cool dude.” Meggie says somewhat voluntarily.

“Not a cool _man_?” Dan wiggles his eyebrows some more.

“Shut up.” Meggie flicks his forehead.

“I will see you later, Mes.” Dan says and turns to leave.

“No! Wait!” Mes says and grabs Dan’s hand.

“Why?”

“I want you to meet my friend.”

“Phil?” Dan asks.

“Yes.” Mes nods eagerly.

“I am sorry, love. I really need to get going now. I will meet you friend another day. Have fun today.” Dan says and gently frees himself from Mes’ grip.

Contrary to his many fears, the couple Dan photographs over three quarters of an hour bus ride away from his studio turns out to be very easy to work with. They are kind and excited about being photographed. They listen to his suggestions and are not even overly in his face with how legitimately in love they are with each other.

Townhalls are not an unheard-of photo location. Usually, people take pictures right after getting married, but the couple took a gamble and wished for snow, which they obviously did not get, they are in the south of England in early December, after all, but there are now Christmas decorations on the picture which pleases the bride immensely and therefore make the groom happy too.

She seems positively obsessed with Christmas, but the groom bares it well and supports her.

Per chance, Dan actually gets talking with the couple and learns that the woman is knee-deep in some nativity play preparations. It does surprise him a little, but Dan feels good to have his preconception that everyone obsessed with Christmas is nothing more than a victim of commerce corrected.

“Take care, you two. I will drop you a line when the pictures are ready to be collected.” Dan says and pulls his jacket tighter around him.

“Thank you a billion times for doing this with us. I will recommend you to everyone I know.” The woman smiles.

“That’s a threat.” The man adds and pats Dan’s shoulder. This is the first time in Dan’s life that this does not feel like an overbearingly display of masculinity but like a friendly pat of appreciation.

“Thank you.” Dan smiles and waves before walking towards his bus stop.

Back in the studio, Dan quickly saves the pictures both on his computer and a trusty external storage. If his computer could, he would be shivering with old age. Best not to put his entire faith in him anymore.

Dan talks a client through different portrait options after that, and then it’s not long until his phone rings, announcing that Margaret the Great is calling him.

“Hello?” Dan answers the phone.

“It’s me, dad!” Mes says. Dan can practically see him holding the phone with both hands, pressing it against his cheek, making it look like he is talking on a tablet.

“How are you?” Dan asks.

“Very good! Did you take good pictures?”

“I tried.” Dan laughs.

“Did someone hold the light for you?”

“No. I did not need light. When the customer comes for his picture later, I will make sure to set up the cold light.”

“Not the warm?” Mes asks. “Will you not be cold?”

“No. The colour of the light will be cold. I have the heating on. It is very warm here.” Dan explains, desperately trying to stop himself from laughing.

“Why is it cold?” Mes asks.

“The light? It frames the face nicely and brings out the contours well.”

“Is warm light heavier than cold light?” Mes asks.

“No.” Dan answers. “I can switch the settings on the same light to turn it from warm into cold.”

“Wow.” Mes says and then switches to speaking about the lunch he is going to have in a second. Dan tells him what he is having and then Mes says goodbye.

Dan can hear him carry the phone back to Meggie.

“Later.” Meggie whispers into the phone and ends the call. Dan laughs and puts his phone away.

He grabs a couple of sandwiches from Tesco nearby, as he has told Mes, and goes back to the studio to get on with watching the list of Christmas films he has promised his readers.

Dan does not manage to finish the film, but he has a good grasp of what to write about already which will make the actual process of writing the blog a whole lot easier.

He deals with his customers and then goes to the nursery as quickly as possible. He closes a tiny bit earlier as to not leave Meggie waiting after hours for too long.

Meggie smiles at him and turns to speak to other parents after they have exchanged some sentences about work. She looks less tense than before that Phil started working with her, but she is also still stressed.

Then again, aren’t all people in England predestined to be stressed during December? There always seems to be too much going on and too much to do on the highly unnecessary lists of what to complete until a certain deadline.

Like blog posts for instance. Dan pushes that thought away and grabs Mes’ hand. This is not the time to worry. He can do that when Mes is asleep. The time with him, Dan does not allow himself to spend worrying about meaningless things, like self-imposed deadlines.

They head home first, but Mes is full of energy still, so Dan adds a pair of gloves to his outfit and then they go outside again. Mes has some very convincing arguments for why he should get roasted almonds (them being that he wants them), so Dan buys them a bag of roasted almonds he feeds Mes every few meters.

They stop eating when they get into a park in order for Dan to chase Mes through some piles of leaves. Mes is quick. Dan is obviously quicker, but he has to admit that Mes’ stamina seems to be better by far.

He does not have to admit that out loud though, he can simply ask Mes if he wants another almond and he stops running just in time for Dan to catch his breath, pretend that he is fit, and gently steer Mes back home.

If they are going to have dinner, they should get home now. It is not terribly late but certainly late enough for a four-year-old to be fed and put to sleep.

Mes runs nearly all the way home, but Dan notices that if he doesn’t think too much about it, he can easily follow him and keep up with him. That would not have been possible four years ago. He has certainly become more fit with Mes around.

At home, Dan makes them some pasta before quickly disappearing to the bathroom. When he opens the door, Mes calls: “Dinner!” out of the kitchen, and Dan starts smiling widely. As long as he has Mes in his life, he will never not be lonely or experience lack of entertainment.

Even if the CV man does not come back, he will be very happy.

No, that’s not what happened. Dan did not just think about the CV man again. He has banished him from his thoughts and can barely remember his laugh at all.

Dan slaps his cheek not so lightly and quickly joins Mes in the kitchen who happily demonstrates that he can suck a cup into his chin and hold it without laughing. He does spill most of the water onto his pyjamas when he starts laughing at Dan rubbing his eyes in disbelief, but a new set of pyjamas has never ruined any of their evenings.

Phil’s POV 

So, what Phil meant to do is wake up nice and early, get ready for his second day at work calmly and collectedly and leave on time to be with Meggie soon after she opens the nursery.

So, it is not Phil’s plan that is off. It is circumstances that soil his oh so clever and well thought through plan. It is the universe that simply doesn’t want him to succeed without major hardships in this first proper job he has ever had.

Phil’s plan starts derailing not quite as soon as that he fails to get up when his alarm rings. In fact, he even manages to take a shower and is on his way into the kitchen to make himself a cup of tea when it crumbles.

The reason for this deterioration of Phil’s carefully laid out schedule is nothing other than a mail notification for a new blog post.

Phil lets out a somewhat embarrassing yelp when he reads that notification, but other than that, he reacts completely normally. He runs into the kitchen and sets everything into motion for a speedy breakfast.

Actually, he will not have breakfast, because that would cut down the time he could spend reading the blog. He does need coffee though. While the coffee is brewing, Phil shovels down a few handfuls of dry cereal and quickly drinks a glass of water. That should see him through the morning. In any case, in this situation, nourishment is not nearly as important to Phil as the blog is.

When the coffee is finally done, Phil adds some pumpkin spice syrup and milk and quickly slides into the living room, careful not to spill (too much).

He opens his computer and opens the blog. Yes. There is a new entry.

For Phil, a new blog is always a little like a garden with a fresh layer of snow where no one has yet left their traces.

He clutches the coffee and scrolls down to start reading today’s entry.

**A Wish for Christmas – or how you wished you’d spent these one and a half hours doing something differently**

Lately, the author was obsessed with puns in the title, but Phil would be lying if he says he doesn’t love it. Puns are perfectly easy to create and understand, but they are still the funniest comedic device.

What else is there that makes you simultaneously roll your eyes, shake your head at the creator of the pun, hope they come to harm, take that thought back immediately because you are only jealous not to have made the pun yourself, and eventually wish to move on from the one joke that took up way too much thinking space.

Phil is of course inclined to like everything this author presents him with, but he still goes through the same emotions any good pun evokes before he continues reading the blog post.

**At first, I need to put a disclaimer: This blog post is about the cinematic masterpiece that is A Wish for Christmas (staring Gretchen from Mean Girls), it is not, as you might wrongly assume about the other cinematic masterpiece A Christmas Wish – which will in turn duly be covered at some later point, I can promise.**

**Now that we have successfully reinstated which film I will be talking about in this blog post, we can get right into it and start with praising the genius musical choices made in this film. The first, and frankly speaking, maybe worst offence this film attempts to get away with, is right at the beginning. I don’t think, I have ever listened to a Christmas song that very much took away from any joy for Christmas I was harbouring, instead of adding to it. This film does it and that in the first five minutes – try and beat that! I don’t mean that the singer of the song is absolutely talentless, I do, however, say that they did not let the slightest bit of talent shine through in this song. The other two memorable songs that featured and did not ruin the mood of the film (because there wasn’t anything to ruin in the first place), were a Hark the Herold Angels Sing performance and a Joy to the World rendition. Two people were ‘harking’ in not too perfect unison which makes the rendition, if not enjoyable, at least realistic. And well, the rejoicing singers, a man and a woman, make you wonder why they have not yet received a Grammy, or not. They did not make me wonder about that, but I suppose some might have wondered. Even if the songs were from my unprofessional stance absolutely sub-par, I, first of all, did not expect much more, and second of all, at least they chose good carols! The film subsequently fails to listen even for a second to what the carols make out to be the meaning of Christmas, but that would be asking for too much, I agree. _Joy to the world, the lord has come_ might as well mean Santa, according to the interpretation of this film. _Hark the Herold angels sing, glory to the new-born king_ – who knows if this is not about a knight-in-shining-armour-prince-charming person, so a boss that seems to not like Christmas, but actually has a tragic back story and ends up bringing Christmas joy to his workers after all because the female lead inspired him to do so. In that case, the film’s interpretation would be bang on, of course! **

Phil takes a sip of coffee before scrolling down to continue reading. He already knows that he will have these two carols stuck in his head for at least the rest of the day. He might as well end up not getting rid of them until after Christmas. Festive songs have a habit of not letting go of their victim for quite some time, in Phil’s experience.

**I got a little carried away with that summary of the film. You cannot appreciate just how bad this film is with me starting somewhere in the middle. So, the film sets out with our dramatic heroine buying coffee (in appalling looking coffee cups, more on that, as always, later. I have an ‘Antoni’-section in this post as I do in all of my others, do not you worry!), and dissing her boss in the elevator for not liking Christmas. The real action, however, picks up speed when our heroine meets a _real_ Santa at the Christmas party of the office and receives a Christmas WishTM which she uses to wish she was braver and spoke her mind more often – cue her ruining the mood at the party because she tells the truth about Christmas all year being her stroke of a genius (is that a genius having a stroke or a genius making a stroke with a pen on paper? One of the many questions this film does not answer). In this prime example, we can see our wall-flower push-over transforming into a push-over herself – how I love some good development! **

**The next morning, Gretchen, thinking she has ruined everything, packs her things and refuses to listen to her boss’ apology (because it would be him that apologises of course!). She takes the elevator down only to be met by her boss! What follows is the best piece of dialogue ever written and performed by mankind: “How did you…?” “Stairs.” “Oh.” _Standing ovation!_ **

**The bad boy stealing her ideas ends up being fired and it is Gretchen (her name is not Gretchen in this, which would be funny of course… I simply cannot remember another generic name, do forgive me) that is destined to accompany the Christmas-hating boss on a business trip deciding about the future of _everyone_. Okay, retelling the movie one by one is too much work and I actually get even more sleepy than I was watching this, so let us focus on the real criteria for a good film: small children and food. **

**There is one small child at a car renting station (where Gretchen bullies the shop clerk into renting out a car that is technically not available) that likes her earrings. That is all! Of course, this child is utterly insignificant to the general plotline, which means she is the best character in the entire film, but she is also the only one! This film does not do well on the necessary children appearances which explains a lot about its general lacking points, if you ask me!**

**The second point, food, we at least have a lot to dissect. I have already mentioned the (evidently empty) coffee-cups. Then there is hot chocolate topped with a candy cane and a snowman made out of marshmallows. I think I speak for everyone when I say that that looks diabetes-inducing and not delicious.**

Phil grins widely at this. It does happen, he notices again, that he does not see eye to eye with the blog. From that description alone, the hot chocolate sounds nice. Phil will watch the film later and judge for himself again.

For what it’s worth, not agreeing with the author actually makes Phil rather happy. He does still have his own opinions, it’s just that, usually, they are insanely in sync with each other.

**Right after that hot chocolate fiasco that is taking place at the boss’ family home, where Gretchen boldly invited herself to (classic), we get to enjoy a bland cookie icing scene. They are all a lot less arty than their conversation makes them out to be. But if that was still pardonable, layering a thin biscuit with at least three times the amount of sugar is not a clever or especially culinary move, but sure, go for it. I am not going to tell you to change your diet and learn to appreciate tastes of food without pounds of sugar added to them.**

**A store-bought-made-out-as-homemade pumpkin pie also features in the background of one (unsignificant) scene, but the real deal-breaker is the Christmas dinner the boss serves to his workers that obviously have to work over Christmas back from the time where Gretchen had not yet shown him what Christmas was all about. The Christmas dinner is composed of cold platters. I will leave it at that, no description of mine could make you any sadder than that plain statement.**

**The food and song experiences take away from the film so that you are left with a negative at the end, but the cinematic world is like that. Some films give and some take, or something like that.**

**Lastly, I want to share my absolute favourite scene of the whole movie. Gretchen fighting with unassuming staff is of course always an experience, but the spotlight is certainly on the emotional father-son reunion. You must know, it was at Christmas one year where the father demanded the son to follow in his footsteps, but the son decided to follow his dream (and lead some generic office in a big city). Now, at the worst Christmas dinner I have ever seen, they reunite, and all differences are forgot. The best bit about this is the sour look from the mother. She does not look happy about the reunion at all which makes me think she plotted for the two of them to fall out and their reunion soils her plans of world-domination, or something equally as substantial.**

**There you have it. I suppose the best thing about this film is that it steals 84 minutes of your time and not any more than that. The songs sound bad, the food looks bad, and the relationships are not enviable. Maybe this film was designed to show you how lovely your real life actually is.**

**This film certainly evokes all sorts of emotions, so I guess its work is done. My work here is also done. Now, it is up to you to either watch the film, agree with me, disagree with me, or not watch the film and live in the knowledge of having missed absolutely nothing. I’ll leave it in your hands. Farewell now and until soon (that is as much of a concrete promise you’ll ever get from me!).**

Phil’s fingers itch to put on the film and immediately look out for all the things highlighted in the blog post. He does not have time for that, of course.

He also does not have time to read the blog post again, but he does that anyways, no matter how much he will regret that later.

It turns out he regrets it a whole lot. For regret to settle over Phil, it really does not take long. He closes his computer after a third quick read-through of the blog and notices that in an ideal world, he would have wanted to already be at the nursery by now.

That ideal world implied the absence of a blog post, or the blog entirely, so it was hardly ideal, really, but Phil cannot continue thinking about that. He really needs to get a move on and hope that Meggie is not all too mad at him.

Phil immediately grabs all the things he needs in order to survive outside and in order to be able to return inside. Yesterday’s trip to the nursery was quicker, but then, he did not have such a nice morning because of the absence of a blog post.

If Phil gets to keep his job, this day will be one of the good ones. Days with a blog post in them usually were.

Meggie opens the door with a stressed but still friendly smile. “You’re here. Perfect.” Meggie says. Before Phil can apologise, she pulls him inside and helps him out of his jacket. “Be an angel and entertain the lot. I need to go and do some office stuff.”

“You are not looking for my replacement, are you?” Phil asks, clutching his jacket in his hand.

“No.” Meggie pulls the jacket out of his hands. “I am in fact organising your payment.”

“Oh. Thanks.”

“Not at all, and now, off you run. There are people in dire need of entertainment.”

Phil does as he is told and ends up reading out stories to the children. Meggie is back way quicker than she has made it sound like, but that is a relief, anyways, so Phil is happy.

It is only his second day, but he already feels a bit better equipped to help out in a nursery. The only thing he is not sure about it whether he is really fit to take care of this many children at once. Meggie’s return is not only welcome, it’s absolutely necessary.

Meggie does not leave him again the entire morning. They are busy at different stations, but they are working together.

It is only at lunch, that Meggie gestures something to him, which cannot mean much else than for Phil to keep an eye on everyone, while she takes Mes’ hand and takes him to the foyer. She returns without Mes a short while later and waves Phil towards her.

“He’s talking to his father. Better not let the others hear, though. I will keep them busy.” Meggie says.

Phil is now standing in such a way that he cannot see but hear what Mes is saying into the phone.

“Very good! Did you take good pictures?” Mes asks. He does not sound unhappy at all. So he is not unwell and asked Meggie to call his father because of that. That is a relief at least.

“Did someone hold the light for you?” is Mes’ next question. Mes sounds interested and eager to learn in his conversation with his father. Phil thinks it’s lovely that Mes has such a strong support system at home. It is good to know that Mes is loved.

Phil continues listening to Mes talking about warm and cold light for a while. Then he finally notices that it is not terribly kind to eavesdrop like this, so he concentrates on the scene in front of him and actually even nearly misses Mes passing in front of him.

Mes hands Meggie his phone. She whispers something into it and then pushes it into her pocket. She smiles at Phil, who returns the smile. It looks a little conspiring, the smile. Either she has a secret deal with Mes’ father, or he has wormed his way into her heart, or she simply does not want to be run down by excited children that suddenly all want to call their parents or guardians.

At the end of the day, Phil has read out some more, helped with crafting, and most importantly, feels at home in the nursery. Every now and then, Mes comes to his aid and shows him where the glue sticks are, like the angel he is, but other than that, Phil manoeuvres himself very well.

Phil can see that Mes is putting on his jacket. He is intend on catching a glimpse of the person raising Mes to be such a kind little man, but after he quickly fetches a pair of mittens that was used for a play version of oven gloves, Mes is gone already.

Phil says goodbye to Meggie after everyone has left and makes his way home.

He was right. The day has been good. It has had the blog post in it and it has not deteriorated since then. He is happy and feels content.

At home, he immediately opens his computer and reads through the blog post again. Next, he puts on the film and leaves the blog open to refer to it while watching the film.

Maybe, it is good that Phil is on his own. He cannot think of anyone that would tolerate this behaviour when watching a film.

For a few moments, this view of things makes Phil happy. But then, he leans back into the sofa and snuggles into his blanket and thinks that it would be rather nice to have someone there with him. A warm presence he could cuddle with.

This train of thought makes Phil a little too sad, so he focuses on the film again and relaxes after a day that was at least to two thirds spent on either too small chairs or hunched over in order to speak to people that were a quarter of his height.

When the film is over, Phil has a look at some documents Martyn sent him, prepares himself dinner and starts the movie again while eating.

That is not too sad, is it? Phil likes spending his time like this!

Phil sighs and places his empty plate onto the coffee table. He does like spending his time like this, but over time, it would certainly also make him sad. Phil wants someone to be in his life. He wants someone he can joke with, share memories with, someone he can love.

Maybe, Phil needs to listen to some bits of what his mother and Martyn said. Maybe, he needs to get out there and meet people.

  
He has met people before! He has met the photographer! He likes the photographer. The photographer is more than just likely out of his league, but he will not be physically harmed in shooting his shot, unless the photographer has some boyfriend that does not take lightly to his boyfriend being flirted with.

The more Phil thinks about it, the more certain he is that the photographer must have a boyfriend or partner of sorts. He is too kind, friendly, and plain gorgeous to be alone.

Phil bites his lip, thinking hard. In the end, he decides that he will go back to &Son’s studio and try to see whether the photographer is single and if he is, he can ask him out. Easy as that. He will have to show initiative if he ever wants his circumstance to change. He cannot let this chance pass him by.

That is, of course, a whole lot of encouragement for a simple action, which is very simply due to the fact that approaching not just anyone but someone Phil has somehow already managed to develop a crush on, is infinitely scarier.


	9. 09.12.2020

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are, you lovely people! :) Enjoy the chapter and have a good day! See you tomorrow (or in the comments :D). Take care and stay safe! xx

** Wednesday, 9th of December 2020 **

Dan’s POV 

“Wake up, Dan. You’re going to be late.”

“Just a little more.” Dan answers and jolts awake.

That’s the thing with dream and reality blending into each other. Dan can easily listen to others speak and feel like it is really happening, but as soon as he answers something, the fragile thought construct falls apart.

Dan sits up and unlocks his phone to stop the alarm from ringing. It is five minutes before it would have rung. Dan never loves being awake before his time, but that is not the main issue he has with this situation.

Dan has made himself wake up because he answered a person in his dream with that part of his body that was already one foot out in the real world. The problem is that the person Dan answered is no one other than the CV man.

Usually, Dan is not a very skilled at remembering dreams but today, luck would have it that he remembers in a shockingly detailed way just what dream world he has just kicked himself out of.

Dan’s dream has featured this very room (he was evidently not even creative enough while sleeping to think of a whole entire new room). Dan was in this exact position. He was lying in his bed, dreading to wake up, but in the dream, he was not alone. There was someone close next to him. Someone that was gently stroking his hair. In fact, Dan now remembers that the cushion he finds himself clutching even now, had the glorious role of being CV man’s arm in his dream.

Okay. That’s enough. Dan needs to forget all about that dream immediately.

On the off chance that the CV man might some day maybe return, he could not meet him face to face if the last thing he had done was fantasise about him. This dream has been tame and maybe no one could really oppose to feature in that way, but Dan is still a strong believer in consent.

It is bad enough that he cannot control his sub-conscious and therefore ends up dreaming about the CV man in the first place, but he can stop now and at least not dwell on the image or encourage further fantasies.

Of course, the dream was one of the nicer ones Dan’s has had in the past year or so. He had not been chased by anything, had not felt like drowning with no water in sight, and had for once not fallen down something.

But the reasons not to repeat the experience were billion times more important, so Dan forced himself out of his bed and took as cold a shower he could stand.

Feeling refreshed, which was the adult way of saying shivering with cold because he just punished himself with a cold shower, Dan quickly gets dressed in the warmest jumper he can find. He pulls on socks and pants and quickly makes his way into the kitchen to make himself some coffee.

He has lost a little bit of time with the shower that was not scheduled for the morning, but it is still alright. Now, he needs Mes to cooperate and they will be at the nursery swiftly.

The issue with Dan’s amazing plans is that they are not thought through at all. They are ideal scenarios not accounting for anything life has in store.

Today, Dan can actually put a name to the things life has in store: Mes.

For some unknown reason, Mes decides to be difficult. Well, he behaves like any normal human should behave when they are woken from their sleep. His eyes widen in sadness and he tries to hide deeper in his blanket.

“I am so sorry.” Dan says and gently strokes Mes’ head. “Can I give you a good morning hug?”

Mes reluctantly climbs out of the covers and onto Dan’s lap. Dan cuddles him tightly and hopes the cooler air does not startle Mes too much.

“Let’s get you dressed up warmly and then we can go and see Meggie.”

Dan has not said anything bad, anything that even vaguely includes a threat or something unpleasant, and yet, Mes starts sniffling almost instantly and clings to Dan’s neck.

“What’s wrong, Mes?” Dan asks and pats his back softly. “Are you in pain?” 

Mes whines some more and his tiny hands grab tighter, pulling on Dan’s hair a little.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Dan asks and takes Mes’ arms off around his shoulders. “Are you tired?”

Mes’ forehead scrunches up. Dan needs to stop him from crying. That would be too exhausting for both of them.

“I am tired too.” Dan says cheerfully. “We will have some breakfast and then you’ll feel better.”

Things are looking better for a short while, but then, when Dan dares to address the subject of the nursery again, Mes bursts into tears.

Dan can feel the panic rising in himself. Did something happen at the nursery? Why is Mes so unhappy about going there?

Dan lifts Mes into his arms and holds him tightly. He takes out his phone and calls Meggie. Mes is crying less violently now, but Dan can already feel his thick jumper dampening up.

“Good morning.” Dan says cheerily.

“To what do I owe this pleasure?” Meggie asks, even early in the morning her delightfully suspicious self.

“There seems to be a problem concerning Mes’ attendance today.”

“Oh?” Meggie sounds a little concerned now.

“I am not sure what it is, but I know that Mes will not come to the nursery today.” Dan can feel Mes quiet down a little in his arms, but his crying must have been loud enough for Meggie to hear on the other end.

“I can’t think of anything that upset Mes.” Meggie tells Dan.

“It might just have been a bad dream. I’ve been there.” Dan pats Mes’ bum with the hand that is slowly starting to struggle holding him up.

“Take good care of him for me, then.”

“Pretty sure you saying that inverses our roles.” Dan laughs.

“I worry about him and it would have been my task to take care of him today. Just do your best, Dan.”

“Pressure.” Dan mumbles.

“Be yourself. Be the great dad Mes cannot bear to leave right now, not even for the one and only Meggie in his life.”

“Have a good day.” Dan says, ever unable to react in any other way that awkward to any remotely positive remark made towards him.

“You too.” Meggie says and hangs up.

Dan puts his phone onto the table and shifts Mes over to his other side so that the other arm can help holding him up.

“Are you feeling a little better?” Dan asks Mes and observes how his eyes dart around a little, lips quivering again.

“We will sing some carols, and then, we’ll go to the studio.”

Mes’ lips predictably stop quivering. He still looks a little unsure though. “The studio?”

“Yes. If you are up for that.” Dan can stay home with him for a day too, but it does not seem like Mes is particularly sick.

“Yes.” Mes says quietly. Dan hugs him tightly and then puts him down to go to the living room for a singing session.

After the somewhat challenging start into the day, everything runs almost smoothly afterwards.

The entire way to the studio, Mes sticks closely to Dan and looks around himself frequently. This just reminds Dan to never abuse his trust and take him someplace he promised they wouldn’t go. Mes deserves to know what is happening and that he can trust his father when he says he is taking him to the studio.

In the studio, Mes is decidedly clingier than on normal days. Mes knows the studio very well and certainly does not need Dan to pick out a book for him to read, but Dan indulges him. Hopefully, Mes will feel comfortable rather sooner than later when Dan takes care of him in this way.

Dan is not sure how well he would have coped with a skittish Mes the entire day, but soon, customers arrive and Mes’ curiosity gets the better of him, and he approaches Dan, hiding behind his legs but soon thawing up to asks his usual questions about favourite animals.

After asking this highly important question, Mes disappears back to his drawing station, and Dan starts taking pictures of his customers. It is all very straightforward, does take a while though, because there are two grown adults that need their picture taken.

At the end, Dan goes through the pictures with his customers when something tugs on his pant leg.

“Dad?” Mes whispers.

“Yes?” Dan asks. He smiles at the customers but not necessarily apologetically. Especially today, he does not want Mes to think he is something he needs to apologise for.

“I drew something.” Mes is still whispering, but quite loudly too so that everyone in the room can understand him with no problems.

“That’s nice. What did you draw?” Dan asks stepping away from the counter to look at Mes properly.

Mes smiles a little and then straightens his (tiny!) shoulders before turning to the customers. “For you.” He says, holding out the picture.

“For us?”

“Yes. Your favourite animals.” Mes explains, still holding out the picture. They take the picture from him and melt on the spot, as does Dan.

He pulls Mes against his legs and hugs him tightly. What a tiny, considerate human he gets to call his son!

Dan’s customers thank Mes and Dan repeatedly and wish them the most blessed Christmas which Dan appreciates. He picks Mes up and they wave at the customers until they are out of sight.

After this first interaction, Mes becomes livelier again. Dan is relieved to see that Mes is not truly unwell. He has been unhappy in the morning, but it was nothing some time with his father could not have fixed.

Some more customers and clients pop into the shop, but after lunch there is no business to keep either of them entertained.

Dan starts with reading a story out to Mes, who insists on sitting on Dan’s lap, so he does still feel a little tender, but other than that he is certainly not scared as he has been when thinking he had to go to the nursery.

Once they are done with the story, Dan decides to make a small impromptu photoshoot with Mes. He is not spoiling him, he hopes. Dan simply wants Mes to have a lovely day. After all, waking up unhappy is a big opponent to defeat. He needs something just as big and pleasant to counter it.

Dan positions Mes in front of the various Christmas-sy backgrounds they have created in the studio. Mes is a picture-perfect little boy with his soft curls and plump cheeks, big eyes and adorable little nose. He is so perfect in fact, that Dan has first taken offence on Mes’ part when his mother had said they look exactly alike.

The photoshoot ends with a very happy and content Mes. Dan quickly saves the pictures on his computer (that only died twice the entire day, which is not bad!) to send them to various people in his family either immediately or as a Christmas present.

It is dark outside now and certainly almost time to close the studio. Dan waits his self-imposed quarter of an hour to see if anyone still wants to come inside. A couple does suddenly arrive, and Dan can inform them about potential photo sessions. They listen intently, and Dan gives himself reason to hope that they might become customers.

While the couple is looking at a few pieces of photography on the walls, Dan already puts Mes into his jacket. He helps him with putting on his hat and wraps a scarf around his neck.

Together, Dan, Mes, and the couple leave the studio. Dan has to dash back inside to switch off one final light and locks the door while Mes is waiting for him.

Well, he thought that Mes was waiting for him. When he turns around, Dan sees that Mes has followed the couple halfway down the street already.

“Troublemaker.” Dan mumbles, puts the keys into his pocket, tightens his bag and tries to catch up with Mes.

Suddenly, he collides with someone.

“Sorry.” Dan says quickly and looks at his victim. It’s the CV man! “I am so sorry.”

“You’re closed…”

“Yes. And I have a fugitive. That’s the good thing about dogs, you can put them on a leash.” Dan rambles quickly. “Sorry. Would you mind coming back tomorrow?” Dan asks.

“Sure.” CV man smiles, and Dan feels rooted to the spot. He can only hope that CV man did not notice.

Dan smiles and waves somewhat pathetically before turning around to catch Mes. It is a bit of a shame. He certainly would have liked to talk more to the man.

When Dan finally catches Mes, he allows himself to freak out a little at the prospect of seeing CV man again the next day.

Dan has not only briefly seen CV man again today, he will also see him again the next day! Of course, that does not yet mean for certain that CV man is in any way interested, but a man can dream.

Yes, a man can, but no, Dan will not encourage further dreams of the sort he has had this morning.

Phil’s POV

Maybe, it is rather an indication that Phil is usually more or less sloppy, when him getting up only five minutes after his alarm has rung makes him want to celebrate. Really, on most days, getting up at all is an absolute achievement. Today, simply because he was horrendously late yesterday, he celebrates the act of getting up – which, yes, is pathetic.

Then again, nobody gets to care about what happens in the comfort of Phil’s home, so if he feels like he deserves a pat on the back for getting up in the morning, surely, he is allowed to give himself said pat.

Phil walks out of his room and into the bathroom. He sighs. The sentence ‘comfort of his home’ does calm him, but the fact that the comfort of his home implies that he will be completely unobserved and alone does make him more or less a little sad.

If he had someone with him in the comfort of his home, he would not have to give himself that pat on the back. Either, the other person could deliver the pat, or, even better, Phil would have something he actively enjoyed getting up for and would not feel the need to be praised for such an achievement.

Phil sighs some more and quickly silences himself with pushing his toothbrush into his mouth.

With a couple of thoughts early in the morning, Phil has once again proven to himself and the world (yes, this is the time to be dramatic) that he is not deserving of any good thing in his life. He has just landed a nice and pleasant job and all he can dream about is having something that makes him want to get up for.

Shouldn’t he, with all the lovely children around and his amazing co-worker, shouldn’t he be excited to get up already?

His reflection is not terribly communicative, as usual. When early morning thoughts are troubling Phil, he sometimes stares at himself in the mirror while brushing his teeth, trying to read the answers to all these weird questions in his eyes. The only thing he realises when he does that is that either, every single piece of literature he has ever consumed blatantly lies about the ability to read something in someone’s eyes, or that his particular body is encoded in a way that makes it impossible for him to read his own thoughts like that.

Either way, it usually means at least five wasted minutes.

Today, because Phil has got up essentially punctually, this does not matter too much. He shovels down his breakfast a tiny bit faster as to be absolutely on time at the nursery, but all in all it is a pretty stress-free morning, despite the thought-induced low in the bathroom.

Phil’s mood slowly starts to lighten, and he is not as severe on himself, as soon as he rings the doorbell at the nursery. Meggie opens the door for him and as the first smile Phil sees that day, it surely sets the bar very high.

“It’s good to see you.” Meggie says.

“On time, you mean.”

“Generally.” Meggie laughs. “I know how Decembers can get. Don’t worry about a minute, or two.”

“Or twenty.” Phil gets out of his jacket and kicks his shoes off, sliding into the slippers.

“My tolerance is 23 minutes.” Meggie says and rolls her eyes. “Make it here as soon and happy as you can make it, and I will be glad to see you.”

“I can do that.” Phil smiles.

“That’s why I hired you.” Meggie rolls her eyes again. Phil nudges her and disposes off his jacket so that they are both ready to welcome the first set of tiny humans that want to be entertained.

Phil and Meggie are as usual busy at different parts of the nursery, so there is no way Phil can be completely certain about which one of the children has already arrived.

However, the later it gets and the lighter it gets outside without any visit of Mes, Phil starts to wonder where he is. So far, Mes has always made sure to greet Phil with either a question about his breakfast or about the benefits of Velcro over a zipper.

Today, Mes has not yet come. He might be running late, Phil decides and focuses on the child in front of him that vehemently tries to put on the slippers the wrong way around.

When Meggie counts through the children briefly and claps her hands, Phil is confused for a moment, but then the morning round starts. He will ask her later, not that he has a right to know anything, but it is also not forbidden for him to be nosy.

“Meggie.” Phil says when the children are sent off to a free playing session where only serious warfare will be kept at bay. Meggie turns around to him. “I noticed that Mes isn’t here…”

“Oh yes. He is with his father today. He was a little clingy with him.” Meggie shares willingly.

“But he is well?”

“Yes.” Meggie assures him.

Phil is relieved and walks over to some children fighting over a picture book as to not let anyone think he has favourites. Then again, it would be silly to try and deny that Mes isn’t Phil’s favourite. Where Phil likes all children equally, Mes has since the very beginning made an effort to worm himself into Phil’s heart. And Phil is in no way stoic enough not to be affected by that, so of course he likes Mes a great deal.

Around lunch time, Phil notices even more that Mes isn’t there. The children are kind and funny and surprisingly loud when all they are supposed to do is chew, really, but something of Mes’ playfulness and joy is missing from the room.

These thoughts are certainly quite intense to have, and Phil does not quite know how to deal with them, so he decides to shut down everything in his mind instead.

“I am a giant!” one of the children roars and launches a piece of broccoli at his neighbour.

Phil jumps up and quickly pulls the plates containing broccoli to himself. “When I said imagine broccoli as small trees, I certainly did not mean for you to make a mess. You are supposed to harvest them, cut up the wood if you like and eat them. If we are giants, we are certainly civilised giants.”

Phil is very proud of this little speech at first, but then, he ends up having to ‘cut the wood’ for virtually every child, because they don’t know how to hold a knife for the most satisfying results.

In a way, Phil is thankful for the distraction. It stops him from obsessing over Mes’ absence too much.

When the children are taken to the nap room with no one refusing to sleep, Meggie quickly dashes off to collect a parcel.

Phil sits down in front of the nap room with the door left ajar to hear even the faintest noise and takes out his phone. At first, he just checks twitter and scrolls through tumblr. His blog hasn’t uploaded anything either, so Phil’s thoughts almost naturally start to sway a little.

Phil misses Mes because he creates such a friendly and easy atmosphere. He makes Phil feel like he belongs. Like a human actually benefits from his help and presence, which should be a tall order for a human of any size, but Mes manages it marvellously.

Another person that makes Phil feel like the best version of himself is the photographer – even with Phil nearly tearing down a photobooth when they first met.

The photographer is easy to be around and he is kind. He looks at Phil like someone not terrible to look at. No, that part is certainly purely fictional, but still, the photographer’s eyes are friendly enough for Phil to shine under their attention and not shrivel.

Phil worries his lip between his teeth and slowly opens up his texts. He clicks on Martyn’s chat and sends a message.

Do you think I’m lonely?

Martyn does not reply immediately, but Phil only manages to read the weather forecast for the coming week before his phone vibrates with an answer from him.

If you’re asking that question you

noticed it yourself already.

I’m not LONELY lonely…

Phil is not satisfied with his quick answer. Martyn will be able to read way too much into that as usual. He bites his nails and waits almost anxiously for Martyn to answer again.

But you wouldn’t mind being less lonely.

Maybe…

There you have it. Ask him out.

Even if Phil is completely alone, he does not manage to hide his sputtering. How on earth has Martyn arrived at any conclusion? And why did it have to be this particular conclusion?

Who?

MMAHB if you dare, but whoever

made you ask that question.

Ah, I’ll try.

Phil is not going to ask out the author. That would be insane. He doesn’t really know that much about him. And the concept of asking out the photographer is nearly just as scary, but what he will do, is go to the studio and check whether he is there.

Sometimes, Phil feels like a coward letting fate decide, but isn’t it the bravest thing to just approach everything openly?

The laziest, for sure, Phil thinks before the noise level picks up in the napping room. He leaves his position in front of the door and joins the children inside. By the time they actually start waking up, Meggie is long back, and they work side by side for the rest of the shift.

It is dark outside as usual when Phil steps out of the nursery. He says goodbye to Meggie and then slowly makes his way towards the studio.

He has decided to give the reins over to fate which does not mean that he is in any way less nervous. Most of all, however, he is excited to just see the photographer again. Obviously, Phil is not whipped for him, but he is a little bit smitten. Or rather, his common sense tells him to acknowledge beauty when he sees it, or something like that.

Phil approaches the studio and is elated to see light on inside. Moments later, that light vanishes, and he can see a couple walking away with a child trailing behind them.

The photographer cannot be far when the light only just went out, so Phil quickly walks towards the studio and promptly into someone all odds should have been against missing.

“Sorry.” The photographer says! It is actually him. He is just as pretty as always even in the rubbish streetlight lighting.

He looks up, and a shiver runs through Phil when he can see the realisation and recognition on the photographer’s face. “I am so sorry.” He repeats again.

“You’re closed…” Phil starts.

“Yes. And I have a fugitive. That’s the good thing about dogs, you can put them on a leash.”

It is only a few words, but Phil already feels like he cannot keep up. He simply openly looks at the photographer and waits for him to continue.

“Sorry. Would you mind coming back tomorrow?” the photographer asks.

“Sure.” Phil smiles. He has to smile. He has just been invited to come back to the studio the next day!

The photographer leaves with a small wave soon after that, but Phil is relieved enough to not suffer too deeply from that.

He is invited to come back the next day! That is an achievement if there ever was one from talking a total of four words in a very rough attempt to see another person more often.

Yes. It was pure luck, but Phil is not stupid enough to let that pass him by. He deserves this, if fate grants him with it, so he will make the most of it.

On his lonely walk home, Phil wonders a little about the words the photographer has said. A fugitive can’t have been meant literally. But does he have a dog, or did he compare something else to a dog?

Phil has never seen him with a dog, then again, he has not yet seen him often (enough). He does not yet know everything about him (which is a shame).

Tomorrow, he might get to know him more. In any case, Phil is not going to lose hope or ruin this with thinking too much before tomorrow even happened.


	10. 10.12.2020

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good morning! :) Enjoy the chapter! <3 Please feel free to comment and let me know what you think of the blog posts and the rest of the chapter of course! :O Take care and stay safe! Until tomorrow! xx

** Thursday, 10th of December 2020  **

Dan’s POV 

It is one of those rare days in Dan’s life where he is not absolutely mad for having woken up before his alarm clock. He does not like being awake, necessarily, but he is not angry at the reason for waking up.

Unlike the day before, Dan has not woken himself with kicking himself out of a dream. In fact, he cannot even really remember any specific dream at all, which is surely a good thing.

Today, Dan wakes up and he even almost feels happy. He turns inside, as it were, and looks for the reason he has woken up and the reason for being happy early in the morning.

Quickly, Dan realises it is because he is going to see the CV man today. He has met him briefly the day before, but now, Dan is actually going to see him again. He might even get to spend time with him because CV man had wanted to come to the studio. If Dan was clever about it, CV man might stay for long enough to have a proper conversation.

The point where Dan starts to be unhappy about waking up this early in the morning is when he cannot make himself fall back asleep. It is way too early for Dan to be up and about, but he cannot do anything about it.

  
Dan sighs and kicks the blanket off his legs and immediately gets punished for that when the cold air hits him.

He hops into the bathroom and quickly washes up before getting dressed for the day. Of course, he might have stayed comfortable in his pyjamas for a little longer, but then, he would only have to change later and that was even more uncomfortable than getting used to proper pants now.

Dan makes himself a coffee and then returns to the living room. Yesterday evening, when Dan had managed to catch Mes, they had returned home and eaten dinner while watching another of Dan’s Christmas films. Mes had been more immersed with his toys which was good for him, actually. He certainly did not miss out on anything not paying attention to the film.

While he is up already, Dan might as well get to work on his blog. He does not want to do the math, because if there is one thing worse than getting up early, it is surely doing maths any time of day, but even he realises that he has not yet uploaded many blog posts for the fact that it is already December 10th.

In order not to wake Mes, Dan lowers the volume of the television as much as he can without having to strain his ears in order to hear what the characters are saying. The film certainly does not deserve as much attention as that.

Luckily, Dan finds that the more openly horrendous a film, the easier it is for him to write about it. It does take the entire length of the film for Dan to get done with his first draft, but that is mainly because he had to scream into a pillow every now and then. Also, he has enough time to spend the entire film writing. That is the lovely thing about waking up early (or some other crap), Meggie would say.

Dan scoffs and goes into the kitchen to make himself another cup of coffee. He then reads through his draft, corrects it, and uploads it.

The most satisfying thing about the writing process is surely to see the words he has written on his flimsy computer engraved on the internet. His hard work is out there for people to see now, which feels good. Most importantly, it cannot get deleted by any malfunctioning computer of his, so his mind is momentarily put at ease.

**Christmas With a View – The View is the interior of a kitchen, so don’t get excited**

**It is a bold move to put a disclaimer into the title of a blog post, but it had to be done. This film can easily be described as a masterpiece for leaving the viewer at the edge of their seat the entire time because the one thing it promises in the title does not, in fact, take place. There is no view at the Christmas that gets celebrated in this movie.**

**Now that we have sufficiently addressed the main drawback of this film, you can accompany me on the 91 minutes it takes to finish this piece of art. If you ask me, that is at least 50 minutes too much, but I am but an unqualified critic shouting into the wind.**

**The film sets some sort of tone right from the off. In the grand scheme of things, however, it is more like a singer accidently hit the first note straight on, only to be wonderfully out of tune for the rest of the song. This movie starts with some very festive baking scenes. I am being completely honest when I say the cinematography of the first minute or so can compete with that of Bake Off. The icing sugar falls beautifully, and pretty hands work the dough. Expectations are high, but it only takes a few short seconds before every hope is crushed. The protagonist is not, as one could have hoped, a skilled baker, nor does the finished baked good look any… good. It is the female lead’s mother that made a gingerbread house, or so she says, repeatedly, for the rest of the film. To be honest, the gingerbread house looks like a cardboard box with icing on the edges. To be fair, and critical of my own criticism, I have to admit that at this point in the film when it came to evaluating the gingerbread house, I was nursing severely bruised expectations and might not have been completely objective. It is, however, a mistake to think one can forgive the film because of some harsh criticism, because enough things get thrown at you while watching that certainly support your initial reaction to the let-down.**

**We meet the protagonist of the film and are delighted to see that she is a bit different from the blonde stereotypical hallmark movie girl. Sadly, that impression leaves almost as soon as she starts to speak. Her voice might have been from any of the previously mentioned girls. Still, she looks friendly enough and is made to have an important role in a restaurant, so at least we can trust that she is competent. (A little side note: Maybe, this film focuses so much on cooking because it is silently telling you to take every single positive impression with a grain of salt.)**

**The male lead gets introduced in what is possibly the worst rip-off of any cooking show I have ever seen. The people at the restaurant watch it on one big screen in the seating area (which seems totally realistic, btw, well done!). Even with miles in between me and the screen, it is touchingly easy to see they worked with a very bad greenscreen and not an actual cooking studio. There are two highly irrelevant cooking competitors on the show as well, which, I am afraid, have to make up for the lack of highly inconsequential children characters. The male lead is singled out as the favourite, which I guess they had to do. He is certainly mightily impressed with himself, and even if he might seem charismatic, it needs to be said once and for all, that he is no Gary from Miranda – unarguably the best screen cook there ever was. Well, our darling wins the competition, surprise, surprise, and just at the side, the charming host informs us that he is one of the most eligible bachelors of the country – I know a good composition when I see one, and this was not one of them.**

**One of the most atrocious moments of this film was certainly the meet-cute of the two people, destined to fall in love (excuse my puking). (I realise that I have dashed out a few superlatives already about this film. I think we have to accept that it simply was dramatically bad so that I am free to use superlatives as linguistic devices.) The meet-cute (can anyone read that without their voices going up 5 octaves?!) takes place in the lobby of the restaurant our female darling manages. She recognises the cook because she ‘crushed on him hard’ watching the show of something. Her reliably stupid friend (which is the token blonde girl for any film, don’t worry!) has given her her bag which promptly falls down which could not have been better planned, for our saviour rushes over to our darling to help her, but behold! There is a cheese in the bag! Does this ruin this ‘meet-cute’ like our darling fears? No! He is enthralled and falls in love on the spot.**

**The film quickly deteriorates from there, which yes, is a feat, because there was not much to deteriorate from. The slope was not steep and yet, the film quickly gathers speed and rushes down towards the abyss. My favourite bad scenes are those where darling and her blonde friend are surprised to see the cook as their new head chef, good for them! Just don’t logically connect dots at all then, must be an easy life (you know a film is bad if it makes you feel like you are a Sherlock in the masses of stupid people – which is bad if you do not have a John). Another one is our darling Shane being stalked by groupies. He is not at all capable of dealing with them and our other darling is ridiculously jealous, which is a nice enough trope in theory, but gets executed as poorly as I have never seen before. It is particularly hilarious, because the same jealous darling herself says, and I kid you not, “I cannot believe I am kissing a celebrity.” when she is, you guessed it, kissing Shane. This leads to him not being able to do much apart from cooking as it seems and them being angry with each other. For the fact that they don’t really know each other, they are very angry with each other quite often, actually. He does not support her being flirted at by the boss of the hotel/restaurant-thing they have going on and being obviously manipulated by him, which she thinks is totally unfair and worth cutting all ties for.**

**It turns out, of course, that he was right about the scheming boss that wanted to tear down the breakfast place our darling 1 loves so much because she was there so often (?!) and our darling 2 feels deeply connected to because his parents have been there before (have you ever heard a more tear-inducing back story?). Amongst all this, they somehow still manage to meet up, fall deeper in love, and spend evenings together. At one particularly fascinating event, she insists to cook for the show-winning chef, which is certainly a bold move. I mean, would you sing for your favourite artist?!**

**So, yes. The film has many bad scenes and not enough children to make up for that. There is only the darling’s niece which we meet on Christmas (maybe, the film knows it does not have enough children and named the film for this one girl, proclaiming her to be the view in Christmas With a View). There is also, as mandatory for Christmas films, a lot of food. Because it is a film about cooks, they needed to put some effort in the food they showed. The cook also cooks for our darling once which admittedly looks good, but I still cannot forgive for stripping like that in front of her because of one (1) tiny splash on his shirt. If it said in the actor’s contract that he absolutely has to show his abs, surely, they could have thought of a different scene?**

**Bad food is obviously not exempt from this film. Nondescript take-away coffees in brown paper cups feature again, which makes me think they are vital tokens for any film that wants to be a successful Christmas film (it is worth investigating, or maybe not, who cares, I certainly don’t). Overly fancy food appears both inside the restaurant and out, darling 1’s mother offers her some salmon and fruit as Christmas breakfast and ruins it significantly more with calling it ‘Bagel and Lachs’. At the breakfast place (they unnecessarily both hype up) the friend of our darling steals the show with the best line in the entire film. They came there specifically for breakfast, and she appears, puts food in front of them and says: “I figured you might be hungry.” Comedic gold.**

**A line that made me laugh in despair is the absolute cliché: “What a view.” (said to some fake snow slopes by darling 1) added to by darling 2 looking at her with: “It is.” (And if you dare to say now that this is where the name of the movie comes from, consider yourself scowled at. That would be too disgusting to bear.)**

**Needless to say, the film ends well, and everyone is happier and more successful than in the beginning. They are happy, and I should be too, but the film ruined that for me. I had a reasonably good time watching the film and getting angry at it, but it is not worth 91 minutes of your time. It is not even terribly pleasing on the eye after that one Bake-Off masking in the beginning. The protagonist almost exclusively wears bold red colours, which must have evidently been part of the casting process.**

**This film is bad, let me tell you frankly. It does offer some vital piece of life-hack though: If you want to have a private conversation do not have it in the open-plan kitchen with your family literally like four feet away from you. And with this nugget of wisdom I leave you to follow in my footsteps and regret it or be sensible and not watch the film at all – your choice!**

Dan shudders a little after scanning through the text again. The film truly was bad, but the blog post is alright. He hopes some will like it.

He closes his computer and puts it in his bag, ready to go when he needs it.

Waking Mes is not a terribly tall order thankfully. He is feeling a lot better than the day before, Dan can see that immediately.

“Today is Thursday?” Mes asks hopefully.

“Yes.” Dan smiles and catches Mes’ knees as he excitedly climbs onto Dan’s lap. Dan did not expect or hope that Mes would forget it’s Thursday. He treasures their routine days together just as much, or maybe even more than Mes.

“I love Thursdays.” Mes says.

“So do I.” Dan says and kisses Mes’ soft curls.

After cuddling a little, Dan takes Mes into the bathroom to wash and then they have breakfast. They are later than they would be if Mes had to go to the nursery, but it is literally Dan’s studio, so being punctual is not that important.

When they get there, Mes immediately starts drawing things. The morning is not busy at all, so Dan sits down with him and they draw the monster of the week together. It turns out looking a lot like a friendly neighbourhood dinosaur which immediately rekindles Mes’ love for dinosaurs.

For the rest of the day, Mes makes sure to ask every single one of Dan’s clients and customers about their favourite dinosaur. He gets increasingly frustrated when people keep mentioning tyrannosaurus rex, so he goes back to drawing instead.

At lunch, Dan takes Mes out to eat some Asian noodles. He tries to uphold some sort of work ethic after lunch, but business is so slow, that it makes more sense to take Mes out into the park and run through the leaves with him.

He only does this because he is almost certain that if CV man comes, which he did promise, he is more likely to come early in the evening rather than in the afternoon.

They also play a little hide and seek, but Mes is getting too good at it and it’s getting too dark for Dan to be absolutely certain he can reliably find Mes again.

When they return to the studio after this, Dan puts on the next Christmas film in the background and helps Mes with drawing some more pictures.

There is another couple a little later. They bring a small dog and Mes’ last bit of energy is spend playing with the dog. Not soon after they leave, Mes curls up on the sofa and falls asleep. Dan covers him with his jacket and lowers the volume of the film some more.

Dan stares outside and then back at Mes. Should he leave and get Mes home or should he wait for the CV man? It is a weird time for Mes to be asleep and Dan might very likely have to pay the price for letting him sleep later in the evening. But the fact that he is napping now does not mean Dan absolutely has to take him home either.

Dan sincerely hopes that CV man will come before he has reached the inevitable conclusion that he is not a good father. There is about five minutes left for this, but it does not hurt to be hopeful for once in his life, does it?

Mes’ sleeping form is the perfect contrast to Dan’s jittery self, and yet, without doing anything to really deserve it, the door opens just when Dan is pausing the film in order to maybe slowly get ready to go home.

Phil’s POV 

Phil wakes up to a text from Martyn. No, he is woken by a text from Martyn would be the right way to phrase things.

Phil blindly reaches for his phone and tries looking at the screen. He almost completely blinds himself in the process and only manages to recognise that the text is in fact from Martyn.

He hisses at the bright light and sits up before putting on his glasses and the lamp on the bedside table before starting another attempt to read Martyn’s text.

Did you do it?

What?

Phil groans and puts the alarm out that decides to ring right in that moment. Realistically, he has maybe slept a minute or two less due to Martyn’s interfering, but it still feels like Martyn robbed him of sleep and relaxation. And for what? An ominous text that could mean everything and nothing.

Did you ask him out?

How bored are you that my love life

is the thing to interest you this early

in the morning? 

Phil rolls his head and throws his legs out of the bed. Martyn woke him, so he might as well get up. It would be time for him to get ready anyways.

Oh, so we’re talking about love?

No.

It sounded like we were.

Don’t be a bother.

I don’t know how to be anything else.

Doesn’t mean I have to suffer from it.

Suffer? You wound me.

Good.

Heartless! Go ask him out and let him make

you happy you are insufferable like this.

I am not.

Kindly accept the kick up the bum, though.

I will do it in my own time.

So never?

Later today, nosy know-it-all.

Wow, a spelling transcending alliteration.

You are on fire.

Be quiet.

You have a good day too. Show them!

Who and what?

Idiot, him and the world that you are great?

Amazing? I don’t care. Just show them something!

Phil puts his phone down and shakes his head. He shakes it at Martyn, but because he doesn’t benefit from it because he can’t see it, Phil stops and gets up to go to the bathroom.

He does not like to admit it, but Martyn’s texts certainly cheered him up and even made him more determined to go to the studio again and meet the photographer.

With a start, Phil notices that he should have some sort of plan ready for why he went to the photographer. If he is not interested at all – which is still the most probable outcome – Phil needs to have a clever reason for coming to the studio.

Phil thinks about it while he gets ready in the bath, but he is distracted before he can find such a solution.

Phil’s distraction, as so often in his life, comes in form of a mail notification. Any notification is sure to distract him, but this one of those that holds his attention. The blog has been updated!

Phil rushes into his bedroom and gets dressed, before rushing into the kitchen for some cereal and to make coffee. He rushes to the living room with the coffee and cereal bowl in his hand and can finally stop rushing now.

He opens the blog and starts reading, clutching his coffee, and trying in vain to stop a big smile from forming on his face. 

While reading the blog post, Phil gasps several times. He is prone to overly dramatic reactions on a normal day, but when reading the blog, it’s automatically worse.

The biggest gasp Phil makes is when the author says: _He is certainly mightily impressed with himself, and even if he might seem charismatic, it needs to be said once and for all, that he is no Gary from Miranda – unarguably the best screen cook there ever was._

So far, Phil has never really thought about Gary all that much, but of course, he is attractive. As Gary maybe even more so than as Lucifer now over in America. The real reason is not that he also thinks someone the author refers to is attractive but the fact that Miranda it is a distinctively British series he is referring to! Phil has been quite certain that the author is British, but this seems to be settling it, which is very exciting and well worth gasping over!

The second, not quite so strong, but still impressive gasp leaves Phil when the author refers to feeling like Sherlock but not having a John. Phil’s delusional and highly analytic brain immediately concludes that this means the author is single.

Phil slaps his cheek for jumping to conclusions like that and reminds himself quickly that not everyone recognised the sexual tension between John and Sherlock for what it truly is.

The rest of the blog, Phil forces himself to stay quiet and enjoy reading the author’s words without interrupting them with unnecessary, spiralling thoughts of his own.

At the end, the author warns not to watch the film, but Phil obviously already knows just what he will be doing this evening. In a way, Phil has never been more thankful for the blog, because today, if he ends up having a not so pleasant experience at the studio, he can still return to the blog, watch the film alongside and pretend like he has friends.

While getting ready to leave, Phil stops himself from thinking about the studio which means he thinks about the blog. One of his dreams in life is to one day watch a film with the author. It is obviously a dream and not a goal, because it will never happen.

Phil arrives at the nursery essentially on time. Meggie smiles at him, and they start working almost immediately with the first children pouring in.

Just like he has done the day before, Phil notices that Mes isn’t there pretty early on. And at the point where Meggie declares everyone to be there, his absence is only confirmed.

Meggie talks to the children in the morning round and alongside Mes’ name mentions two other children that are also not there that day. Phil has to admit that he did not notice that they were not there. But that can be due to Mes making his presence known to Phil routinely.

At the end of the round, Meggie walks over to Phil and tells him: “Mes isn’t here today.” She sighs a little and adds: “Like his father always says: The Mes-ier the life, the better.”

“Yes.” Phil finds himself agreeing with that instantly. He has not yet known Mes for long and yet, he agrees. In fact, he has known him as long as he has not spoken to him now, it does not feel like that, though. Mes confidently walked right beyond Phil’s usually people-preventing barriers and snatched a piece of his heart.

Phil allows himself to thank whoever responsible and the universe, just in case, that Mes has such loving parents. For a second, he wonders why Meggie knows so much about them and seems to have a special connection to Mes too, but then, he focuses on stopping the children from eating glitter.

He will give his attention solely to them the entire day in order not to feel like he is slighting them, and for more personal reasons: in order not to think about the studio.

The end of the day arrives a lot quicker than Phil is prepared for. He helps Meggie with closing down the nursery and says goodbye to her.

She walks off waving happily, and for the first time since morning, Phil is left alone with his thoughts and worries.

In order not to lose the last bit of hope and in order not to miss the photographer, Phil sets into motion.

He still does not have any plan on what to say to the photographer and how to appear sane as well as funny (maybe) and attractive (he needs to set the bars high, if this is the only chance he’ll get!).

Phil is already on the street of the studio when he has to decide to rely on his instincts and do his best with what he can come up with in the moment.

Inside the studio, Phil spots the photographer. His heart speeds up immediately, so much in fact, that all noises get drained out a little by his heartbeat. He takes a deep breath when he sees that the photographer is not looking at him and opens the door.

“Hello.” Phil says. He sounds awkward to his own ears and seriously considers running away, but then the photographer looks at him and smiles brightly.

“Hey. It’s good to see you.”

Phil is rendered speechless by this reply and doesn’t manage to rein in his smile to a more appropriate degree.

“Thank you for coming back. What can I do for you? Do you want a picture of yourself laughing now? What is the next level?” the photographer is laughing, and Phil joins in, with absolutely no control on his part.

“No, actually. I…” and now would be the perfect moment to think of something. He will embarrass himself, and Martyn will never let him live this down. Martyn!

“I actually came here to schedule an appointment for my brother next week.” Phil starts again. It does sound good to his ears. Nice and strong and not at all like he just thought of it.

“An appointment for him and his fiancée. Engagement pictures. Next Tuesday?” Okay, the rest of the delivery is not quite as strong as the beginning, but it is still alright.

“Yes, of course!” the photographer smiles. Phil arranged to meet him again, gave him some business, gets something nice for Martyn and Cornelia, and most importantly, he gets to see the photographer’s smile again. Phil has done everything right.

“Perfect. We’ll be here.” Phil smiles.

“Tuesday, you said?”

“Yes.”

“That should work.”

“We can do a different day if that works better.”

“No, it’s fine. It will be fine.” the photographer smiles reassuringly at Phil, which is not fair.

“Thank you.” Phil says honestly.

“Any time.” The smile turns a couple degrees warmer, which makes Phil filter out virtually any other sound. Phil thinks to hear some rustling, but that is not the thing to focus on when the photographer is smiling at him like this.

Phil is still very much immersed in the photographer in front of him, and his heart has not yet calmed down completely, that it takes him completely by surprise when the photographer says: “Don’t mind him.”

“Him?” Phil is confused.

“Him.” Dan laughs and points at the sofa where a bundle of human and jacket lies. “My son.” The bundle moves a little, and Phil nearly gasps out loud when he recognises Mes underneath all the jackets.

Mes is the photographer’s son. Mes is the son of two loving parents. The photographer is not single. All he has ever been was kind to Phil as a customer. It was silly of Phil to ever hope or imagine anything more.

“Oh. I don’t mind.” Phil replies, and the photographer’s smile widens which is obviously great, but Phil struggles to feel truly happy because of it.

“That’s kind.”

“I like children.” Phil says which is the truth. He needs to get this done with properly, and then he can immerse himself in the film as soon as he gets home.

“That’s good to hear.”

Phil struggles through the part of saying goodbye and then quickly leaves the studio. He is almost ready to tell himself to get over the photographer immediately and forget everything when he remembers the appointment he has just made for Martyn and how he has promised to come along. He will not desert the photographer. He does not deserve that, Mes does not deserve this.

In short, no one deserves to suffer because of Phil’s unrequited crush apart from himself.


	11. 11.12.2020

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's Friday! :) Well done us for making it through the week so far. I hope you have a relaxing weekend ahead of you! I am sending all the strength and energy your way for this Friday! Take care and see you tomorrow! xx

** Friday, 11th of December  **

Dan’s POV

Dan wakes up adequately unhappy about being woken up by yet another alarm, but also adequately happy about what happened the evening before.

CV man had been to the studio again! And what is more he promised to come back again the next week. He scheduled an appointment, and he will be back.

Tuesday is of course way too long to go until Dan can see him again, but he can work with it. What matters is that he will see CV man again. The universe rewarded him with that, so he can do his part and be patient now.

It is as dreadful as always to peel the blanket off himself, but Dan needs a shower, and against all odds and nature’s laws, he will feel better once he has woken up completely and got dressed after the shower, which can only happen if he gets a move on now and actually leaves his bed.

In the shower, Dan drops the shampoo bottle and is distracted from what made him drop the bottle in the first place when he tries not to jump and slip from the pain that the bottle caused him. Once he has found his balance and has listened out for any signs of Mes waking up due to the noise, Dan’s thoughts return to the memory that has just flashed through his mind.

The memory does not reach far back. In fact, it is a simple phrase CV man has said the evening before.

Dan has clumsily tried to include Mes in the conversation because it was better to be the one to disclose the news.

After Dan has somewhat successfully introduced the sleeping Mes as his son, CV man had first been kind enough to assure him he doesn’t mind and then has said: “I like children.”

Dan feels his mouth stretching into a smile which he tries to stop. In his mind, it made absolute sense that as perfect a man as the CV man would also like children. It makes sense because evidently, the universe is out to make Dan’s existence as challenging as possible.

With an absolute minimum of interaction, Dan has already managed to develop a more serious crush on the CV man than on anyone else in all his years of existence. And now, as if that was not enough to keep Dan entertained every single second of the day, the universe adds some father qualities into the mix to absolutely end Dan.

All Dan has had the evening before were his mediocre flirting skills, but if he was reading this correctly, the CV man reacted to them. Is the CV interested in him? Were Dan’s fantasies not aiming too high, after all?

Dan closes his eyes and lets water run over his face. It is a pity he cannot do this in conversations too when he is blushing. It would surely set his mind at ease.

With having water run over his face, the realization comes that Dan is in the shower, wearing… well, nothing, so this is not at all the ideal place to let his mind run, at least not on a Friday morning where minutes were of the essence to get Mes to the nursery on time.

Dan quickly finishes showering and gets dressed, humming Christmas carols almost aggressively to do anything but let his mind wander.

Dan makes himself a coffee, sets it onto the kitchen table and then goes to wake up Mes.

“Good morning.” Dan says gently. He is not terribly worried about how the day will start. Either Mes is eager to go to the nursery, or he can convince him to go, or he can’t. In either of the three scenarios, a good day is not completely out of question. He will wait and adapt to Mes’ mood.

“It’s time to wake up.” Dan says and walks his fingers up the length of Mes’ body to boop his nose.

“Good morning.” Dan repeats when Mes’ eyes blink open. “Did you sleep well?” he asks.

Mes nods and rubs his eyes before climbing onto Dan’s lap.

“Can crocodiles fly?” Mes asks.

“As far as I know, they can’t.” Dan says with a smile.

“No?” Mes frowns. “They were flying in my dream.”

“Those were dream-crocodiles, they are a special species.” Dan says playing with Mes’ legs. “If you try hard enough, in dreams, you can fly too. You can flap your arms and suddenly rise up.”

“Can you do that too?”

“In your dreams? You will have to try extra hard.” Dan laughs and kisses the top of Mes’ head before getting up to change Mes out of his pyjamas.

The process of getting Mes dressed takes a little longer than usual, because Dan whirls him around the air to give him an impression of what flying in his dream would feel like.

Eventually, they do make their way into the kitchen for Dan to drink his lukewarm coffee, and for Mes to devour his cereal, before Dan puts him into his warmest jacket and they race each other out of the door to get to the nursery.

“But crocodiles were flying long ago.” Mes picks up the conversation out of thin air, but Dan can still follow for once. Mes’ sudden conversation starters or even worse continuations were not always this intelligible.

“No. I have not heard of crocodiles flying.”

“Lizards?” Mes asks.

“No. But their folk tale counterparts the dragons can fly.” Dan says, picking Mes up to avoid him waddling through a puddle.

“Are crocodiles not dinosaurs?” Mes asks, and Dan feels like they have finally got to the bottom of this conversation.

“No. They are reptiles, and funnily enough, chickens are more closely related to dinosaurs than crocodiles.” Dan says, putting Mes back down.

“Really?” Mes looks up to him with wide eyes, and Dan hates nothing more in this moment than being at the end of his dinosaur specific knowledge already.

Before Mes can get sad that Dan has no answer to his following quick-fire questions, Dan has the clever idea of saying: “You can ask Phil if he knows something about dinosaurs.”

“Can I tell him about the studio?” Mes asks.

“Of course, you can.” Dan smiles. “You can talk to Meggie, or Phil, or anyone about anything you like, I am sure.”

Mes is satisfied with that answer for the moment and instead starts pointing out animals he sees to Dan. Dan joins in on the fun and is actually more excited about spotting a woodpecker than Mes is.

They approach the nursery, and Dan gets a tiny bit tense, not wanting Mes to suddenly think he doesn’t want to go there. Mes never had the worst of tantrums, but Dan does not want to have anyone evaluate his parenting. If it’s just Meggie, it would be fine. But now, that Phil person is at the nursery too, and other parents constantly come inside to drop off their children. Dan does not want Mes to be unhappy and he does not want anyone to judge the way he deals with Mes’ unhappiness.

In order to prevent any sort of thoughts about the studio, Dan encourages Mes to talk as much as he can. When he sits Mes down on the small bench inside the nursery after they have said hello to Meggie, Dan takes off Mes’ shoes for him and says: “And now, you can go and tell Phil everything you did the past days.”

“Yes!” Mes shouts excitedly.

Dan laughs and kisses Mes’ head. Mes hugs him and takes his hand to take him to the door. Dan tenses a tiny bit again as well, but Mes only wants to see him off. Dan laughs again and tousles Mes’ hair before waving and making his way to the studio.

He does feel a tiny bit like a fraud to load that Phil person with a whole lot of activities to do with Mes, but then, judging by Mes’ accounts, they get along well, and Mes really isn’t difficult to deal with.

Dan has pushed some responsibility off himself, but he did not exactly burden someone else with it, he hopes.

At the studio, Dan creates as comfortable an atmosphere for himself as he can manage before setting up his computer with the next Christmas film to watch. He has to pause the film a couple of times to attend customers, but that is actually the best thing about the film.

The customers free him from staying in the weird universe for too long and show him some normality. They offer real human interaction, which is always nice. At least, it means that Dan does not have to go looking for it himself.

Dan finishes the film once before lunch and another time, less disrupted, after lunch. Surprisingly, he does not have a lot of notes, but he will let his creativity run wild and writes as much as he feels like writing.

Dan is the biggest sucker for coherence and continuity, but he knows that no one actually holds his blog to that high standards, and if they were, Dan would not care to accommodate them anyways. It is purely his own chaotic mind that he needs to remind that a couple less words for one post will not affect the balance of the universe.

The blog is now posted, and Dan can spend the rest of his time at the studio thinking decidedly of anything other than the appointment CV man had made with him.

Dan is not the best at self-discipline, so he does open his calendar to look at what he had written for CV man’s appointment on Tuesday. Yes, Dan’s memory is that bad, that’s why he has the calendar in the first place!

_Mr Lester & Fiancée_ is all Dan’s wise calendar provides him with. Mr Lester? CV man had mentioned that name for his brother, but as it is his brother, doesn’t that mean that CV man is called Lester too?

Dan shakes his head, not because it’s not true, but because it is not that big a discovery as he would like it to be. Also, by now, it feels weird to call CV man anything other than exactly that.

Dan closes the calendar and starts cleaning the studio with having the next Christmas film on. He needs to get ahead of schedule, and he can do something useful with his time at the studio, which certainly does not involve CV man or anything to do with him.

When it’s time to close the studio, Dan ends up getting some clients, but Meggie will both understand, and also, he can pay her back with covering the cinema tickets the next morning. This plan has been standing for a long while and before Dan has met CV man, it has been the only thing making him look forward to something.

Wrong track! Dan tells himself and focuses on the clients before rushing to turn off all lights and to get to the nursery as quickly as possible.

“There you are, your majesty.” Meggie greets him with an excited Mes at her hand.

“I got clients.”

“I figured. You wouldn’t abandon us like that.” Meggie rolls her eyes and takes Dan’s bag while he lifts Mes up into his arms. His bag has fallen down one too many times without Meggie’s help, so she routinely snatches the bag from him now.

“Can I invite you for some dinner?”

“You can, but I will decline.” Meggie laughs. “Mum’s announced a visit. I will see you two tomorrow morning.”

“Morning sounds scary.” Dan mumbles.

“It is around lunch for me, but I figured for you, that’s morning.”

“Very funny.”

“I’ve been told.”

Dan nudges Meggie, not violently of course, and Meggie only laughs. Mes copies Dan with an attempt at a nudge, probably thinking it’s a way to say goodbye to someone.

Meggie laughs some more and gently nudges Mes too, who lights up in response.

“See you tomorrow!” Dan and Mes wave at Meggie and make their way home.

“Phil knows a lot about dinosaurs.” Mes tells him.

“Does he!” Dan says. He is delighted to have found something to talk to Mes about that will keep his mind off CV man. Mes’ excited retelling of the entire day at the nursery is just the thing for that.

Mes has a lot to tell and is not yet done when they are back at home, so Dan makes them some hot chocolate and puts an additional hat onto Mes’ head.

“Are we going to meander?” Mes asks excitedly.

“We are.” Dan laughs.

“Did you meander when you were young?” Mes asks, clasping Dan’s hand when they make their way outside.

“Loads.” Dan lies. He cannot bear to have his son’s sympathy for being a stupid child and staying inside with video games instead of going outside. Also, with all the times he has meandered with Mes now, he has surely made up for his childhood.

Dan takes Mes’ empty cup from him and they pause their meandering for some running around the dark park. Mes is giggling constantly which is absolutely infectious.

Mes collapses against Dan’s legs, clings onto them, and laughs, throwing his head back.

“I love you, dad.” Mes says out of the blue.

“I love you too.” Dan answers. He is absolutely not used to affection when this sudden declaration of his son completely throws him.

Dan kneels down to hug Mes, and then, they continue their meandering while holding hands. Dan is blissfully happy with Mes like this. He hopes the universe won’t try and get back at him for reaching for something more than this.

Phil’s POV 

This is absolutely all Phil’s own fault but that does not make it in any way easier to bear. Actually, because Phil enjoys no one’s company apart from his own, it is way too easy to beat himself up about being an absolute fool.

The photographer is Mes’ father. The parent Phil has thought so well of because they raised someone like Mes is the photographer Phil has developed a crush on after nearly literally falling for him on their first encounter.

The worst thing is that Phil is no longer sure what this means for him. Of course, Phil will go to the studio again after explicitly making an appointment to go, but apart from that, he does not know what to do. He has already decided the evening before that he will not let this unrequited crush of his affect any other person than him.

He cannot and will not treat Mes any differently. He is both grown up and professional enough not to let that happen.

Phil does, however, not know how to react to Mes’ father should he see him at the nursery instead of the studio. Why has Phil never met him anyways?

Well, the answer to that question is easily found. Phil has worked one week in the nursery, two days of which Mes had not been there, another day Phil has been very late for and on the first day, Mes had been there way before him. Of course, Phil would not have seen the photographer like this.

Just because Phil does not know how to approach the photographer at the nursery should it come to it, does not mean he can avoid it.

Phil gets out of bed and takes a shower to feel at least somewhat up to the challenge. It could have been a normal day if Phil had not let his imagination run away with him. This is all his fault.

After breakfast, Phil’s self-loathing has subsided a tiny bit so that he can now make his way to the nursery, bracing his shoulders, and pretending like he is in full control of the situation.

Phil arrives at the nursery with only Meggie there already. Soon after Phil, the first children start arriving, and Phil can feel himself getting anxious, but surprisingly enough, he is actually genuinely professional enough to not let it affect the way he deals with the children.

His tension is at an all-time high, when the doorbell rings, Meggie opens it, and Phil spots the photographer. They briefly talk to Meggie while Phil still tries to adjust to seeing the photographer at such an unusual location.

Well, it’s not usual, really, is it. Mes was here before Phil came, which means that the photographer was also here before Phil. It only looks unusual for Phil because he is a fool.

Phil’s thoughts abruptly stop when the photographer walks towards Phil’s direction. He only looks at Mes though, so Phil cannot be sure the photographer has noticed him.

“And now, you can go and tell Phil everything you did the past days.”

“Yes!” Mes answers his father’s suggestion excitedly.

Phil is rooted to the spot and observes in silence how Mes walks his father to the door and then comes running back inside to talk to his friends.

The photographer not only knows who he is but also his name? Why has he not said Phil the day before then? Did he want to keep their interaction purely professional?

That must be it, actually. The photographer has a family of his own, so by default, he is not interested in Phil, but he is not silly enough to let business pass by. He might actually like Phil too, but he has (retrospectively at least), been very clear about theirs being a purely professional relationship.

“Phil.” Something tugs at his sleeve. Phil looks down and sees Mes beaming up at him.

“Hello there, Mes.” Phil smiles. He is beyond relieved that interacting with Mes is not difficult at all. Mes is a lovely child and it is just as nice to talk to him as it has ever been.

“I missed you.” Mes tells him and pulls him into the big room. Phil glances over at Meggie who waves him off and turns back to newly arriving parents with their children.

“I missed you too.” Phil tells Mes honestly.

“Do you like dinosaurs?” Mes asks and hops onto the sofa, patting the space next to him for Phil to sit down.

“Do I like them? I love them.” Phil smiles and sits down in his assigned seat.

“Yes? What is your favourite dinosaur?” Mes asks excitedly.

“There is not one I don’t like.” Phil says. Mes wiggles next to him. He is almost literally buzzing with excitement.

“I like the Dilophosaurus.” Mes says slowly.

“Wow. That is a difficult word. Well done. You like their dramatic necks?” he guesses.

“Yes!” Mes says and makes jazz hands next to his head, making Phil laugh.

“They are impressive. I also like the Argentinosaurus. They are reeeeeally tall.” Phil says, stretching the e and gesturing above his head. “They get over 120 feet tall. Very tall!”

“Very tall.” Mes agrees seriously.

“The very tall ones only ate plants. They are called herbivores.” Phil says, suddenly wondering how much input is actually helpful for someone Mes’ age.

Phil does not have an opportunity to make matters worse in that moment, because they are called to the morning round.

The next time Mes runs over to Phil to ask about dinosaurs is at lunch. Mes sits down next to Phil and shows him his plate, the level of excitement still sky-high.

“Look! I am a herbal…”

“Herbivore.” Phil helps out and smiles.

“Will I get really tall now?”

“You will get tall, but not 120 feet tall.” Phil assures him.

“Are Agent…”

“Argentinosaurus.” Phil jumps in again.

“Are they your favourite?” Mes asks.

“I like them a lot. But I also really like Theropods.”

“There are pods?”

“Theropods.” Phil corrects gently. “They are special because the fathers hatch out the eggs. They show that evolutionary, it makes sense that the father takes care of the children too. They are very modern in that sense.”

Phil is afraid most of that went over Mes’ head, but Mes does not seem to mind. He beams up at Phil and continues quizzing him about different dinosaurs.

After lunch, Mes is busy playing with others, and Phil gets roped into some crafting adventures which are thankfully also interesting enough to keep Phil in the moment and to not let his mind stray too much.

The day at the nursery is now coming to a close, and Phil is mentally preparing to potentially see the photographer again. He is doing that at the back of his mind and only as precaution. He does not want to ruin an encounter with being unprofessional. The photographer has very decidedly only ever shown his professional side, so Phil should at least try to match up with him.

“Phil!” Mes is tugging at his sleeve again, which is a clear sign for Phil not being as much in the moment as he had thought he was.

“Yes?”

“What is the name of the father-dinosaur again?” Mes asks.

“A theropod.” Phil answers.

“I love them.” Mes sounds like he has made up his mind, so Phil only nods. He wishes he would be that firm and quick in his decisions too.

The first children are getting collected by their parents but ensuring every piece of clothing goes home with the children before the weekend keeps Phil busy enough not to worry too much about the photographer.

“Phil.” Meggie calls him over when there are just Mes and two other children left.

“Yes?”

“You can already go home.” Meggie says, and adds: “Before you ask anything silly: I am sending you home to have a well-deserved early weekend after your first glorious week.”

“Oh. That’s alright, I guess.” Phil smiles.

“That’s what I thought.” Meggie rolls her eyes and pats Phil’s arm also to push him towards her office to get his jacket.

“Thank you for being such a champ with helping out.” Meggie tells him, balancing Mes on her hip, probably to prevent him from running out after Phil. They look very comfortable together.

“It is my pleasure, honestly.” Phil says.

“You’re getting better at not putting yourself down. That’s a big step for one week! Well done us!” Meggie high-fives Mes who quite clearly does not know what is happening to him.

“Bye now.” Meggie says and opens the door for Phil. “Have a good weekend and see you Monday.”

“You too. See you Monday.” Phil says and waves at the pair.

“Bye!” Mes shouts and waves enthusiastically. Phil laughs and feels proper good for the first time that day.

Phil’s mood slowly deteriorates on his way home again. That is only natural after supressing all sorts of thoughts the entire day. Phil is also not a lost cause, yet, but he does need to think every thought on his mind once in order to move on and think happier thoughts again.

This thinking-every-thought takes Phil all the way until he reaches his home, which is why he only then takes out his phone to check his notifications.

He already feels lighter because the thoughts no longer press down on him, but that is nothing compared to what he feels like when he discovers that the blog has been updated!

Phil kicks his shoes off a little too enthusiastically that they land down the hallway in the living room. He retrieves them and approaches the next steps of his mandatory blog-read-experience-preparation a little more collectedly.

He makes himself a coffee, gets out a snack, and changes from his jeans into some comfortable pyjama bottoms.

He opens his computer and switches it on before hurrying back into the kitchen to get his coffee. He could have made himself a hot chocolate too in order to fall asleep quicker – he is lenient in regards to that with the only criteria being that it has to be a warm beverage – but coffee is fine too. He can have David Attenborough talk him to sleep if the caffeine truly is too much.

Phil opens the blog and starts reading.

**Christmas Wedding Planner – no. is the answer.**

The headline already makes Phil smile. It seems like this film did not meet many of the author’s expectations. It is always exciting to read the blog, but Phil does love the highly emotive and emotional blog posts too. The author truly shines through in those, he feels.

**I am going to start this blog post with the only inherently positive point this movie has to offer. So, if you are looking for something cheerful to read, maybe choose a different post now. This warning might seem intense, but I think you will already be inclined to agree with me when I tell you that the only inherently positive thing I can point out about this movie is that it clocks in at one hour and twenty-six minutes which means it is not quite 90 minutes long. If the length, or in this case, the absence thereof, is the only genuinely good thing I can say about a film, you will agree that not much good can follow.**

**As always, I immediately have to take back the very strong words from the beginning. After all, is language not great because it can phrase things with whichever connotation one wants?**

Phil nods at this. Martyn constantly underestimates the power of language. Or maybe he does so to rile Phil up. In that case, nodding along to the blog might not be the best decision. Martyn would only use that too to rile Phil up.

**I can easily twist something like: ‘I have never seen a more unimaginable translation from a name of a movie into its content’ into: ‘This film provides an agreeable experience because you receive exactly what it says on the box.’ ‘The film does not seek to fool you or tease you with red herrings. The film only has your entertainment in mind.’ – Or something like that.**

**The film is called Christmas Wedding Planner and it is about a wedding planner that plans her first ever wedding which happens to take place around Christmas. In a way, with this, the entire plot is told, but as I am reviewing ever aspect of the film, I can go into more detail too.**

**The wedding planner immediately seems disagreeable as soon as she dares to describe her wedding planner business as a business of love. It is the exact part of a wedding that is absolutely devoid of love and full of capitalism. Soon, one cannot help but forgive the wedding planner a little, because she is not fake, she genuinely is naïve and silly enough to believe herself. Clear signs for this naivety and immaturity are her obsession with her cousin who she is planning the wedding for. It seems like she does not really have a life of her own. All that matters is her cousin and her cousin’s mother who she is clearly terrified of and intimidated by – I cannot think of better circumstances to plan one’s first wedding. Furthermore, I cannot think of something more naïve than someone actively wishing for a ‘whirl-wind-romance’ only to completely crumble underneath the pressure of like one conversation with someone she finds attractive. It is all rather difficult to bear, should you not have caught up on that yet.**

**Before delving into the things that utterly exasperated me, I will share moments that made me almost punch my (already somewhat derelict) computer while watching. The first being that the male romantic lead that absolutely whisks the wedding planner off her feet and happens to be her cousin’s ex-boyfriend, likes to refer to himself as a PI. I do not exaggerate when I say I screamed when I realised that stood for Private Investigator. He is, generally speaking, a rather obnoxious person, in my eyes, and does his job so well that he ends up kissing the wedding planner for diversion in his undercover investigations. He involves her into the investigation, isn’t completely honest with her – of course, where would the fun be in that?! – but it is, to be fair, the wedding planner that at the turning point in their relationship takes the biscuit (not literally). He has not been honest and now wants to explain himself, but our wedding planner amateur seems to be certain that not listening to any sort of explanation is the surest way to understand everything correctly. Surprise, surprise, it isn’t. And when her cousin’s wedding falls apart because her fiancé truly was as much as a cheating scumbag as they had guessed, the wedding planner realises as much for herself.**

**Exasperating things can be found en masse too. The worst one is surely the couple that only just got together for real for the first time, so the wedding planner and the private investigator, hijacking the wedding planner’s cousin’s wedding. Yes, there is someone there to hold the ceremony, but as far as I can tell, the guests there are not particularly close with the bride’s cousin and ex-boyfriend, and if they are, this film implies a lot more exasperating things than I could possibly list here. What precedes the actual wedding ceremony is something our male lead fittingly labels a ‘romantic gesture’, and yes, by that he means the blimming proposal! How on earth is he going to go on from there? How does he top future romantic gestures after his first was a freaking proposal?! Luckily, and I truly mean luckily, we do not have to suffer through the two of them giving a relationship, no, excuse me, a wedding a go. We are exempt from that, and I have never been more thankful to a film for finishing early.**

**Exasperating is also the absolute lack of any acting talent in everyone that cannot claim to have any sort of important role. The groom is bad, the wedding cake baker is horrendous, but utterly horrible are only the toxic friends, truly no one should never have to experience. They are first invited to the wedding dress fitting and portray their worst habits within seconds. One is clumsy and throws a set of cookies (that look inedible) through the room while cackling, not sorry at all. The other is lonely and not a good friend, and the worst one is toxically jealous and a bad friend. This, mixed with bad acting, promises a very uncomfortable viewing experience – you are in for a treat!**

**While we briefly touched on the subject of food, I also need to mention the clearly empty coffee cups that look just as bad as everything we have seen so far and the blueberry scone that only gets mentioned a billion times in conversation but never shown – a clear indication for it not being a pleasant sight. It sounds edible enough, so I will give half a star for culinary creativity.**

**I hope you have understood that I did not like this film. There are some more scenes, I did not touch on, and I was not very concise with the general plot, but I do think this blog represents what I felt watching the film – bad, in short.**

**In order not to leave you in a slump just like that, I will admit that I am a sucker for some quirky habits that show a character’s heart. In this case, it is the wedding planner updating her deceased mother on everything she does via text and ending those messages with ‘Love you muchly’. The grotesquely inaccurate grammar obviously jars, and it is painfully obvious that this is a plot-device, meant to jump out at you, but that does not take away all the loveliness of the notion. It is nice to imagine a character’s strong bond with their parent, and it is certainly lovely to see that she is not embarrassed to keep to her tradition. So, if there is something I almost non-sarcastically can say I enjoyed about the film, it would be this exaggerated nod to humanity in people.**

**Try and digest this film on your own now, if you can. I will see you soon – I have not yet lost hope that some gems are hidden somewhere – I might have to stop looking for them on Netflix, though.**

Phil is still smiling when he finishes the blog. In a way, it is really nice to know that he had had the right idea in the beginning of this film having taken a toll on the author. Phil does know him rather well, which is an exciting thought.

The rest of the evening, Phil spends rereading the blog post, making himself dinner and watching the film the author so openly disliked.

At this point, Phil is obviously aware that he likes sharing an opinion with the author. However, he does not blindly copy all the opinions, he watches the film openly and just happens to have the same impression, or something like that at least.

In any case, watching the film, and immersing himself in the blog post time and time again, Phil at least manages to temporarily drown out most thoughts about the photographer. In a way, it is good that the film is so bad. That way, Phil is not in the least inclined to imagine himself in anyone’s shoes.

Any romantic fantasying would be the absolute death of him, so either, he has to continue watching bad romantic films or turn to nature documentaries.


	12. 12.12.2020

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good morning! :) I hope you are having a lovely Saturday. I will be back again tomorrow! :) Take care and stay safe! xx

** Saturday, 12th of December 2020 **

Dan’s POV 

When Dan has been younger, he slept late on a Saturday because he had stayed up late on the Friday before. Even a couple of years ago that would have been the reason for a late rise on a Saturday.

Nowadays, however, Saturdays are the only day he does not necessarily need an alarm for, so he lets his body rest and that results in late mornings.

A week has always been too long for Dan’s particular taste, but a week with five full days of running one’s own business, usually more hoping than actively checking that he is making ends meet, is draining for body and soul. Add an adorable four-year-old into the mix and anyone would understand why Dan likes to sleep long on a Saturday.

Two years ago, Mes had the habit of waking up terribly early, regardless of the weekday, but Dan’s arguably bad but completely normal habit of sleeping late on Saturdays has finally caught on, and more often than not, Dan actually wakes up before Mes even without putting his alarm.

Today, Dan does not to have put an alarm which is why he is disgruntled, to say the least when he wakes up from noises his phone elicits. Once Dan realises the noises are coming from his phone and are not the futuristic refrigerators in his dream, he grabs the phone and does his usual blind pressing of the screen to hope and silence the alarm.

That does not help so Dan is forced to open his eyes and check what’s actually going on.

There is no way Dan can silence the noise because instead of an alarm, it is Meggie spamming him with helpful get up texts.

Sorry about this. But I think you

are not yet awake otherwise you

would have answered and I need

you awake.

You will thank me for this.

Or maybe not.

Don’t hate me for it, how about that?

That’s a good compromise, isn’t it?

No.

Dan groans and lets his head fall back into the cushion in exhaustion. A series of texts early in the morning never usually mean anything good. Today, they remind him of meeting Meggie later, which is not a bad thing, but they also woke him which certainly is a bad thing.

Yay. You’re awake. That’s all I wanted.

I’ll see you later then. Have a good morning.

I will try.

Meggie sends back an emoji of rolling eyes, but Dan does not feel up for an intense emoji battle this early in the morning. Instead, he takes a long shower, gets dressed, and puts on the next Christmas film. They seem to never stop, but Dan is happy to have compiled a list of films beforehand. There are tons of new films out again this year, amongst them a sequel to the Princess Switch, but he has better things to do than watch those right now.

The film is bad, which is refreshing, but Dan has enough time to go and wake Mes to have breakfast. He will watch the film again, anyways. It doesn’t really matter to stay on top of things. Even if he doesn’t, he probably still knows what the film is about anyways. It is certainly not a deep one.

“We will go and watch a film with Meggie today.” Dan tells Mes as he pours milk on top of his cereal.

“Here?”

“No. In the cinema. We will make a little trip out of it.” Dan is testing the waters with this. Mes reacts favourably, so yes, they will make a trip out of it.

Despite Mes being a certified social butterfly according to Meggie, he has still also inherited some of Dan’s introvert-ism, so it is always useful to check whether he is on board with going out.

Once breakfast is done, Dan shuts off the television and instead sits down on the carpet with Mes to play with his toys a little bit. They are going to watch a film together, so he doesn’t need to have the television on at home too.

Meggie arrives shortly after and whisks them away to the cinema. Dan is holding onto Mes hand while they navigate the usually busy December streets towards the cinema. It is full, put because he can focus on the twinkling lights Mes is not too overwhelmed.

They settle into their seats at the cinema and share a bag of M&Ms while watching the children’s movie. There are a couple more families there, which makes Dan realise that without any malicious intent, most people would probably assume that they were a family of three as well.

Dan does not mind as long as Meggie is also comfortable with it, but he does feel a twinge of regret that despite being very much at ease in this situation, it is also that tiny bit off. This is not exactly what Dan wishes for. He is happy, but, if he is allowed to say that, he is not as happy as he could be.

After the film all three of them enjoyed very much, Dan and Meggie decide to take Mes to a small arcade near the cinema. Mes is happy to watch others play most of the time, which makes him one of the cheapest people to go to an arcade with, but then they spot a temporarily set up merry-go-round, and Dan knows that if it were up to Mes, he would spend the next three hours trying out different seats, merrily going around.

Dan sits down next to Mes for the first round, but then, Mes is happy to continue on his own, so Dan joins Meggie who is loaded with all their belongings.

“You two looked cute together.” Meggie greets him.

“Don’t we always?” Dan grins. Meggie slaps him and they continue watching Mes in silence for a while.

It is Meggie that breaks the comfortable silence. Dan senses that she is hesitant, so he pays particular attention to what she is saying.

“Don’t you think we should look for dates?”

“Like the 15th of April?” Dan asks back. He is well aware that he is being obnoxious, but sometimes, that is necessary to not crumble into pieces due to his anxiety.

“No, buffoon. Like people we would like to spend time with.”

“Oh.” Dan suddenly feels insecure. “Do you not like to spend time with us?”

“I do.” Meggie says quickly. Dan is relieved he can see how sincere she is. “Of course, I do. I love it! Maybe a little too much. I can’t afford to get stuck. I love you both to bits, but I do want my own family.”

“So do I.” Dan mumbles back. “Actually… No.” Even less of a hint would have been enough for Meggie to figure out Dan is not telling everything he has on his mind.

“Yes?” Meggie asks with an encouraging smile. Dan has always shared everything with her eventually, so he might as well do so now.

“Well. There is a customer of mine…”

“A customer? Not a client?” Meggie raises her eyebrows.

“Yes. I took his pictures twice and he’s coming back next week for some more.” Dan says, unable to stop smiling.

“Oh, I see.”

“I wish you could! He is absolutely gorgeous! He is kind. He likes kids. He is funny. And he does not mind talking to me, I think.”

“Sounds like someone has got a crush.” Meggie singsongs.

“Yeah, no shit. That is literally why I am telling you this.” Dan pouts and turns away from Meggie a little.

“I’m just teasing, Dan. I am happy you found someone that makes _you_ happy.”

“He is not like actively making me happy. I am happy because of him, but he does not try to make me happy, you know?”

“Not yet.” Meggie says confidently. “Come on, we need to keep our spirits and hopes up.”

“We?” Dan asks. Finally, it’s his turn to raise his eyebrows at Meggie.

“Yeah.” Meggie blushes. “I might have met someone last week. It’s all very new, and he might not even be interested like that, but he is a lot of fun to be around.”

Dan smiles at Meggie. He can guess that she is talking about the Phil person that started working with her. In taste for partners, they have always shared an absolute weakness for people that know how to treat children. Someone Mes likes seems like suitable crush-material for Meggie.

“Let’s go and do something about our crushes. Let’s be more out there.” Dan says and grabs Meggie’s hand.

“Yeah.” She squeezes Dan’s hand. And with the return of Mes, their heart-to-heart comes to a close. It does feel good to have shared parts of his heart with Meggie. Dan feels less alone and certainly more like he should actually try and go for it.

Dan takes Mes and Meggie home and makes them a vegetarian Shepherd’s Pie. He ends up in a fierce discussion with Meggie whether a Shepherd’s Pie shouldn’t be vegetarian by default, as one would hardly eat human meat. Just because it is fun to argue with her, Dan supports his position of a meaty Shepherd’s Pie with the possessive s, showing that one eats what belongs to the shepherd.

Meggie rolls her eyes, and again, they need Mes to join them to stop their conversation.

After dinner, Meggie leaves again, hugging both of them tightly.

“I trust us.” Meggie whispers into Dan’s ear.

“Big mistake.” Dan smiles and sends Meggie on her way with another of her eyerolls.

Dan scoops Mes up and dances around the apartment for a little while. He is happy to have Meggie as a friend. He is happier to have Mes with him. And he is not unhappy about having decided to be more forward with the CV man. He does like children and he is kind to Dan. There is nothing that tells Dan he should not let his crush develop into something more.

“Dad!” Mes calls from the living room while Dan quickly washes up the dishes. He does not like doing it now, but he would hate to have to do it in the morning.

“Yes?” Dan calls back. He can hear Mes getting up. Soon, he joins Dan in the kitchen and hugs one of Dan’s legs.

“You are a therodoter.” Mes says proudly.

“Excuse me?” Dan smiles. “A traitor?”

Mes nods. “A therodosaurus.”

Dan laughs and pats Mes’ head with his foamy hands. “Thank you.”

Mes seems happy about comparing Dan to whatever dinosaur he actually means, so Dan trusts that it’s a good thing.

“I love you, dad.”

“I love you too, Mes.” Dan returns. For the duration of the washing up, Dan even allows silent tears to well up in his eyes. When the first rolls down his cheeks, he wipes it away and tells himself to get a grip.

He is incredibly lucky to have Mes in his life. Overwhelmingly happy. But that does not mean he should cry in front of Mes and risk worrying him.

He is going to pull himself together and prove to himself that he deserves good things.

Phil’s POV

Phil is not the least dramatic person he knows, but even for him staying in bed long past waking up because the ordeal of getting up in the cold is too much after what happened the day before is a little extreme.

The world outside his bed seems colder and less welcoming than it has done in the past couple of days.

The photographer is Mes’ father. The photographer knows who Phil is and does not care to take their acquaintance further. He has a happy family and likes Phil well enough to entertain as a customer but that is all.

That this decent amount of things the photographer is willing to do for Phil is not enough, clearly shows that Phil has been too greedy. He has let his imagination run wild and now, belatedly, has to pay the price for it.

Then again, it is probably good that he is paying the price now and does not have to suddenly realise the photographer isn’t _interested_ when he is even further gone.

Phil feels bad and is not happy, so looking at things positively is difficult, but it needs to be done. He needs to not dismay. Otherwise, he knows for a fact that he can just forget about relationships for the rest of his life.

Yeah, this is what Phil means with not being the least dramatic person he knows – diminishing the facts? Hardly.

Phil groans and turns around in bed. He really does not feel like doing anything. Then again, he does not need to do anything either. He won’t go to the studio – because he has not been invited and because he is not insane.

He also does not have to do anything for the nursery. All he can do is stay home and wallow in his own misery and self-loathing which occasionally switches over into self-pity but that is even harder to bear, because he knows it is all his own fault.

In the past year, Phil must have stayed inside for way too long if he is this far gone after meeting and talking to a gorgeous person like twice. (‘Like twice’ feels like a very nonchalant, throw-away phrase that hides how obsessed Phil is with thinking back to the encounters).

Then again, that is not being fair on the photographer. Phil is pretty sure that no matter where when and how he had met him, he would have still been enchanted.

Enchanted? Really?

Phil turns around, trying to leave the thought on that side of the bed and explains his particularly weird mood with the Christmas film he has watched the evening before. The author would surely agree that the film practically invites all weird thoughts in.

Phil is thinking of possible things to think about apart from the photographer and Phil’s miserable life, when his phone peeps with a message.

Back to your university days, I see.

Martyn is being and idiot, but Phil welcomes the diversion for once and actually sits up to text him back.

It’s like 11, leave me alone.

Martyn does not text back immediately, but instead, the phone starts ringing.

“Morning.” Phil says.

“Good morning.” Martyn says, sounding very pleased with himself.

“For the record, you cannot know how long I slept.”

“Yes, yes. But I do know that you are still in bed.”

“Lucky guess.” Phil mutters.

Martyn sighs. “I don’t even know what to ask now, who do I make responsible?”

“What?”

“Did MMAHB not upload?” Martyn asks. He either imitates compassion really well, or he is actually worried and sorry for Phil.

Now, it’s Phil’s turn to sigh. “No. Actually, he did post.”

“Oh, so you were tired not sad?” Martyn asks, and Phil sighs again. He is being stupid but when has he ever not been?

“Oh?” Martyn asks carefully. “Do you care to talk about it?”

“It won’t hurt.” Phil mumbles.

“You don’t know that.” Martyn says cheerfully.

“You are an ace at encouraging people to share secrets.”

“Oh secrets?”

“I am this close to not telling you after all.” Phil rubs his forehead. Martyn apologises quickly, and Phil ends up telling him just about everything from starting at the nursery, taking pictures, and returning to the studio.

Phil starts off in a bad mood but talking about Mes and the photographer slowly cheers him up, only for his mood to drop lower than he started out with when he reaches the newest developments.

“It turns out that adorable Mes’ adorable father is the photographer. That just about sums up my luck, I think.” Phil finishes dejectedly.

“I see. You don’t know whether there is a mother in the picture.” Martyn says, unhelpful as always.

“Don’t give me hope.” Phil mutters. “He is in a happy family and tolerates me as a client – so it could be worse, but it’s not, like, great.”

“I think you need all the hope you can get, by the sound of it.” This time, Phil accepts Martyn’s compassion as genuine.

“Thanks.” Phil says as neutrally as he can manage.

“Well. I suggest you get your act together, don’t despair, and join me at the company for our Christmas meeting, or did you forget?”

Of course, he did. “Of course not!”

“Great. See you at 2pm then.” Martyn says, saving Phil the hassle of trying to figure out when the meeting was scheduled for.

Phil is showered, dressed, and in possession of all his necessary belongings about one and a half hours after their call. It does take a while to get one’s act together, but he thinks, he scrubs up pretty well for the disastrous point he started out from.

The meeting Martyn welcomes him to with a sweet coffee waiting for him at his designated place turns out to be not of the long and tedious kind but is a rather pleasant affair with Martyn and Phil handing out Christmas money to their employees and looking back on a successful year.

It is arguably a little early to review the year, but the next few meetings will have to do with the added business around Christmas. They can get the pleasant meeting out of the way now and meet for the tougher stuff at a different time.

Martyn and Phil invite their employees out for a coffee after the meeting which means Phil runs quite high on sugar and caffeine by the time the informal part of their meeting comes to a close.

“You look better.” Martyn tells Phil as they walk towards Martyn’s car.

“Yeah.” Phil agrees vaguely. “We have a nice team around us. It makes me happy to see our business doing well. Also, we are able to sweeten someone’s Christmas and that is quite lovely too, if you ask me.”

“It is.” Martyn smiles. “Listen, thank you for always being on board to go to meetings and stuff. You don’t have to, you know.”

“I can’t have you do everything on your own and expect to be paid anyways.”

“Phil, you do the designing and the funky ideas.” (Phil punches Martyn when he says ‘funky’.) “Our tasks are equally distributed as it is. But thank you for coming to the meetings. I like having you there.”

“I like being there.” Phil assures him.

“Good. I am glad you’re happy now.” Martyn grins. “I was afraid you’d plunge into MMAHB and reread all his posts again.”

There’s an idea.

“Take care and keep your spirits up.” Martyn tells him, blissfully unaware of having provided Phil with the ideal activity for Sunday.

“You too.” Phil says and waves Martyn off before making his way home.

He buys groceries on the way home and decides to binge watch the first series Netflix recommends him. He will let himself numb his feelings about the photographer and Mes today and will indulge himself with the blog tomorrow.

It is good to separate things like this, he is almost certain.


	13. 13.12.2020

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all have a wonderful Sunday! :) Enjoy the chapter and take care! I will see you tomorrow. xx

** Sunday, 13th of December 2020 **

Dan’s POV 

Dan has had a very good Saturday. For once, he has not even compensated getting up late with going to bed late. Mes has been the driving force in that, of course. He cuddled with Dan and fell asleep on top of him, so that Dan could literally not do anything but carry Mes into his bedroom to get changed, only to take him into Dan’s room afterwards.

Dan needed cuddles last night. Meggie is lovely and the best friend Dan could have ever hoped for, but she is not his girlfriend. She is important to Mes and Dan, but she is not the missing puzzle piece to complete their family, if there even is such a thing.

On Sunday, Dan wakes up at an ambiguous time, which is absolutely a Sunday phenomenon. On a Sunday, you can’t really wake up too late, but especially in winter, waking up when it’s still dark outside can feel too early.

The sun is certainly slowly rising when Dan opens his eyes on this Sunday. He does feel well rested so that he does not resent his body too much for waking up.

Dan glances over at the heap which should contain Mes somewhere. The blanket is rising and falling steadily, so Mes is still asleep, which is good news.

Carefully, Dan gets out of bed to drink a glass of water, go to the bathroom, wash while he is there, and then return to the bed for that blissful feeling of being able to laze around some more.

Dan ends of falling back asleep, but it is still not terribly late when he wakes up the next time.

Shortly after Dan has oriented himself, Mes also opens his eyes. Dan likes the theory that he is as much a good father that if he is well rested enough, his body completely tunes in with Mes’ needs. He doesn’t care if that seems improbable. It’s a nice thought, and why on earth should nice thoughts be forbidden?

“Good morning.” Dan greets Mes and pulls him into his arms when Mes stretches his out towards him.

“Morning.” Mes says, closing his eyes and burying his head in Dan’s chest.

“Did you sleep well?” Dan asks, carefully running his hand through Mes’ curls.

“Yes. I dreamed about a dinosaur arcade.” Mes says and sleepily tells Dan all about the child-friendly Jurassic Park rip off he has dreamed about.

“Was it a petting zoo?” Dan asks.

“You can pet the dinosaurs if you ask them politely.” Mes says, and Dan is very proud of Mes’ subconscious already getting grips of the concept of consent. He has done something correctly, it seems, in raising Mes.

“Which ones did you really like?” Dan asks, loving nothing more than to keep Mes and his fantasy talking.

“The theriodosorous.” Mes says immediately. “It looks like you.”

“Is that a compliment?” Dan laughs. “To look like a dinosaur?”

“No. The dinosaur looks like you!” Mes corrects him, and even if that is essentially the same thing, Dan has to admit that is also somewhat makes sense to express it like that.

“Am I a kind dinosaur?” Dan asks.

“The kindest. He even gave me sweets.” Mes does not need to hear the sermon about not accepting sweets from strangers right now. In his dream, Dan has given him sweets, and there were not many unfortunate people that were cursed with looking like Dan, so that particular life lesson could wait for another day.

“I can give you fruits for now and we can see whether we find any sweets later.” Dan offers,

“Yes!” Mes wiggles free from Dan’s embrace and jumps out of bed.

Dan laughs and follows him, first into the bathroom and then into the kitchen.

Just when he is done with preparing hot chocolates for both of them – not to meander just yet but drinking coffee in the morning on a day you don’t necessarily need to be awake at is silly. So, just when Dan is done with their hot chocolates, his phone rings.

“Who could this be?” Dan asks.

“Grandma-mama.” Mes dances on his chair.

Dan glances at the screen and sees that Mes is in fact correct. “How did you know?”

“Grandma-mama always sings like that!”

“Sings? The ringtone?”

“Yes.” Mes says, still wiggling around, waiting for Dan to answer the call. As if Dan is not busy melting over Mes’ adorableness, Mes truly is very inconsiderate.

“Hello?”

“Good morning, Dan. I trust that you two are well?”

“Yes. You can see for yourself, if you want.” Dan says and then gently proceeds to guide his grandmother through transforming this voice call into a video call. Seeing Mes’ and his grandma-mama’s face light up once they succeed is a billion times worth it.

While Mes and his grandma-mama are talking about the past week they have had, Dan prepares toasts for him and Mes, basking in the warmth that spreads through him just from listening to Mes.

“And then we went to an arcade! Meggie does not like roundabouts…”

“Merry-go-rounds.” Dan corrects gently.

“I like them!” Mes picks up the conversation immediately.

Next, Mes tells grandma-mama all about his dream which cannot be easy for her to understand, but she is doing a terrific job at listening to Mes. Dan truly loves his peculiar family.

But is his family really that peculiar? He is a single father (no need to rub that in), but he has family members that love him and his son and that care for them. In that sense, surely, they are a pretty ordinary and normal family.

“Have you taken good care of your father?” Grandma-ma’s voice wakes Dan from his thoughts.

“It’s a combined effort.” Dan answers before Mes can even start thinking that maybe, he actually has to take care of Dan. He does not want his little boy to experience any sort of stress like that for as long as possible.

“You’re well?”

“Yes.” Dan says. He can feel her voice going under his skin, with everything he is keeping to himself wanting to spill out immediately. He has no idea how she does it, but it is a superpower, if he ever saw one.

“How could I not be with my M&Ms around at all times?” Dan adds when he has clearly not convinced anyone in the room that he is in fact doing well.

“M&Ms?”

“Meggie and Mes. It’s a joke – a very clever one – because there are sweets called that.”

“I just don’t want you to be lonely.” First, grandma-mama has the audacity not to laugh about that hilarious joke and now she gets serious? What has Dan done to deserve this?

“Changing my status now after all these years would come as a shock to the system.” Dan laughs. Oh, maybe that’s what he has done.

“You were not always lonely.”

“No. With Mes, I am not alone.”

“And Lucy…”

“No. It’s Mes. I was not alone but even then, I was lonely. I am sorry.” Dan rubs his eyes and has never before been so happy that a simple cup of hot chocolate is enough to distract Mes completely.

“You don’t have to apologise, dear. I am sorry for bringing this up. I do only want you to be happy.”

“I know that.” Dan whispers.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.” Dan returns.

“I love you!” Mes is on track again, waving wildly at grandma-mama.

They end the phone call with a rendition of ‘Hark the Herald Angels sing’ and good wishes for the following week. Dan can do with them, what with meeting CV man again and stuff.

Dan shakes his head and munches on his toast. First being reminded of Mes’ mother and now thinking about CV man gives him whiplash. His thoughts need to calm down and he needs to stay in the moment, with Mes at their breakfast table.

Having this, grounds him enough to strengthen his resolve to be forward with the CV man. He will not lose any of this if all fails. Mes will always be with him.

After breakfast, Dan sits Mes down on the counter while they first wash up and then order groceries. Mes does not hate grocery shopping, but Dan prefers not to have to handle 50 pounds of food and a carefree Mes at the same time. Also, what were these grocery delivery services created for if not to help lazy single fathers?

Again with the single father. Dan seems intent to ruin his own day, which is annoying.

They relocate into the living room afterwards, and Dan puts on the next film on his list. He vaguely remembers not hating every millisecond of this film, so it might be good enough for a Sunday afternoon.

The Knight before Christmas, it turns out, is a good deal worse than Dan thought to have remembered, but this only means that the blog post flows somewhat easily. He puts the film on again while Mes re-enacts his dream with his stuffed toys. Only two of them are dinosaurs, but Mes is not spoiled enough to demand for more appropriate cast members. Dan immediately makes a mental note to get him some toys for Christmas.

Then, he focuses not so much on the film as on his take on the film and for once finishes within the timeframe of the film. He proofreads and corrects so that he only uploads when the ending makes him want to flip something again, but he is done and ready to go.

To ensure no grave mistakes, Dan reads over the post again, now in his published form, corrects the headline with an embarrassed huff and then leaves the post out there for others to enjoy, hopefully.

He has received the occasional comment and a decent series of likes on his blog since he started this series, so hopefully, his readers will enjoy this particular post as well.

**The Knight before Christmas – their bad pun is enough for me not to bother you with one of my own.**

**I have first watched this film last Christmas. I was still young then and not (as) inclined to pessimistic expectations of what a film with a bad pun in the title could possibly be like. Because of this innocent misconception, the memory I had of this film was maybe not fully positive but certainly not completely negative either. In the course of writing this blog, I have now watched the film another two times and can happily report to you that my impression was completely wrong and has duly been adjusted to fit my current perspective on life. (A question up for discussion is whether I have simply become more pessimistic or realistic…)**

**Due to the fact that as usual, when watching a film, the first thing we see is the title, this film is off to a bad start. Also, something about the pun in the title really annoys me apart from the fact that it is a bad pun. In my opinion, this phrase does not make any sense whatsoever. Why is the knight there only before Christmas? Also, as far as I can remember the pinnacle of the story might have been on Christmas Eve, but it is certainly not the highlight. If they absolutely had to use a bad pun, could they not have made it make sense, at least. Already Christmas Knight would have been a whole lot better. Maybe this was too straightforward and too good for them. The final title probably was created out of the absolute dire need to show the world that the creators mean the pun ironically. That changes nothing about the fact that I dislike the title, though.**

**Okay, I think we have all understood that I am not a big fan of the title. It is, after all, puns like these that ruin the reputation of all puns! But yes, the bad things about this film do not stop with the title. In fact, there is a steady undercurrent right up to the highlight at the very end. I hate keeping you in suspense (lol), but for a dramatic retelling of the marvellous plot, this is necessary – we don’t yet know whether they will end up together, after all!**

**After I have already warned you considerably about a couple of aspects about this film, let me add another reminder to be cautious: Even if the film attempts to portray knights in the middle ages and uses metal armour with red capes, it is no retelling of Merlin and Arthur. It is Troy and Gabriella all over again, but now, Troy is British, and Gabriella is a teacher and not a student at the high school. I can reassure you, though: This film is not a musical.**

**Any film pretending to be about a knight and his boyfriend/magical lifesaver only to let down all (reasonable!) hope is traitorous and not to be trusted. Naively deciding to look past this great offence was not the cleverest thing I have ever done, but only like this do we have another blog post, so, be thankful!**

**After being disappointing and then quickly alluding to this not being the well-deserved Merlin and Arthur celebrate Christmas head-canon everyone must have had at least once in their life, this film attempts to jumble together 14 th century England and 21st century America. For what it’s worth, it is not a terrible take on it, even though I have to say: One more psychic witch telling someone that in the future, there will be flying steal dragons, and I will flip my shit. **

**It is not long we stay in the past though, because our romantic male lead is bestowed with a knight’s quest and ends up travelling seven centuries into the future, to suddenly find himself on an aggressively decorated square in Ohio. On top of that, a jazzy rendition of the Carol of the Bells is blasted through some speakers which I dare suggest being an uncomfortable experience for anyone, 14 th century knight or other. **

**To no one’s surprise, the knight is a bit distraught by the scene in front of him. Then again, maybe, he is a little too tame about everything, occasionally bumping into people with his metal armour but otherwise not falling to the ground screaming, as I might have done – and I do mean myself, as I am now. To almost ruin such an objectively pretty space with the masses of tasteless lights is truly a feat that would certainly force me to the ground in agony.**

**While our female romantic lead that has been briefly introduced as a compassionate teacher and a loving aunt to her young niece, wanders over the square drinking hot chocolate, we can also experience the knight narrowly missing a proper encounter with Father Christmas, pardon my British, Santa. Who on earth should that poor boy have thought to have in front of him? Some sort of deranged local figure causing quite the hype among the primarily young? He will not have mistaken him for Jesus, I dare say, and the concept of a commercial figure promoting children’s well-behaved-ness as well as increased spending of parents to reward the good behaviour would be more alien to him than the lights, or so I guess. He would not have recognised him as Santa which would have let to some awkwardness. So it was certainly one of the cleverer strokes of this film to not have the knight and man-in-red suit interact.**

**The inevitable happens and our romantic leads bump into each other, which, considering the metal armour, should have at least caused some bruises if not broken bones, but all that happens is some hot chocolate spillage and unrestricted goggling. They soon bump into each other again, but now she is also equipped with a metal armour (that’s funny because she is in a car and accidentally touches the wandering knight in the streets). She ends up taking him home because that is what the American police always suggest when there is someone with suspected memory loss no one has ever seen before wandering through the streets in Medieval armour.**

**Our teacher happens to have a guesthouse the knight can stay in which robs us of a bed sharing incident which should have happened when aiming to incorporate all clichés. Instead, the teacher teaches the knight how to use an Alexa, which is hilariously unimportant but offers the arguably cutest scene when our knight-in-hot-chocolate-stained-armour keeps saying: “Lady Alexa play.” before asking a question. Why he should not have any issues with a strange voice answering him back when all he can see is the sorry excuse for a stone but does not manage to pick up on the way to address this technological stone is a mystery to me, but then, it’s by far not the only thing that does not make sense in this film. Another Vanessa Hudges specific scene, as it appears, it the two romantic interests watching a Netflix film together (The Holiday Calendar in this case). I don’t like them denting the fourth wall with an ill-placed punch. Either tear it down or refrain from going near it entirely!**

**Non-sensical scenes further include a ginger-haired neighbour first endangering the teacher’s territory with some bad flirting (the knight is immune against) only to then play cupid and giving a mistletoe to the knight at a later party for him to have a reason to kiss the teacher. A whole lot of scheming for a non-involved neighbour party, but that might just be me.**

**Before the film comes to a close with one of the most ridiculous reunion scenes I have ever been forced to witness, we are rewarded with some nice scenes for a change. Because the knight was some sort of local hero-tradesman-jack-of-all-trades person back in his days, he obviously knows how to bake bread – excuse you for asking! The bread making process – aka, an opportunity for him to spoon her at the worktop kneading bread that cannot be passed by – is a little on the annoying side, but all in all, the bread certainly looks the most edible and delicious out of all food items. The chocolate-void hot chocolate powder does not look all too good in comparison.**

**Something I would not have expected from this film was a genuinely heartfelt scene, something, even I would nearly call romantic! The scene in question is not knight and teacher acting like an old married couple when saving her niece, but the exchange of Christmas presents. The teacher has actually paid attention to the knight and has remembered to uphold his tradition: An orange and a half penny (dollar). That is really sweet of her, honestly. It shows that she somehow seems to have some sort of value for things other than money too.**

**Lastly, I quickly want to compliment this film on the brave interpretation of the non-consequential child. There is the niece of course, but she actually plays some sort of role with walking onto a frozen lake and stuff, so she cannot really be counted. Her friend, on the other hand, is only there for the niece to give her mittens to, so non-consequential when it comes down to it. There is, however, also a high school student from the teacher who we see as heartbroken and with suffering grades because of that before she takes her teacher’s advice to heart and promises to work diligently again. Not at all important, and it actually makes sense to wonder whether the makers of this film had a teenage daughter themselves who they wanted to cheer up, couldn’t do in person so had Vanessa Hudges do that for them.**

**The horrendous and cringey ending I have referred to before is the knight miraculously returning to the 21 st century after the completion of the knight’s quest lead him back to the 14th century. And this time, he brings his horse, the teacher mounts it in the same aggressively decorated square, and they ride off kissing while the people around them applaud. **

**This ending was for sure bad enough to essentially take away all the positive points it had acquired with the bread and orange. So, yes, this film is not my favourite film, and I sincerely hope that I will not have to watch it again, but other than that, it was alright, I guess. Go watch for yourself, if you are prepared to be disappointed in all aforementioned points.**

With the blog successfully posted, Dan wraps Mes up in a scarf and warm jacket, prepares hot chocolates and takes him out to meander.

Mes drinks his hot chocolate happily enough, but other than that, he seems a little more quiet than usual. Dan walks closely next to him and steers him away from potholes with slight pressure on his shoulders. He does not want to make Mes talk when he is not ready. If there is something he wants to say, Dan trusts him to share eventually.

“Dad?” Mes asks when they reach the park.

“Yes?”

“Is Meggie my mother?” Mes asks. He seems contemplative more than happy or sad, which Dan hopes is a good ground to start from.

“No.” Dan says decidedly and guides Mes to a bench for them to sit down. “I love Meggie very much, and she loves us very much, but she is not and never will be your mother.”

Dan is especially firm with his words because he fears his own behaviour might have confused Mes over the past years. Dan really is an abominable father.

“Is she my aunt?” Mes asks.

“Aunt?”

“Like the teacher.” Mes says, and Dan quietly curses the rubbish film for confusing Mes even more.

“No. She is your godmother, and she is my friend, our friend!”

“We like her.”

“We love her.” Dan agrees. “You don’t need a mother. You have me.” Dan says carefully. He would hate if Mes thinks something is not quite right with him. Dan cannot have that be his and his late girlfriend’s fault.

“Yes!” Mes says happily. “You are a traitosaurus!”

“A traitosaurus?”

“Yes.”

Dan is pretty sure that Mes has now ended up creating an entirely new dinosaur name out of that first attempt to tell Dan about his newly discovered friend, but Mes seems happy with the name, so Dan will not be the one to play professor.

“Nice.”

Dan and Mes finish their hot chocolates and then walk around the park once before heading home to have tea with some biscuits.

In the afternoon, they draw together before throwing everything together for some spaghetti.

Only right before going to bed himself does Dan have time to text Meggie.

I agree.

Glad to hear it.

What do you agree with?

We need to date. Mes asked if you were

his mother. Because of that stupid film!

Yeah, I read the blog. What did you answer?

You’re not but we love you.

Nice. Well done, I think. Don’t think too

much about it. He is fine, you’re fine. I’m fine.

Thank you.

Yes, yes. Now sleep.

Dan puts his phone away and pulls the covers closer around him. He is fine. They are all fine. Mes does not need a mother, but that does not mean that Dan absolutely cannot date.

This week will bring answers. Or ask further questions, whatever it is, Dan better sleep to be prepared for it. 

Phil’s POV

Phil does like Sundays in general. He has liked them particularly as a child as that was when his mother was a little more lenient with what he put on his plate for dinner. He would not eat less, but he would experiment with different flavours. He learned it the hard way, that sprinkle of frosted flakes does not work as a garnish for neither tomato nor asparagus soup (he had to try twice to be really sure).

So, Phil has never really had an issue with Sundays. He stated liking them a little less intensely, when he started being in charge of his own shopping and when Sunday meant the last day of freedom before a stressful week at university started again, but now, Phil is generally back to enjoying a good Sunday.

Normally, Phil would stay up late on a Saturday and fully enjoy not having to get up on a Sunday. Then, he would make himself a bowl of cereal, regardless of the time, and then, he would spend the day in front of the television.

Phil knows that on this Sunday, he would have been way too restless to just sit there and watch. That is why he is truly thankful for Martyn’s accidental suggestion to read all blog posts again.

He would fight fire with fire, but sometimes, in order not to obsess over something, you needed to obsess over something else.

As soon as Phil can bear to look at a screen again, he opens up the blog on his laptop and starts reading right at the beginning.

After the first short introductory post, Phil relocates into the living room to put on some films in the background and to make himself a cup of coffee before continuing his literary journey.

While reading, Phil happens upon some of his favourite blog posts. He even gets emotional when he reaches the first ever post he has read by the author.

It’s a post about the film Christopher Robin, which at the time of Phil finding the blog, had had only a few reviews he found expressed his opinion on it. Then he had found I-review-films and fell in love with the author immediately.

Phil always said that as a joke until he had to realise that there was at least some truth in that statement.

The Christopher Robin blog post dates back to 2018, which makes it two years that Phil has read and loved the blog. The author’s adorable recount of the film, seeping with love for the well-known characters, as well as his snarky comments on his own emotional reaction immediately made Phil like the author.

**Christopher Robin and Winnie the Pooh have always had the cutest conversations. They totally lead me on, believing that my stuffed toys can also speak, but apart from that, they only taught me nice and valuable things – cheesy, I know, but I totally attribute my emotional growth exclusively to the two of them. I was prepared to therefore judge this movie severely, harshly, affected by my preconceptions, but there was no need for that! Christopher Robin (Ewan McGregor, I mean, come on, he’s perfect!) and Winnie the Pooh still have the exact same touching conversations. My favourite from this film being: “That’s a silly explanation.” “Why, thank you.”**

Phil smiles at the blog post and reads it twice, simply to honour it being the first he has ever read. The one to start the happiest two years of his life, blog posts scattered through them, always sure to make him smile even if everything else made him want to scowl.

Phil also reads the blog post again to try and determine once again, whether the author is in fact a man like he has suspected the whole time. It does seem like he sympathises a lot with Christopher Robin, but that might be true for anyone.

When Phil starts obsessing about the description of Ewan McGregor and why he is perfect for the role, he decides that it is time to move on to the next post. He might find some more answers there.

From the Christopher Robin post onwards, Phil cannot help analysing every blog post for possible biographical clues of the author. He still appreciates the blog posts for what they are, but he also uses them to potentially catch glimpses at the author.

One post in particular makes him incredibly happy, the same it had done when he had first received the notification for it.

**There is nothing quite like a late evening gander on Netflix, looking for films that you have not yet seen and that you are positive will add to your evening and not take away from it (I am looking at you, Percy Jackson: Sea of Monsters). Fate was particularly considerate with me this time, because I found the Dutch LGBTQ+ film Boys. Just because it is so beautiful and hopeful and feels real, it made me weep. We, as a collective, as a society, as a human race, need more films like this.**

At the time, Phil had never heard of the film, was still moved to tears by the blog post and cried some more actually watching the film.

Now, that he is rereading the post with some sort of fresh perspective, Phil still thinks that his understanding of the author being part of the LGBTQ+ community stands true.

Phil reads on and genuinely kicks his computer off his lap when he reads the author referring to his past self as a gay little boy that would have benefitted from movies like this.

So, the author is male and gay. Cool, cool.

The next nugget of information, Phil finds in a very powerful rant about the film Detective Pikachu. The author is roughly Phil’s age because when he writes about his childhood retrospectively being ruined, he refers to times and dates Phil also vividly remembers.

So, the author is male, gay, and in his late twenties, roughly speaking. Cool, cool.

The next things Phil discovers are characteristics that make him like the author even more. The first one, Phil finds in a review of the film The Fault in Our Stars. The author willingly shares that he has cried buckets reading the book while on a plane, worrying fellow passengers and that he did not fare a whole lot better watching the film. Additionally, his resolve never to smoke, has been strengthened. It’s a piece of information about the author, so obviously, Phil is thrilled to read it.

A similarly emotional response to a film was the author’s Big Hero 6 review.

**In conclusion, I cried a lot and have not yet forgiven the film for playing with my feelings like that. As a last advice from me: Look out for the male technicians. In a series of way too talented people inventing stuff, building robots while Fall Out Boy plays in the background, they seem like the only vaguely relatable characters, so shout out to them!**

The last piece of information confirming Phil’s suspicions about the author being British finally show themselves as well. In a post about Falling Inn Love, which first evokes an emotive response to the bad pun in the title, the author complains about the idealised image of handymen in New Zealand and says that he has never met one in Britain that was under the age of 40 and they certainly did not look like that.

A comment on the Eurovision Song Contest film which was bad but had annoyingly good music and Alexander Rybak (everyone’s violin playing crush) so was a winner after all, only solidifies the author’s nationality in Phil’s mind. 

So, the author is a man, British, gay, and round about Phil’s age. Cool, cool.

If this more or less accidental investigation proved anything it’s why Phil really can’t help to be at least a little in love with the author.

Reading back all blog posts, Phil is both disappointed in himself that he has not written more comments, and glad that he didn’t. It is one thing to be obsessed with the blog, and a different to share that obsession with the author.

He has commented whenever he felt like he had something to contribute, even if it was just something like suggesting adding pumpkin spice to popcorn. The author always likes the comments, Phil’s as well as other people’s, but that is no real indication for him to actually enjoy the comments.

Phil is a quick reader and also, even if the blog has affected Phil’s past two years considerably, there are not actually millions of posts. There are certainly enough to keep Phil entertained well into the late afternoon, making him forget to eat anything, even!

When Phil reaches, what he thinks to be the latest post, he sees that the blog has been updated again with a review of The Knight Before Christmas.

Phil quickly pours himself a bowl of cereal for the first bit of nutritious intake and another cup of coffee before he settles down to read the newest blog post.

The author very clearly seems not to have liked the film all that much. He says to have forced himself to watch it again, demanding for his reader’s thankfulness. Phil likes to think that he knows the author well enough to know that he is not being serious. Still, Phil decides to write a comment anyways:

I greatly appreciate your willing suffering for this blog. Thank you.

Phil then leaves the blog open while putting on The Knight Before Christmas. It does not take long for him to completely understand what the author had meant with aggressively decorated.

Once the film is done, Phil agrees that it was bad. He smiles and decides to order pizza, because he can.

The pizza does not take long to arrive, but it is still long enough for Phil to accidentally make his way down a rather dangerous route of day-dreaming about the author and what it would be like to watch a film with him.

When the pizza arrives, Phil puts on Big Hero 6, which turns out to be a teary mistake, even if Baymax is always a healing sight to see. It is, however, not the worst mistake he has made that day. The worst mistake, without a doubt was replacing his obsession over the photographer and Mes with an obsession for the author.

Now, Phil is heartbroken twice as bad, because if the photographer has not worked out right from the off, the author is at least just as far away.

Phil sighs and takes out his phone. He wanted to hide his day’s activities from Martyn, but he does need to talk to someone about this.

I really like MMAHB.

No shit.

Martyn’s reply is way too quick for Phil’s liking. Now, he has to talk to him and can’t just leave his statement uncommented.

I know that I don’t know him but still…

You love him. You want to marry him. You

want to watch A Christmas Knight with him.

Funny. Also it’s The Knight Before Christmas.

I know. He said the other one is better.

You read the blog?

To know why you’re so obsessed? Of course!

Also it’s a good blog.

See!

Still. I think you should get over this first love of

yours and pursue the photographer. Ask him out!

Phil squints at his phone, feeling uncomfortably warm after reading Martyn’s message. He decides to ask Cornelia the same question just to be sure.

I also think you should pursue him. Listen to

Martyn.

At least switch it up, Martyn, and give Cornelia

her phone back.

Phil rolls his eyes and puts his phone away. If Martyn happens to not be completely mistaken and the photographer ends up not being in a relationship, then Phil would be very angry with himself for not being brave enough to ask him out.

Then again, with Mes at the nursery, it is almost dangerous to ask out the photographer. Phil will continue working at the nursery, and if the photographer has to refuse him, it might get awkward.

If only the author was someone Phil could actually approach! But no, he is even further away. And not everything needs to go horribly with the photographer anyways. Phil might as well investigate a little bit, see whether he would even have a hypothetical chance.


	14. 14.12.2020

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoy the chapter! :) Take care and stay safe! Until tomorrow! xx

** Monday, 14th of December 2020 **

Dan’s POV 

Mondays should not be a thing. Mondays should be cancelled and only Mondays with exciting plans that make people happy or excited but not anxious should be a thing.

In theory, Mondays might feel like a fresh start of things, but they are mainly always just exhausting, and what on earth is the use of that?

If nothing of importance is planned, Mondays should be a smooth segue into the week but not a drop into the deep end with everyone expecting you to be on top of things immediately. That is a ridiculous notion and should be forbidden. Period.

Dan grumbles and silences his alarm. It evidently tries to be especially obnoxious today. Dan is almost certain it is louder than on any other day of the week, because, evidently, people at the apple headquarters are sadists.

With the alarm silenced, Dan fights his usual fight of not falling back asleep immediately. In summer when the sun is blinding him, he fares a lot better, but now, with nothing but gloomy streets trying to press in on him from the outside, he cannot see the appeal of getting up at all.

Dan eventually peels the covers off him, scowling at no one in particular and quickly making his way into the bathroom. Only underneath the shower does he realise that he has forgotten to bring any clothes which means he has a naked dash into his room to look forward to.

Mes is still sleeping so not in danger of being traumatised, but Dan would much prefer not to be that exposed with only a towel around his hip.

The shower is quickly done with but obviously, Dan stalls a little in the bathroom. When he has brushed his teeth much longer than usual and even flossed, he cannot wait any longer and dashes into his room, cursing under his breath the entire time.

When he is dressed, Dan takes a minute to check the schedule he created for himself for today. He sees an appointment for taking pictures in a park with clients, probably customers if this goes well, but there are also a lot of question marks, which is a clear sign that they were not very definite about what they wanted from the shoot. It is no longer surprising why Dan should feel a little uneasy on this particular Monday morning.

If the schedule had been with the CV man, he might have been excited but not anxious like this.

Dan forbids any further musings about the CV man and instead goes to wake up Mes.

Mes looks peaceful and content rolled up in his tiny bed like that. Dan hates waking him, not because Mes reacts badly, but because he feels like maybe Mes should react badly, but he doesn’t out of consideration for Dan.

That is, in any case, a better explanation than Mes being a morning person. He is quieter in the mornings and does look unhappy sometimes, but he never wails unless he is unhappy because of something else. Dan’s worst father of the year award is probably being send over in express mail should it turn out Mes does that purely not to make Dan unhappy.

“Hey, Mes. It’s time to wake up, my dear.” Dan sits down on Mes’ bed and softly squishes his cheeks.

Mes stirs and opens his eyes slowly.

“Ready to take on the day?” Dan asks and opens his arms for Mes to climb into.

“Mh.” Mes says quietly and crawls into Dan’s arms. If it were not for this healing moment in the morning, Dan is pretty sure he would not be able to stand Mondays at all.

Mes is dressed, washed, and fed, and soon, they are on their way to the nursery. They are a tiny little bit early which is due to Dan’s anxiety about the potentially difficult to deal with clients.

Mes is happily pointing out all trees he sees to Dan. Dan wishes he could supply the names, but all he can do is say whether the tree has needles or leaves, and that is something Mes can do almost without a fault himself.

“You’re early.” Meggie greets them when she opens the door.

“I need to get to the studio.” Dan explains and helps Mes out of his jacket. He wiggles a little more than usual which confuses Dan, but then, Mes runs over to Meggie and hugs her somewhere close to the waist, or rather the hips.

“You’re not my mum. I love you.” Mes declares, evidently squeezing as hard as he can.

“You’re not my son. I love you too, pal.” Meggie says, kneeling down to properly hug Mes.

Dan smiles at the scene in front of him. He could not have imagined a more touching scene for the most important people in his life.

“You are my dad, and I love you.” Mes says, running towards Dan giggling. Dan picks him up and twirls a couple of times.

“You are my son, and I love you.” Dan says. He turns to Meggie and says: “You are not the mother of my son. I love you. Please take care of him.”

“Fine, I’ll make an exception.” Meggie rolls her eyes while Dan lifts Mes higher into the air.

“Have fun today. I will collect you later.” Dan says and places Mes down.

Mes stays still until Dan has kissed him goodbye on the cheek and then dashes off into the big room.

“I truly love the two of you.” Meggie smiles.

“I love you too.” Dan says and pulls Meggie into a quick hug.

“Let’s date.” Meggie says. Dan raises his eyebrows at her, and Meggie punches him. “Not each other. Let’s date other people. Let’s date and be happy.”

“Yes.” Dan says. “Go for it.” He adds with a pat on the back. Meggie will see that Phil person soon. She should just ask him out!

Dan arrives at the studio at a good time. He has enough time to gather all things he could potentially need for a photoshoot with almost no brief. He then puts on the most atmospheric lights, but not every single light, as he won’t actually be in the studio for the next hour or so, and patiently waits for the couple.

While waiting, he checks his mails and sees that he has received a comment on his latest blog post. Someone was kind enough to thank him for watching and reviewing the film. Some people are annoyingly sweet. Dan has clearly meant that demand ironically. Still, the comment makes him very happy. It is nice to see that genuinely good and trusting people are out there and have even found their way onto his blog.

The couple finally arrives, and they set out into the park together. Even if it starts of a little clumsy, Dan soon manages to get an idea of what the couple expect from the shoot and ends up taking some very nice pictures.

“That sycamore tree still has leaves, incredible.” The man says at some point, looking at what appears to be a sycamore tree.

“Let’s take some pictures with it.” Dan says quickly and the shoot continues.

The couple agrees to collect the pictures at the end of the week, and Dan can send them on their way, positive that he has offered them a good experience.

Back at the studio, Dan puts on the next Christmas film which is bad but not despairingly so. He watches the film twice as usual, happy with finishing the blog post by the time he can close the studio. It does take the entire day, as he has customers to entertain and pictures and experiences to sell.

With an adequate number of people leaving the studio happily and the blog post successfully uploaded, Dan feels good about the day’s work.

He closes the shop and quickly goes to collect Mes at the nursery.

“Good day?” Dan asks Meggie who is waiting with Mes in front of the nursery.

“Yeah.” Meggie does not share whether she has made any approaches on Phil, but Dan will not push her to share everything immediately. He is happy she looks well, so he hopes everything went well, whatever it was Meggie ended up doing.

On their walk home, Dan gets persuaded by Mes to buy another set of roasted almonds. In the world of snacks and sweets, roasted almonds are not the unhealthiest, so Dan happily obliges. Also, he loves them too, so Mes is doing him a favour really. Not that Dan is inclined to ever share that information with him. He will let Mes celebrate this as a grand success in convincing Dan to buy almonds. That way, he might also not end up demanding for them every time they take this particular route home.

Mes holds Dan’s hand and talks about the different lights of cars coming towards them and whether these lights make the cars seem friendly or not. Dan does have to admit that he has a point in his explanations.

Once they are done with the almonds, Dan throws the bag away and grabs both of Mes’ hands above him to help him jump puddles and other hurdles all the way until they reach home.

He has better stamina thanks to Mes and also stronger arm muscles. For Dan’s mental and physical wellbeing, Mes is the best thing that could have happened.

His mental battery is very easy to recharge now too, all he needs to do is (supress all thoughts messing up his calmness) and cuddle with Mes for as long as it takes Dan to find his way to the ground, realising how insanely lucky he is and that asking for anything more is an incredible luxury, so he should not make his happiness depend on that.

It is certainly quite telling just how often Dan needs to tell himself as much.

Phil’s POV

Phil is nervous at the prospect of going to the nursery. He has been nervous the first week too. But now, he is not nervous because he does not know whether the children will like him. Now, he nervous because he might see the photographer again.

Phil’s subconscious must have been truly terrified at the idea of meeting the photographer again before he has investigated like he has told himself to do the evening before, as it absolutely refuses Phil to be on time this morning.

First, he snoozes the alarm one too many times and then it makes him spill coffee down his shirt so that he has to go and change again, making him properly late.

Meggie won’t mind, which is a consolation, and not meeting the photographer before Phil has sounded out the circumstances would not have been ideal anyways. So this time, Phil’s morning passes almost ideally.

Phil knows he is late. He can hear several children’s voices coming out of the nursery. He knows that the chances of seeing the photographer are rather slim, and yet, he is very nervous ringing the doorbell.

Meggie opens the door for him before walking back into the big room immediately to take care of the children there. Phil disposes off his jacket and quickly follows her.

Phil immediately spots Mes in the crowd of children. He is happy to see Mes, but tension also falls off him. For now, he is exempt from meeting the photographer again.

The day starts off with anxiety but quickly turns into just another lovely day, which is extraordinary, considering that it’s a Monday.

The children are lovely and easy to entertain as well as willing to entertain as well. Phil reads a lot of books to the children. It’s a little grey outside which creates a nice atmosphere inside the nursery, perfect for reading stories, and even more perfect for having stories read out loud to you.

When Phil and Meggie put the children down for a nap after lunch, Meggie makes them a cup of tea and they sit down in the big room, all doors left open for them to hear should something be amiss.

“How is Jackson doing?”

“Jackson? Well, I think. He listened to a lot of stories.”

“Good. His parents recently divorced, you know. I just want to make sure he is doing well.”

“Do they share custody?” Phil asks.

“As far as I can tell, she is a single mother now, but he does talk about visiting his father on the weekends.”

“It can’t be easy being a single mother or father.”

“No, but it is decidedly more common than you might think. Mes’ dad is a single father.”

Phil is thankful not to have been drinking when Meggie said that. The photographer is a single father? He is not married?

“I want another cup.” Meggie says and takes Phil’s as well to make them more tea.

Phil uses this time to quickly text Martyn about the development. He needs to vent, and he needs to see it written down to really believe it.

Martyn’s answer is quick and makes Phil blush. He quickly pushes the phone back into his pocket and tries to will his face back into a normal colour until Meggie arrives.

There you go. If you’re ready to commit,

go for it.

Meggie and Phil talk until they finish their second cups. It is less dangerous territory now, and Phil can relax, trying to stay on top of his thoughts.

After the naptime, the children split up into small groups, some crafting, some playing with toys, some running around the room, providing a busy background noise for the other activities.

Phil gets asked to play with toys which he happily does.

Once they have defeated the carpet from marble invaders, Phil sits down on the sofa and watches the different people in front of him.

He is not alone for long, though, because soon, Mes comes running towards him with a paper and pen in his hands.

Mes holds out the pen and paper, and Phil takes it. Then, Mes climbs onto the sofa and then onto Phil’s lap. Phil balances him and waits for Mes to explain how Phil can help him.

“Can you write traitosaurus?” Mes asks.

“Traitosaurus?” Phil asks back.

“Yes.” Mes nods eagerly. “Trai-to-sau-rus.” He repeats slowly.

“Of course.” Phil says and does as he is told. Maybe Mes thought of a dinosaur and wants to name him. Whatever it is, Mes is evidently way too cute for Phil to be able to refuse to do such a simple thing.

Mes looks at the finished word happily and places it next to him. He does, however, not climb off Phil but simply stays on his lap.

They are not talking for a few minutes which is enough for Phil to notice that he is, in fact, ready to commit.

Phil jumps a little once he registers what that thought means. Mes jostles from Phil’s jump but simply turns to Phil with a smile.

“Did you have a nice weekend?” Mes asks Phil.

“Yes. I read a lot.” Phil says. He obviously does not need to fess up to that reading was solely in form of blog entries. “Did you have a nice weekend?”

“Yes.” Mes says immediately. “We went to the cinema. And I went on a merry roundabout.”

“That sounds nice. I am jealous.” Phil says, and Mes laughs.

“We also meandered but that was without Meggie.”

“Meggie?” Phil asks despite himself. He should not be this nosy, even if he made it his goal to investigate a tiny little bit.

“Yes. She is not my mum, but dad loves her.” Mes sounds very happy when he says that which makes it almost impossible for Phil not to be happy too.

Mes has just burst Phil’s fragile bubble, but he has not done it deliberately. Also, Mes is happy the way things are now which means that Phil’s bubble had to be burst. Mes is happier this way, so Phil is obliged to be happy too.

“It’s Christmas soon, you know?” Mes asks.

“Yes. Only 11 more days.” Phil joins in on this new conversation as it promises to be less painful. “Are you excited?”

“Yes! Grandma-mama always sends us biscuits, and grandma makes nice hot chocolate. Dad’s is better but I like hers as well.”

Phil listens to Mes until other children come to collect Mes for some drawing. It is healing to hear Mes speak so happily, even if it also twists the knife a little further. He is shown quite clearly what else he is going to miss out on.

Phil leaves the nursery once all children apart from Mes have left. Meggie stays behind with him to wait for the photographer, which comes as no surprise to anyone.

Phil smiles and waves at the two of them. Just because they keep him away from the photographer does not mean Phil doesn’t like them incredibly much. He wants them to be happy. He would not have had a chance with the photographer anyway.

At home, Phil’s mood lightens which comes as a surprise to him, because he was set on being miserable for the rest of the day. He does not have to be miserable the entire time, though, because the author posted a new blog post!

Able to forget about everything that happened for a while, Phil quickly gets changed into his pyjamas (sue him), makes himself a cup of tea (hot chocolate needs too much attention and coffee would only prolong his miserable state when he won’t be able to sleep).

He pulls his computer onto his lap and his ready to read. The doorbell rings, and Phil quickly collects the parcel that arrives. It is the exact parcel that he will have to ignore for the time being and open once everything has settled down inside him.

For now, he can put it into a cupboard and get on with reading the blog.

**I’ll be Home for Christmas – only 1/30 of this film is the actual song, don’t expect too much**

**You might be shocked that I did maths in preparation for this film. In that case, I can tell you, that you are not as shocked as I am. I am not sure what came over me. This film is a terrible influence, that much is certain. Any film that makes you calculate something simply out of spite cannot be a wondrously good film. I am not incapable of doing simple maths, but I do not consider myself to have the power of triangles on my side. Those that can do math, I graciously allow to enjoy it, but it’s just not for me. (Also, try and be honest with yourself, do you really like maths that much? Is that even a thing? Yes, I am talking to you, Countdown-Rachel).**

Phil grins and settles further into the sofa. Countdown-Rachel, for all he knows, is a solely British phenomenon. The author truly is British.

Phil shakes his head, trying not to immediately start obsessing again and continues reading.

**There are more things wrong with this film than the fact that it inspires you to calculate unnecessary equations. There is something wrong almost at every turn, but thankfully, it is possible to categorise the faults into handy categories so that you at least don’t have to suffer through a chronological recounting by me.**

**The first category, I am going to call: casting. The casting is horrendous in this, as I am happy to tell you. It is so bad in fact, that for a way too big portion of the film, I had not noticed that there were two and not just one generic white man flirting with the female lead lawyer. It turns out there are two though, so look at for them and try to spot the difference! I couldn’t. One of them, is the lawyer’s current boyfriend, and the other is a colleague of her father’s (who she hasn’t seen in forever). The current boyfriend is stuck up and doesn’t _listen_ to her needs – I think it is no coincidence that his name sounds like the adjective ‘bland’ whereas the new, exotic white generic man sounds a bit like ‘spice’. A nice touch, but not enough for me to differentiate between the two of them. Other casting catastrophes include a black-haired best friend (what a way to mix things up!) and the lawyer’s daughter who is portrayed to be quite young but accidentally got the dialog from when they still wanted to make her a mid-twenties girl, an error that is easily overlooked, I understand. In the older generation, we have the lawyer’s father (mind-blowingly named ‘grandpa-grinch’ when all his grand-daughter had to come up with that clever name were the components: grandpa and grinch) and his blonde-haired, smoker-voiced bartender friend who cunningly informs the viewer about all that happened in the lawyer’s and her dad’s life – that dramatic device almost completely passed me by! **

Phil laughs out loud at the unobscured sarcasm. If the author just stopped being so funny, if he stopped making Phil laugh, maybe he would not even be inclined to obsess that much!

**The next category I am going to address is that of flirting. We don’t have to take about bland-boyfriend, because all he can do is refer to himself as a ‘fantastic boyfriend’ and sneeze his way out of spending more time with his girlfriend. The real flirting takes place whenever spice-boyfriend enters the scene. We first meet him when he does not want to give up the lawyer’s parking spot where he skilfully belittles her only to have a meeting with her moments later (hilarious and not at all cliché). The next time we meet him is in a supermarket where he happens upon the happily family of three (generations) and promptly gets wing-manned by the lawyer’s dad and invited to family dinner. It is at her house that he tells her the most romantic thing she has ever heard (if bland-boyfriend is anything to go by): “You are just like your dad, only prettier.” I don’t know about you, but I melted.**

**The flirting does not stop there (sadly). He keeps imposing himself on her and her family, asks her out on dates, and is generally being a little obnoxious. Apparently, that is exactly to her taste, though, because without much further ado, he catches her falling from a ladder trying to put up a star and promptly kisses her. This does happen towards the end of the film, but they did not exactly interact terribly much before that, so it was fitting to include here (it’s also not like you were spoiled. Once you notice there are two potential boyfriends, it’s quite clear that spice-boyfriend is going to be it at the end).**

**The next thing I have an issue with is not exactly a category but everything that has to do with the homeless shelter. There is some sort of backstory about how they need to save it from being demolished with bland-boyfriend not helping at all, but father saving the day. The idea of a homeless shelter is lovely, of course, but they did not execute it well. Bland-boyfriend makes fun of the idea, which is bad, but I also did not like how its organiser tells the lawyer how her father used to be there so often that people thought he was homeless. If that is meant to be a joke, I think it’s absolutely tasteless, not to mention not funny. The only reason I still like that they included it is because the daughter happily helps wrapping presents which is a lovely lesson to learn for her and a good message for the film.**

**The next topic is the dog. He is the father’s deceased colleague’s dog, and he adopts him on a whim, which delights the grand-daughter, terrifies to lawyer, and makes bland-boyfriend sneeze. The lawyer does end up loving the dog though (even if he is behaving like a dog, unbelievable I know) because he helps to catch a pickpocket. After that she accepts its presence and probably welcomes him destroying the stuck-up bland-boyfriend’s family party he ruins. He did do everyone a favour with destroying that buffet though, which takes us to the next category: food.**

**The first time, we could be seeing food, they clever already have the family done with dinner, and the daughter saying it was a good dinner. It is convenient for sure that they did not have to show us what the dinner looked like. Judged by the half-eaten ice-cream cone in the snow, the expensive dinner that I could not be paid to eat, and the pre-prepared lasagne the bartender makes for the father, it was a cunning move to not show the dinner. The film absolutely loses out in the category food, which at least means it does not make you crave something. Watch this if you need to be on a diet!**

**Next on the seemingly never-ending list are just little bits and bops that rubbed me the wrong way (thankfully not literally). First, there is a terrible rendition of We Wish You a Merry Christmas at the homeless shelter. The other evident song of choice is I’ll be Home for Christmas right at the end, which absolutely falls flat, therefore makes me wonder why on earth they went to the trouble of plagiarising the title if they are not going to make the most of it.**

**Then, there is an impromptu snow-fight, but because the snow is evidently fake, they have perfectly sphere, preformed snowballs they are throwing with. And if it’s one thing I hate it’s preformed snowballs ruining the already questionable pretend spontaneity of a scene.**

**A touching, family-reuniting scene at the end made me very angry too. The lawyer has always wished for but never got a doll house for Christmas, which allegedly, became a running-gag in the family. This one Christmas, however, her father does get her a doll house to which she says: “You remembered?” And he answers: “Do I ever forget?” to which we can all reply in unison: Yes, you did. Her whole entire life!**

**Despite the clear effort the film shows for ruining every little aspect of it, there are also scenes they did not manage to ruin completely. A scene I thought was quite sweet and almost immediately regret thinking that, is when spice-boyfriend calls her adorable and she says: “Nobody has called me adorable.” “Not even you boyfriend? What, is he blind?” It is delivered rather well and stands out as one of the not horrendous scenes, so don’t judge me for liking it!**

Phil has tried to stay in the blog post with as little interrupting thoughts as possible, but he cannot help smiling now. The author is adorable. He is at least a tiny bit romantic too. More romantic than just enjoying to watch romantic movies to review them in his blog.

**Lastly, I need to address the biggest issue I have with this film which is the detailed calculating scene performed by the daughter. Yes, she does generally act like twenty-something-year-old, but having her calculate the time her grandfather needs for driving across country and telling him he’ll still make it after Christmas was a little too much for me. Children can be wonderfully insightful and kind and clever, but the calculating threw me. Other things the daughter does is therapizing every one that crosses her path which is also interesting to say the least. While the daughter seems to have hands down the most personality, she is also the one used most often to create some plot. Because spice-boyfriend treats her well and they get along, the lawyer properly falls in love with him, which is undoubtedly the most relatable thing about this movie. If someone were to treat my children well, I am sure, I could also not help falling deeper in love.**

**Woah, a nice bit of oversharing. What a perfect moment to end this post here. By all means, watch the film. Shield yourself against maths, bad food, cheesy clichés, and you will be good to go! I wish you the best of luck. Let’s try and meet up unscathed again soon.**

Phil feels warm when he finishes the blog post. He cannot stop his mind from telling him, that, if he were to apply this theory, maybe, because he gets along with Mes, the photographer could also like him.

Phil nearly feels euphoric about that when he suddenly plummets down lower than he has been all day. The theory is undoubtedly correct. That much is certain. It is certain, because Meggie (unknowingly) has applied that theory with great success.

The rest of the evening, Phil watches the film on repeat until he is tired enough to fall asleep. He realises moments before he falls asleep that he has an appointment scheduled for and with Martyn and Cornelia the next day. He has not told them about it, which might turn out to be a big mistake.

But Phil is excellent at them now, so he should be fine.


	15. 15.12.2020

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please enjoy the chapter and have a good day! :) I will see you tomorrow! Take care and stay safe. xx

** Tuesday, 15th of December 2020  **

Dan’s POV 

Dan immediately proves his theory from the day before right. As long as he has something nice to look forward to and the day is not a Monday, he actually manages just fine to get up.

He is not thrilled to be awake, but he does not mind it terribly either, at least not once the scent of coffee wafts around him. With coffee in his veins and a washed face, he feels like he can take on the day. He might even be successful.

Dan puts his coffee down to power pace through the small kitchen. Maybe, in order for this day to really go well, he needs to make sure that he knows what he thinks successful means.

A good day is what Dan usually wants to have. With Mes in his life, that plan works out well most of the time.

Today, however, the fact that Dan could get up easily because there was something, he is looking forward to means that this is not any odd day. This is a special day.

Dan will meet CV man again in the afternoon. He will be accompanied by his brother and his brother’s fiancée, not his own! Dan will have a chance to flirt. Maybe, if the mere presence of CV man’s family is not enough to freak him out and leads to his awkward-self resurfacing.

No, that cannot happen. Dan needs to be powerful, himself, but also a little more normal maybe, to show that he really isn’t all that incompatible. Mes does not seem to have been a dividing factor, so it is on Dan now to increase the hopefully good impression he left on CV man.

It is difficult, but Dan eventually manages to stop pacing and instead concentrates on waking Mes, making him breakfast, and getting him ready for the nursery.

“Dad?” Mes asks, pushing his cereal around in his bowl.

“Yes?”  
“Today isn’t Thursday, is it?” Mes seems a little dejected, which does not mean he is planning to come to the studio. He is simply sad that he will not be able to come along.

“No. I’m afraid, it’s not.”

“You’re scared?” Mes asks, tilting his head in confusion.

“It means I am sorry to tell you that it is not Thursday today.” Dan explains.

“I’m afraid too.” Mes sounds sad which is the only reason why Dan can stop himself from laughing loudly.

He would love to have Mes with him, but he has long agreed with himself that Mes needs to be socialised and that he is happy at Meggie’s nursery. Dan is also happy at the studio. It is a treat that they have Thursdays together. They should probably keep it that way.

“You will have fun at the nursery today.” Dan prophecies Mes, who nods slowly, sighing a little.

“Don’t you get to talk to Phil about dinosaurs?” Dan asks, in an attempt to cheer him up.

“Yes!” Mes shouts suddenly and slides off the chair to run into the hallway.

“Mes?” Dan stands up and follows him.

Mes is opening his jacket’s pockets and pulls out a folded paper. He jumps when he finds it and turns to Dan with a big smile.

“This is you.” Mes says and holds the paper out to Dan.

“Me?” Dan unfolds the paper and sees a word written on it: Traitosaurus. It is a friendly looking handwriting, if something like that even exists. It’s certainly not as messy as Dan’s own.

“Phil wrote this for me. You are a Traitosaurus.” Mes looks very proud, so Dan bends down and hugs him quickly. He is still not 100% sure being a Traitosaurus is a good thing, but he will take it if Mes thinks he is paying Dan a great compliment.

Dan pins the note onto the fridge with one of those keep fresh-keeping stickers from the cereal bag they just finished.

“Are we ready to go to the nursery then?” Dan asks.

“No.” Mes says resolutely, and Dan is worried until he understands that Mes wants to fly around the living room for a while before he declares himself ready to go to the nursery.

They play spot the animal, which Dan should have won really, with the badger he pretends to have seen, but in reality, Mes’ puppy is the most exciting animal they spot together.

Meggie greets them at the entrance and listens to the animals Mes lists to her like the angel she is.

“I will come and collect Mes on the dot today. We have customers, so I need to be there punctually.”

“Oh, late in the evening? They sound special.” Meggie wiggles her eyebrows.

“It is CV man.” Dan whispers and clasps a hand over Meggie’s mouth when she threatens to scream.

“I am excited for you.”

“So am I, but you don’t see me screaming, do you?” Dan steps away again. “Okay, I gotta dash and shoot some people now.”

Meggie sighs dramatically.

“What?”

“I am getting nostalgic over the blessed month or two where you did not make that joke.”

“Shut up.” Dan says with a bright smile and turns to help Mes with getting out of his shoes. He says goodbye to him and makes his way to the studio.

A day which Dan thought he could use entirely for blog-post-production ends up being way more focused on clients and customers alike. That is in no way a bad thing, of course, but it does mean that Dan’s series of two blog posts in two days breaks off tragically.

He squeezes in watching the designated film whenever he is alone in the studio, but all he can do is compile notes. He is not actually writing anything.

That is better than nothing, so Dan tells himself to straighten his back and try and be just the exact same put-together person he is eager to showcase himself as for the last appointment of the day.

In a moment of calmness where Dan could have paid attention to the film, his mind wanders and lands on the CV man, big surprise. Dan wonders what sort of job he is doing. He never said what job it was he had got and needed the smiling picture for.

It must be a job that has similar times to Dan’s as the CV man shows up nearing the end of Dan’s workday usually.

Dan’s speculations of what CV man could be doing lead him nowhere, and he is forced to give them up anyway as more clients come into his studio.

He will have a chance to talk to the CV man about his job later today, maybe. It will all be fine. Dan will be mature, himself, and, most importantly, he will not ruin this.

With the clients gone, Dan closes the studio as to not give anyone the idea that he has only popped out and is to return shortly, even if that is, in fact, the case. He wants to concentrate on the shoot properly.

Dan walks to the nursery quickly and enters it with some fellow parents also collecting their children.

Meggie has already made Mes sit down and wait for Dan, which Dan appreciates more than he can say in that moment. He is stressed and excited, and Meggie will tease him about that, but she did also help make the whole situation easier for Dan.

“Hey there, champion, care to put on your shoes?” Dan asks and kneels down in front of Mes immediately.

“You are early.” Mes states. Dan glances up to him, but there is nothing he can read on Mes’ face. Does Mes like that Dan is early or is he disappointed? Enigmatic as always.

“Yes.” Dan agrees, tickling Mes’ feet a little before slipping the shoes on.

“Dad!” Mes squeaks. “Oh! Phil!” Mes suddenly shouts and flails his arms widely. Dan laughs and puts the second shoe on before standing up.

The CV man is standing in front of him. He is looking at him. Dan is not hallucinating, is he?

“Oh! _You_ are ‘Phil’.” Dan says stupidly. He can see the eyes of CV man… well, _Phil_ widening before he smiles at Dan. Dan doesn’t melt on the spot which is enough of a success to forgive the fact that he does not know what to say at all.

“Of course, he is Phil.” Mes giggles next to Dan, which is genuinely the very first time Mes has ever embarrassed Dan.

“So this is the job you landed?” Dan asks when hope is lost to get out of this situation quickly as Mes has run away to talk to some friends.

“Yes.” Phil’s voice is just as nice as Dan remembers.

“I hope Mes has behaved himself.” Dan smiles.

“Yes. He is great.” Phil’s smile startles Dan a little. It is wider than his smile before. Dan did not expect to be blinded with such a smile so suddenly. He does not know what has become of his determination to flirt with Phil. He has been duly taken by surprise but why would he be completely paralysed by that?

“I wanted to come to the studio immediately. It does not look like we can make it today.” Phil says quickly before adding a quiet: “Sorry.”

“Oh. Alright.” Now, it helps that Dan cannot think straight. It saves him from the hurt of being rejected.

“He still has to check if tomorrow would be fine, but it looks like they’ll be free.” Phil continues.

“Oh? You want to come back tomorrow?”

“Ah. If it doesn’t fit into your schedule…”

“No!” Dan says quickly. “I mean, sure. That works. If it’s the same time, there is no way it won’t work.”

“Brilliant.” Phil’s smile reappears again.

“If you could let me know…” Dan says before interrupting himself. He himself has just caught onto where this is going. “I can give you my number then you can tell me if you can make it tomorrow.”

Dan does not really need a confirmation that urgently. Also, he will see Phil tomorrow morning again (not that that has settled in yet, but still). There is no need for him to give Phil is number, but there very clearly is a want mixed somewhere in there.

“Yes. Please. That would be good.” Phil takes out his phone immediately, and Dan is spared some embarrassment at least.

Dan takes Phil’s phone in his hand and types first his name and then his number. Meggie had drilled his number into his head one weekend when he had called her crying at the hospital because he couldn’t find his number anywhere on his phone. Only when he knew his number by heart did she show him where to find the number on his phone too.

In this one moment, Dan is actually rather thankful to have been made to learn his number, but he will not tell Meggie that ever, mainly because she is already glancing his way not trying to hide her nosiness.

“Thank you.” Phil says and puts the phone back.

“I will see you tomorrow then?” Dan asks and catches Mes who is running into his legs full speed.

“Hopefully.” Phil returns with another one of his rather fascinating smiles.

“Let’s get us home then.” Dan says and lifts Mes up to stop him from running away again.

“Bye, Phil.” Mes says and waves wildly at Phil who is still standing right in front of them.

“Bye, Mes.” Phil answers and lifts hand as well. He does not say goodbye to Dan, but he smiles. Dan takes what he can get.

Outside, Dan puts Mes down again and refrains from asking him to tell him everything about Phil. He is not quite there yet. He will be calm and not let Mes know what is running through his mind. Which in this case, is the mature thing to do!

Phil’s POV 

It is never lovely to wake up in the morning, already stressed. It is, however, also not nice to wake up thinking everything is alright only to then remember something is amiss and there is reason to freak out.

Today, Phil has the pleasure of waking up to the alarm clock, immediately aware of his own stress. It does take a short while before Phil remembers just what is causing stress so early in the morning, but that can all be explained by the usual morning slowness. His mind is always a little delayed.

This is all about the photographer, though, so even if it’s early in the morning, he remembers rather quickly just why he is so tense. He is going to see the photographer again. No matter what happens, he is going to see the photographer again.

However, the anxiety is quite as palpable as it is because Phil has yet to tell Martyn about arranging a photoshoot for him. He really should have told him immediately. There is not even a guarantee that Martyn would have teased him about it. He should have just told him, to not be so nervous now.

If Martyn tells him that he cannot possibly make it, Phil will have to go to the studio to cancel on the photographer. He can also try and meet him at the nursery, but so far, fortune has not been on his side for that.

He will still see the photographer, but there are quite some parameters that could turn it from agreeable to awkward quite quickly.

Phil sighs and sits up in his bed. It really cannot be helped. He needs to ask Martyn if he and Cornelia can make it this evening.

Typing the message feels weird, is uncomfortable, but highly necessary.

I have booked you and Cornelia a photoshoot

session this evening. Are you free?

Martyn does not answer immediately, which means that Phil is shaking with nerves the entire time he spends at home, getting ready and eating breakfast. This is as much his fault as anything has ever been, so Phil knows he just needs to suck it up and get through it. That’s not pleasant, but it needs to be done.

Not even when Phil is well on his way to the nursery does Martyn answer his texts. Phil is checking constantly despite having notification sounds on. He is walking and not taking public transportation, so that is not a crime against society.

Martyn does not text. He does not text when Phil is halfway there, and he does not text when Phil can see the nursery. Phil is walking towards it, pushing his phone back into his pocket.

Just in that moment, the door of the nursery opens, and the photographer walks out. Phil does a very inelegant U-turn and hides behind some bushes, pretending to look at the shrubbery.

This is all not very brave and professional, but Phil cannot talk to the photographer now, if he does not know about Martyn’s answer.

When Phil is sure the coast is clear, he walks over to the nursery and pretends to be calm and collect for the entire morning. He is doing well. Nobody suspects his mind running in circles but also at an incredible speed, which Phil has to consider a success under the circumstances.

Around lunch time, Phil is busy handing out lunches to the children, and only when Meggie goes outside briefly to check on some plant his mother has asked for for Christmas does Phil have time to check his phone again.

There is a message from Martyn, which is a relief. The content of it, however, is less so.

This evening? It is Tuesday!

Phil racks his brain but cannot think of anything that Martyn could possibly be alluding to.

So?

So?! We have our weekly game night today.

We’re hosting, so no can do! 

Urgh. Why would you have friends?

You have friends, don’t you? Ah, sorry,

maybe not as such.

Phil would be more offended at Martyn’s text if it was not the plain truth. He does not exactly have friends. He has Martyn and Cornelia and the rest of his family. He has now maybe acquired Meggie too, but he certainly does not have a weekly slot in which he would meet up with friends.

Why did you book us an appointment

anyways? Cornelia is thrilled of course, but why?

Phil did expect this question but that does not make answering it any easier.

I wanted a reason to see the photographer again.

Don’t tell me that this is your idea of flirting?

Sending your brother to talk to your love-interest?

I am going to be there too.

I am touched that you trust me that much but I

also worry that you do not seem to have thought it

through a lot.

I can cancel if you want.

Phil is rubbing his forehead. Martyn is right. This was a terrible idea. The photographer might welcome new business, but he would not want Phil to be there. Also, he could have at least asked Martyn.

No. Postpone it. Cornelia says tomorrow would work.

Are you sure?

Yes. It’s fun having one’s picture taken, isn’t it?

Phil ignores the suggestive emojis and thanks Martyn and Cornelia sincerely for agreeing to do this. Martyn only continues teasing, so Phil puts his phone away and waits for Meggie to return.

Ah, Meggie. Phil manages to supress a sigh.

Phil is pretty sure that they are friends. They are good co-workers, and they get along well. Phil cannot let his defeat regarding the photographer get in between their work. He cannot let jealousy take over.

Most importantly, later, when he tells the photographer about having to reschedule the appointment, he cannot just forget Meggie and the role she plays in his life. He cannot pretend she doesn’t exist just so that he can enjoy the fantasy of spending time with the photographer a little longer.

Meggie returns only shortly before the children wake up again and from then on, it is quite busy in the nursery. The children all have found new sources of energy and are having great fun running around.

Phil ends up joining in with a cuddly toy race which makes his knees ache, but the children very happy, so no one is losing out too much.

Way too soon (for Phil’s mental prepared-ness), the doorbell starts ringing with parents arriving. Phil is nervous even if he tries not to be. If he can manage to catch the photographer now, at least, he won’t have to go to the studio and tell him about the cancelled plans there. In that setting, it would be much more difficult.

Phil freezes a little when the door opens, and the photographer walks inside. He looks good. He always does, but he does look especially pretty when his eyes light up because Mes comes running towards him.

He kneels down in front of Mes and starts putting on shoes. Phil slowly makes his way closer, because really, this is about him making use of his chance.

Mes looks up and shouts: “Oh! Phil!”

Phil smiles at him and balls his hands into fists to prepare himself for the photographer. He puts the second shoe onto Mes’ feet and then stands up to turn around to Phil.

The photographer smiles at him, and then his smile falters a little.

“Oh! _You_ are ‘Phil’.” The photographer did not know? He did not ignore Phil and acted professionally? He simply did not know?

Phil returns the smile, feeling a whole lot lighter.

“Of course, he is Phil.” Mes laughs, blissfully unaware of the situation around him.

“So this is the job you landed?”

“Yes.” Phil replies not exactly the epitome of a conversationalist, but he is still coming to terms with the fact that the photographer has apparently not yet made the connection between his client at the studio and the addition to the nursery.

“I hope Mes has behaved himself.”

“Yes. He is great.” Phil smiles because that is the plain truth. Mes is great. He can actually probably not share just how great he thinks Mes is.

The photographer smiles in return but does not say anything, which Phil uses as his chance to finally get out what he came here to say in the first place: “I wanted to come to the studio immediately. It does not look like we can make it today. Sorry.”

“Oh. Alright.” Does he sound a little unhappy?

Well, if he does, Phil cannot dwell on it much, because he has a new appointment to arrange, doesn’t he?

“He still has to check if tomorrow would be fine, but it looks like they’ll be free.” Phil says which is bending the truth a little, but it makes him feel safer from revealing the entire truth.

“Oh? You want to come back tomorrow?”

“Ah. If it doesn’t fit into your schedule…” Phil is the one and only master of not thinking through plans. Why would he impose himself on the photographer and just demand to be fitted into his schedule the next day?

“No! I mean, sure. That works. If it’s the same time, there is no way it won’t work.”

“Brilliant.” Phil feels safer again. Safe enough to smile. The photographer does not mind business, even if it means seeing Phil again.

“If you could let me know…” he interrupts himself. “I can give you my number then you can tell me if you can make it tomorrow.”

“Yes. Please. That would be good.” Phil fumbles for his phone and opens contacts. He would be silly to pass this opportunity by and not accept the number. He might not be brave enough to actually text the photographer much, but he would be able to!

“Thank you.” Phil accepts the phone back once the number has been saved.

“I will see you tomorrow then?” Mes comes charging at his father who simply accepts him with open arms and holds him against his legs.

“Hopefully.” Phil says, not quite able to filter his words. 

“Let’s get us home then.”

Phil very decidedly does not think how nice it would be to accompany them. He is too professional for that.

“Bye, Phil.” Mes waves with one of his adorable smiles.

“Bye, Mes.” Phil smiles. He is shocked. He has not processed any of this so far. He is still processing. This is all way too quick.

“Trust him to not notice your picture on the wall.” Meggie says, making Phil jump.

“Yes?”

“Your picture is over there. To introduce you to everyone. He could have checked.” Meggie laughs good-naturedly, and Phil feels a pang deep inside him. Why does he have to like the one she likes?

“Ah.”

“He needs someone to take care of him.” Meggie continues.

“He has you.” Phil blurts out, not filtering once again.

“No. He needs something permanent. A date. Not just a friend.” Meggie says and gets called away before Phil can work up the courage to ask her whether that means that she is not the photographer’s partner.

Maybe it does mean she isn’t. Maybe that is what she is trying to tell him. Maybe, she wants to tell him to make him realise that she has plans to change that.

Phil thankfully accepts diversion in the form of parents talking about how often a child has drunk water that day. He cannot make himself ill with worrying too much. That is of course, Phil can make himself ill with worrying too much and therefore shouldn’t.

Watching passing cars and reading ever sign he passes intently is a good way to pass some time before his thoughts break in over him.

He is home now, staring at his phone he has put onto the coffee table. Nothing is going to happen if he doesn’t do anything, but it is still scary just to look at it.

Eventually, Phil picks up the phone and unlocks it. It’s still open on the contacts which is why the first thing he sees is the photographer’s name: Dan.

DAN!

Phil puts the phone down and screams into a pillow. Dan is by far not the most exotic name he has ever heard, but that doesn’t matter. He knows the photographer’s name now! That gives him power, well somewhat, but it certainly switches something in his brain.

It is now not the photographer’s eyes are a pretty warm colour, but Dan’s eyes are. That feels way more personal and therefore portraits way better just how far Phil is already gone.

Phil picks up the phone again and opens a message to _Dan_.

My brother confirmed that tomorrow

works.

Nothing scary, nothing daring. Just facts and yet Phil feels the need to throw the phone to the other end of the sofa and pace around the table three times.

He lunges for it the second it makes a noise, though.

Perf.

Sorry, that was Mes. I am not one to send

trendy abbreviations. Are they trendy? Well,

great! I am looking forward to the shoot.

Phil takes his good time to scream into the pillow some more before writing that he is looking forward to it too. He then puts his phone far, far away from him and goes into the kitchen to make some dinner.

Dan could really have been a little more considerate with what he shared over text.

It is too much for Phil to know that Dan writing him a message was interrupted by Mes. That was too much of a glance into domesticity than he was capable to bear.


	16. 16.12.2020

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was so lovely to see you all so excited! :) I hope today leaves you feeling the same way! Enjoy the chapter! <3 Take care and stay safe! xx

** Wednesday, 16th of December  **

Dan’s POV 

In theory, Dan should feel absolutely neutral. He is experiencing so many emotions at once that surely, they all balance each other out and Dan is left feeling neutral.

That is, however, not the case. Dan simply feels every emotion very acutely and has the joy of feeling them switch around every few seconds.

It starts off with dismay at being woken up which in turn is quickly switched against nervous excitement for the appointment later in the day, which rapidly makes place for confusion of Phil and the CV man being the same person, and so on.

Dan climbs out of his bed and takes a shower. He might not need to, but he certainly benefits from creating an illusion of being well put together.

He takes his time getting ready at the start, but then hurries through the rest, because he is getting cold and because Mes deserves not rushing through his own morning routine just because his father is tardy.

While making himself a cup of coffee so that it is drinkable by the time Mes is having his breakfast, Dan checks his phone and starts smiling like a fool when he sees the message Phil has sent him.

Dan knows for a fact that he is smiling like a fool, because he glances up and catches his reflection in the window. He does look like a proper fool.

Phil says he is looking forward to the shoot as well, which is maybe him being nice, but it still makes Dan smile. He also did not react badly to Dan’s unprofessional text he sent prematurely because of Mes. Phil likes Mes, maybe, one day, he can like Dan too.

Dan shakes his head and places the cup of coffee onto the kitchen table. It is weird to think like that. He cannot try and use Mes to seduce his nursery teacher. That is completely wrong on many levels.

Dan cannot hide, however, that Phil liking Mes is not helping him to rein in his crush. People you like liking your family can truly be lethal.

Dan wonders for a while where he had last heard someone say that, when he remembers that it was himself in his blog and that he has actually planned to work on the next post to upload it before taking Mes to the nursery.

He will have to do that at the studio again, because there is no way he has time for that at home now.

“Wake up, Mes.” Dan calls softly, switching on the least offensive light in the room. “Let’s get you dressed up in a nice warm jumper and walk to the nursery.”

Mes knows what is in store for him on a normal day, but Dan needs to say something to wake him up, doesn’t he? Also, as it is approaching Thursday, it is a good idea to tell Mes that he won’t be coming to the studio with him immediately.

“Good morning.” Dan says when Mes opens his eyes to look at him.

“Good morning.” Mes replies sleepily and crawls over. He seems weak so Dan picks him up to sit him onto his lap.

“Good morning indeed. Did you sleep well?”

“Yes. I love Christmas.”

“You do?” Dan chuckles.

“Yes. Phil likes it too.” Dan thinks he manages to play of the jolt as rocking Mes around a little. Now, all of sudden, Mes mentioning Phil carries far more weight for Dan than it did before.

“We will have a lovely Christmas.” Mes says decidedly and affectionately headbutts Dan’s shoulder.

“We will.” Dan says, loving the enthusiasm.

After breakfast, Dan gets Mes dressed. If they are in a rush, eating in pyjamas makes more sense and means only one change of outfit. Mes doesn’t spill anything and only needs the general quick wash before they are all dressed and ready to go.

Dan carries Mes the first half of the trip only to notice that they have suddenly made up for lost time and are actually early. He places Mes down and takes his hand to help him jump over puddles.

They are that early that they can make a little detour through a park, which is always a lovely diversion.

Dan lets go of Mes’ hand in the park and lets him run around freely, chasing him through piles of leaves even. They are mostly dry, so Meggie won’t have too much work with cleaning Mes either.

Mes does not stop running when Dan takes his hand again and they leave the park to get to the nursery, so Dan jogs next to him too. They reach the nursery laughing together, Mes started it, and Dan has never been good at not laughing whenever Mes is laughing loudly.

Dan looks up and sees that Phil is at the door of the nursery, opening the door, holding it open for him and Mes!

Dan can feel his face heat up, which he tries to hide with looking down at Mes, but he has no idea how successful that technique is. There is nothing wrong with a four-year-old running through leaves and laughing so much, it is way more questionable for a 29-year-old.

“Thank you.” Dan mumbles and walks past Phil to help Mes out of his shoes.

“I am faster than dad!” Mes tells Meggie loudly when she walks over to them, smiling.

“I am sure you are.” Meggie laughs and folds her arms.

“I am offended.” Dan tells her and takes Mes’ shoes off. “Listen, could you wait with Mes after hours a little bit. A tiny little bit? Only a short while?”

“Have I ever not?” Meggie frowns. “Why do you need me to wait today, then?” she raises her eyebrow.

Dan could have known that explicitly asking would not work out in favour of him.

“An appointment with customers.”

“Customers?” Meggie smiles.

“Erm.” Phil is closer than Dan would have thought. He is immediately thankful not to have said anything else.

“I could wait with him if you don’t mind.” Phil says.

“Perfect.” Meggie says and walks over to open the door.

“Thank you.” Dan tells Phil. His face is feeling a little too warm for his comfort once again, but other than that, he is doing fine.

“Not at all.” Phil answers and also leaves Dan to take care of other children.

Dan is thankful the opportunity to breathe. He hugs Mes goodbye, kisses his cheek and sends him on his way to play to his heart’s content until it’s time for Dan to collect him again.

Dan feels lonely when he sets up the studio to welcome his customers, but it cannot be helped. He likes working. He likes the studio. It feels a little weird to be on his own when he had just been surrounded by noise and lovely people at the nursery, but it’s fine.

Dan is professional. He can do this.

When there are no signs of people coming into his studio, Dan settles on the sofa and starts writing the blog post. He is not exactly behind schedule. He is halfway done. Once he finishes this one, he is. It’s just that there is only nine days until he has to be done. That means quite a lot of writing for him, but that is fine. Dan can do this. He is professional.

Writing the blog takes the entire length of the film he has running in the back. He watches to refresh his memory and also to channel all of his evoked emotions and put them down as raw as he can.

His readers like the unfiltered versions a lot, so there is no need for Dan to try and tone it down.

Before uploading his post, Dan takes his lunchbreak and then reads through it again. There were customers in between too which means he has completely fresh eyes with which he can look at the post again. That’s what artists do, he has heard before.

**Christmas Inheritance – an amazing example of how Christmas films try anything to make their title ‘festive’**

**Yes, I agree. That headline is not snappy and cool, it is true though. In due course, I know for a fact that you will agree with me. This film is titled a Christmas film because it happens to take place around Christmas. The inheritance does not have anything to do with Christmas. It could be playing at any time of year, but the makers of this film knew, presumably, that most money could be made with marketing this as another generic, white, green, red Christmas film.**

**I moved a little too quickly there, maybe, but don’t worry. I will not deprive you of a thorough analysis of everything that is wrong with this film. There are surprisingly also bits of it which are not totally bad and even an exchange that I genuinely liked (I know, shock horror), but let’s not get ahead of ourselves again. Let’s approach this logically, which is doing more than the film ever tried.**

**We meet our rich, to-be-heiress, female lead while she is doing cartwheels in a dress at a weird Christmas themed party. Her to-be-husband is also there but does not care for whatever it is she is doing which sounds like an ideal start to any marriage, if you ask me. So, yes, our female protagonist is doing cartwheels and falls into a Christmas tree which lands her on the frontpage of like all the newspapers, everywhere. In any case, it makes her father, the one eventually passing down the heritage to her, unhappy. He sends her to the village he grew up in, the village he started his now billions of dollar-worth company, where she needs to deliver a letter to her father’s business partner, otherwise she is never ever going to inherit ever. She cannot tell anyone who she really is, or she simply doesn’t want to, I missed that VITALLY important part again. The catch is, in any case, that she does not arrive in that village as the big heiress that the rest of the world knows her as – yes, the world! We are talking global popularity of course.**

**That is as much as you could possibly need to know about the background to this film. She meets someone running the hotel she stays in, the male lead (and surprisingly for his many shortcomings the only bearable character in this), and lies to everyone about who she is until her baking colleague realises she doesn’t know shit and connects the two dots, which were plain in sight, if you ask me.**

**Now that we are free from the ridiculous plot of everything working out in the end even if he was disappointed that she lied to him, the to-be-husband snatching her away only for her to realise that he might not be the perfect fit for her, but her returning for the touching reunion, we can move onto things that made this film almost unbearable. Being halfway through the ways to ruin your twelve days of Christmas, I have come to realise that this sort of film, I would dislike even more if there was nothing categorical to dislike about it.**

**Let’s get straight to it with the characters. This film foolishly thinks it can magically enhance the unnecessary child count with giving a mother that crashes in her hotel suite two children. They are both highly inconsequential, but they can only be counted as one unit, triggering the same scenes of him realising what a caring person she really is. The other characters that this film could have well done without (but then wouldn’t have any other left, so better take these after all, I guess) include the male lead. He is someone you have to like simply because he is not quite as bad as the others, but I consider it a personal offence to call someone that has been blessed with a nice name such as Jakob: Jake. That is an offence against all people with less fortunate names, and I therefore take it personally. Furthermore, there is the co-baker, bartender woman person that upon realising who this woman in front of her really is immediately overshares which is hardly relatable. She tells her that she once dated her father and in the same breath adds that she loved her mother because she was so sweet. I don’t know for sure about anyone else, but this scene certainly gave me a fair share of whiplash. Lastly, and most severely annoying is the female lead. She is not good at keeping her secret to herself, oversteps all possible boundaries, and evidently tries very hard to be as obnoxious as possible (which, if I think about it, is also a common character trait in all these films). She does end up rescuing a homeless man from the storm outside which is a lovely thing to do and at least shifted me so far that I was willing for her to have a happy ending in the film, rather sooner than later, because, believe it or not, 104 minutes can feel very long.**

**The characters are bad, as we have established, but that is nothing compared to the food that we are forced to look at. The worst offence will suffice as the prime example of what this film forces on you which are the gingerbread-men she bakes under very careful observation of the bartending oversharer. They are too thick, look rock solid, and with the icing, positively inedible. The worst part about this, however, is that some random guest at the hotel calls her over to say (I wish I was kidding, but I am not): “I come of a family of pastry chefs and these are the best cookies I have ever had.” First of all, those qualify as biscuits, second of all, they look like rocks, and lastly, I am pretty sure no one asked. Bad food, as you will have noticed, makes me angry.**

**Other offences this film cheerfully commits are helping to further ruin the image of meditation with bright orange and pink frilly blankets and blonde women winging it. Earlier, they have the female leads suitcase roll several miles, it seems, through the thickest snow, only to come to stop when male lead’s car collides with it, bursting it open in the street. Unnecessary, very forced, and utterly improbable judging by the laws of physics. Another highly doubtful scene shows the female lead in high heels attempting to help clean the hotel, something she has evidently never done before. I am not sure anyone would be masochistic enough to clean in high-heels, but what totally annoyed me was the exploding vacuum cleaner. I think as long as they don’t hover up hand-grenades, surely, all vacuum cleaners do is die a pathetic, sputtering death instead of exploding.**

**Another staple for any bad Christmas film is carol music. There is lots of it in this film. I like carols, but not like this. Very unrealistically, the first thing female lead hears when she steps off the bus in the village is four Christmas carol singers singing Deck the Halls while simultaneously also imitating the sound of a guitar frighteningly well. The same four carol singers, without the added bonus of an invisible guitar reappear in the snow singing We Wish You a Merry Christmas later in the film, making them the ones most deserving of our sympathy. The last and very important carol or at least Christmas song (sue me, I don’t know the difference) is Silent Night, which should probably come with a trigger warning, for all those like JakOB that have been left by their wives while this song was playing and now suffer traumatic flash-backs whenever this song plays. That does not stop the makers of this film from using this song, breathily sung by the bartending oversharer, for the end of this film.**

**There is a whole lot about this film that makes me angry which is also idiotic attempts at being funny of the leads asking each other whether this is where they are supposed to kiss. I frankly don’t care, and I don’t want to see them kiss, so that was just annoying. But, there is also one funny bit of dialogue that actually makes me look back on this film fondly (I am sarcastic of course, but I do think it’s good dialogue). Very dramatically, the female lead declares one morning: “I can’t stay another night.” To which the male lead replies with just the right note of sarcasm in his voice: “Was it something I said?”**

**That is this film duly dealt with. So, if you care to see bad ice sculptures, bad acting, bad singing, bad cooking, bad romance, with a hint of bearable eye-rolling, go for it, I wish you all a safe journey, may we meet again safely for the remainder of the ruinous twelve days of Christmas experience.**

Dan presses upload and then tries passing his time staring outside the windows, trying to lure in clients. That is of course not a way to attract customers, and it is also not a terribly efficient way to make time pass, but Dan needs to do something.

Against all odds, there are clients coming into his studio, and he can actually do something good with his time. He needs to distract himself before spending time with Phil and his brother and sister-in-law.

Dan works well with the clients and can spend the rest of his regular working hours mopping the whole studio and straightening out the few picture frames he has hung up of his favourite shoots he has done, which is of some people he cannot remember the names to, but they look friendly and accurately portray what he can do.

Then, it’s time for him to go to the nursery and collet Mes, and well, and Phil.

Dan is now a little late after he has cleaned out the dust bin in a last-minute decision, but he is not drastically _not_ on time. Phil will not have had to wait for terribly long. Dan hopes.

Dan turns around the corner. It almost feels like time is slowing down when he spots the bundled up Mes standing next to Phil, holding his hand. It mainly feels like time is slowing down because Dan slips on some wet leaves and the sense of losing his balance always causes a feeling like time slows down.

But the emotion the sight causes Dan to feel is still accurate.

Come on! Mes and Phil are standing there, holding hands. And they are talking, looking up into the sky.

Dan regains his posture and approaches them. Phil is the first one to notice him. He looks at him and smiles! He smiles! Dan nervously scratches his head and then smiles back.

“Dad!” Mes shouts freeing tugging his hand out of Phil’s to run over to Dan.

“Here I am, Mes.” Dan says and scoops the tightly packed package of loveliness up. “Sorry to have made you wait.” Dan says towards Phil.

“Not at all. It was fine.” Phil says.

“I know the Little Bear.” Mes says and points into the sky.

“The Little Bear?” Dan asks.

“Phil showed me. See there the stars bundle. They are the Little Bear.” Mes points up into the sky.

“Oh, I see.” Dan says and smiles. “What do you say about going to the studio now?”

“Now?” Mes asks, looking at Dan with big eyes.

“Yes. With Phil.”

“With Phil?” Mes squeaks.

“Yes. With Phil.” Dan laughs. “Let’s go, you two.” Dan feels warm saying that. He glances over at Phil to check whether he minds, but Phil does not look affected by it.

“Let’s go.” Phil says.

Dan lets Mes slide down and takes his hand.

“Let’s go.” Mes copies and grabs Phil’s hand as well. Dan feels like screaming because he is a little too endeared by the whole situation, but he channels the energy into a normal sounding laugh, which is impressive.

Phil’s POV 

The day before was a merciful test-run. Phil has had the experience of waiting to see the photographer again, but then did not actually go to the studio. Today, however, everything will be completely different.

First of all, Phil is waiting to see _Dan_ again. The photographer has a name now. Well, he has always had a name, but now, Phil knows it too.

So, today, Phil is waiting to see Dan again. To actually go to his studio again and spend time with him. If Phil interprets what Meggie has said the day before in a way that suits him best, he can actually interpret it so that spending time with Dan is nearly exactly what it sounds like.

Sure, Martyn and Cornelia will also be there, but Phil will also be spending time close to Dan, in his company. He will get to do what he has been itching to do for so long already now.

Phil manages to get out of bed somewhat motivated. He hisses at the cold air and hurries into the bathroom to take a shower. He is going to be calm and collected, which means he needs to sing a few Christmas carols in the shower to let go of all sorts of interfering thoughts.

After the shower, Phil deems himself calm enough to have breakfast without spilling stuff onto himself, which means he can get dressed first, which is probably usually a rule to apply to children under 30 years of age. Dressed and fed, Phil deems himself ready to go to the nursery.

The whole entire way to the nursery, Phil feels the same. He is so close to the nursery already that he stupidly thinks nothing else can happen now, but then, he turns around and see a laughing Dan and Mes, holding hands, approaching the nursery.

Phil’s brain might or might not have short-circuited. Nothing more than basic commands are still possible, which is probably already quite the achievement.

Phil manages to hold the door open for them and even manages something of a smile. Not that it is all too important, because Dan does not look at him directly.

He does say: “Thank you.”, though. Phil feels warm and happy and content.

Phil follows Dan and Mes inside and quickly gets rid of his jacket. He walks back into the lobby and approaches Dan and Mes who are talking to Meggie while Dan is helping Mes out of his shoes.

“Listen, could you wait with Mes after hours a little bit. A tiny little bit? Only a short while?” Dan asks when Phil gets into hearing distance.

“Have I ever not? Why do you need me to wait today, then?”

“An appointment with customers.”

“Customers?”

“Erm.” Phil takes a step closer. He can wait with Mes. It makes sense if he waits with Mes. All he needs to do now is actually say it. “I could wait with him if you don’t mind.”

“Perfect.” Meggie says and goes to answer the door. Perfect?

“Thank you.” Dan says. This is settled now? Is it really?

“Not at all.” Phil says and walks away, if only to not let Dan change his mind.

The next time Phil turns around, Dan is already gone. Phil expected as much, but that only means he really is going to be in charge of waiting for Dan with Mes.

The thought is thrilling and totally occupying, but Phil forces himself to focus on work. He only ever looks at his phone when the children are napping. He probably shouldn’t have even then because all he receives is an obnoxious text by Martyn.

I am looking forward to seeing you 3

later xoxo

Phil does not dignify that with a response. He is blushing and he does not need to be teased any further by Martyn. All of this is already bad enough.

During nap time, Phil looks through his phone absentmindedly and then talks to Meggie about the plant she went to check out the day before.

The children start waking up soon after they have agreed that cacti have no business being so prickly while they are so cute. Suddenly, Phil realises that the children waking up means that it is not long before the day is over.

There is a highly energetic phase once they are all awake and once that has settled into a calmer playing, reading, drawing phase, the first parents start arriving.

“Can you read to me please?” Mes asks Phil about half an hour before the first parents are sure to arrive.

“Of course.” Phil says. Mes maybe does not know that Phil will be waiting with him. It might be a weird concept for him.

Mes picks out a book about squirrels and they get reading. Mes drapes himself over Phil’s lap and soon other children join in on top of Phil as well. They are small, mobile hot water bottles, with somewhat more joints that can really poke you if you don’t pay attention.

The children get fewer and fewer, and Meggie also puts on her jacket. They say goodbye to the last child together, and then Meggie crouches down in front of Mes and says: “I am going to go now. You will wait for dad with Phil today.”

“Okay.” Mes says and holds out his shoes for Meggie to put on. Phil is glad that the prospect of waiting with him is not daunting but can be accepted just like that.

“Bye, you two.” Meggie says when they go outside, and she locks the door. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Bye.” Phil says. He is holding Mes’ hand. Which feels nice. Everything about Mes is tiny and his hands do not feel like they can really be used for much, but Phil has never felt happier than holding them in this moment. That might be a slight exaggeration, but Phil truly is very happy.

“Is the moon a planet?” Mes asks and cranes his neck to look into night sky.

“No.” Phil answers. “It is a moon. Other planets have moons too. It doesn’t shine either, it reflects the sun’s light.”

“Wow.” Mes says quietly. “Do stars shine?”

“Yes. They are far away suns.”

“Are they warm?”

“They are burning.” Phil does only know bits about astrology, but he is doing his best.

“Are they hurt?”

“No.” Phil answers decidedly. He does not want to imagine the process of burning as being painful for stars, so neither should Mes. “Have you heard of constellations?” Phil asks instead.

“No.” Mes answers, first looks at him and then back into the sky.

“They are pictures in the sky, mapped out by the stars.” Phil tries to explain and then spends the next few minutes helping Mes to narrow down his field of vision to spot the Little Bear.

Mes excitedly jumps up and down when he is sure to have spotted the Little Bear, and Phil is at least as excited about it as he is.

They continue looking up into the sky, and Phil tries very hard to remember any other constellation that he could tell Mes about. It doesn’t really matter, though. Mes is fine just taking turns pointing out stars to each other and maybe describing what sort of picture they could possibly be showing.

Mes is talking about a flower when Phil spots movement out of the corner of his eye. He lowers his head and spots Dan. Dan’s jacket is only halfway done and his scarf is lying loosely around his neck. Phil does not want to do anything but take care of Dan. He wants to reach out and straighten the scarf. He wants to wrap Dan up warm and not let him go.

“Dad!” Mes’ shout frees Phil from his self-destructing thoughts.

“Here I am, Mes.” Dan says and picks Mes up who is running towards him. “Sorry to have made you wait.” Dan looks at Phil now.

“Not at all. It was fine.”

“I know the Little Bear.” Mes is buying Phil some time to calm down and react less strongly to anything Dan does, which is a nice thing indeed.

“The Little Bear?” 

“Phil showed me. See there the stars bundle. They are the Little Bear.” Mes points to where they had agreed they could both see the constellation.

“Oh, I see.” Dan smiles, which is not fair. “What do you say about going to the studio now?”

“Now?”

“Yes. With Phil.”

“With Phil?” Mes sounds excited and Phil’s heart melts.

“Yes. With Phil.” Dan’s laugh does not sound unhappy either. Is Phil reading too much into this once again?

“Let’s go, you two.” Dan says, absolutely annihilating Phil. Phil wants to hear this regularly. He wants Dan to come and collect him and Mes after a day of work.

Even if he might want it, this is really not the moment to think about something like that. Phil should do that at home if he absolutely needs to, but not when he is about to spend more time with Dan and Mes.

“Let’s go.” Phil says which at least somewhat fits the situation.

Dan puts Mes onto his own pair of feat again and takes his hand.

“Let’s go.” Mes says and slides his hand into Phil’s, making his heart ache and cheeks heat up. Dan laughs and the situation is absolutely perfect.

Dan and Mes are playing some sort of game on the way to the studio of pointing out colours of passing cars to each other. Mes descriptions are surprisingly accurate with cereal milk to describe a dirty van passing them. Dan does not take the game as serious as Mes and constantly challenges his colours, asking whether the bright red car could not be considered a dirty green instead.

Mes answers him patiently, and it is quite soon quite evident that Dan simply wants to get Mes speaking.

What Phil does not consider all too fair is when they both start including Phil in their discussion.

“That cap is one hundred percent a very sombre purple.” Dan tells Mes.

“No! It’s black!”

“Phil, what do you think?” Dan asks, smiling at him, to be especially lethal.

“It’s black, Phil.” Mes tells him honestly.

“It’s purple, Phil.” Dan contradicts.

“It’s a very, very, very dark purple, maybe. It almost looks like black.” Phil says eventually, surprisingly actually satisfying both Dan and Mes.

The game continues until they reach the studio. In front of the studio, Martyn and Cornelia are already waiting for them, which is not saying much, Cornelia likes to be a little early rather than a little late.

“Hello.” Martyn says which what might seem like a friendly smile, but Phil knows very well to have a teasing undertone to it.

“Sorry to have kept you waiting.” Dan says.

“Don’t worry. We had some coffee and just came here a little earlier.” Martyn says which is nice of him.

Dan opens the door of the studio, leaving Mes in Phil’s hand. Which makes his face heat up, which is not ideal when Martyn is in proximity.

“Come in.” Dan says, and Mes marches forward, pulling Phil with him. The rest follows after them. Mes approaches the sofa decidedly and stands in front of Phil, clearly expecting him to help him out of his packaging. Phil unzips the jacket and takes off the scarf before also shedding his own jacket.

“Can you take off my shoes?” Mes asks.

Phil looks around to check with Dan and jumps a little when Dan is already looking at him. Dan nods and then turns around to Martyn and Cornelia, who have started taking off their jackets too.

“Thank you for making this possible for us.” Cornelia says kindly. Phil feels a lot safer having her with him as well. Just Martyn might have been a little too difficult to bear.

“Yes, and thank you. I am glad Phil is over his crush on that blogger.” Only Cornelia seems not to be enough to keep Phil completely safe, even if Phil can hear how she slaps him, which is nice.

“Sorry for not coming yesterday. We are all ready to be captured now.” Cornelia continues, hopefully making Dan not pay attention to what Martyn just said.

Once Martyn and Cornelia have taken off their jackets, Dan talks to them about what sort of pictures they would like to take. Phil listens a little but then focuses on Mes who has sat down at a small-sized table, taking out papers to draw something. Phil sits down next to him on the floor and notices that the floor is nice and warm, which is a relief, seeing that Mes is running around without shoes.

“What are you drawing?” Phil asks.

“Dad’s clients.” Mes answers.

“Martyn and Cornelia?”

“You know them?”

“Martyn is my brother.” Phil says.

“Can you write their names?”

“I can try.” Phil smiles. Phil writes down the names for Mes and once he is done with the picture, he copies the names as well, putting them underneath the people he has drawn.

When Mes is done with the drawing, Dan is not yet done with the pictures. Mes takes Phil’s hand and leads him into the back of the studio where Dan has already taken pictures of him too.

Phil ends up kneeling down to hear Mes’ explanations about the studio a little better. When Mes wants to explain something at the other end of the room, Phil stands up and picks Mes up so that they don’t have to walk through the set.

“Dan, can you take a picture of that?” Martyn asks suddenly. Dan turns around and looks at Phil blankly before starting to smile. Phil returns the smile and tries not to jump when the shutter sound goes off.

When Dan is done with taking the pictures, Mes tugs on Phil’s hand and together, they go to Martyn and Cornelia to give them the picture Mes had made. Cornelia is very sweet, and Martyn behaves somewhat well as well, but decidedly less certain of himself than Cornelia.

After this, it does not take long before they are standing outside.

“If you don’t mind, Phil can collect the pictures as soon as they are done.” Martyn says, a cheeky glint in his eyes once again.

“Of course.” Dan says and locks the door.

“Which way are you headed?” Martyn asks, the glint intensifying.

“That way.”

“That’s where Phil lives too. Lovely to meet you. Thank you for doing this tonight. Have a good evening. We need to go and catch the bus now.” Martyn says quickly and grabs Cornelia’s hand to pull her to their car, which they have parked around the corner. Problem is, however, that there is no way that Phil can show what a fraud Martyn is being without embarrassing himself.

“You live this way?” Dan asks.

“Yes.” Phil answers. At least it wasn’t a lie what Martyn has said.

“We can go together, then.” Dan offers.

“That would be nice.” Phil answers and they slowly start walking. Mes is in between them again and he soon holds onto Phil’s hand again.

Soon, Mes gets too sleepy to walk on his own, so Dan picks him up. Phil wants to talk to Dan, but he also doesn’t want to wake Mes.

They do end up talking, only about the different qualities of streetlights, but they are talking, which is the main thing.

“This is us.” Dan says and points at a non-descript apartment block that evidently is the most thrilling house Phil has seen in a long time.

“Ah. Could you?” Dan asks, trying to reach for his keys, but failing because Mes is in the way.

“Of course.” Phil says and carefully picks a dozing Mes out of Dan’s arms.

Dan opens the door and smiles at Phil. Just as carefully, Phil places Mes back into Dan’s arms. He gets close to Dan like this and really, genuinely, desperately, honestly wants to kiss his cheeks, but he doesn’t.

Today was lovely, there is no need to ruin it in the last moment.

“Thank you for everything today.” Dan surprises Phil with saying.

“Thank you.” Phil replies with a smile. “Have a good evening.”

“You too.” Dan smiles. Mes moves a little, so Dan squints his face up apologetically and goes inside, letting the door fall shut behind him.

Phil still feels out of it when he reaches his home. He unlocks the door and just plonks down on the sofa. He grabs his phone, ignores the text he has received from Martyn and sees that on this most perfect of days, the blog has been updated as well.

It is not terribly late yet, but also not quite time for dinner, so Phil makes himself a hot chocolate and settles down to read the blog. As usual, there is not one sentence he does not like. Today, there was not one minute he did not like.

Maybe, Dan liked it as well. Maybe, it is not too much to hope to do this again some time.


	17. 17.12.2020

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There we have it! :) I hope you enjoy the chapter! Until tomorrow! :) Stay safe and take care! xx

** Thursday, 17th of December 2020 **

Dan’s POV 

Too much. Decidedly way too much has happened yesterday. At the nursery, on the way to the studio, in the studio, and on the way back home.

Seeing Phil naturally taking care of Mes was quite something to try and bear. Dan needs to tell himself repeatedly that it is almost in Phil’s nature to take care of children because of his work at the nursery. There is nothing special about him taking care of Mes at the studio.

It would be amazing if Dan could just believe himself. He can’t though. His heart reacted strongly to seeing Mes and Phil together, so why should he believe that it was normal?

For the second offence, Dan actually has photo-evidence for thanks to Martyn. Mes on Phil’s arms, talking to him about the studio. It is incredible that Dan did not just drop the camera.

Phil looks comfortable with Mes. He does not seem uncomfortable with Dan either. He even took them home and before that joined in with Dan and Mes’ colour game.

Dan suspects that the universe had scheduled yesterday as the day to show him just how perfect Phil is in absolutely all aspects.

With all of this running through his mind, with bursts of how close Phil has actually been to Dan’s home, to where he is right now, it is absolutely no wonder that Dan takes a long time to gather the energy to get out of bed.

Phil is not good for Dan’s mind. He is obviously perfect in all regards, but he is wearing Dan out.

Why does he have to be so kind, so good with Mes, and have such a nice family that seem to like Dan too? Why would the universe torment Dan with this?

It takes a further three run throughs of everything that has happened the evening before until Dan finally peels the blanket off him and goes into the bathroom. It is a lot later than when he usually gets up, even on a Thursday. But it’s fine, _because_ it’s a Thursday.

There is no rush to get to the studio. They will have a nice day together with enough time to process all that happened yesterday. Mes might not have much to process, but Dan certainly feels better pretending it’s an activity for both of them.

In order not to accidently pass a bad working morale onto Mes, Dan decides to take his schedule seriously after getting up and quickly gets ready to go and wake Mes.

Mes wakes up very readily which only goes to show that a few minutes certainly make a lot of difference in the morning. Everyone feels better and more energised when not woken at the crack of dawn.

They have breakfast together, Mes alternating between stars and dinosaurs as conversation topics every few minutes. Processing what has happened the day before might be a little more tricky when Mes keeps bringing Phil with new pieces of information to add to Dan’s quickly growing list of things that make it unfair just how perfect Phil really is.

“It’s Thursday today, isn’t it?” Mes asks carefully when they are in the bathroom, washing Mes’ face.

“It is.” Dan agrees.

“I was hoping it was.” Mes says and smiles brightly at Dan.

“What do you want to do today, then?” Dan asks.

“The monster of the week! And I can help with the light.” Mes is jumping up and down in excitement and Dan feels like there is nothing he would not let him do, within reasonable bounds of course.

“We can do that.” Dan agrees and brushes Mes’ hair quickly.

Only on very few days is getting ready with Mes an actually tedious job. Only when he is tired and cannot bear the thought of spending time with other people is it difficult to persuade him to put on pants.

On Thursdays, that is basically never the case which is a great affirmation for Dan. He is happy that his son likes to spend with him that much. It feels good to have such an enthusiastic little helper. The atmosphere in the studio is always amazing when Mes is there with him.

Dan helps Mes to get dressed and then they are on their way to the studio. Mes is dancing around happily on Dan’s hand, which reminds Dan unfairly of Phil the day before. Maybe, he should just shut out every sort of memory, because there is no way the littlest thing will not remind him of Phil now.

Phil was there at the studio and he played with Mes. Mes was giggling happily because of Phil. Dan has been working with Phil’s very nice and funny brother and sister-in-law, and Mes has been laughing because of Phil.

At this moment, there is no scenario he could imagine that would in any way be more perfect than that. Which makes it incredibly difficult not to constantly daydream about it.

“Shall we start with the monster?” Dan asks Mes as soon as they step into the studio. He really needs something to distract him. Phil has not drawn a monster with Mes, so maybe, he is safe from daydreams during the drawing.

Dan’s calculations thankfully weren’t of. For the duration of the drawing, Dan manages to focus solely on Mes and the monster in front of them. Mes is concentrated, so Dan concentrates with him. He likes seeing Mes focus on one task and has higher hopes for his academic success than his own.

He will not share this thought with anyone, though. His mother is a kind woman, but if Mes takes in anyway after him, Dan cannot have him being subject to well-meant academic encouragements. Either Mes will develop his own ambitions and enjoy learning, or he will acquire his predestined cleverness somewhere else.

“Well done.” Dan says loudly and pats Mes’ hand. He made himself a little emotional with imagining Mes’ future, so he has another thing to snap out of, it’s good to keep it interesting for himself, isn’t it?

Dan picks Mes up and lets him stick the drawing onto the designated picture frame.

“Good.” Mes says and claps when he has put the picture up.

“Good.” Dan agrees and puts Mes down.

Clients arrive in that moment, so Dan focuses on them and Mes looks at picture books. For the next clients, Mes is drawing something again, which makes it very challenging for Dan not to return to the evening, but he somehow manages.

Mes is busy drawing after the clients leave, so Dan develops and edits some pictures that have accumulated before taking Mes to a panini place for lunch.

They eat quickly and then go for a walk in the park with a little pond. Mes is fascinated by the ducks and asks a lot of questions which Dan knows he can only answer very unsatisfactorily.

“What did you draw?” Dan asks when he unzips Mes’ jacket back at the studio.

“A little bear.”

“The constellation?”

“No. A little bear. For Phil.” Mes says, and Dan opts for a non-verbal response which Mes seems to be fine with.

For the next two clients that come into the studio, Dan allows Mes to help with the light a little bit. Mes falls for Dan’s trick of calling switching light on and off a very important job for the first client, but then politely asks if he can also hold the light again for the next clients, which Dan is fine with.

Mes is a strong boy and he will feel very good about completing the task. Dan cannot rob him of that without any proper reasoning.

While working with clients, Dan manages to only think about Phil like every three minutes, which is not too bad. Dan still manages to take good pictures, so once every three minutes is alright.

This frequency picks up as soon as the clients leave the studio. He does not have any distraction now and is actually aided by the view that presents itself to him: An empty studio with Mes running around happily. The only thing that is missing from Dan’s happiness is Phil.

Dan really tries for the next ten minutes to not think about Phil. It’s nearly time to close the studio. He can make it until he is home and then, he will have enough time to prepare himself for another meeting the next day.

Except, no. He doesn’t.

The door of the studio opens abruptly. Dan glances up and sees Phil. Phil looks a little worried, and he is breathing heavily. Dan has not seen him like this which hopefully means that this is not just a figment of his imagination.

“Are you alright?” Phil asks and steps inside the studio, hesitating a little.

“Yes.”

“Mes?”

“Yes. We’re fine.” Dan tries a smile. “Are you alright?”

“Yes. Yes. Perfect. I’m fine.” Phil scratches his head and is saved to continue by Mes who comes running around the corner.

“Phil! I drew something for you!” Mes shouts and runs towards his table.

“For me?” Phil asks, crouching down immediately to inspect the picture Mes has drawn him. “Oh. A little bear? That is very nice of you.” Phil says and proves just how perfect he is.

“You’re welcome.” Mes says and runs back into the photoshoot nook of the studio.

“Were you uncomfortable yesterday?” Phil asks after a beat of silence.

“Uncomfortable?” Dan asks.

“Yes. Maybe I was too forward.”

“Forward?” Dan feels like a shitty conversation-partner, but he really does not know what Phil could be talking about.

“I thought I was maybe coming on to you too much.” Phil says, and Dan gapes at him. “And that is why Mes wasn’t at the nursery today.”

“Oh, no! No. Thursdays are our father-son-studio days. Mes is big on traditions and does not let me skip a Thursday.” Dan explains quickly.

“Oh.” Phil says quietly.

Dan takes a deep breath and says: “I really liked being taken home by you.”

Slowly, Phil lifts his head to meet Dan’s eyes. “I can do that again.”

Dan has the suspicion that his knees get a little week, but he is leaning against the counter, thankfully.

“That would be nice.” Dan says and smiles.

Phil smiles in return, and Dan has no energy left in him to stop this sight from ingraining itself onto Dan’s memory.

Phil’s POV 

Phil’s ears are ringing when he wakes up which might have multiple causes. It could be because Phil is still applauding himself in his mind for not giving in to the tremendous temptation of kissing Dan’s cheek the evening before.

Another reason could be that his mind has continued spinning quickly while he was sleeping, trying to make sense of everything that has happened the day before. It had ended a lot better than Phil could have ever prepared himself for, and that was a sure way to make his ears ring.

The last possible explanation is that Phil’s alarm has been ringing for the last nine minutes, if the numbers that are angrily glaring at him are anything to go by.

Phil silences the alarm and sits up in his bed. It is hilarious really – as much as daunting – that a few thoughts about Dan wake him up better than a violent alarm ringing next to his ears.

It is astonishing just how much Phil already cares for Dan. The evening before has only solidified that. Spending time with Mes and Dan was lovely. It was not awkward. It was easy! It was the happiest Phil had been in a long time and that with Martyn still close enough to tease him.

All of this clearly shows that it made sense for Phil to be a bit more active. So far, he has only accepted the chances Martyn threw at him, but that was something at least. He has signalised that he is interested, probably. Hopefully. He hopes Dan knows that he is interested and actually welcomes the thought.

Phil forces himself out of his bed and into the bathroom. He takes his time, which means actively slowing himself down. He knows that he is not going to be of much help this giddy, nervous, and excited at the nursery, so arriving early would not do anyone any favour.

Phil has breakfast and drinks his coffee, one sip at a time. For once, he does not burn his tongue drinking his coffee, which is a nice side-effect.

Once the breakfast is done, Phil gets dressed and then allows himself to leave his home and make his way to the nursery.

He arrives sooner than he would have thought, which is entirely due to everyone he passes oozing out stress, making him speed up as well.

Phil rings the doorbell and is welcomed by Meggie. They don’t talk much before the doorbell rings again and their working day properly starts.

Phil does not allow himself to look out for Dan and Mes. He focuses on the people in front of him. When Dan and Mes arrive, he will have enough time to go over to them and talk to them. He does not need to stress about it now.

Time passes, and the number of children quickly increases, but there is still no sign of Dan and Mes. At first, Phil does not worry, but then it is difficult for him not to think that he has made a grave mistake the evening before letting Martyn push him towards taking Dan home.

Then again, Martyn obviously isn’t guilty. Phil did not need to listen to him. He does not need to pretend that Martyn has that much control over his actions.

Meggie claps her hands and announces that everyone is there and that they can start the day now. Did Dan text her something? Did he tell her that he cannot possibly come to the nursery because the thought of seeing Phil makes him sick?

Phil follows Meggie into the big room, and even after the morning round, he does not dare to ask her about it. If Dan really disliked it that much, Phil would much rather hear it from him, which was maybe not exactly fair, but it would be the only thing not to completely tear Phil’s heart into shreds.

Throughout the day, Meggie does not share anything. She does not even allude to anything, which makes Phil’s skin itch, but he still does not ask her.

Instead, while the children are napping, he starts preparing a very mature speech. He will go to the studio later and if necessary, will tell Dan that he is sorry to have made him uncomfortable, but that there is no need for him to stay away from the nursery. Phil is professional enough not to let his feelings get in the way of work, but if Dan cannot abide the thought of Phil working there, Phil would obviously leave as soon as Meggie has found a substitute.

“Phil?” Meggie asks, and Phil’s entire body tenses.

“Yes?”

“Are you ready to wake everyone up?” Meggie smiles, and Phil forces himself to relax. He will go to the studio as soon as he can, and he will talk to Dan face to face.

“Of course!” Phil answers. He gets up from the chair, straightens his back and dives head-first into the work that expects him in the afternoon.

Around an hour before the parents start arriving, Phil notices that he misses Mes. For the speech he has prepared and his reading to give, that is everything but ideal.

Phil decides to ignore his realisation and focuses on the children in front of him and the speech.

Even if Phil has been looking forward the end of the day for the majority of the time, it arrives too soon. Phil is not remotely ready to maybe have to cut all ties. But he has some sort of feeling of righteousness, so he knows it’s better to get it over with now, nurse his broken heart in the evening, and hope to move on eventually.

“See you tomorrow.” Meggie says and smiles.

“Yes?”

“You look like you want to leave. Go on. Leave. I will see you tomorrow.” Meggie laughs.

“Thank you.” Phil mutters and grabs his jacket before not exactly running but certainly speed-walking to the studio.

The light is still on, and Dan is behind the counter. Phil cannot see Mes, which only adds more questions.

Phil opens the door and realises with a start that he now needs to say something. He needs to find a way to get started with his speech, or he needs to say anything at all to make Dan stop look at him with concern. That is too confusing.

“Are you alright?” Phil asks. He steps into the studio. He cannot give up completely yet.

“Yes.” Dan answers calmly.

“Mes?”

“Yes. We’re fine.” Dan smiles a little. Is this a genuinely smile or does he want to let Phil down gently?

“Are you alright?” Dan asks him.

“Yes. Yes. Perfect. I’m fine.” Phil is at a loss for words. What is happening here?

Before Phil has to say anything, Mes comes running from the back of the studio. When he spots Phil, he smiles and shouts: “Phil! I drew something for you!”

He runs to his table and joins Phil with a piece of paper in his hand.

“For me?” Phil crouches down and looks at Mes’ picture. “Oh. A little bear? That is very nice of you.” Phil is genuinely touched by the picture which once again only adds to his confusion.

“You’re welcome.” Mes says and disappears again.

Phil does not know what is going on, but he needs to know. Now, if possible. “Were you uncomfortable yesterday?”

“Uncomfortable?”

“Yes. Maybe I was too forward.”

“Forward?” Dan does not know what Phil is saying which is perfectly understandable.

“I thought I was maybe coming on to you too much.” Dan is only staring at him now which is also not helpful. Phil decides to be as honest as he can and leaves the rest up to Dan. “And that is why Mes wasn’t at the nursery today.”

“Oh, no! No. Thursdays are our father-son-studio days. Mes is big on traditions and does not let me skip a Thursday.”

“Oh.” That is an interesting turn of events.

“I really liked being taken home by you.” That is an even more interesting turn of events.

Phil carefully looks up and finds Dan’s eyes. He does not look like he is joking. He looks sincere.

Now, Phil decides, is the time to be brave and daring. “I can do that again.”

“That would be nice.” Dan smiles. It’s a defeating smile, but Phil smiles back.

“Let’s go home, Mes.” Dan says, turning to the back of the studio, before looking at Phil with another smile.

“Already?” Mes whines.

“Yes.” Dan laughs. “Phil is coming with us.” Dan adds, which to Phil’s ears sounds very close to an invitation actually to his home.

“What are we having for dinner?” Mes asks, peeping around the corner.

“Pasta.” Dan says.

“Yummy. Do you like pasta?” Mes looks at him.

“Yes.” Phil answers. Thankfully, it’s not a difficult question.

“Good.” Mes says.

“Mes, we haven’t asked Phil if he wants to have dinner with us yet.” Dan says, and Phil spontaneously decides to check whether he will die of lack of oxygen or heart failure first.

“No?”

“No.” Dan laughs.

“Phil, do you want to have dinner with us?” Mes asks.

Phil glances at Dan. Dan smiles at him. Carefully, Phil does not know when he has ever been this careful about something, he answers: “I would love to.”

Dan’s smile widens, and Mes cheers which hopefully means that this was the right answer.

Dan closes his computer, and Mes runs over to the sofa to put on his shoes. Dan is still busy at the counter, so Phil walks over to Mes to help him.

They are standing outside the studio before long, and Phil cannot believe how lucky one person can get.

Mes grabs hold of both of their hands again, which makes it incredibly difficult for Phil to re- or rather gain any sort of composure until they reach their home. Only Mes’ running commentary on different shapes is helping Phil with grounding himself a tiny little bit.

They reach Dan and Mes’ home. Dan lets go off Mes hand, but Mes continues holding Phil’s hand tightly.

“Here we are.” Dan says and opens the door.

“Are you sure…”

“Phil, we invited you for dinner. It’s the least we can do to say thank you for taking us home.” Dan says and walks into the building. Mes follows, and so does Phil.

Phil does not dare to look around too much once they are actually inside the place. He cannot just collapse because of a sensory overload. He needs to focus on Dan and Mes and show them what a good companion he is.

Phil cringes at himself and quickly focuses on Mes who is telling him that he can take off his shoes.

“First assistant Mes, what do we do before cooking?” Dan asks after putting all three of their jackets onto hooks behind the door.

“We wash our hands.” Mes shouts excitedly.

“Yes, we do.” Dan laughs and scoops Mes up to fly him to the kitchen and onto the counter to wash his hands. On the fridge behind them, Phil can see the Traitosaurus he wrote down for Mes. It feels weird to see his handwriting in this kitchen, weird, but very nice.

“You too, Phil.” Mes tells Phil. He steps in between Dan and Mes and washes his hands, hoping that his red cheeks can be excused by the temperature difference outside and inside.

“Next?” Dan asks.

“Vegetables.” Mes answers and claps his hands.

Phil mainly marvels silently at the scene in front of him, but he also gets assigned pasta stirring or tomato cutting duties. Phil cannot remember a weekday dinner that has been so much fun to prepare, but if talking about streetlights has been the highlight of the week so far, that is not really a surprise.

Dinner itself is a lot of fun too. Dan’s funny faces which he announces to be different sorts of vegetables make Phil and Mes laugh.

After dinner, Phil helps Dan wash up while Mes goes into the living room to play.

“Please don’t think I’m a bad father.” Dan says suddenly.

“Why would I do that?” Phil asks, genuinely confused.

“Because I am letting Mes play instead of asking him to help in the kitchen?”

“Doesn’t that make you the best father ever?” Phil asks and takes the plate Dan has washed to clean it.

“It’s just no discipline.” Dan mumbles.

“I think Mes is very well brought up. You are an excellent father.” Phil says.

Luckily, Mes comes running into the kitchen and wants to put the cutlery away, so that Phil does not have to see Dan’s reaction to his very sincere compliment.

With the dishes and everything else cleaned and put away, Mes jumps up and down and runs around Dan and Phil, wanting to play something.

Dan tells Phil to take a seat on the sofa and starts chasing Mes around the living room, occasionally tickling him to make him squeak. Mes comes hiding in Phil’s side and on Phil’s lap, but Dan still mercilessly tickles him. Dan gets close to Phil like that which is never exactly a bad thing, but it’s certainly preoccupying.

A few more rounds through the living room, and Mes gets tired. His laughs sound sleepier and he is slower. Dan uses that opportunity to scoop him up and carry him not a room, Mes’ bedroom presumably.

Phil waits patiently on the sofa, trying once again not to stare at everything too much. He cannot allow for himself to imprint this living room on his memory.

Dan comes out of the room again without Mes but quickly walks into another room with an apologetic smile and returns with a wet flannel.

Phil sits up straighter and waits with as much composure as he can for Dan to come back to the living room. They are going to be alone, in Dan’s living room.

Dan emerges from the room and before Phil can prepare himself for anything, Dan flops down on the sofa, right next to him. Dan is warm. Phil feels a billion degrees warmer immediately because of the contact.

“He’s asleep.” Dan tells Phil and drops his head onto the sofa.

“Good.” Phil says, fighting with all he can to think this sounds like their sharing custody or something.

“Sorry that I was so silly earlier. He falls asleep better when all energy is gone.”

“Not silly.” Phil mumbles. “You were adorable.”

Phil can see Dan looking at him out of the corner of his eye, but Phil keeps his gaze fixed on the black TV. He is not sure what he would do if he were to look at Dan in this moment.

“Why didn’t you text?” Dan asks, still looking at Phil.

Oh.

“I forgot I had your number.” Phil says honestly. He really only just remembered that Dan had given it to him. It is a perfectly fair question why he did not text.

“Oh.” Dan looks away.

“It’s just…” Phil fumbles a little. “I connected the number with business, not pleasure.” Phil kneads his fingers and carefully looks at Dan who is looking at him again.

“Oh.” Dan says again. “I am glad you came to the studio.” 

“Me too.” Phil answers and lets his head drop onto the sofa next to Dan’s.

They sit like that in total silence until Dan yawns. Phil sits up immediately. This is nice, lovely, and perfect, but he really needs to go now.

“I think I better go now.” Phil says and stands up.

“Yes. Of course. Sorry to have kept you waiting.” Dan says and stands up as well.

“I had a lovely evening.” Phil says and actually manages to look into Dan’s eyes as he says it.

“Good.” Dan smiles.

Dan holds out the jacket to Phil at the entrance which Phil gladly accepts.

“I will see you tomorrow.” Phil says.

“Yes.” Dan smiles again. It’s not the first smile Phil has seen of Dan’s, not even that evening, and yet it still hits Phil full force.

“Sleep tight.” Phil says and finally steps out of the apartment.

He is still in the apartment building, but it already feels significantly colder, if easier to breathe because he is not directly next to Dan.

“You too.”


	18. 18.12.2020

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How is it Friday already? :O Well, I hope you enjoy the chapter and can look forward to the quick approaching weekend! :) Take care and stay safe! I will be back as always tomorrow. xx

** Friday, 18th of December 2020 **

Dan’s POV 

Dan wakes up in his bed alone to an annoying alarm, and yet, he is not as unhappy about it as he could be under worse circumstances. There is no way he has already processed everything that has happened the evening before.

There is absolutely no way Dan has accepted that Phil has not only taken them home but has actually been inside. He has sat on Dan’s sofa. He has helped to cook in the kitchen, he has had dinner with them. He has genuinely been there.

Dan jolts awake properly when he remembers a key element of the evening before.

“Not silly. You were adorable.”

Phil called him adorable? And earlier, he even spoke of coming on to him? Is Phil actually interested in him? For real? After everything Dan has potentially done wrong? Is that even possible? Is that even legal?

There is no real reason why Dan should not continuously think about Phil, apart from being able to lead a normal life, but that does not seem like a terribly good reason to stop thinking about him.

Phil might actually genuinely like Dan, so why should Dan stop thinking about him? What is the use in that?

Dan spends a couple more minutes debating whether he should continue thinking about Phil or whether he should try to forget about him until he is at the studio without any clients that need his attention.

This internal debate costs him some minutes in which he would have got ready which means they are most probably going to run late.

Dan likes to think he is fair, so he does not barge into Mes’ room, demanding that he hurries because Dan himself is late. Instead, he sits down on his bed as usual and gently wakes him.

“Hello there, Mes.” Dan says and strokes his hair. “Are you ready for a day at the nursery?”

“Where is Phil?” Mes asks when he opens his eyes.

“At the nursery.” Dan replies quickly, which is a lot safer than thinking about how for Mes, having Phil around would make perfect sense. That is precisely the sort of direction it would be unwise to go into. It would certainly cost him a couple more minutes, and he does not have that sort of time right now.

“I am nearly ready.” Mes tells Dan and crawls onto his lap. Dan holds him tightly and then carries him into the bathroom.

They have breakfast in their normal speed which leads to Dan carrying Mes to the nursery and even then, they are only barely on time.

Mes is fully awake by the time they reach the nursery, which certainly is something at least. They are doing well. Mes is talking about colours again, and Dan argues about every colour Mes names, to challenge him a little.

Dan rings the doorbell and puts Mes down just as Phil opens the door for them.

“Good morning.” Phil smiles. Dan cannot believe he has survived the night without seeing that smile.

“Good morning. Did you get home okay?” Dan asks.

“Yes. Did you sleep okay?” Phil laughs.

“Yes. If that was a dig at us being late, I’ll have you know we are in fact half a minute early.” Dan grins.

“I was referring to your messy hair.” Phil grins back and wins this round. Dan pats down his hair and walks past Phil.

“That was a joke, Dan.” Phil laughs, and wins the next round without Dan aware that the competition already started again.

“You’re messing with me.”

“I might be.” Phil smiles, and Dan accepts that he is not going to win any rounds today.

Dan helps Mes out of his shoes and hugs him goodbye. Phil is already busy talking to other parents again, but he does look up and smile when Dan leaves the nursery.

It almost feels like everything is working too well and easy. But Dan will just enjoy it. What good would it do to start worrying now and miss out on good moments?

At the studio, Dan quickly puts on all lights and prepares everything else for potential customers. When there is no one coming in the next ten minutes, Dan puts on the next horrendous Christmas film and starts taking notes on it.

While doing so, he thinks how lovely it would be to watch a film with Phil. Meggie has told him time and time again that he ruins absolutely every film, but she exaggerated.

Also, she has said that in the heat of the moment when Dan had not stopped laughing watching Titanic with her, which Dan can now see as possibly rubbing her the wrong way.

Dan starts the film a second time after a quick chat with some customers and starts writing the blog post alongside. He does so, imagining what it would feel like to watch a film with Phil, so he has to edit the post quite substantially but eventually gets it done.

**A Christmas Prince – because that for sure is a concept universally known**

**This film, I have to warn you, can easily ruin more than just one of your twelve days of Christmas. That is also because it masterfully encompasses just about everything I don’t like about films like these, but, as if they were reading our hearts’ desires, the makers of this film have showed their compassion and by the time I am writing this already added two more sequels to the best film world there ever was. If, for some inexplicable reasons, the 92 minutes are yet too short for you, you can triple that and extend your holiday in the gorgeous Aldovia. You will not see me doing that, but, by all means, go for it. I would not mind going to the film locations of Aldovia, but I do not need more time with lovebirds I am going to introduce to you now.**

**You have willingly clicked on this blog post, so I have to tell you that should you have been ignorant of the Christmas Prince before this, that time is sadly coming to a close. All I can say in my defence is that I had to lose my innocence which I can only bear if I pull others down with me. Ideally, this would happen in person so that I can see the anguish on my victims faces (I am not a psychopath by the way), but this will have to do.**

**This film, as all good Christmas films do, sets us of in America. Our female lead is a journalist with the astonishingly creative nickname M, which at least made it easy for me to remember. So, M is a journalist. She wants to be an investigative journalist, or something. In any case, she agrees to take on the job of overseas journalist for the small European kingdom of Aldovia her boss sends her to. It is absolutely hilarious, by the way, how, in this film, stereotypes about America are first resolutely rebuked by M, only to reinstate them at a later point.**

**M, contrary to her boss, obviously knows that interregnum describes the time in between reigns of monarchs of a kingdom, honestly, who doesn’t? Well, I didn’t, because Lizzie has been at it long enough for me not to even be able to imagine such an interregnum. M is portrayed as the only clever American at the start of the film, to set her apart from the other office people who she is allegedly very good friends with. Just because she is a clever journalist, well adapt in the world of royals, does not make her immune to the staple distasteful paper coffee cup that I would gladly bet my favourite mug on does not contain any sort of liquid at all. My theory is that there is one single company producing paper cups for Christmas films specifically and that the industry thinks it gets away with it because the whole world focuses on the heart-warming love story unfolding in front of them. They simply did not expect me to come around the corner, which I cannot exactly blame them for.**

**So, M, our tragic hero accepts the job all the way in Europe and has to leave her diner-running-father behind all alone in America. To be fair, that was one of the few glimpses of humanity I was able to catch, when she felt sad about leaving him home alone. He is no Kevin, but I do understand how she’d want him to be with her at Christmas, I would feel the same for important people in my life.**

**M is on her way to Aldovia now, investigating the prince-to-be-king, who is MIA, missing in action, so to say has disappeared alongside some dating rumours popping up. As much as hideous paper cups are a staple, the female lead cannot possibly fall in love with anyone but the most eligible bachelor the kingdom/town/world has to offer.**

**At the airport, M makes sure that everyone knows she is American, complaining loudly about a man with a beard (is that a disguise?!) about having stolen _her_ taxi. She is impressively entitled and therefore no question is raised about her nationality. She is, however, still a _clever_ typical American, which is why she does not give up after the bad press conference but accidentally becomes the princess’ tutor. While talking to the Queen, she meets the unruly little princess as well as a man without a beard (it was a disguise!). M is brave, knocks over an old vase, and still does not get fired immediately, kudos to the royal family for taking such pity or having such strong faith – both terribly out of place in this situation. **

**Somehow, the little princess starts to like her tutor and pretty quickly discovers she is actually a journalist. She wants the real story about her brother being told to the world though, so she doesn’t say anything. Also, it appears that she ships M and her brother, which is considerably disturbing to witness. She keeps inviting M to all sorts of formal events where she dresses with no regard to etiquette and takes the most obvious pictures known to man. She literally holds her phone out right in front of her and edges closer, staring at her prey, and yet, it still comes as a surprise to everyone that she is actually a journalist.**

**The princess invites M to the Christmas tree decorating process and in turn gets taken around town on her wheelchair (with an infinitely more appetising looking stripey hot-chocolate paper cup) and down a hill with a sledge. The Queen, reasonably worried about her daughter chides them a little but only asks to be asked along the next time, which is certainly nice of her.**

**M’s investigative journalist jumps out another time when she trails after Richard, messes it up and still ends up finding adoption papers in a hide-out hut he and his father liked. Those, she does not put away well enough so that the rival successor to the throne can find them and nearly ruin everything.**

**That does not happen before the obligatory Christmas ball though, for which the princess helps M to get ready. Another thing that absolutely does not make sense is that M is called M, both based on her real name, and the tutor’s name. But not only that, the princess also seems to be called M, derived from Emily. Maybe, all real names should have been kept without changing them. Then again, it’s probably my fault as the nicknames are probably spelled: Em, Ehm, and M, so not at all prone to mixing up the different people. My bad.**

**When it’s finally revealed that M is a journalist, she is banned from the castle and the prince doesn’t look at her anymore. That does not stop her from meddling and finding the newly issued law that the adopted son can still become King. She tells everyone as much and then disappears back to America. There, she tries to convince her boss to print her love declaration in article form, who refuses, somewhat understandably mad that her oh so clever journalist did not make the most of her insider position.**

**M leaves her job, works with her father in the diner and posts a blog post about the king of Aldovia on her own. Because Aldovia is so important for world politics and economics, the whole world reads the post and the King’s good name is restored. Unbeknown to all, apart from M, of course, he likes playing with orphan children and is really kind, the world needed to hear that.**

**The princess ends up showing the blog to the king who then flies to America and scoops M right up, together with her father and the entire diner. We do not, however, get to see any more than that, because, as I have said, there are two more films dealing with matrimonial things as well as offspring. If you are dying to know what happens to M and her prince-now-king, you will have to go and see for yourself.**

**This description, I am pretty sure, showed you that I am not a big fan of the film. There are some things I still want to mention in hindsight. The first being the songs of choice: Dashing Through the Snow and Deck the Halls. Non-descript, therefore perfect, but poorly executed, especially the latter with children’s voices that all sound the same and no accompanying background music.**

**Then, I, as an avid blog post writer (anyone that laughed here, I am scowling at you fyi) myself, feel the need to point out that a blog might not actually have that big a reach to show your one true love just how you feel. I mean, sure, that would be nice, but it’s unrealistic. My advice is to look around you in the real world and see whether there isn’t someone you might want to talk to rather than trying to backhandedly reach them through a blog post.**

**Among all the bad things, there are, however, two good-ish things about this film. The princess being the first. She is brave, normal, funny, and does not let anyone command her to do things she doesn’t like. As much as I did not actually want to, her short tale of bravery gave me goosebumps. Bless her, and her little heart.**

**The last thing, I want to leave you with, is a quote from the prince himself. “I have never been this certain and I am known to be indecisive.” For me personally, this seemed like she was only a tiny bit better than all the other things he couldn’t make up his mind about, but maybe, it is quite as big a compliment as he made it sound like. In any case, it’s a nice line. It does not accurately portray the rest of the dialogue of the film, but I dare say we have all suffered enough as it is.**

Until it’s time for lunch, Dan resolutely ignores his own advice. He does not think about Phil. In some ways, he only does do to test out just how difficult it is. It would probably be impossible if there weren’t clients Dan could talk to.

During lunch, Dan munches on his pasta slowly, not even attempting to supress memories of the near perfect evening. It would have been absolutely perfect if Phil did not have to go home at some point, but that is evidently asking for way too much.

Already, having him in the kitchen, eating pasta with Mes and him was more than Dan could have realistically dealt with and certainly more than he deserved.

The scene truly has been too perfect to be true. Phil looked comfortable and almost at home in Dan’s kitchen. How is his mind supposed to be rational about anything then and pretend like everything is normal and fine when it very clearly is not?

Back at the studio, more clients and customers arrive to help Dan take his mind off Phil. The couple from the shoot a while back collects their pictures and chats a little, which is nice. The single people help distract Dan more though, in all honesty.

Dan is quite happy with how much he manages to focus on work. It is more work to stay in the studio with his thoughts, but that also makes it a more rewarding experience in a way. For every ten minutes Dan spends working with pictures without jolting when he thinks about one of the thousands of aspects he cannot stop thinking about, Dan indulges himself with staring over at Mes’ small table, remembering what it felt like to see Phil and Mes working together.

It is funny that now the things predominantly on his mind are still Mes and his blog, but Phil has promoted himself up there too. Funny, worrying, confusing. There is no denying that Phil is up there, in any case.

Despite being well within schedule and done at a reasonable time, Dan ends up working a little late. He does not really mean to, but any work down now will require less work to get back into on Monday. Mes might not be able to grasp the general concept, but he will hopefully be able to forgive him anyways.

Dan walks to the nursery and checks his phone for the first time since lunch. There are two messages from Meggie. The first is from a couple of hours ago, the second from ten minutes ago.

Nice blog. Let’s watch the other two.

Tardy.

Dan frowns and is about to reply when he realises that this means Meggie has left the nursery. Mes will not be alone, Meggie would not have left him on his own. That means Phil is with him.

Dan speeds up immediately and walks to the nursery as quickly as he can.

He turns around the corner, and yes, Phil and Mes are standing in front of the nursery just like they had done the day before. They are holding hands and talking. They are not star-gazing though, which means that Mes spots Dan at the same time as Phil does.

“Dad!” Mes shouts excitedly.

“I’m terribly sorry I’m late.” Dan grimaces. “I am sorry to have made you wait.”

“I volunteered.” Phil says, and Mes nods eagerly.

“Can I repay you with food at least?” Dan asks, feeling himself tense.

“Sure.” Phil smiles widely. “I’d love that.”

“Dad, can we watch a film?” Mes asks when they start making their way home.

“We’ll see.” Dan answers, already feeling warm at the thought of watching together with Phil, even if that was precisely what he thought about earlier today too.

“We’ll see a film?”

“We’ll see whether we will _watch_ a film.” Dan explains, and hopes that these sub-ideal streetlights they had agreed on were at least good for hiding a blush.

Phil’s POV 

Every day, Phil discovers things he did not know about himself. They are mainly about the things he would do for Dan and Mes without thinking twice.

Yesterday, he discovered, that his life-long distaste of traveling alone in the dark and cold does not mean anything to him if for it, Phil gets to spend an evening together with the two of them.

Today, Phil discovers, that if it means that he will see Dan and Mes in the morning, he does not even mind getting up as much as he usually does. He is not a prolific raiser yet, but he managed to do so within a sensible enough timeframe, and, what’s more, he is even in a good mood and that without the sun having risen.

Martyn likes to be an idiot and argue that the sun does not have anything to do with Phil’s happiness as he is usually awake late into the night and there is no sun there either, but Phil thinks there is a stark difference to having to do without the sun in waking up and being able to be happy long after the sun has set.

Phil gets out of bed and takes a shower. He cannot resist the temptation of a free body lotion sample he got with his shopping the other day. The lotion turns out to itch horribly, so Phil jumps back into the shower, and only quickly towels himself off, not going for any more adventurous options.

He gets dressed and has breakfast. He does not hurry then and therefore has to make up for the lost time, caused by the double shower with walking quickly.

He arrives at the nursery in good enough time and quickly puts his jacket away to not let more parents than necessary know that he was not the first child to arrive.

Phil and Meggie take turns answering the door. It just so happens that Phil gets to open the door when Dan and Mes are standing in front of it.

“Good morning.” The smile on Phil’s is the only natural reaction to a surprised Dan.

“Good morning. Did you get home okay?”

“Yes. Did you sleep okay?” Phil laughs, seeing how caught Dan looks.

“Yes. If that was a dig at us being late, I’ll have you know we are in fact half a minute early.”

Phil cannot let Dan win this easily, so he says: “I was referring to your messy hair.”

Dan tries to smooth down his hair, which is of course unnecessary because it looks perfect.

“That was a joke, Dan.” Phil laughs.

“You’re messing with me.” Dan states.

“I might be.” Phil admits and then forces himself to join another parent and talk to them. He cannot let anyone accuse him or favouritism. 

Out of the corner of his eye, Phil sees that Dan is done with saying goodbye to Mes and is leaving. Phil turns towards him and smiles. He cannot go over there and hug him for various reasons, mainly and inevitable self-combustion right after, so smiling it is.

The morning at the nursery is fun. Mes hovers around Phil quite a bit, and Phil teaches him how to mix different colours to create a more colourful picture than he is already achieving on his own.

“You can imagine the rainbow and the way the colours blend together there.” Phil says.

“The rainbow?” Mes frowns, so Phil scribbles the colours down in sequence for him quickly. He is rather surprised he gets it right on the spot, actually.

They talk through the colours, and Mes gets the hang of it quite quickly. He even understands how blue and red make the last colour purple, even if they are not right next to each other.

“I like purple.” Mes says.

“Me too. Why do you like it?”

“Blue and red are far apart but purple connects them.” Mes says and then proceeds to try and eat the pencil shavings to test whether they taste like crisps, which they allegedly look like.

At lunch, Phil and Meggie are always busiest, and well in need of the nap break themselves, even if they don’t nap.

Meggie has her phone in her hand, so Phil decides to get his as well. It does not hurt to look for updates. Phil actually gets rewarded with a new blog post. As it is the start of the nap time, he will have to make do and pass on his ritual. Well, he cannot get comfortable on his sofa, he can still drink a hot beverage, which is precisely what he is going to do.

After Phil has supplied himself and Meggie with tea, he settles down, angles the phone a tiny bit away from Meggie and starts reading.

He has watched A Christmas Prince at Martyn and Cornelia’s place before, but the author’s take on it is still refreshing and thrilling to read. Watching a film with him becomes more and more alluring. The author has strong opinions about every small detail which is very funny to read, and Phil bets very entertaining to experience in real life.

Phil jumps a little when he reaches the end of the post where the author offers a piece of advice: My advice is to look around you in the real world and see whether there isn’t someone you might want to talk to rather than trying to backhandedly reach them through a blog post.

There is no way the author can know just how infatuated Phil actually is with him, so that line is not directed at him. But it still makes Phil jump. Also, because the first person this piece of advice makes him think of Dan.

Not that Phil needs any sort of prompt to think about Dan really, but still, the author is right. Looking around Phil, in the real world, there is an absolute treasure in the form of Mes and Dan right in front of him.

Phil might not deserve them, he might not be the best answer for a question they never asked, but he can still try. He really wants to try.

In fact, he would also love to watch a film with Dan and Mes. Phil loves the blog (and author), but Phil wants to watch a film with Dan, because he … likes him.

“Good read?” Meggie asks, making Phil jump.

“Yes.” Phil answers in reflex, not that it’s not true, but he is not prepared to talk about the blog with Meggie. “What gave me away?” Phil asks anyways. He does not want to be rude and he really likes to talk to Meggie.

“Your darting eyes, your smile, and then everything just froze into an expression I can’t really decipher.” Meggie laughs. Phil laughs with her which is a genius way to not let her know how right she is about everything.

“I like being mysterious.” Phil says.

“I have noticed.” Meggie says in a conspiring voice, which sets them off laughing again.

Soon, the children start waking up, and Phil does not need to find a way around telling Meggie the complete truth. If they advance a slight bit more on their friendship, Phil might recommend the blog to her. It did take a while before he shared the blog with Martyn and another week more before he allowed him to share with Cornelia, which Martyn celebrated as the big stamp of approval like the obnoxious idiot he is.

But right now, Phil will not share the blog with Meggie. She would deserve to know, but this is not the moment.

In the afternoon, Phil is asked to read out loud as well as help children reach things high up the shelves, which ends up in every child taking turns being lifted up, but Phil embraces it as some free cardio.

The children are giddy and run around him long after the parents have started arriving, which is Friday funsies increasing the affection they are willing to show.

Phil hugs a lot of children that afternoon which ups his serotonin levels considerably.

“Phil, I hate to do this to you again…” Meggie starts, already in the process of getting into her jacket,

“I am willing to wait for all parents to arrive.” Phil says quickly.

“You are?” Meggie asks, zipping up the jacket.

“Yes. I volunteer. I am willing. Please go where you need to go.”

“Am I supposed to be offended?” Meggie grins. “Joking. You’ve got way better at this.”

“This?” Phil asks and opens the door for her.

“Interaction?”

“So life, essentially?”

“That’s what you’re making of it.” Meggie laughs and waves, which is not exactly contradicting Phil’s statement.

“Is Meggie gone?” Mes asks behind Phil, making him jump more than a child he promised to look after should have done.

“Yes.” Phil says.

“So you’re coming home with us?” Mes asks. Phil is a great fan of his deducing strategy.

As he has done with Meggie before, Phil laughs and then ushers Mes to his small seat and locker like wooden box to help with his shoes and jacket.

“Phil?” Mes asks, looking at him.

“Yes?”

“Do you like the Snowman?” Mes asks, referring to the book Phil read out earlier. They talk a little about the book and then quite organically start talking about Christmas films instead.

Phil would not call it a scheming plan, but he does encourage Mes to talk about films. But that is surely not a crime.

Phil takes Mes outside and locks the door behind them. They are still talking about films. Mes shocks Phil quite a little when he talks about a film with a funny dancing man. That part is not too bad, but when Phil notices he is talking about Love Actually, he does stumble in his sentence a little.

Then again, the film is lovely, and you don’t have to pay that close attention to Martin Freeman.

It is not easy to find a way to continue the conversation, but Phil does not have to, because at the same time, they spot Dan.

Mes shouts: “Dad!” and conveys the amount of attention they both feel rather well.

“I’m terribly sorry I’m late. I am sorry to have made you wait.”

“I volunteered.” Phil says honestly. 

“Can I repay you with food at least?”

“Sure.” Phil smiles. “I’d love that.”

Dan walks next to Mes, takes his free hand, and together, they set out to their place. Phil loves how normal this now feels. Well, it feels normal to go to Dan’s place after work. It still absolutely does not feel normal, judging by the way Phil’s heart is racing.

“Dad, can we watch a film?” Mes asks. Phil’s non-existent plan has worked better than he would have thought.

“We’ll see.” Dan answers, which is not a no.

“We’ll see a film?” Mes asks.

“We’ll see whether we will watch a film.” Dan says kindly. Phil tries to continue walking in a supremely normal way. Maybe, it would help to show how eager he is to watch a film, but then, it would be difficult not to share absolutely everything, so keeping something of an aloof expression is probably sensible.

Dan unlocks the door while Phil holds Mes’ hand. Mes has been asking all sorts of questions, mainly about films the entire way.

“We can watch a film after dinner.” Dan tells Mes eventually.

“With Phil?”

“You have to ask him.” Dan laughs.

Mes turns to Phil with big, sincere eyes. “Phil, do you want to watch a film with us?”

“Yes, I want to watch a film with you.” Phil answers which sends Mes cheering through the apartment.

“You don’t have to, if you don’t want.” Dan says when they are alone.

“I want to.” Phil insists, and thankfully, Dan stops asking.

They prepare a quick pre-prepped soup and have dinner in the kitchen. The washing up is done quickly. Phil is still drying dishes when Dan puts on the kettle for some tea.

“Can I interest you in some popcorn for the film as well?” Dan asks.

“Always.” Phil smiles.

Tea and microwave popcorn are done at the same time. While Phil pours the water into the cups and gets the milk, trying not to well up at home wonderfully domestic all of this is, Dan takes the popcorn out of the microwave and shakes it into a bowl.

Phil carries the tea into the living room and waits for Dan while Mes dances wildly around him but slowly settles into the sofa, excited to watch a film.

Dan joins them quickly and says: “I added Pumpkin Spice to the popcorn. I read that it’s really good, and it changed my life, seriously.”

After the first surprised jolt, Phil calms down. Of course, Dan would even have to share Phil’s taste in this matter too. He really is too perfect.

While Dan sets up the film, they have decided on Elf, Phil quickly sends a text to Martyn for which he obviously does not wait for a reply. He is about to watch a film with Dan and Mes, he does not have to waste time with talking to his brother.

Seeeee! Dan thinks pumpkin spiced popcorn

is a delicacy too. Accept your defeat!

Dan sits down on Mes’ other side. He does push him a little closer to Phil so that really, Dan is not too far away either. He is certainly too close as that Phil could have watched a film he knew even slightly less than Elf.

For the entire film, Mes is happily giggling between them, occasionally munching on pieces of popcorn Dan hands him.

Very occasionally, Dan mutters something under his breath. Whenever Phil looks over to him, however, it does not seem like Dan himself was aware that he has said anything. Phil would love to hear what Dan was saying, but he is of course also content the way things are.

“Another!” Mes shouts when the credits start rolling.

“Only if you get changed into your pyjamas.” Dan says and stretches.

“You too.” Mes insists and pulls Dan up. Dan sighs but follows Mes to his room.

Mes comes out quickly wearing a tiny blue suit with brown bears printed on top of it. Phil feels like melting, especially when Mes climbs onto the sofa and snuggles into his side.

Dan smiles at Phil and walks into what Phil assumes is his own room only to emerge with the exact same pyjama only a few sizes bigger. Phil does not know what to do, as physics sadly prevent him from actually melting.

He would love to. He has never seen anything more adorable than Dan and Mes wearing matching pyjamas.

“Arthur Christmas?” Dan asks Phil who nods. When the film starts playing, he understands what Dan’s question had been. Really, nothing more than nodding would have been possible for him in that moment.

The film starts. At first, Mes giggles just as much as he had in Elf, but then, his giggles quiet down and he slumps into Phil’s side.

“Oh, sorry.” Dan whispers and pulls Mes against him instead, before Phil could have protested that he does not mind.

They continue watching the film. Phil notices that Dan’s commentary has also got less frequent. He risks a glance over at him and jumps when he sees that Dan has also closed his eyes.

Phil forces his eyes to focus back on the screen. He cannot just stare at Dan, no matter how much he wants to.

Phil makes it through the film even if he is very tired by the end too. Dan and Mes have sunk into a lying position, holding onto each other. Phil indulges in staring a little, but then quietly stands up to turn of the television and to hunt a blanket.

Phil has assumed rightly that it’s Dan’s room, Dan had gone into earlier. He tries his luck and finds a blanket. He takes it quickly, not allowing himself to spend even a second longer than necessary in the room.

In the living room, Phil drapes the blanket over Dan and Mes, before getting his coat from the hallway to use as a blanket for himself. He settles down in the armchair with his legs propped up on the sofa. Like this, he will at least not invade anyone’s personal space.

He is too tired and way too selfish to leave Dan’s home, so this is a compromise, really.


	19. 19.12.2020

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you have a lovely weekend! Enjoy the chapter. <3 Take care and stay safe! xx

** Saturday, 19th of December 2020  **

Dan’s POV 

Seconds before Dan wakes up, he senses that something is different. He does not feel worse than usual before waking up, but there is certainly something different.

Luckily, it is one of those mysteries where opening your eyes is everything you need to do to solve it.

Dan feels different, because he has fallen asleep on the sofa. That is all there is to it.

Except, he is pretty sure that he did not put a blanket over himself moments before he fell asleep. That would have involved going to his bedroom and once he was already there, he would have surely stayed there instead of returning to sleep on the sofa.

Mes moves against Dan, and Dan thinks whether Mes falling asleep on the sofa had been a good enough reason to forfeit the bed and return to the sofa. Surely, he would have just taken Mes into his bed with him, instead of doing two trips.

Dan carefully turns around, facing into the living room and jumps. Phil is curled up on the armchair with his jacket wrapped around him.

Phil is sleeping peacefully. He does not even look too uncomfortable. Dan does not really want to wake him, but with jumping, Dan has accidentally woken Mes, and therefore, it will not be long until Phil wakes up too due to increased noise levels.

Mes’ wiggles increase which is a clear sign that he is in the process of waking up. A few moments later, Mes turns around and looks at Dan.

“Good morning.” Dan says. He does not speak loudly, but he also does not whisper. It would be weird to be secretive when Phil could be waking up every moment now.

“Good morning.” Mes says. Dan shifts onto his back, and Mes uses that opportunity to climb onto Dan’s stomach.

He lies down and stares into Dan’s eyes. Dan is pretty sure that with anyone else, he would be uncomfortable or at least self-conscious under this close scrutiny, but with Mes, he feels like he can share everything, if only to help him understand the world through close observation of Dan.

“Dad?”

“Yes?”

“Can biscuits swim?”

Dan genuinely hopes that Mes will never stop to ask any question that comes into his mind. His own life would certainly be much more colourful and entertaining if Mes kept going. Maybe, Dan needs to start asking his own questions to make sure that Mes knows it’s okay to ask.

“Swim?” For now, Dan would try to answer Mes’ questions.

“Yes. They don’t drown in the tea, do they?”

“No, they don’t drown. I would describe what they are doing as diving, not swimming, though.”

“What is diving?” Mes asks and starts playing with the hem of Dan’s shirt.

“It’s when you hold your breath to go swim underwater.” Dan explains.

“I cannot hold my breath for long.”

“Neither can biscuits, so you cannot dunk them for too long.”

“But I can dunk them?”

“For a while, yes.” Dan laughs.

“Good.”

Dan is happy to have been of help with this question that had been pressing on Mes’ mind. Mes is happy too, evidently. He wiggles off Dan and slides off the sofa.

Dan looks over to Phil for the first time since he woke Mes, and sees that Phil is awake. Dan does not jump this time, which is amazing.

He does, however, tremble for a short while when finally, the pieces slot together, and he realises that Phil must have been the one to put a blanket on top of them. And Dan must have been asleep when he did that, because there is no way Dan’s whole life would not have changed had he been there to experience it.

Dan really hopes he did not look weird sleeping, he has been blackmailed with sleeping pictures by Meggie before, but she did try and look for the worst angle.

“Good morning.” Dan says to Phil, pretending he did not just freak out right in front of Phil.

“Good morning.” Phil replies.

Dan does want to make conversation, but Mes interrupts him. He comes charging back at him, grabs his hand and demands he comes to the bathroom with him to brush his teeth.

“Brush your teeth, dad!” Mes insists.

“Yes, sir.” Dan says and stands up. “I have a spare toothbrush, if you want.” He says to Phil.

Phil smiles, shakes off the jacket and then stands up to follow them. Of course, even folded together on an armchair for the entire night does not make Phil look any less perfect.

Dan turns around and leads the way to the bathroom, well Mes leads and tugs Dan’s hand in the process.

Brushing teeth is quite an adventure with Mes excited to have even more company than usual. He ends up soiling his pyjamas from jumping up and down too much and then laughing when Dan dramatically re-enacts what would happen if Mes keeps on jumping with a toothbrush in his mouth.

The whole thing is horrendously domestic too. It is lovely and precisely what Dan’s dreams look like, but it still feels too far away. Dan cannot possibly have convinced Phil that he is the match Phil has been waiting for his whole life.

After brushing their teeth, Dan takes Mes to get changed into something comfortable but clean, before changing into loungewear himself. Phil has slept in his clothes, on the armchair, without a jacket. Dan might just get nominated and win both category of worst father and worst host. This is going to be his year!

Dan will have to make up for all of that with a proper breakfast, which is going to be difficult, seeing that he has almost nothing in his kitchen people would actually consider edible.

He does, however, have ingredients for pancakes. He will just have to trust that they will come out of the pan this time.

“Can I help you?” Phil asks, making Dan jump.

“If you want to.” Dan says and pushes the mixing bowl over to Phil. “You really don’t have to. I have already messed up being a host. I should make up for it.”

“I wasn’t a good guest either.”

“Excuse me?”

“I slept over without being invited to, without telling you.” Phil smiles.

“I don’t mind.”

“See, I don’t mind either.”

“But it cannot have been comfortable on the armchair. You could have taken my bed.”

“Ah, no. No. It was fine, honestly.” Phil says and starts beating the eggs in the mixing bowl.

“I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have to be.” Phil smiles. “Thank you for letting me stay until breakfast.”

“Who says you can leave again?” Dan asks, a good deal too brave for his own heart. Thankfully, Phil understands it as a joke and laughs. It was a joke, wasn’t it?

Well, no. Dan does want Phil to stay forever, but he will not force him to. That part was certainly a joke.

With Phil’s help, the pancakes leave the pan almost voluntarily. Dan calls Mes for breakfast and they sit down around the kitchen table, too domestic once again for Dan’s mental well-being. He will have the memory of this, but with it, he will also have to remember it is unrealistic.

Phil does not mind spending time with Dan and Mes for a weekend, but not always, not forever.

There is no way he can want that, is there?

“Are you alright, Dan?” Phil asks carefully. Phil is cutting up the pancake for Mes to eat which usually should have been Dan’s task.

“Yes. There are a few too many thoughts.” Dan winces.

“Think ahead if they don’t make you sad.” Phil turns back to Mes and says, almost inaudibly: “Please don’t be sad.”

It is probably in this exact moment that Dan notices he has not simply been harbouring a crush for quite a while now.

Dan somehow survives breakfast, which truly is an achievement with all the possible chocking hazards.

Mes darts off into the living room to play again, and Dan and Phil stay to wash up the dishes.

“You don’t mind being with us?” Dan asks into the silence, succeeding, with one sentence, to make it an awkward silence.

“Is that what you have been thinking about?”

“Among other things.” That is close enough to the truth, anyways.

“Dan.” Phil says seriously and turns towards Dan. “I like spending time with you. I like it more than makes sense.”

“You are not making fun of me?” Dan asks, just to be sure.

“Did anyone ever make fun of you about something like this?”

“Maybe.” Dan admits reluctantly. It’s no one’s fault apart from his own that he gets attached more quickly than others.

“No.”

“No?” Dan asks and looks at Phil. Phil looks shocked, which is confusing. Why would he be shocked? Because Dan is not emotionally mature?

“That is nothing to make fun about. It’s nothing to joke about. I am serious and I deeply resent those that have been unfair to you.”

“Oh. I never saw it like that.”

“What did you see it as?” Phil asks. He looks a little pained, which is even more confusing. “Did you think it was your fault?”

Dan does not answer, but apparently, he does not need to. Phil sighs and pulls him into a fierce hug when Dan averts his eyes.

“I am not joking, Dan. I like spending time with you. I like you and Mes.”

Dan hopes Phil cannot feel his strong heartbeat against his arm, even if only to buy him some more time before Phil realises just how smitten Dan is with him.

Phil lets go off Dan eventually, and they join Mes in the living room once they are done with the dishes.

“Do you have any plans for today?” Dan asks Phil, very bravely, he would like to point out to someone that can appreciate the buckets of sweat he is producing, if only internally.

“No.”

“Would you like to go s-l-e-d-g-i-n-g with us?” Dan asks.

“Yes.” Phil laughs.

“Me too.” Mes adds, eyes darting between Dan and Phil. “What are we going to do?”

“We are going to go sledging.” Dan says into the last few seconds of peace and quiet at his place. Mes starts jumping up and down in excitement and runs around the living room.

Dan has to literally catch him to make him change into outdoor wear, but eventually, they are on their way to the sledging hill.

It is not cold enough for real snow, but it is cold enough for fake snow to stay on the hill and provide a terribly exhilarating experience.

“Have you done this before?” Phil asks as they get in line for tickets.

“Yes, last year, and now Mes is obsessed. I had somewhat hopped that he would be too scared to do it.”

“Why, are you scared?” Phil laughs. Dan looks away, and Phil laughs louder. “You are!”

“Only a little. Those beasts get incredibly fast!” Dan defends himself.

“Nothing will happen to the three of us.” Phil says, annihilating Dan with one very simple sentence.

Dan did think Phil’s sentence was enough to end him, but that does not mean that Phil stops delivering.

They reach the end of the line, and Phil announces to the ticket office lady, as if it was the most natural thing in the universe: “Family of three.”

“How old is your son?”

“4 years old.” Phil answers. Dan would not have been able to because all his brainpower is centred on not gaping at Phil.

There is another line to get to the top of the hill, but it progresses quickly. Too quickly for Dan to even begin coming to terms with the fact that they will all share one of the inflatable seats.

When it’s their turn, Phil gently nudges Dan to the front and makes him sit down. He climbs onto the seat behind Dan and secures his hands on Dan’s waist.

“Come, sit down, Mes.” Dan says in order to distract himself from Phil’s hands.

“Trust me Dan. You don’t need to worry.” Phil says behind him, making Dan blush but there is absolutely no one to witness that, thankfully.

“I trust you.” Dan answers quietly, before starting to scream when they are sent down the hill. Even if Dan screams continuously, he can still hear Phil’s happy laughing and Mes’ delighted squeaking. As if he has not already had his fair share of embarrassing incidents, Dan starts to tear up a little. He is right there between the two people he is absolutely obsessed with, and they are all having a great time.

Phil’s POV 

Coming to terms with any of this is terribly difficult, or at least, it is a real task. There has been a lot to deal with this morning alone. Phil is not even counting seeing Dan sleep on the list of things his mind was hopelessly overtaxed with.

This morning alone has been so fully packed with things, that the presumably too short trip to the sledging place is not going to do much to help Phil run through every single thought of his to have a clear mind to engage with Dan and Mes.

First, there had been the scene Phil woke up to, of course. Mes and Dan talking quietly, wrapped up in the blanket Phil had put on them the evening before. Their conversation was not necessarily important in the grand scheme of things, but it was certainly fun to listen to.

Phil certainly felt very fortunate to have been allowed to witness it.

When Dan has explained to Mes that biscuits dive, not swim, and that they don’t drown if not dunked for too long, he turned around and looked at Phil for the first time. For a short moment, Phil was scared that Dan would be shocked to still see him there, but he seemed almost unfazed. He did look at Phil for a while, but that was probably because he was still sleepy.

They exchanged good mornings and then were whisked off into the bathroom to brush their teeth by Mes.

In the bathroom, Phil witnessed another adorable father-son interaction that his heart could have done without. Especially so, as now, that greedy thing wanted to witness more of those moments.

The first sort of breather had been when Dan had helped Mes change his clothes and has put on some different clothes himself. Phil was alone in the living room, but that proved not terribly relaxing, because he couldn’t help picture Dan’s sleeping form whenever he looked at the sofa.

It was not as much a breather as it was an opportunity to make future interactions even more taxing.

Preparing breakfast still sticks well to Phil’s mind. It was not long ago, but to remember it in this detail is still a novelty for Phil.

He had gone into the kitchen to help Dan, which he had eventually allowed. Dan was convinced he had been a bad host, which is absolutely ridiculous.

“But it cannot have been comfortable on the armchair. You could have taken my bed.” Dan said as if that was not the absolute last thing Phil would have done. Indulging himself that much was not okay.

“Ah, no. No. It was fine, honestly.” Phil said totally convincingly and then continued making pancakes.

“I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have to be. Thank you for letting me stay until breakfast.”

“Who says you can leave again?” Dan’s question forced a laugh out of Phil. It is funny, really, that Dan has no idea how much that is really all Phil wants.

During breakfast, Dan had seemed absent with his thoughts, which certainly gave Phil food for thought too. He wants to know Dan well. He wants to know everything about him, really.

In answer to Phil’s question, Dan had said that he just has too many thoughts. Phil was happy to give him time and space to think those thoughts, but he was happier when Dan decided to voice some of them while they were washing up.

“You don’t mind being with us?” Dan asked, strategically clever bend over the sink as not to have to look at Phil.

“Is that what you have been thinking about?”

“Among other things.”

“Dan.” Phil turned to look properly at Dan. “I like spending time with you. I like it more than makes sense.”

“You are not making fun of me?”

Phil’s insides twisted at this. “Did anyone ever make fun of you about something like this?”

“Maybe.”

“No.”

“No?” Dan looked at him then, feeling insecure, which Phil disliked almost as much as some idiot treating Dan in a way that made him wary of any sort of potential affection.

“That is nothing to make fun about. It’s nothing to joke about. I am serious and I deeply resent those that have been unfair to you.” Phil had fought hard to keep his voice almost level.

“Oh. I never saw it like that.”

“What did you see it as? Did you think it was your fault?” If there is one person that was too easy on others and too hard on himself, it is Dan, Phil had thought in that moment, and had sadly turned out to be rather spot on about that.

Phil hugged Dan, which was only somewhat indulgent on his part, he really wanted to honestly show Dan how much he enjoyed their time together. Dan deserved clear signs if those were the only ones getting through to him.

Even if there had been the whole commotion of changing Mes into appropriate clothes for sledging, Phil still cannot stop thinking about their conversation in the kitchen.

Phil likes Dan. He likes him a lot. He wants what’s best for him. And for starters, that is certainly showing him that there had been idiots in his life but that he can trust Phil, that he can believe that Phil likes to spend time with him and Mes.

Walking next to Dan and Mes is silence while they pointed out things they found interesting to each other was alright. However, now, that they have reached the sledging place, Phil needs to interact again, no matter how unprepared he is for that.

“Have you done this before?” Phil asks.

“Yes, last year, and now Mes is obsessed. I had somewhat hopped that he would be too scared to do it.”

“Why, are you scared?” Phil wants to tease, but Dan admits through actions, not as much through words, that he is actually right. “You are!”

“Only a little. Those beasts get incredibly fast!”

“Nothing will happen to the three of us.” Phil doesn’t want to tease Dan about something he is truly scared of. Also, especially today, that sort of teasing somewhat goes against Phil’s plan of making Dan feel secure and safe with him.

They reach the end of the line and Phil is in charge of speaking. He makes himself be in charge, in any case, because he is determined to pay for the three of them.

The three of them. That is somewhat the reason why Phil says: “Family of three.”

That is also a little cheaper, but Phil would have gladly paid any amount to get to do this with Dan and Mes. It was really more an honest mistake than a money scamming scheme.

“How old is your son?”

“4 years old.” Phil answers, he can hardly retrack now.

Phil pays for the tickets and they get in line for the actual sledging part. The line is not long, and Mes’ excitement is enough to keep Phil entertained without the urge to say something.

When their turn comes, Phil pushes Dan towards the front of the inflatable and makes him sit down. He climbs behind Dan and puts his hands on Dan’s waist. He could have theoretically put them around his waist too, but he is keen on being professional right now.

“Come, sit down, Mes.” Dan says and pulls down Mes in front of him.

There is the softest hint of panic in his voice which is why Phil says: “Trust me Dan. You don’t need to worry.”

“I trust you.” Dan answers softly, but Phil hears him well.

They get pushed down the hill, and immediately, Dan starts screaming. Every now and then, when Dan takes a breath, Phil can hear Mes’ squeaks. The whole situation is lovely. So lovely, in fact, that Phil needs to make an active decision of whether he wants to cry or laugh.

For the sake of not worrying anyone, Phil opts for laughing, squeezing Dan’s waist a little to ground himself.

“AGAIN!” Mes cries at full volume when they slither to a halt.

“Again?” Dan asks.

“Yes.” Mes jumps up and grabs Dan’s hand. Phil pushes him up a little too. Dan turns around and pulls Phil up, before ascending the hill with Mes.

Phil takes a deep breath, pretends his hand is not in fact tingling where Dan touched him, and follows Dan and Mes up the hill.

The second and third ride are just as fun as the first. Dan’s screams are just as loud, but he seems more excited than terrified, which is a relief.

The fourth ride, Dan looks a little squeamish.

“Would you mind if I sit this one out?” Dan asks.

“No. Of course. Mes, do you want to ride with me?” Phil asks.

“Yes.” Mes says and grabs his hand immediately. He climbs into Phil’s lap once he is seated on the inflatable. Completely by their own account, Phil’s arms wrap around Mes’ tiny body. Mes settles against him, wiggling excitedly. This feels lovely, normal, and yet incredibly special.

To give Mes a special treat and to distract himself, Phil turns them halfway on the ride, earning Mes’ delighted giggles.

“Reckless.” Dan says when Phil and Mes join him again. He is smiling brightly, so Phil does not understand it as direct criticism.

“Can we please go again?” Mes asks. Dan refuses to go again after he has seen what Phil can do with the sledge, but Phil and Mes go for another three times.

After their last round, Dan has bought them all a hot chocolate which Phil would have loved to pay for, but he accepts it graciously.

“Can we meander?” Mes asks.

“Meander?” Phil smiles.

“Walking slowly while drinking hot chocolate is described as meandering in the dictionary.” Dan explains with a proud expression as well as adorably flushed cheeks.

“I’d love to meander.” Phil says, so they set out. They walk around the hill and then slowly home.

Dan takes the cups from them and puts them in the bin when they are done. He then takes one of Mes’ hands and almost instinctively, Mes grabs Phil’s other hand, making him melt.

Back at home, Dan makes Mes drink a glass of water before putting him down for a nap. Mes is certainly tired enough to benefit from a nap, but it takes a bit of clever negotiating before he agrees to fall asleep.

Not that Phil experiences much of that. He is in the living room, while Dan is talking to Mes in his room.

“I’m afraid, you’ll have to stay. Mes only agreed to sleep if you’ll still be there when he wakes up.” Dan laughs and sits down next to Phil. “Sorry about that.”

“My pleasure.” Phil smiles. It is absolutely unfathomable how Mes should have come to like him that much, but he is certainly happy about it. Delighted. Thankful. Ecstatic.

“I’m happy that you came with us today. And that you are still here. And so is Mes.” Dan leans back into the sofa but still smiles at Phil.

“Can I ask you a question?” Phil asks.

“Sure.” Dan says. Phil thinks to see him tense up a tiny bit, but he should ask now to make it less awkward for both of them.

“Why is Mes called Mes?” Phil realises that the question is hardly important, but he does genuinely want to know. And he wants to talk to Dan, simple as that.

“Ah.”

“Sorry. That’s none of my business.”

“No, it’s silly. Mes is short for James. But well, a not so very nice person in my school was named James, called Jimmy, and I could not abide the thought of calling my son anything like that.”

“Oh, I’m sorry.”

“Nah, don’t worry about it. The good thing about school bullies is that they sort of stay in school, you know? I probably never have to see Jimmy again, and in a way, I became the way I am because of him. So I should…”

“You should certainly not thank him. By the sounds of it, he is not a nice person. He might have changed, but he still hurt you. For that reason alone, I don’t like him.” Phil says.

“Maybe not.” Dan admits quietly.

“Why did you call him James if you don’t like the name that much?” Phil continues to ask carefully.

“Well, Lucy named him that. Lucy is Mes’ mother. I wanted to call him Lukas or something, inspired by her name, but she chose my middle name because she did not want me to think of her whenever I looked at Mes.”

“Oh.” Phil truly has advanced into territories he has no idea how to navigate.

“That was the single most thoughtful thing she has ever done. Of course, I love Mes with my whole being, but it was not terribly clever of Lucy to get pregnant and then die.”

“I am so sorry.” Phil says, kneading his fingers. This is what he gets for being nosy and inconsiderate.

“Oh, don’t be. Mes and I are happy. In many ways it is a tragedy that Lucy died so young, but she gifted Mes to the world and will be present like that.” Dan stays quiet for a while and then adds: “I never really loved her when she was alive, but I can easily honour her life through Mes.”

“You are a great father.” Phil says sincerely.

“You are the first non-biased person to say so.” Dan laughs. Phil smiles too, not pointing out that he is far from being non-biased.

Phil somehow managed to steer the conversation into easier territory again and just enjoys chatting to Dan, when his phone suddenly rings.

“Martyn.” Phil says apologetically.

“Answer it. I will go wake Mes.” Dan says and stands up.

“Hello?”

“I concede. Maybe, popcorn with pumpkin spice is not such a bad idea.” Martyn greets Phil.

“Is that why you called me?” Phil laughs.

“Sure. And also to point out that I would like you to remember the meeting on Tuesday. You’re lying if you say you remember.”

“No.” Phil lies.

“You are, because it is a meeting I only just scheduled. You had one scheduled for Thursday to keep with the Thursday tradition, but I dare say, the 24th of December is not a terribly kind date for a company meeting.”

“Fair enough.”

“Where are you?” Martyn asks suddenly.

“Why?”

“You sound different.”

“I do not.” Phil protests, but still says: “I am at Dan’s.”

“The photographer?!” Martyn’s voice jumps a little, which is ridiculous.

“Yes.”

“Can you hand me to him?”

“What? Why?” Phil asks in the moment Dan comes out of the room, holding a still sleepy Mes.

“I just want to talk to him.”

“Dan, Martyn wants to talk to you.” Phil says and shrugs.

“Sure.” Dan laughs. He sits down next to Phil and places Mes into his lap.

“Don’t be weird.” Phil tells Martyn and then hands his phone over to Dan.

Mes is playing with the strings of Phil’s hoodie which is why he genuinely does not listen all too much to Dan’s snippets of the conversation.

Only when Dan says: “Bye.” And hangs up the call, does Phil even look at him again. Dan’s face is a little bit flushed, which is an endearing sight.

“I will see you tomorrow then.”

“Yes. Wait, what?”

Dan laughs and explains that Martyn has asked Dan to come around to Phil’s parents’ place to take some Christmas pictures of everyone and to stay for tea of course.

“That’s nice of him.” Phil says slowly, and Dan laughs.

“I won’t go if you don’t want me to.”

“Ridiculous. Of course, I don’t mind.” Phil says and has the joy of seeing Dan blush right in front of him.

Phil stays for as long as it takes to read Mes a picture book before he says goodbye. He does not really want to leave, but it is a little easier, knowing that he will see both of them again the next day.

Phil has of course said that Mes can come along, which Martyn had not mentioned but obviously also meant that.

“Until tomorrow.” Dan says as he opens the door for Phil.

“Until tomorrow. Have a nice evening.”

“You too.” Dan says.

“Bye!” Mes hollers from the living room.

“Bye!” Phil calls back and waves a little before walking down the stairs.

Outside, he takes out his phone and sees that he has a new message from Martyn.

You’re welcome xoxo

Phil rolls his eyes and puts his phone away again. It would most definitely get to Martyn’s scheming, meddling, interfering head if Phil admitted that he was thankful, so he will ignore him for the time being, which works fine.


	20. 20.12.2020

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for 1000 hits! :) It makes me very happy to see that you like the story! <3 Enjoy the chapter, have a good day and until tomorrow! <3 Take care and stay safe! xx

** Sunday, 20th of December 2020  **

Dan’s POV 

Dan knows that it is a Sunday. He does not claim to have incredibly great senses and just omniscient knowledge, but he does have ears and can differentiate between church bells telling the time and church bells inviting people to come for service – he is clever like that.

So, it’s Sunday, and early enough to potentially go to church. That is by no means normal for Dan.

Also, it’s not the church bells that woke him. He woke up and then noticed the church bells. Why would he be awake this early on a Sunday?

Mes isn’t in the room with him to have accidentally kicked him awake. His phone did not ring. In short, nothing of his usual sleep disturbances happened.

There is not even anything exciting planned for the day. Apart from, hell yes, there is!

Dan sits up in his bed, which is an unnecessary exertion. He slumps back down almost immediately and pulls up the blanket to his nose, for pure dramatic effect.

Today, Dan is going to go to Phil’s parents’ house to take pictures of the whole family.

To be fair, it was not Phil that invited him to go there himself. Martyn invited him, but Phil will also be there, and he said he doesn’t mind Dan going. Of course, it’s not the same as wanting him to go, but it’s close enough.

Mes will come with Dan and they will have a good time. There is no way not to have a good time when Phil will be there too. This does not stop Dan from being uncharacteristically nervous before a shoot, but it’s nothing complete suppression of the issue is not going to cure.

Dan will meet Phil’s parents, but it’s not like Dan will _meet_ Phil’s parents. Those two of entirely different connotations!

After Dan’s thoughts have run in circles for quite some time, he decides to get up and at least somewhat make use of this unexpected time. He might as well be productive and write a blog post. Or at least start one.

Dan puts on the next film and starts jotting down ideas for the blog. He does get a little distracted staring either at the spot where Phil has sat the evening before or staring at Mes’ door, wondering whether he could wake him up the be distracted from thinking about Phil the whole time.

He ends up not waking Mes, because a little boy and Mes in particular deserves to have a lie in on Sundays. Dan cannot use Mes to distract him if that means stealing some of his sleep.

Dan also ends up sitting on the spot where Phil sat so that he does not always look at it but focuses on the screen instead.

The film is over shortly before Mes’ door opens, and he comes walking to the sofa. Dan shuts the television down and lifts Mes onto his lap.

“Did you sleep well?” Dan asks.

“Yes.” Mes says rubbing his eyes. “I went sledging with dinosaurs.” The following description of Mes’ dream is lovely and addictive. Dan literally jumps a few inches when his phone rings in the middle of Mes’ dream.

“Grandma-mama?” Mes asks excitedly.

“Yes.” Dan nods. He had not really remembered that this would be the time for grandma-mama to call them, but he will gladly accept the worst grandson award on top of the numerous awards he has already accumulated.

“Good morning.” Dan says as he answers the phone. “I will put you on speaker, or do you want to see us?”

“Seeing you is always nice.” Grandma-mama answers. Dan talks her through the mechanics of accepting the video call and then is rewarded by the image of his squinting grandmother.

“Go, get your glasses. We’ll wait here.” Dan laughs.

“Good idea.” There is some rustling, but quickly, grandma-mama reappears on the screen. “You look good.”

“So do you. How was service?” Dan asks and leans back, angling the phone so that he and Mes are in the frame.

“Very nice. I know which hymn I want to sing with you later.”

“That sounds like a threat.” Dan says cheerfully before asking her a little more about the service. Grandma-mama loves to talk about services and people whose name Dan now knows very well but has never actually met.

“How was your weekend?” grandma-mama asks and manages to secure herself Mes’ attention.

Mes excitedly tells her about the sledging, the films and everything in between, which mostly consists out of epic battles with his toys.

“And today, we’re going to Phil’s for tea!”

“Phil?” Dan knows that grandma-mama is quick, but this is a little very quick. It almost seems as though she has wanted Mes to say something.

“Yes, he’s a friend.” Dan says quickly.

“Mes’ friend?”

“Yes!” Mes shouts.

“Our friend.” Dan softly corrects, which he shouldn’t have, judging by the excited glint in his grandmother’s eyes.

“You two have fun then. Sing Oh come Oh come Emanuel with me and you will be free to go.”

Dan and Mes agree easily. Dan googles the words on his computer, and they start singing, slowly so that Mes has a chance to copy the words. It is, as usual, all over the place and very nice.

“Take care!”

“You too, grandma-mama.” Dan says and hangs up after waving for a minute or two.

“Let’s have breakfast.” Dan tells Mes and takes him into the kitchen. They are back to the very un-ceremonial cereal, but it’s still nutritious and tasty, so really, Dan ticks quite a few boxes there.

After breakfast, Dan refrains from putting the movie on again, he will do that later this evening. Now, he can draw and play with Mes and does not need to ruin him with that horrendous excuse of a film. It is both not so bad and infinitely worse than others. The songs get stuck easily which means you take a lot more away from the film than you’d probably want to.

While playing, Dan receives a text from Phil, which totally does not make him kick over the carefully balanced stuffed toy pyramid he has just built. Mes forgives him easily, though, and while he rebuilds it, Dan checks the message.

I did not tell you where my parents live.

Do you want me to come and pick you up?

I still need to get the equipment from the studio.

Let’s meet there. I think the bus runs directly.

Perfect. What time?

Phil texts the time and Dan can try and focus back on Mes again. There is not much time left now, so Dan soon guides their playing to a more or less organic end by a huge volcanic eruption.

“But the dinosaurs!” Mes shouts.

“They all survived, obviously. They just need a little rest.” Dan says and stands up. “Let’s get you dressed all nice and pretty.”

“You too, traitosaurus.” Mes says and jumps up.

“Right…” Dan laughs and guides Mes to his room.

Once Mes is dressed, he pulls Dan to his own room and sits down on his bed to watch him choose and outfit.

“Do I look good?” Dan asks and twirls for Mes.

“Beautiful.” Mes answers. Bless his little heart, he did not even try to be sarcastic.

Dan smiles and takes Mes to the front door to wrap them up warmly before braving the walk to the studio. They will, of course be rewarded with meeting Phil, but it is still going to be bitterly cold.

At the studio, Dan only puts on the necessary lights and quickly gathers all equipment he could possibly need.

The knock on the door startles Dan a little bit. It is Phil, smiling at him, looking way too pretty in the black coat.

“Are we ready to go?” Phil asks.

“Yes!” Mes shouts and runs into Phil’s open arms. Dan stares for a moment, but then turns around quickly to pretend he is checking the interior of the bag.

“Yes. We are.” Dan says and joins them at the door once he can hear something other than his own heartbeat.

The bus stop is close by and the bus itself arrives quickly too. Dan squeezes himself into a seat and pulls Mes on top of his lap so that Phil can sit down next to him. Mes holds Dan’s pointer finger while curiously staring out of the bus.

“Thank you for agreeing to do this.” Phil says. “And sorry.”

“I like spending time with you.” Dan says quietly.

“Me too.” Mes agrees happily.

“Me too.” Phil smiles. Dan looks out of the window quickly which gives him room to breathe but also does not prepare him at all for Phil pressing his knee against Dan’s. That might as well have been a coincidence though.

The next stop is theirs. Phil picks Mes up from Dan’s lap and quickly jumps off the bus, Dan following him immediately.

“It’s only a very short walk.” Phil promises and leads the way, Mes still in his arms. Mes looks very happy about that. First of all, he is not big on unfamiliar grounds and he just loves Phil, which Dan cannot blame him for.

Phil rings the doorbell, and Dan is a little relieved when Martyn is the one to open the door for them.

“Come in, dear guests, and Phil.” Martyn says, making Mes giggle.

Phil places Mes down and takes Dan’s bag, waiting for him to take off his coat. Dan hurries with getting it off and handing it to Phil in exchange for his bag.

Martyn waits for them to be done and then leads the way into the living room.

“You look happy, Phil. Did Mab do something?”

“Shh. I told you to be quiet.” Phil answers, decidedly avoiding to look at Dan. Dan feels a couple degrees colder immediately. Who is Mab? Why does Phil not want to talk about it in front of Dan? Who is Mab that they make Phil happy enough for Martyn to point that out?

Dan has absolutely no right or claim to jealousy but knowing that objectively is a totally different thing to putting it into action subjectively.

Just because Dan shouldn’t be jealous clearly does not mean that he isn’t.

“You must be Dan! I have heard great things about you from my boys.” Phil’s mother smiles at Dan. “And then, this is Mes. It’s very nice to meet you.”

“It’s nice to meet you too.” Mes replies. He looks a little wary at first but very quickly is won over by some biscuits, which means it’s probably time that Dan tells him that when Dan is not with him, he needs to be careful of strangers offering sweets and the like.

For now, Dan will focus all of his attention to try and not to melt at the sight of Mes and Phil’s family interacting, which is difficult, even if the jealousy is nagging at him a little too.

Phil’s POV 

Phil truly is a greedy person. He spent more than 24 hours at Dan’s place or at least in Dan and Mes’ company, and yet he has the audacity to be sad to leave him. Of course, Phil’s deepest wish is for Dan to make his promise come true and actually not let him leave ever again. But considering that there had been decades where Phil had to live without Dan, he really should be thankful for what he got instead of lamenting it, because, apparently, two weeks is enough to turn Phil into spoiled brat.

Two weeks? It has not only been two weeks, right? It had not only been two weeks since Phil met the photographer Dan? Surely not! His second week at the nursery is over, so yes, it is only two weeks since Phil has known Dan, and conveniently fallen for him.

Phil sits up in bed. Some thoughts seem more weighty when lying down. This one, however, seems just as weighty when Phil sits up.

He has met Dan beginning of this month, he has known him for less and yet, he is already infatuated by Dan and his small family of two. Phil is in many respects more an all in than a step by step sort of person, but this seems rash, even to him.

It does not help that Martyn and Cornelia too are being so openly encouraging. If they were a little wary, if they told Phil to take it slow, he might have listened. Then again, this is Dan he is talking about, so any sort of rationality cannot reasonably be expected from Phil, but his crush might not have developed as quickly.

If Phil is to see Dan and Mes again later, he should probably stop having these sorts of thoughts. His mind easily makes it seem like Dan is just as interested in him as Phil is, but that can hardly be true. Phil would not have been able to fall so completely without any regard for his own safety if he had not thought that Dan was also interested, but assuming that his feelings run deeper than that is a dangerous undertaking.

It is not illegal for Phil to imagine the best possible life he could be leading with Dan and Mes by his side, but that would not be helpful. What good would it do to imagine being able to listen to all of Dan’s pieces of wisdom he shares with Mes?

For example the one with dunking biscuits into tea. There is no reason why Dan had to be so cute while he explained to Mes patiently how dunking a biscuit needs to be done with some level of expertise.

Maybe too much of the combined cuteness of both Dan and Mes would not be good for Phil in the long run. No. That is impossible. There is no way Phil would do anything but benefit from it. He would learn from Mes and his questions, maybe he would get to teach him a little too.

Phil wants to teach Mes. He wants to adapt but also create new rituals for the three of them. He wants to be there for Dan. He wants Dan to feel loved after some bad people tried to take that experience away from him.

Phil flops back down onto the mattress and hits his head slightly on the headboard. He deserves that.

Did he not just warn himself basically, that imagining all sorts of things would not do him any good? Not when he has to meet Dan and Mes again later!

Now, all he needed to do was imagine what it would be like to wake up next to Dan, what it would feel like to have him snuggled up to him, and to prepare lazy breakfasts in pyjamas with less talking and more silent smiling.

Phil groans and hides his head in his hands. He has no control over his mind, and he is reckless. Recklessly stupid!

He really needs to think of something else now, otherwise he will either be beetroot-red at his parents’ house the entire time, or he will have passed out long before that.

There is, however, nothing that Phil can immediately think of that will take his mind off Dan. It is too easy to fantasise about lying next to Dan while watching nature documentaries. Virtually everything on Netflix seems to evoke a scarily realistic image of Dan sitting next to him.

In the end, Phil chooses the first series with subtitles he can find, because he reasons, rather cleverly, that if he is busy reading something, at least another part if engaged while watching something, which means he will have less brain capacity to do something else alongside.

Phil has finished three episodes, when his phone notifies him that he has received a text.

We’re all very excited xoxo

You are trying to be particularly obnoxious

I see.

No! I care for you! We are all very excited

xoxo

Yes, so you said. Please be normal and try to

behave.

I always do!

You hardly ever behave, and I have never seen

you try.

I am aghast.

Good for you. Seriously, try and behave.

Of course! I am helping you, after all.

Helping? How?

Introducing him to The Parents.

We’re not there yet.

YET!

Please don’t scare him off.

I know you are serious about him, and I will

behave.

This is as good as it will get. Phil puts his phone down and sighs. Dan seemed to like Martyn and Cornelia. Phil does not need to be scared. Martyn is nice, even if he is a teasing idiot.

With Martyn’s total lack of filter, it is certainly sensible to be nervous though, which is not as bad as being scared.

Phil briefly wonders how Martyn seems to be so certain about Phil being serious about Dan, but that seems dangerously close to all those thoughts Phil has deemed inappropriate, so he drops it.

Before continuing to watch the series, Phil remembers that it would be a good idea to check in on Dan. Rather importantly so because he has not told Dan where and when to meet.

Boldly, or at least as boldly as Phil can physically be, he asks Dan whether he should pick him up. Dan answers immediately, saying that he needs to go to the studio, so they agree on a time and will take the bus from there.

This solution is probably ideal for Phil. If he were to go to Dan’s place and then take him and Mes to meet Phil’s parents, he might accidently kid himself to believe that he is literally taking Dan to meet his parents.

Meeting at the studio offers Phil at least some form of illusion that this is a purely professional meeting and that he does not think of it as anything else either.

Phil continues his series until it’s time to take a shower, get dressed, and make his way to the studio. He is excited, but in favour of not making himself go insane, Phil allows that particular emotion and leaves his home, triple checking that he has everything he could possibly need for a trip to his parents’ house.

The way to the studio is familiar by now which is a nice feeling but also strange. Phil likes to not be especially on edge because of the route, but he does worry about the fact that after a couple of trips, this route already seems familiar to him.

This is not the time for worrying though. Phil really needs to stay on track.

He spots the studio and sees that there is light on inside. He approaches and can see Dan walking around and Mes inspecting his small table.

Phil knocks on the door which makes Dan jump, as if he could get any cuter, really.

“Are we ready to go?” Phil asks. He does need a moment to accept that he will always be blown away by Dan, but it does not cost him terribly much time.

“Yes!” Mes sounds excited which is truly a relief. He runs towards Phil. Phil instinctively opens his arms and bends down to hug him.

When Phil straightens up again, Dan has his back turned towards him. He checks his bag and then declares them ready to go.

They leave the studio, Dan locks it, and they make their way to the bus stop. The bus is quick to arrive, which is both a blessing and a curse. Phil does not need to think of something terribly artificial to talk about, but it also means that quite suddenly, he is very close to Dan.

Dan sits at the window with his bags at his feet and Mes on his lap. Phil sits down quickly, because even if he will be unbearably close to Dan, at least, this way, he can choose to look ahead and does not have to give into the temptation of staring at Dan and Mes.

“Thank you for agreeing to do this. And sorry.” Sitting side by side makes it a tiny bit easier to talk honestly too, which is a nice little bonus. It does take a good few stops to gather the courage to say something, but at least, it’s possible at all.

“I like spending time with you.”

“Me too.” Mes speaks with more conviction than Dan, but Phil melts in equal parts at both of them. 

“Me too.” Phil smiles. Dan looks away, which allows Phil to breathe, so for once it’s nice to not have Dan’s piercing eyes on him. Aren’t sharper colours, lighter colours, usually associated with piercing eyes? Why do Dan’s eyes have to be soft and warm as well as piercing? Couldn’t he have chosen just one of the two extremes?

They look at the passing houses in silence and soon reach their stop. Phil gets up, picks Mes up from Dan’s lap and leads the way.

“It’s only a very short walk.” Phil says, holding on to Mes to keep himself in the moment. It truly is unfair that even if he is taking Dan and Mes to meet his parents, he is not actually taking them to meet his parents. He has no idea why the otherwise so illustrious and synonym-friendly English language decides to forsake him today of all days.

Phil rings the doorbell, hoping, despite himself that it is anyone but Martyn to open the door for them. He is not quite as lucky as that. There is a small chance that Martyn will keep his promise and behave, but there is an even bigger chance that Martyn will just stay true to himself.

“Come in, dear guests, and Phil.” Mes giggles which makes Phil forgive Martyn. He is trying to light the mood and if that makes Dan and Mes comfortable, he is welcome to do it at Phil’s expense.

They get out of their jackets and follow Martyn into the living room.

“You look happy, Phil. Did MMAHB do something?” Martyn asks, proving that Phil’s calculations are correct. He will be his true self and not adjust his behaviour to make this afternoon as un-embarrassing as possible for Dan.

“Shh. I told you to be quiet.” Phil says, which is not the mature way to react to Martyn, but it’s not like Martyn tried to be particularly mature. Why would he speak of the author now? Is his idea of behaving teasing Phil about the blog and not Dan?

It turns out, Martyn is not strict about his rule-work. As long as he can tease Phil about something, eh will gladly do it. Sometimes with mere glances which Phil can bear (even if his cheeks decide to heat up every now and then) or with unnecessary comments like the one about the author. Phil is certainly in for a treat today.

Contrary to Phil’s private fears, his mother is an excellent host. She addresses Dan kindly, even if she does add: “I have heard great things about you from my boys.” Most importantly, she also greets Mes in particular: “And then, this is Mes. It’s very nice to meet you.”

“It’s nice to meet you too.” Mes says seriously. He relaxes within minutes when the biscuits are passed around, and while Dan and Martyn talk about the pictures Phil has not yet collected, Mes comes over to him and climbs onto his lap to ask about the pictures on his parents’ walls.

After the first round of biscuits, Cornelia and Phil’s father arrive from the car mechanics and the shooting starts.

Phil cannot help admiring Dan and his professionalism. He evidently knows very well what he is doing. He is direct with his instructions as well as kind and talkative.

The shooting starts with Phil’s parents, then Martyn and Cornelia, and the four of them together.

“Phil, come here.” His mother calls impatiently.

“Sorry!” Phil laughs. He scoops Mes up and puts him down next to Dan behind the camera.

“Now, my boys.” Phil’s mother insists and sits own on the sofa. She takes her phone out to take pictures of the picture taking process. Mes walks over to her and observes her quietly. She picks him up, sits him onto her lap and hands him her phone to take pictures.

Phil averts his eyes quickly and catches Dan’s gaze travelling back from Mes too. Dan looks happy, or at least not unhappy, which is a good sign. Or is it?

“Phil, smile.” Martyn says and elbows him in the side.

“Idiot.”

“Mum! He swore!” Martyn shouts, going all out to break his promise. That’s impressive really.

“Does your camera have a time machine?” Phil’s father asks after Dan has taken pictures of Cornelia and Phil’s mother.

“A time machine?” Dan asks. Phil knows that his father is not trying to pull a prank on Dan, but he does feel sorry that Dan is a little uncomfortable.

“So that we can all take a picture together.”

“A timer! You mean a timer, dad.” Martyn says quickly, rubbing his forehead. It serves him absolutely right to suffer from second-hand embarrassment too.

“Yes. I do have a timer.” Dan smiles.

“Let’s take a picture all together then.” Phil’s mother stands up.

“All of us?”

“Yes. We need to document that you and Mes visited us today. You are our guests of honour.”

Dan blushes a little, Phil thinks, but he hides it well with setting up the timer on the camera.

They all gather in front of the camera. Dan picks Mes up and counts down with the flashing light of the camera shouting: “Smile!” just before the shutter goes off.

Dan hands Mes over to Phil and checks the picture. “Another one.” He says, puts the timer, and joins Phil’s side. He does, however, not take Mes from him again. Phil can feel his cheeks heat up, but maybe, the dimly lit room will be enough to conceal that on the picture later.

Before they all sit down to have some tea and little cakes his mother tries to sell as biscuits, Dan packs his things away.

During tea, Dan and Phil’s father talk quite a bit about photography. Until Martyn kicks Phil under the table, to stop him from starring, presumably, he hears Dan explain some of the technology to him, which is, as many things with Dan tend to be, too adorable to be fair.

After Martyn has kicked him, Phil helps Mes with his cake and talks to Cornelia and Mes about all the fun things they do at the nursery.

Apart from Martyn and his common liberal interpretation of the right behaviour, Phil is proud of his family. Mes feels comfortable, and Dan seems to be at ease too. That is a lot more than Phil had thought he could hope for.

In any case, the time for them to leave arrives too soon.

“This will undoubtedly be the best pictures we have ever had.” Martyn says which is likely to be meant honestly, so Phil does not even glare at him.

“It was a pleasure.” Dan says and shoulders his bag.

“I like the cake.” Mes says and hugs Dan’s leg.

“Would you like to take a slice?” Phil’s mother offers, and Mes hides fully behind Dan’s legs but nods.

“That is not necessary.” Dan says and strokes over Mes’ head.

“It’s fine. I want to give it to him. He can have it as pudding tomorrow.”

Dan agrees a little reluctantly and puts the cake into his bag.

“Thank you.” Mes says and reappears from behind Dan’s legs.

“You’re welcome. I hope we will see each other again soon.” Phil freezes a little at his mother’s words, but apart from Martyn’s quiet giggle, nobody seems to be aware of the possible implications.

They say goodbye again at the door and then make their way to the bus stop. Stepping onto the bus, Phil did not have a real plan to take Dan home, but when they reach the studio in comfortable silence, he feels uncomfortable to just take off, so he starts walking towards the direction of Dan’s place – this way too feeling strangely and yet pleasantly familiar.

“Thank you.” Dan says when they are already getting closer to their home.

“For being part of the group of most troublesome clients?”

“You are all customers. No. You were not troublesome. We had a great time. Thank you for putting up with the two of us.”

“Dan, I get the impression that you don’t listen to me.” Phil says.

“Pardon?” Dan turns towards him, which makes it impossible for Phil not to smile at him,

“I have told you time and time again that I like to spend time with you. I like you. I am not putting up with anything, I like your company.”

“We like your company too. We like you too.” Dan says, looking at Mes, instead of Phil, but that is fine.

“Does that mean you understand me?” Phil asks.

“I do understand, it’s just a little hard to grasp that you would like to spend time with us.”

“Why would that be hard?”

“Well, I guess there is always a first for everything.” Dan laughs. Phil stops walking, and Dan turns around to him.

“I don’t believe you.”

“What?”

“That no one apart from me has been clever enough to realise that the two of you are who everyone should want to spend time with.”

“Are you… you are not pulling my leg.” Dan says, less doubtful but still too doubtful for Phil’s taste.

“No, Dan.” Phil says simply.

“That’s nice.” Dan smiles at him briefly and then, they are already at Dan’s building.

“Thank you for taking us home.” Dan says. Mes leans against Dan’s legs and doesn’t say anything but he smiles at Phil.

“It’s my pleasure. I will see you tomorrow.” Phil says.

“Good night, Phil.” Dan says. He seems to hesitate to do something, so Phil also doesn’t move away yet.

“See you tomorrow.” Dan mumbles and then angles forward to hug Phil. He hugs Phil! Dan hugs Phil!

Phil can only enjoy Dan’s hug for a few seconds before Dan moves back again.

“Good night.” Phil says and Dan walks inside, holding Mes’ hand. Phil hates to see them disappear, but still, on the entire walk home and until he has finished the first season of the subtitled show, he cannot stop smiling.

His cheeks actually hurt when he falls asleep, which is a nice way to remember the best moment of this year, hands down.


	21. 21.12.2020

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the longest chapter yet (I think), so get comfortable and enjoy! <3 I will see you again tomorrow! Take care and stay safe! xx

** Monday, 21st of December 2020  **

Dan’s POV 

This, Dan does not take long to figure out, is the happiest he has ever been.

Dan knows very well that he is on the obsessive side of people. Obsessive in the sense of thinking about trivial matters for way too long, annoying everyone in the process.

And yet, slowly, Dan has begun to realise that he should do Phil the honour of believing all the kind things he has said to Dan. Dan does not think Phil would be someone to lie about this sort of thing, but it is still an entirely different pair of shoes to accept that someone like Phil would willingly spend time with him and Mes.

Dan is pretty sure that Phil is one of those people that can choose their company. That makes it even more wonderous that he would choose the two of them. At the nursery, there were tons of people that could provide much more thrilling conversation.

But, Dan likes Phil. He likes him well enough to not doubt his judgement. He should trust him well enough to let him choose the company he wants. If this happens to actually be Dan, Dan does not understand the way the world works, but just this once, he might simply enjoy what he has unfairly been gifted with.

The day before truly has been too lovely. Phil’s family was kind and very attentive towards both Mes and Dan. Mes was very happy with them and comfortable. Phil did not seem terribly upset to have them there either. Dan has met Phil’s parents now, but he has not been introduced to them in that sense which is more than fine. Dan should start to have some more realistic aspirations.

Phil had also taken him and Mes home again, which was way kinder than Dan deserved. There, Phil had said that Dan and Mes were the people everyone should want to spend time with. That was probably as much the truth as it was kindly exaggerated, but Dan still dares to believe that there is some grain of truth in it.

Dan’s time with Phil has ended with a hug. A hug he himself had initiated, but when he had stepped away again, he could feel that Phil had started hugging him back. He had not hated the hug. They were fine. They might hug again a different day.

In order not to spend the entire evening thinking about the hug and Phil, Dan had put on the film again, getting the songs stuck in both his and Mes’ head. Some time around dinner, Dan had finished the blog post, but he was too tired to take care of it in that moment. He got Mes and himself ready for bed and ran through every possible thing he would have to do during the following week so that he did not spend much more time than healthy on obsessing over Phil.

All of that has worked out rather well. Dan has had a peaceful night. He really could not have expected that his mind would still be uncluttered by the next morning. It is fine that he has spent the last couple of minutes thinking about the evening before and Phil in general. He does need to think these sorts of thoughts at some point if he does not want to combust into flames when he suddenly thinks them in Phil’s presence.

This is really the safest option. It makes sense to think thoughts in the morning and be done with them for the rest of the day. That is of course not completely going to work, but at least, Dan has taken all possible precautions.

Dan gets up an takes a quick shower. He then reads through the blog one last time and uploads it.

Reading the blog makes the songs stick to Dan’s mind once again which results in him and Mes singing the songs to each other in the bathroom and during breakfast.

Dan stops singing along when they are in public, but Mes happily continues. He does not know all the lyrics to the highly complex… songs, but Dan likes it better this way.

“Toys, toys, toys!” Mes sings whenever they pass any sort of shop window. Then again, Dan supposes that for the right sort of person, lawn mowers truly are toys.

“All I want for Christmas is you.” Dan sings quietly, and Mes starts laughing.

“That was not in the film!” he giggles.

“No?”

“No!” Mes laughs again. “Toys, toys, toys.” He sings. It is adorable how easily Mes is entertained and satisfied with a conversation.

They reach the nursery. Meggie opens the door for them. Dan is relieved to see that he is not exactly disappointed to see Meggie instead of Phil. He has spent too little time with Meggie lately. He likes that he got to spent time with Phil free from potential (and sadly well deserved) teasing from Meggie, but he still misses her constant presence in his life.

Is this really what happens when two best friends decide to start dating other people? Do they just lose touch immediately?

“I missed you.” Dan blurts out as he steps inside.

“It’s been two days, Dan.” Meggie laughs, but she does pull Dan into a tight hug as well. “You look happy.” Meggie says when she lets him go again.

“I do?” Dan asks.

“Yes. Somehow calmer.” Meggie narrows her eyes at him and the smiles brightly. “It suits you, provided that you are actually happy.”

“I am.” Dan admits. “I haven’t been all up in your business lately. You get to decide if I am sorry or you are welcome.” Dan crouches down to help Mes out of his shoes.

Meggie laughs. “It’s fine. You are happy. I… I have a date tomorrow.”

“Oh! That’s great! Good for you! I am happy for you.” Dan says and stands up to pulls Meggie into another quick hug.

“Thank you, you are being a little overbearing though.”

“Ah, don’t worry, it’s fine.”

“If I didn’t suffer under it, it would be fine, maybe.” Meggie laughs and pushes Dan off her gently.

“Who would have thought that we would both get happy?”

“Stop that sappy crap and get going.”

“Aren’t you kind.”

“I always am.” Meggie glares at him, destroys his hair and goes to open the door.

Dan turns back around to Mes and hugs him goodbye. There is no need to worry. Mes will have a good day at the nursery. Dan has not yet seen Phil, but there is no reason to suppose that he will not see him this evening. Dan waves Meggie goodbye and then makes his way to the studio. It is always less fun to walk without Mes, but Dan has told himself over and over again that he cannot simply hog Mes’ company the entire time.

At the studio, Dan settles in with turning on all lights and then slowly gets ready to have a look at the pictures they took the day before.

It takes Dan the entire morning to sort through them which is because there are customers and clients coming into his shop and because Dan simply needs to take breaks in between the different pictures.

Seeing Phil’s family is bad enough, as in has bad enough an effect. Seeing Mes and then himself with them is an entirely different thing yet!

Around lunch time, Dan is done, which means he has sorted the pictures, picked his own favourites, based on quality of the picture and then based on facial expressions too. There are too many pictures for anyone to want to look through if all they asked for was a nice picture, so Dan’s selective process hopefully helps.

  
Dan leaves the studio to grab some lunch when he gets a text. He takes his phone out and smiles brightly seeing that it’s Phil who wrote him.

I wasn’t late this morning, btw. You were early.

That sounds like a copout.

I don’t see it.

If I had seen you, I would have invited you

for dinner.

It’s not too late now!

It is…

Dan, I know where you live.

Threatening. Fine, you can have dinner with us.

Thank you! I am looking forward to it.

So am I.

You could have stayed in character for one

more text.

Is that criticism I hear?

I should hope you read this and did not hear this.

Hilarious…

Dan’s text is meant to sound sarcastic, which does not really fit the bright smile on his face, but Phil does not need to know that.

After having his lunch, Dan goes to waitrose and buys some cut up frozen stir fry vegetables. They are also already seasoned which makes this the safe not easy way.

The rest of the day passes relatively quickly at the studio. Dan has some more pictures to sort through. Having no emotional attachment or not being emotionally invested in the people on the picture reduces the time Dan needs to sort through the pictures to a fifth. Or something like that. Dan did not actually calculate anything. The time is reduced substantially.

Dan closes the studio and makes his way to the nursery. He is not walking as quickly as that others could think he is in a hurry, but he is walking speedily. There is no need for him to be quick, but there is no reason for him to delay seeing Mes and Phil again either.

“Dad!” Mes shouts and jumps up and down. He is already holding Phil’s hand which means they are not even trying to be fair on Dan.

“How was your day?” Dan asks the two of them as he grabs Mes’ hand to walk home.

Mes starts talking about his day immediately, talking about the different books they have looked at. Dan immediately decides to take them to a bookshop first. Christmas is very fast approaching, he should make use of this opportunity and buy some books for Mes.

Dan let’s Mes roam freely in the bookshop. He needs to get away from him a little though if this is meant to be a surprise present.

Dan tugs at Phil’s sleeve carefully. Phil turns around immediately.

“Can you watch him? I’m going to buy some presents.” Dan whispers.

“Of course.” Phil whispers back and smiles. Dan turns around and immerses himself in looking for books for Mes, which is better than obsessing over this lovely family activity of going to a book shop. It’s a billion times better.

Dan manages to find some books, pays for them and joins Phil and Mes. Mes does not seem to have noticed that Dan was gone, which is lovely. Phil notices that Dan is back, which is lovelier.

“Let’s go home and eat.” Dan says and grabs Mes’ hand.

“Ice cream?”

“No. But you still have the cake for pudding.” Dan says, which was a mistake because it is very difficult to stop Mes from running home.

Phil decides to be particularly unfair today, because while Dan is unlocking the door, Phil picks Mes up to stop him from bolting upstairs.

Anytime Phil is holding Mes, Dan gets weak. Actually, physically weak. It was quite a task to continue breathing when Dan had seen the same commemorated on the family picture from the evening before.

Somehow, Dan arrives upstairs in one piece, unlocks that door, kicks off his shoes and puts his bag into the kitchen as that is where the ingredients are.

Phil and Mes follow after Dan. They start cooking after they have gone through the necessary ritual of washing hands.

Mes then takes the role of disappearing into the living room to work up his appetite, which is fair enough, truly.

“Mes has been singing a song all day.” Phil says at some point.

“Oh yes. He started this morning.” Dan laughs and gets a pan out of the cupboard.

“I can’t remember where it’s from.”

“It’s from one of those ridiculous Christmas movies on Netflix. I can put it on later, if you want. Only of you promise not to judge my watch list, though.”

“Sure.” Phil smiles.

“The songs are not particularly good, neither is the film, but they both stick rather badly.” Dan warns Phil.

“Any film is fine. I like watching films with you.”

“Even bad musical ones?”

“Any film.” Phil smiles, and Dan swiftly turns back to the stove to check whether the pan has miraculously heated up without him putting on the stove.

Phil’s POV 

Phil wakes up unhappy about the alarm clock, but that does not last for long. Quickly, Phil remembers the content feeling he has fallen asleep to. With that in mind and the hug immediately replaying in his mind, Phil feels awake and happy enough to face the day.

He is doing well time wise and everything, even managing to take a shower that is both comforting and not overly long. As usual, it is only around breakfast that things start to derail and as usual, it is because of a mail he receives, announcing a new blog post.

Phil pours cereal and milk into a bowl, grabs his coffee, and sits down on the sofa. For a moment, he hesitates. Maybe, it will be better to read this blog later so that he does not run late. But then, he does not want to forget about reading it. He also does not necessarily want to read it while watching the sleeping children with Meggie. That was not bad, but it is much nicer to read comfortably at home.

Phil opens the computer and quickly opens the blog to read the newest post. Phil thinks he recognises the title of the movie, but that has never mattered in any way in regards to the amazingness of the post.

Phil holds the mug of coffee close and starts reading.

**A Cinderella Story: Christmas Wish – (NOT to be confused with A Wish for Christmas, which we have already covered)**

**There is a lot to unpack with this film. Well, it’s not deep, don’t be fooled. It’s just that a lot happens that needs a hearty eye roll as a reaction. Also, as we shall see, it’s very confusing to somewhat be trapped into sympathising with the main character and disliking her stepmother only to have to realise that only the scenes with the stepmother are any good.**

**Another paradox of this film is that even if it comes in under one and a half hours, it feels like one of the longest films I have watched in the course of this Christmas film journey. Additionally, because it is a musical of sorts, so to say, the actual main characters sing as part of the plot development, the film stays with you for longer than any of us are truly comfortable with, I can tell you.**

**This film, as you will now have noticed, is a destined winner. It’s a Cinderella Story with a musical and taking place at Christmas? Amazing! They have ticked all the possible boxes and are in for a winner, a Grammy, an Oscar, the whole range. Even though I very clearly disliked the film, I cannot deny that they lucked out on the stepmother. In fact, she is so good her name is the only one that deserves to be written here Johannah Newmarch. There you go, if you take anything away from this blogpost then that Johannah Newmarch is a good actress.**

**Something that I think we have to consider as kindness from the film is that the very first part of the film accurately shows you what the rest of the film will be like. So, if you cannot at all abide the first song, you might think of changing the entertainment program of your evening.**

**Yes, this film starts with a song, and not just any song! It’s an original song with bright colours, and I mean alarmingly bright, some basic choreography and some touching lyrics: This is going to be the best Christmas. (I thought that maybe if I wrote going to instead of ‘gonna’, the song would not get stuck in my head, well, no such luck. Prepare yourself for what you will inevitably be suffering!) The songs are all bad, but for the sake of showing you just how bad the entire film is, I cannot talk about them in one swift move. We will have to be patient and always anticipating the next song to be lurking around the corner.**

**The film, as with all good Cinderella Stories, has one pitiable main character, Cinderella (even if she is named differently in here, I’m pretty sure), who has a best friend, two step-sisters, one of which is evil, the other is just stupid, and one step-mother. Of course, Cinderella also needs a love interest the evil sister also wants to have, but fear not, this film knows its duties. Cinderella works as some form of housekeeper, modern servant for her stepfamily. She carries their shopping, gets them dinner, cleans the house, takes care of the dog, and hands over the money she makes at some Christmas village thing. That as well as the inheritance the father left on his death is the only thing paying for all their expenses, which seems logical.**

**The male lead is also a complex character with deep feelings, of course. He is called Dominic Wintergarden, which I only remember because it’s so stupid. Of course, he is called something with Winter, lest anyone should forget that this film is about Christmas. Also, he never goes by Dominic, only his numerous fans call him that, he himself is Dom for his rich friends and Nic for the people working at the Christmas village (whereas Cinderella interprets the name Nic as similar to Saint Nikolaus, I think the other choice of private nickname sounds a little kinky, but hey, for dramatic purposes, I guess even a bad name is alright). Apart from his name, he also has his supposedly aloof and uninterested father going for him as well as being the manager of bands at like 13.**

**The plot is not necessarily difficult to grasp, if it were not for the overly detailed side plots. There is a Cinderella that works for her family and at a Christmas village, as a singing elf. She wants to be a singer but that does not seem like a safe career choice, also she is like 12. At her job, she meets the mysterious new Santa called Nic. Hours earlier, they met because she fell holding some sort of overly sugary Starbucks drink. They do not, however, recognise each other, even if they keep pointing out to each other how familiar they look. You see, their disguises simply are too good for anyone to recognise anyone. I mean, he is wearing a red suit not his stylish designer wear (!?), white beard and long hair, and she is wearing a wig as well as a hat and pointy ears. It is absolutely impossible to recognise anyone like that, I think we can all agree.**

**They don’t recognise each other, they don’t know each other, but they fall in love rather quickly anyways. I think the precise moment we tragically have to name as the moment he fell irrevocably in love with her was when she sang the killer emotional song ‘Toys, toys, toys’. I don’t know about you, but I was genuinely moved to tears. Fine, I wasn’t, but now, I could cry because the damn song does not leave my head!**

Phil smiles to himself. It is always funny to read about the author’s frustration with a film. Phil knows the feeling of an annoying song not leaving one’s head. He can only guess how bad it must be to have got rid of it only to bring it back oneself with writing a blog post about the song.

**As with literally any good movie, there is a scene of a ball as well. This ball is a gala of Dominic’s important father, who the stepmother wants to marry, which seems immoral as she tries to get to him with the fact that her late husband was good friends with him before he met her. Before the ball, there is the whole drama of who is allowed to go, who has an invitation and who has time and does not have to sort peas from ash, you know the drill. Our Cinderella does get to go eventually, not because he did not invite her, he did, but that invite was burnt, but her best friend gets her a gig, essentially. Also, before the gala, the two love birds sing a duet (notice the lack of adjectives to describe it) and reveal their identities. She knows it’s the famous Dominic who saw her with Starbucks in her hair as soon as literally every single piece of disguise has disappeared from him (she is very quick, you see). She then decides to no longer play along with that weird stripping game and runs away, which means her identity as the ‘viral Starbucks girl’ gets revealed when he stupidly invites her as an elf to his house to meet his friends. That seems fair and romantic, doesn’t it? In any case, it ends badly for both of them, but by the time of the gala they are more than eager to make up and, I’m sorry to say, out.**

Phil snorts at the line. He shakes his head at himself and at the noise he has just made and continues reading while sipping his coffee.

**At the gala, she first literally knocks out the star performer because she cannot follow the choreography. Then, she is told to perform, which is a highly risky move for someone that has either never heard her sing, has heard her sing at the Christmas village or even worse on her benevolent Christmas carol rounds. She gets to sing and that in the second dress her friend has made her in the span of like 30 hours (this, by the way, makes the friend the single most talented person in the entire film). She is now dressed up with a completely different hair, I think, which took 2 minutes in the film, which makes sense. Something that does not make sense at all is that she sings her own original song (that, according to her can make you cry?!) and the stage miraculously provides background music as well as the ability to dance along to a surprisingly intricate choreography – it does involve lifts, which seems both unnecessary and logically impossible.**

**It is also at the gala that the final showdown between Cinderella and her stepfamily happens. In order to prove that the stepfamily is evil, the best friend shows Dominic’s father the video of Cinderella slipping and showering herself with the weird drink. Additionally, the camera cuts to the stepmother grinning wickedly, which is rather surprising as the evil stepsister only ever filmed herself. Well, the point is made, Dominic’s father decides on the spot that he wants to take care of Cinderella and buys her an apartment. To make a bad denouement worse, Cinderella and Dominic kiss right in front of everyone while the over-eager assistant of Dominic’s father takes the stepfamily outside.**

**This description of the film is certainly enough to give you an impression of how bad the film is. There are, however, some scenes that I need to mention, otherwise, they are going to stay with me, and that is not something I am willing to let happen. The first of those scenes if Cinderella describing her slipping accident as a scene from a horror movie, which makes me wonder how she can fall in love with Dominic, seeing that he was the only one she interacted with then and he is the one that gave her the horror film impression, apparently.**

**Further scenes include her not having a clue how life works, asking whether Dominic is stalking her because he asked her to come to him (wouldn’t he have been were she was if he had actually stalked her?), and rather memorably Dominic’s oversharing at the gala, telling the evil stepsister who has taken on Cinderella’s identity for the evening that she is the second person of that same name he has met that month and that he has invited his girl but that he does not think that it seems to work out. I always share the first thought that comes to mind with anyone I meet too.**

**Because I wrote a lot about all the bad things, you at least deserve to also read about the stepmother a little bit. Her scenes truly are the best. She interrupts Cinderella’s dramatic lonely singing with opening the door, which is a way to pleasantly break the fourth wall. She also has the best lines. She can deliver deadpan answers, which is a lovely alternation to the boring rest of the cast. Another favourite of mine is her telling Cinderella who complains about the Starbucks video: “You are lucky to be part of her artistic vision.” And at the gala, trying to suck up to Dominic’s father, their conversation is my favourite of the entire film. “I became very close with your husband.” He says, and she answers: “And he with you.”, which is undoubtedly the funniest thing to happen in the film (apart from the stupid stepsister’s introduction: “I’m charming to meet you.”).**

**There you have it. There are good scenes in this film that I am happy to have watched, but it is a tough decision whether the songs and the rest of the film truly make it worth to watch. I will gladly leave the decision up to you. In the inevitable event that you have bangers such as ‘Toys, toys, toys’ stuck in your head, I will not be held responsible.**

Phil quickly looks up where he can watch the film and finds it on Netflix which means he knows what to do in the evening.

After he is done reading and scouring the film, Phil notices that it is late. He will not make it early to the nursery. He will be lucky in fact if he happens to arrive on time at all.

Phil walks quickly and arrives at the nursery. Meggie opens the door for him, and the first thing Phil sees is Mes running around the other arriving children, which means that Phil has missed Dan.

Phil is not happy about that, but he is professional enough to simply put his jacket and phone away and take care of his work.

He is in fact so professional that he does not touch his phone at all until the children are all sleeping.

He was not professional enough not to melt at Mes’ little demonstrations of affection, but that probably only means that Phil is human and not some machine. Mes is with him the entire morning, urging him to read one book or other with him. Phil does not mind, and a lot of other children also join in, so it’s not really like Phil is abandoning anyone in favour of spending time with Mes (that he would probably do that is of no importance right now).

Phil decides to text Dan once Meggie has got them both a cup of tea. He has not seen Dan this morning which means he is running a little low on Dan induced serotonin.

Dan texts back immediately, which makes the texting even more fun. Phil even ends out being invited to Dan’s place for dinner again. Phil is insecure enough to not expect that sort of invitation so it’s a big relief when it comes.

Phil actually sighs contently when Dan asks him.

Thank you! I am looking forward to it.

So am I.

You could have stayed in character for one more text.

Is that criticism I hear?

I should hope you read this and did not hear this.

Hilarious…

Phil cannot stop smiling. Dan is funny. Dan is fun to write with. Dan is fun to be around. How could anyone expect Phil not to smile really?

“Who are you texting that you have such a bright smile on your face?” Meggie asks and leans dangerously close to Phil’s screen.

“Someone.”

“Oh, it’s that serious, is it?” Meggie asks.

“Well…”

“I know you’re texting Dan.”

“What?”

“Ah, I only suspected but now I know you’re texting Dan.” Meggie says, evidently very proud of herself. “Tell me everything.”

“What should there be to tell?” Phil asks, quickly putting his phone away.

“How you got Dan to reply to so many texts in a row?” Meggie prompts.

“I didn’t do anything. I went to his studio and then we met here again.”

“Are you the customer?”

“What customer?”

“Dan took your CV and then your introductory picture?” Meggie asks.

“Yes?” Phil is not sure where she is going with this.

“You are the record client-turn-customer.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“You ascended to the customer position quicker than anyone Dan has ever told me about.” Meggie smiles.

“He told you about me.”

“Maybe.”

“You cannot make me tell you everything and then not tell me anything!”

“You hardly told me _everything_.” Meggie rolls her eyes. “He told me that he had a customer, which is usually code for regular client, but with you he used that word like immediately. But that’s all I’m going to say unless you decide to tell me since when you love him.”

“I’m not telling you anything about that.”

“So you do love him?” Meggie squeaks.

“I will not comment on that.” Phil says eventually, making Meggie giggle. “You won’t tell him anything, will you?”

“No. It’s not like he would believe me, sadly.” Meggie sighs.

“It is a difficult concept for him to grasp for him.”

“You know him well.” Meggie says with a kind smile, and then, they stop talking about Dan.

Phil wants to hear everything Meggie knows about him. Especially because this was finally the confirmation that Meggie and Dan were nothing but friends.

But Phil also wants to hear from Dan himself. And Meggie might not know all that much about Dan’s private thoughts. That seems to be quite the thing with Dan, that he likes to keep things private and not share them, least of all things he apparently believes are not deserved. Dan deserves Phil more than well enough, but Meggie and Phil agreeing on that would not change anything, so there is no need to go behind Dan’s back.

The children slowly start waking up, and Meggie and Phil take care of the Christmas present production. Some children craft, some draw, and some don’t do anything at all, but Phil and Meggie agreed to let everyone go at their own speed, even if that can mean some stressful crafting for them in the very last minute.

Mes is also crafting alongside the others. He starts singing a song at some point, that makes Phil freeze, but he has no idea why.

“Toys, toys, toys.” Mes singsongs and then continues talking to someone. The song seems familiar but it’s also clearly not one of the more famous Christmas songs.

Helping other children with gluing things together stops Phil from wondering too much about Mes and the song, though.

Soon after tidying away the craft things to keep it a secret from the parents, the first parents start to arrive. Dan is not one of those arriving quickly, but Phil does not mind. Mes is happy to get to say goodbye to everyone. Phil also suspects that he likes the feeling of being allowed to stay longest. Mes is special in many aspects, but this might be one of those that he can grasp.

“I will get going then. I will see you tomorrow, Mes.” Meggie says and pulls Mes into a hug. “Take care of them.” Meggie tells Phil and winks at him.

“I will.” Phil whispers and then takes Mes hand while they wait for Dan to arrive.

Dan does not take long, Mes has only just started asking Phil about his favourite bauble shape when Dan walks around the corner.

“Dad!” Mes shouts, jumping up and down, but not letting go of Phil’s hand.

Dan smiles at them, and Phil knows that he will not exactly have an easy evening.

The evening soon proves just how difficult it can be when Dan takes them to a bookshop instead of going home immediately. Not only that, he tugs at Phil’s sleeve to ask him to watch over Mes while Dan goes to buy some presents. Dan is whispering! He is tugging at Phil’s sleeve. He is conspiring against Mes. Well, no. he is asking Phil to take care of Mes. That is even more unbelievable, though.

Phil cannot say anything for quite a while, but Mes is happily looking at books, in no need of distraction of the fact that his father is not there.

Dan returns and takes them home. Phil cannot shake the felling that he seemed similarly important as Dan for a short while just then. He took care of Mes while his father bought presents and then, Dan slotted right back in.

Yes, Phil tells himself, we were all there.

He shakes himself a little and then focuses all his attention on keeping a watchful eye on Mes. Mes did try to start running in the bookshop, but now, he is being rather tame, so in no direct need of supervision, but Phil is in dire need of supervising someone, so this works out well.

At Dan’s place, Mes livens up again, so Phil picks him up, knowing from his own occasionally scarred knee that running up the stairs in an excited manner will probably not end well for Mes.

In the apartment, they take off their shoes and start cooking dinner. Mes spends most of his time in the living room, but Phil would be a fool to not enjoy some time with just him and Dan.

It is more taxing not to have Mes as a possible distractor, but it is also very nice to enjoy Dan when it’s just the two of them.

After some very agreeable silence, Phil decides to say something. It is a conversation starter that he just thought about, it is nothing that is exactly pressing on his mind. What Phil says is: “Mes has been singing a song all day.”

“Oh yes. He started this morning.” Dan laughs and starts preparing dinner. 

“I can’t remember where it’s from.” Phil continues the conversation.

“It’s from one of those ridiculous Christmas movies on Netflix. I can put it on later, if you want. Only of you promise not to judge my watch list, though.”

“Sure.” Phil will gladly welcome any sort of new information about Dan. He is pretty confident that he can hear any sort of information without wanting to judge Dan, so it is very easy to agree not to do that.

“The songs are not particularly good, neither is the film, but they both stick rather badly.” Dan sounds serious, which is nice of him.

“Any film is fine. I like watching films with you.”

“Even bad musical ones?”

“Any film.” Phil says very honestly. Especially after that conversation with Meggie, Phil is once again reminded what a good idea it is to be as honest as possible with Dan.

Dinner is done quite quickly and so is eating dinner. Mes is chatty, so Dan and Phil don’t have to contribute much.

“How about you drink something for a change?” Dan asks, pointedly rising his glass to his lips.

“Oh, I forgot.” Mes says, quickly grabbing the glass.

“You are talking too much, that’s why you forgot.” Dan laughs.

“Maybe.” Mes says when he puts the empty glass back down and launches right into the next rant.

After dinner, Dan changes Mes into his pyjamas while Phil washes up. Dan did not tell him to, but it feels embarrassingly thrilling to have some sense of autonomy at Dan’s place.

“Oh, that’s lovely. Thank you, Phil.” Dan says as he comes sliding into the kitchen.

“It’s nothing.” Phil says, feeling embarrassed at the high praise for not breaking anything, presumably.

“You are very kind.” Dan says seriously.

“Thank you.” Phil says awkwardly and rubs his neck.

“Popcorn?” Dan asks with a smile. If he were a tiny little bit less perfect in maybe one regard, Phil would have a lot less problems with loving him.

“Yes.” Phil chokes out and pours himself a glass of water. He cannot even be happy about that autonomy because he is busy trying to breathe around the fact that he just confessed his love to Dan, in his mind, but still, that is quite the big step too.

Dan and Phil settle down with Mes not in between them but rather on Dan’s lap this time. This means they are a lot closer to each other. That means the experience of watching a film is even nicer. Already just watching Dan switch on the television is quite thrilling.

Dan hums the song Mes has been singing, which makes Phil frown, but all is forgotten when Dan selects the film: A Cinderella Story: Christmas Wish.

“That film?” Phil asks.

“Yes. You know it?” Dan asks.

“Yes.” Phil is not moving.

“We can watch something else.”

“No, it’s fine.” Phil says. It is an incredible coincidence that Phil should have read about this particular Christmas film in the blog this morning and is now watching it together with Dan and Mes.

The film starts. Phil is still trying to wrap his head around the coincidence when Dan mutters: “I don’t think I will cry, thank you.”

Phil turns to look at him, but he is very impassive. Dan and the author seem to have similar tastes, which does in some way explain how Phil really enjoys both of their company, if reading a blog someone writes can really count as company.

“That was horrendous.” Dan says cheerfully when the credits start rolling.

“Yes, it was.” Phil laughs.

“I am really relieved you dislike it too.” Dan smiles and then turns to Mes. “I am afraid, it’s time to run around the desert or Antarctic with dinosaurs.”

“You are not scared, are you?” Mes asks.

“No.” Dan smiles. He turns to Phil and whispers: “I must have used that expression a billion times, I am not sure why he has only just caught up on it.”

Phil smiles and stays seated for as long as it takes for Dan to take Mes first to the bathroom and then to his room.

Mes comes running out of the room another time and presses a kiss to Phil’s cheek, which makes Phil be very glad that Dan was not there to witness. Why is Mes so sweet? Why do both of them have to be so incredibly sweet?

Dan comes out of the room without Mes and sits down next to Phil.

“Mes said he will be very angry with me if there are no dinosaurs in his dream. Please hope for a shit ton of dinosaurs in his dreams.” Dan smiles.

“Done.” Phil says, squeezing his eyes shut.

Dan sits up a little straighter. He turns around to face Phil properly and pulls his knees to his chest. He only looks at Phil for a while which makes Phil turn his upper body towards him as well.

“Thank you.” Dan says simply.

“Thank you? What for?” Phil asks.

“We are not worth anyone’s notice, me and Mes. So, thank you for your… kindness.” Dan hooks his chin onto his knee and looks at the screen running through some random movie suggestions.

“You are not worth what?” Phil asks. He does so quite forcefully but as it gets Dan to look at him again, Phil does not mind.

“Anyone’s notice.” Dan repeats quietly, unhooking his chin and letting his knees drop to the side. He looks way too tiny and adorable like that.

“You are worth everyone’s notice, but I am glad everyone is stupid.”

“Why?” Dan asks. He is looking straight at Phil now, simply with wide open eyes, but it’s the most tempting look Phil has ever witnessed.

“If no one else was clever enough to take notice, that means I can.” Phil says.

“Of course, you can.”

“Can I take action too?” Phil asks, heart beating incredibly fast.

“Action?” Dan has still not averted his eyes, but the look in his eyes in more confused than challenging, which is somewhat frustrating. Phil does not need that explicit an evidence that he is not very good at the whole flirting business.

“Can I show you how much you mean to me?” Phil tries again.

Dan looks at him without a change in expression, but then Phil sees his eyes widening for a fraction. Very slowly, Dan nods.

Phil nods in return and slowly leans over to Dan. He places his hand softly into the nape of Dan’s neck, and nearly loses his mind when Dan exhales somewhat shakily.

Phil closes his eyes for a moment and just stays where he is. With enough courage gathered, he opens his eyes again and edges closer until he is right in front of Dan. Dan looks at him with the impossibly warm eyes. He does not move away. He does not move forward.

Phil gives himself the final mental push and gently presses his lips against Dan’s. Phil’s eyes fall shut, which is mainly because really, a complete bodily shut down would help him most, but he can hardly just pass out in front of Dan, when he is kissing him.

He is kissing him. Phil is kissing Dan!

Phil leans back again and opens his eyes. His hand is still in the nape of Dan’s neck, grounding him a little.

“I like you, Dan.” Phil says slowly. “I really like you.”

“I…” Dan closes his eyes and scrunches up his forehead before looking at Phil again. “I like you too. I really like you, Phil.”

The last part is whispered rather than said, but Phil has no chance even to fully register that because Dan is leaning close. He presses a quick kiss onto Phil’s lips, retreats a little, only to kiss Phil properly the next moment.

Phil feels light and continues to do so when Dan drops his head against Phil’s chest and giggles. Phil puts his second hand onto Dan’s waist and holds him close. Dan snuggles further into Phil, and his breathing slows down. The sense of giving Dan comfort fills Phil with the greatest sense of accomplishment ever. He gently massages Dan’s neck and feels himself blush when Dan sighs contently.

A few more breathy sighs later, Phil gently pushes Dan into a sitting position and stands up.

“I… need the loo.” Phil says, like 60% honestly and quickly walks to the bathroom. He can hear Dan’s chuckles, and both heats up from embarrassment and melts from the adorable sound.

Phil has no time to come to terms with what has just happened. He cannot camp out for the required three days in Dan’s bathroom, after all. He can only wash his hands and return, hoping to be ready for whatever is going to happen next.

It turns out that Phil is in no way ready for what happens next.

Dan is standing in front of the sofa. He looks up at Phil but there is none of the warmth in his eyes now.

Dan hands Phil his phone and says: “You better get home quickly now. Thank you for the nice evening.”

Dan’s voice sounds monotone and something his clearly wrong, but Dan does not answer Phil’s question whether everything is alright.

“I will see you tomorrow?” Phil asks carefully.

“Yes.” Dan says with a smile that seems almost bitter to Phil.

“Thank you.” Phil says outside the door. Dan does not react. “Sleep well.”

“You too.” Dan says tersely.

The walk home is absolutely no fun at all. How had Phil messed this up so quickly? What on earth had he done? Was it only that Dan spontaneously regretted what had happened when Phil had gone to the bathroom? In that case, maybe, tomorrow things would be a little more normal again.

Dan did not seem to look forward to seeing Phil again though.

What on earth had Phil done?

At home, Phil kicks off his shoes frustratedly and gets out of his jacket. He takes out his phone and sees that he has received a message from Martyn.

See you tomorrow, xoxo

Martyn is being obnoxious as usual, which is somewhat of a relief, but it is not enough to comfort Phil over how he had parted ways with Dan.

What on earth had he done? How has Phil managed to mess this up already?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know about you but 'more notes' always sounds ominous... well... I am here to tell you that I am sorry :) and that I will be back tomorrow! I promise! xx


	22. 22.12.2020

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We will get there! Tomorrow is not so long to go now! <3 Take care and stay safe! xx

** Tuesday, 22nd of December 2020  **

Dan’s POV 

“I like you, Dan. I really like you.”

There is, hands down, no possible worse way to wake up on a Tuesday morning this close to Christmas than this. Waking up early no matter which day is bad but waking up to these particular thoughts is just cruel.

Great, Phil likes him! Phil really likes him, amazing. Why could Dan not have listened? Phil _likes_ him. That is all. That is literally all. Phil has literally said so himself? Why would Dan try and twist his words into more than they really were?

Most important of all, why would Dan allow Phil to kiss him?

Dan squirms a little at the memory of the kiss and first has to list all bus stops on the way to the studio to calm down before he can continue to think any thought at all.

Phil has kissed Dan. Dan has let Phil kiss him, kidding himself that Phil really liking him means something closer to love than it evidently does.

Dan does not know why exactly Phil has kissed him. Phil does not seem like a terribly cruel person, usually, but Dan must have judged a little wrong, because well, Phil has kissed him, when all he does is like him.

Dan groans and rolls around in bed. He should be getting up now, but there is no way he can endure the cold when he feels absolutely rubbish. He cannot torture him with the cold on top of everything else too.

How could Phil have done this? How could he have been so kind the entire time only to kiss Dan after telling him he liked him? All while clearly forming an attachment with Meggie.

Dan groans again. When it comes down to it, all of this is clearly his fault. Phil has not exactly behaved properly, but it is Dan’s fault for not catching on any sooner. Dan should have remembered the important words his literal best friend for years has told him!

Dan had known Meggie had developed a crush on the new colleague. Dan had been happy for her, willing to support her, only to spontaneously forget everything as soon as he had learned that Phil was his CV man. No, not his. Phil was never going to be _his_ anything.

One of the problems is precisely that Dan literally forgot. How could he be so heartless towards Meggie to be excited for her and then ignore everything she has ever told him, literally push all thoughts completely aside only because his crush had become more intense?

Dan exhales slowly and hates how he can feel his lips quiver. He is not going to cry. At least not now. He cannot wake Mes up crying. He cannot possibly ask a four-year-old to comfort him and his heartbreak. He will not stoop quite as low as that.

He cannot cry now, so he will not cry.

Dan really shouldn’t waste this much energy on Phil. Dan’s feelings have not just disappeared overnight, but he cannot possibly entertain them even in some little way. He needs to push them aside until he has some time to think.

There will only be one more day at the nursery for Mes. After that, Dan will not have to see Phil for the time being. He can even cut conversation with Meggie a little short. That way, he will not create unnecessary pain for himself.

Alone with Mes over Christmas, he is surely going to be able to find a way to move on.

Dan’s alarm goes off again, which means he has reached the absolute limit of the time he can spend in bed. He pushes the covers off and almost welcomes the cold. It is additional discomfort, but at least, Dan knows what has caused it, could have prevented it with keeping the blanket around him, but actively chose to withstand it.

The other discomfort, Dan could no longer do anything about. He should have paid more attention to Meggie and her feelings. He should not have blindly trusted Phil like that. Dan should have been careful. That way, he might have known that Phil was simultaneously also talking to Meggie.

Dan walks into the bathroom and stares himself down in the bathroom mirror. He is somewhat relieved to see no tears welling up. He is also relieved that he does not find nay sort of resentment against Meggie inside him.

He can still manage to be happy for her and her date _Phil_ , despite everything that he has been feeling these past days. His heart feels like it’s broken, but at least, it is still strong enough to beat in compassion with Meggie.

The thing that truly makes Dan sad, he notices while brushing his teeth, is that Phil must have written Meggie while he had put Mes to sleep. And Meggie must have thought about Phil while Phil had kissed Dan (some weird way of showing friendship, maybe?!).

The message Phil had received certainly spoke for itself. Phil had Meggie saved as M with a red heart, which Dan could have well done without knowing. But when Phil had disappeared to the toilet, his phone had lit up with the message.

Meggie had written: See you tomorrow, xoxo

It had taken a while for the puzzle pieces to slot together in Dan’s mind, but then, everything became clear. Meggie had looked so well because she was working with Phil. And now, finally, she had a date with Phil the next day. Lovely, amazing. Splendid, spiffing.

Dan washes his hands with more force than strictly necessary but it’s only a precaution so that he can be calm with Mes. If someone needs to be saved from all the crap that has happened in Dan’s life in the past hours, it is Mes.

“My brave hero, it is time to wake up and brave the world!” Dan says dramatically and sits down next to Mes, softly stroking his hair.

Mes wakes up slowly and climbs onto Dan’s lap. “I dreamed of dinosaurs.”

“Tell me everything.” Dan says. He feels warmth in his heart, which is the perfect sign that he will be able to continue living.

He puts all his attention on Mes and his detailed description of his dream while dressing, washing, and feeding him.

On the way to the nursery, they play spot the animal. Dan is thankful that Phil has not really participated in this game with them so that he can play it now, without too many pangs in his heart.

They are incredibly lucky and spot one of those cheesy horse-drawn carriages in the park, which is exciting enough to keep them entertained for the rest of the journey.

Dan holds Mes’ hand extra tightly and then rings the doorbell. Meggie opens the door and smiles at them. Dan smiles back. It is never difficult to smile at Meggie. She looks good. She looks happy. She looks like the dictionary definition of someone that deserves to be happy.

Dan guides Mes to his small bench and crouches down in front of him. He senses way sooner than he would like to admit that Phil is approaching them. He needs to be strong now. Very strong now. He has raised Mes on his own. He can be strong!

Dan opts for ignoring Phil for the moment. He focuses on Mes and talks to him a little. He then hugs and kisses his cheek goodbye, before sending him to play with the other children in the big room. He stands up and thinks he does an excellent job at pretending to be surprised to see Phil standing right where he knew he would.

“I have to dash.” Dan announces before Phil has a chance to say anything. “Have fun with Meggie.” Dan does not think he is being terribly bitter. He simply wants to show Phil that he knows, which will make future inevitable interactions less awkward and painful.

“Thank you…” Phil says slowly. “I… I don’t have time this afternoon.” He adds.

Is that supposed to be funny?

“Yes. I know.” Dan says shortly.

“You know?” Phil sounds surprised.

“I saw the text.” Dan forces himself to smile a little and then turns around to get out of the nursery as quickly as possible. It is certainly harder than he had thought to deal with Phil directly.

Time. Time will help make things easier. Dan has reason to suppose that this will have been the hardest conversation he will have to have with Phil. From hereon onwards, all conversations are going to be easier.

Dan will fall out of love and then everything will be completely fine again.

Dan arrives at the studio, ready to ignore the realisation that he has fallen in love with Phil for the rest of his life. This will make getting over him decidedly more difficult, but he really cannot acknowledge that realisation now. At least not, if he wants to continue living a somewhat normal and productive life. Which is still his ultimate goal.

The studio is completely deserted, obviously. This makes it a little difficult to not let his mind fill the space with Phil.

Dan does the only thing he can think of to distract him which is write another blog post. Well, he watches the film on his list and starts taking notes.

The film is about a photographer finding love at Christmas. Dan _loves_ the irony.

Dan has to stop the film when customers come inside, which is good, because they remind him that Dan is not actually a horrible person. People can be friendly to Dan. People seem to like Dan. Dan is not forever underserving of love. He might not deserve Phil (which he had somehow seen coming), but his customers un-deliberately show him that he is not completely underserving of love.

With a little more distance to his own particular unhappiness, Dan continues watching the film and then starts writing it while he puts it on for a second time.

The film does make Dan mad in multiple aspects, but his readers do appreciate honest reviews and feelings, so the blog will be fine. No one will really care all that much about it anyways, so Dan feels safe to upload the blog before closing the studio temporarily to grab a very quick lunch.

**The Holiday Calendar – because apparently, even ‘Advent’ is too difficult for people to understand**

**I am back again to review another one of Netflix’ very own treasures. It is no secret, nor have I ever tried to deny the fact that there are good things coming from Netflix. There are quite a few, actually. However, something that we are all slowly but surely coming to agree on is surely, that Christmas movies do not belong to the half-decent stuff Netflix produces.**

**Today’s movie of choice calls itself The Holiday Calendar, and yes, that is me pointing out how absolutely ridiculous and stupid that is. A ‘Holiday Calendar’ is not a thing. It is not. The calendars with 25 days counting down to Christmas are called Advent Calendars. Here is a little bit of trivia for you: the Advent calendar is based on a German invention. Some person in charge of entertaining children created a wreath with four big candles for the Sundays in Advent (that is the four weeks before Christmas should you not have known, I myself have been dutifully instructed by my grandmother in all matters God) and small candles for all other days leading up to Christmas. Every day, he lit up another candle so that everyone could see how long it would be until Christmas. There you have it, we have cars, fridges, and advent calendars because of the Germans, now that they are bad at what people call football I believe, I think it’s time to invite them around for tea some time.**

**Advent seems to be too Christian a word to use for this film which is why they chose Holiday Calendar. That might have been the safe bet, but it is still stupid, as I hope I have illustrated.**

**This film features POC main characters which is a lovely change, sadly does not mean that they are any less annoying, though. I somehow ended up not liking the female lead at all, which is not the perfect result a film should have, in my opinion. Let’s not get to conclusions too quickly, though. Maybe, by the end of this post, I will have actually grown to like her.**

**At first, I was very happy about this film. It started off with a photographer taking pictures of people in a studio with people smiling in front of a Christmassy background. For starters, that is not at all bad. I was actually rather happy to see a scene I am personally well used to represented on the screen, but that stopped almost immediately, after all, I do not have to dress up in a weirdly short elf costume to take pictures of children with Santa. She has to, but she is decidedly unhappy about that. She does not even like her studio job, as she cannot take her kind of photos. I ask myself, and now you, I suppose, what’s wrong with taking those pictures that people actually want to have? Is it that bad to have no more specific dream than make people happy with the service one provides?**

**The photographer’s stance to photography does not remain the only thing that his more or less severely unlikeable about the main character. This film is exceptionally well with deceiving the viewer into thinking things will be better than they turn out to be, which is proven right at the beginning too, when the photographer’s friend, also a photographer himself, turns up in the studio. They have some form of touching reunion only for the female photographer to show what a bad friend she is. She has not read any of the blog posts her friend has uploaded. MP (an abbreviation not for member of parliament but man photographer, because I am lazy) forgives her immediately, though. It is quite clear to everyone but her that he is in love with her. This could be a cute story, but the film is intent on ruining every single hope of a somewhat reasonable plot and develops the groundwork in such an unbecoming way, that I must congratulate myself and anyone else that has managed to watch the film in its entirety.**

**The film starts off with MP and WP (I don’t have to explain this one, do I?!) and continues with MP being reunited with WP’s family as well. In WP’s family, we have an amazingly inconsequential little girl, the WP’s niece. It is completely normal to address one’s elder relatives with their occupation. So, to call your mother’s sister Aunt First Name is perfectly fine. What is not normal and hopefully never becomes normal is for an aunt to address her niece as Niece First Name. Especially not if there is only one niece, they see each other regularly and are supposedly even close.**

**At the family reunion with MP, where everyone knows and loves him, obviously, we have the first two and most striking food related offences. One being the eggnog that is served with something special, which clearly alludes to alcohol, which in turn makes me wonder how awful the alcoholic drink must have tasted with an additional something added in. Another clear offence are the cookies (biscuits, don’t let them fool you) that MP describes as delicious which shows that he truly must love her because they look everything but delicious.**

**At this reunion, the film also suddenly remembers its name and has WP’s grandfather pass on his late wife’s Advent Calendar to his granddaughter. He pretends that the wooden box is from France, manufactured in the common old European way, which I myself have never even heard talked of before. WP is reluctant to accept the present which she accentuates with not even appreciating the calendar in the course of the film.**

**The calendar, as with all good calendars, pretends to be magical. There are little wooden figurines inside that magically appear when the doors magically open at midnight. WP gets better and better at identifying the figurines, only having to think twice whether it’s a horse or a reindeer she is looking at, which is of course quite the task, I’ll give her that!**

**After not caring for the calendar at all, WP is suddenly obsessed with its magical abilities, avidly interpreting every figurine to have a deeper meaning. This makes her date a doctor whose Christmas tree she has driven into (obviously prophesied by the calendar as well). This doctor has an unnervingly deep voice and a daughter at Niece Full Name’s school. This film does not miss out on ticking one especially important box of the doctor being the most eligible bachelor at the primary school, I don’t know about you, but I am swooning. He is flirting a lot and takes her out on ‘those picture-perfect dates’ (clearly not my words), which entail some disgusting hot chocolate which you can only feel sorry for the two for having to consume.**

**One of these dates is to the homeless shelter. She dislikes that which makes her ever the more unlikeable. To be fair her words are whether she needs telling that she is fortunate, proving with that one question, that yes, she certainly needs telling. At the homeless shelter, she takes blurry pictures (which seem to be that great passion she whined about earlier) and talks to some of the guests, who eagerly badmouth the doctor. After this, all her previously non-existent suspicions are confirmed, and she breaks it off with the doctor. She makes the grave mistake of trying to convince him that the stupid calendar is magical which he does not quite believe, which she takes as a personal offence. She is rather touchy about the calendar in general, also shouting at MP: “I am having a breakdown, focus!” when he dares to pretend his own life is not exactly dependent on the calendar.**

**After WP breaks up with the doctor, she gets the opportunity of a lifetime when she gets to shoot the mayor (not literally, this is literally the lingo though!) while she puts on the lights at the weird Christmas market sort of thing – they have been on the whole time, but nobody seems to mind that. These highly important, life-changing pictures are very blurry, but that doesn’t even matter because MP accidentally deletes them all, which, well, is not actually that easy, but sure, I am willing to believe it for the sake of the plot (see! The film tricks the naïve part of you all the time!). She ends up getting fired for deleting the pictures which makes her stop speaking to MP, who also resigns because she left (really, the only thing wrong with MP is how much he likes WP).**

**WP is now without the doctor and without a job which means she uses the time well to mop around, and watch a Netflix film within a Netflix film which will never stop being my least favourite detail about any of these films. The film she is watching is Christmas Inheritance, by the way, which we have thankfully already dealt with, so don’t worry about a movie recommendation you have to watch. You have already done your duty here. It takes a nice inspirational talk from the matchmaking big sister to get WP to shower after some few days drinking energy drinks and eating pizza in her living room. After this, she suddenly wants to know where MP is, but she gets nowhere in her terribly dedicated research and does not even know he has visited her parents again. Ah, it’s all a tiny bit too annoying to continue writing in detail.**

**Eventually, even our somewhat dim WP realises that she is actually in love with MP and not the doctor. She notices this because she suddenly sees that the figurines in the magic calendar actually all had to do with him. I have to admit it’s a nice twist that the generic Christmas moments also fit MP, but it is highly annoying that she only finds out then which makes me doubt the depth of her feelings a little bit.**

**A few absolutely unnecessary complications later, WP meets up with MP at the studio she has always wanted to own to turn into a ‘centre for new talent in the area’, which is very down-to-earth, which I appreciate. He has bought the studio for them and is once again way too nice to someone that has still not read his freaking blog! I genuinely dislike WP a lot for that. She could have skimmed the blog, could have looked at the pictures, but no, not even when she realised she was in love with him, did she bother to check out the blog and discover another side of him.**

**The very first and also absolutely only time I liked WP a little bit was when MP takes a picture of her and says: “Say…” and she blurts out: “I love you.” That seems genuine, and his puppy eyes afterwards are indeed very adorable. Another good and decent aspect about this film is the choice of carols: Deck the Halls (twice though) and Twelve Days of Christmas, which is a first in all these films, so proves some sort of originality.**

**The film ends with a selfie of the two which they took that Christmas, but we get to see the next Christmas when the studio is running well. I guess that means I at least don’t have to worry about the character’s happiness after the film has finished, not that they would have stayed with me for long anyway. The only thing that will stay with me is that I truly don’t like WP and think that MP could have done better, but that is not for me to decide.**

**In order to not leave you as unhappy as me about a photographer that does bad work, is bordering on unfriendly to the customers and still ends up finding love, which sounds like too much of a Christmas miracle to me, I will tell you one thing this film actually did well. That is: accents. The side characters come from diverse backgrounds and have all brought their accents which makes this film if not particularly thrilling to watch still very pleasant to listen to. It’s nice to have a bit more diversity. That will remain the only positive thing about this film, so think five times before you decide to watch this film. As ever, I remain, completely unaccusable of any bad decisions made based on reading this blog post.**

After lunch, Dan focuses on people. On everyone passing the studio and especially on those entering, of course. He does not spend much time thinking about Phil at all, which is good. He cannot break his heart any further if he wants to stay some version of sane.

It is a little harder than necessary to not think about Phil because Dan has received some texts from him but opening them would be the absolute worst thing he could do right now.

The only problem with not thinking about Phil the entire day is that Dan starts getting really panicky when he is on his way to collect Mes from the nursery. He does not think he will be able to face either Phil or Meggie as composedly as he could this morning, so he does not want to meet them. But he can also not just run away from them. He cannot directly ignore them.

There is an awfully small amount of things he can do without seeming like an absolute douche. Phil might not have treated him perfectly, but he still does not want to be outrightly rude.

Dan’s worries were not exactly necessary. Before Christmas break, there are always a couple of things parents want to discuss with Meggie, and Phil now too, Dan supposes. In any case, Dan manages to catch the open door from a family that is just leaving and gets Mes dressed and out of the nursery without having to interact with Meggie or Phil.

He does see both of them, but he does not look at them for long enough for them to notice his stare.

At one of the red lights on the way home, Dan takes out his phone and sends Meggie a text telling her to have fun. He cannot yet be a perfect friend in real life, but he can be a good friend over text.

Dan takes Mes home immediately, and then, they leave again for some nice and long meandering. Dan actually walks far enough to tire Mes out. He then turns around and carries Mes the rest of the way which means he is also well and truly done with the day.

Only pure exhaustion will help him sleep. In order not to have to regret even more things the next day, Dan starts preparing dinner. While that is cooking, Dan takes his phone to answer his mother about her ideas of Christmas presents for Mes.

Dan sees the array of messages Phil has sent him. Dan can justify in front of himself that he had not answered Phil, but just for the sake of being very clear about this, Dan sends him a message before putting his phone away for good.

It’s not terribly late, but this day was long enough by far already.

Phil’s POV 

Phil is determined not to give up all hope yet. He would be mightily stupid to just give up like that and just decide to get over Dan.

There is too much to get over and there is not even a terribly good reason to get over him either. Phil has messed up in some way or other, but he will not give up yet, he will try and find a way to make this right again.

It is a huge relief to him that Phil will see Martyn again later that day. He had not exactly forgotten about the meeting Martyn had rescheduled but receiving a text the evening before was certainly a very clever move from Martyn.

Phil would of course not tell Martyn that he is looking forward to seeing him or that he thought the message was a clever move. Things had a tendency to get to Martyn’s head quite quickly, so quietly being excited to see him again is the safest option for Phil.

It will be nice to talk to him again. Phil does not really know how or if he should address Dan in any way, but maybe, naturally, they would start talking about him, and then, Phil would know what he had to do.

Another thing Phil does not like to admit, especially face to face with Martyn, is that Martyn has more experience in the dating field than Phil. Most importantly, Martyn has been in one very good relationship for quite a while now. So, between the two of them, he is certainly the authority in matters of the heart.

This thought provides Phil with so much cringy-energy that it is suddenly pretty easy to get up and start getting ready for the day.

He takes a shower, has breakfast, chewing his lip so much the entire time, that it is a little sore by the time he steps outside into the cold.

Chewing on his lip is a coping mechanism for all the worries in his head, but it is not an ideal distraction as it reminds Phil way too much of the kiss. But the kiss is not something he is supposed to think about now. He is supposed to think of ways to solve this, if he has to think at all.

Phil arrived at the nursery and smiles at Meggie who opens the door for him. After scanning the room quickly, Phil sees that Mes is not yet there which means that he has not yet missed Dan.

Phil is as nervous as he always is before seeing Dan again. He is a little more jittery today than on other days, but he still fares rather well in talking with parents. He suspects that they don’t suspect a thing about his mind being someplace else completely.

Finally, Meggie opens the door and Dan stands in front of it. He and Mes walk inside and sit down at Mes’ seat.

Phil walks over to Dan and Mes but does not immediately start talking to them. He wants to give Dan space. It could be space that he wants, so it makes sense to be cautious.

Dan hugs and kisses Mes as he always does before leaving. He stands up, and Phil steps closer.

“I have to dash.” Dan interrupts Phil before he can say something. “Have fun with Meggie.”

“Thank you…” Phil is not at all sure why Dan would say that, but it is not bad. “I… I don’t have time this afternoon.” Phil adds. He does not know whether Dan would have even considered inviting him over again, but it is better to say that he is busy now rather than have to deny later. If Phil had to deny later, he would probably bail on the meeting and simply say yes to Dan despite his earlier promise.

“Yes. I know.” Dan’s voice is as distant as it had been the evening before when Phil had come back from the bathroom.

“You know?”

“I saw the text.” Dan says and then leaves without saying anything else.

What text had he seen? How does he know about the meeting?

Phil cannot focus on those questions yet, as there are more parents arriving, and then, the children want and deserve his full attention.

Only when Phil and Meggie are done with lunch and have successfully put all children into bed, do Phil’s thoughts return to the question of the text again.

“You seem thoughtful.” Meggie says, and nudges him with the teacup.

“Yeah.” Phil says.

“Do you want to talk about it? I won’t press, I promise.” Meggie sits down next to him.

“Talking would be nice, I think.” Phil sighs and carefully maps out roughly what had happened the evening before. Meggie nods and follows the retelling.

“And then, this morning, he told me has read a text, which is why he knows about the meeting. What I don’t understand, though, is why he is so cold suddenly.” Phil finishes, and clings to his cup of tea for comfort.

“That is interesting.” Meggie says slowly. “Can you show me the text?”

Phil shows her the text, but they are not any wiser afterwards.

“I don’t think it’s like Dan to be angry you have other agreements with other people, especially as you said he knows your brother?”

“Yes. He does. Maybe, he did not like the kiss.”

“You kissed?” Meggie squeaks. Ah, yes. Phil had not mentioned that yet.

“Yes.”

“I cannot believe he would react like that if he did not like the kiss. He is bold enough to say something immediately.”

For the rest of the lunch break, Phil and Meggie speculate a little more. They also briefly talk about Meggie’s date, but Meggie seems to think that the mystery surrounding Dan is way more thrilling.

Phil does not find any answers, but he certainly does not lose hope either. Meggie seems so certain that something must have happened for which there is a logical explanation, that Phil cannot help to try his luck in texting Dan.

Have you had lunch yet? I prevented some

more broccoli throwing incidents.

I drew a lot of dinosaurs for children today.

They do look like they yet need to be discovered,

but I doubt the children can tell.

I hope business is good at the studio.

Phil did not exactly expect an immediate answer. What is more, he will see Dan again later, so not even the lack of an answer properly discourages Phil yet.

Mes asking Phil to read to him again also encourages Phil which is why he feels almost happy by the time parents arrive to collect their children.

It is at most five minutes that Phil is busy discussing improvements of a small boy with his parents, but it is enough for Dan to come and collect Mes. Before Phil had started talking to the parents, Mes had run around the nursery, but now, his jacket has disappeared from the hook and Dan is also nowhere to be seen.

Phil wraps up the day somewhat successfully and almost 100% professionally, but by the time he says goodbye to Meggie and wishes her well for her date, Phil feels properly unhappy.

He has not found a solution and he has not succeeded in making the situation any less bad.

Even if Phil has looked forward to seeing Martyn again, Phil now feels like he wants to do nothing but return home and hide underneath his blanket and fall asleep as quickly as possible.

But, Phil is a responsible adult of sorts, so, instead, he does make his way to the office. It is not fair that Martyn should have to deal with every single executive task.

Phil arrives at the office a little too early for the meeting. This, it turns out, is not half-bad because the author has uploaded another blog post. The post is actually from around lunch time, but Phil had been too busy talking to Meggie that he has not spotted the notification for the blog post.

Phil buys himself a too hot and too bitter coffee at one of those rare independent coffee shops and returns to the meeting room to get comfortable with the blog before the meeting starts.

Phil enjoys the blog post a lot. The author sounds honest in his opinions, which always gives Phil the rather dangerous impression that he actually knows him, but that does not change anything about the fact that Phil likes these blog posts the best.

Today, however, the author sounds a little sad. He writes about a photographer, which is ironic for Phil, really. He does not sound happy with the female lead, but if Phil reads in between lines correctly, he is mainly unhappy that the female lead has found a partner.

Before Phil can think about it for even longer, Martyn comes into the room.

“Is MMAHB unhappy? Why are you frowning?” Martyn asks and sits down next to Phil.

“Yes.” Phil admits reluctantly.

“Really? I’m getting too good at this.” Martyn sounds happy, but reins in his smile a little when he notices that Phil is not amused.

This time around, it is certainly not just the author that has an effect on Phil’s mood, but it would probably not help him a great deal if he told Martyn this now. He needs more time to sort his thoughts and also more time to talk to Martyn about them than just the few minutes before the meeting.

This is why, Phil is happy when, after the meeting, Martyn waits for everyone to leave the room and then turns to Phil with a friendly smile.

“Do you want to talk?”

“You are the second to ask me that.”

“And what on earth is that supposed to tell me?” Martyn folds his arms. “Do you want to talk: yes or no?”

“I do, I think.” Phil says, not looking at Martyn.

“Go ahead.” Martyn uncrosses his arms and looks at Phil attentively. Phil recounts the same things he has already told Meggie. He also includes the kiss very quickly so as not to have to repeat it later. Martyn wiggles his eyebrows at Phil but other than that stays focused on the story.

“He read the text I sent you?” Martyn asks.

“Yes. I did not get any other texts.” Phil shrugs and drops his head onto the table. He cannot see how this piece of information would be all that important now.

In that moment, Phil’s phone vibrates with a new message. Phil grabs it immediately. It is a text from Dan. Phil holds his breath before he clicks on it which is probably the only reason why he does not deflate completely.

Stop messaging me.

This does not seem like the Dan Phil has got to know over the past weeks, but who is he to say that, really? Phil has fallen in love with Dan, but that sadly does not mean he knows everything about him.

“I don’t know what I did.” Phil says quietly, and Martyn hums which is not terribly encouraging.

“What do you plan to do now?” Martyn asks instead.

“Leave him alone.”

“What?” Martyn sounds shocked.

“Yes. That’s what he wants. That’s what he said.”

“Phil.” Martyn says softly. Phil always gets an eerie feeling whenever Martyn addresses him with his name. “Don’t you want to explain?”

“Explain? But this is about something that is wrong about me, nothing I can explain.” Phil frowns.

“Phil…” Martyn sighs.

“It will not help to tell Dan that I am a person to fall in love quickly. He will only be more scared than he already is. I need to give him space.”

Martyn gently tries to persuade Phil of the benefit of communication, but for once, Phil is pretty sure he is doing the right thing. He is doing what Dan has asked him to. Even if it does not make Phil happy, it might win him back some respect from Dan, which, on this day, particularly, is already worth a lot.

The rest of the evening, Phil does not allow himself to cry. He cannot possibly cry in front of Martyn, because knowing how helpless he would be with that, he would tell their mum, and that is a party involved Phil would love to keep in the dark for as long as possible.

Back at home, Phil also does not cry, simply because that would feel too close to giving up for his taste. He will power through, stay strong and try and stay positive. He will give Dan space, he will keep his distance, but he will not give up.


	23. 23.12.2020

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hope you will enjoy today's chapter! <3 I will be back tomorrow! :) Take care and stay safe, you lovely lot! xx

** Wednesday, 23rd of December 2020  **

Dan’s POV 

Telling Phil to step texting him was not immature, was it? Ignoring him had been immature. Not reading his texts had been immature but texting him to tell him to stop messaging him was not immature. It shows that Dan is happy to take action and to say what he needs to say to keep himself happy.

The amazing irony behind all this, of course, is that nothing of what Dan had done the day before has made him happy in the slightest. Dan is deeply unhappy. Telling Phil to stop messaging him has made him unhappier than a lot of things lately.

There is of course the whole Phil and Meggie business that will continue to make Dan unhappy for some time at least, but actively telling Phil to stop contacting him cut clean through Dan’s heart.

Maybe, that is the difference. Phil going on a date with Meggie cut messily through his heart, probably infecting it too. Dan taking initiative has been a clean cut, which also hurt but will not provide lasting pain, hopefully.

Dan rolls around in bed and kicks his legs out a little. Why does getting up have to be so difficult? The mere notion of getting up, the simple idea of leaving the warmth of his bed to dance over the cold floor to get into the colder bathroom, is repulsive for Dan. He cannot picture himself leaving his bed.

He has the faint notion that he will leave the bed at some point soon, but it seems weirdly unrealistic which is why he simply cannot get a move on.

Eventually, Dan manages to fight of all things that try to keep him in bed. He runs into the bathroom and washes himself. He has no energy to make himself look pretty, who for, anyways, but he does care enough to wash up properly to be presentable in the studio, at least.

Before Dan can go to Mes and wake him, he needs his coffee. Mes has been very tired the evening before, which somewhat paradoxically meant that he is going to be a lot livelier this morning.

Before Dan can deal with that appropriately, he will have to have had a coffee.

With the coffee slowly starting to perform its magic, Dan walks into Mes’ room and wakes him.

Mes is certainly lively and eager to tell Dan about his dream-adventures. Dan listens and asks questions, and yet, at breakfast, Mes slowly pushes his bowl of cereal over to Dan.

“Does it taste bad?” Dan asks with a small frown.

“No. You look unhappy.”

“I do?”

“Yes.” Mes nods. “Cereal makes me happy. You can have my cereal.” Mes looks so sincere in his heartfelt offer that Dan simply has to take a spoonful and smile, feigning immediate success of Mes’ wonder medicine.

Dan does not want Mes to notice that he is unhappy about something. He must look a lot worse than he had feared if Mes caught up on his feelings as accurately as that.

“It’s Christmas soon.” Mes says when he starts eating his cereal again.

“It is.” Dan agrees, careful to keep the smile on his face.

“Does that mean we cannot go to the studio?” Mes asks and looks a little unhappy.

“If you really want to go, we can see what we can do.” Dan laughs. “We will be home the entire day and can do whatever you want to do.”

“Oh. Then we don’t _have_ to go to the studio.” Mes says happily and continues eating his cereal. That has not yet ceased to be an exciting activity for him, which is why Dan can allow two tears to run down his cheeks.

It truly is too much to bear that Mes only cares about spending time with Dan and as long as he gets that is happy about everything else. Dan does not deserve him. And yet, he can help Mes, which is why he still gets to keep him. He could not help Phil, which is why not deserving him certainly must have been a strong enough argument for Phil to go with Meggie.

After breakfast, Dan splashes his face with water repeatedly and repeats the same process for Mes so that he cannot think that there is something amiss again.

They make their way to the nursery playing a Christmas decoration variation of their spot the animal, which Mes wins hands down for spotting a unicorn dressed up in a Santa suit.

If that is in any way possible, Dan is even more nervous than he was the day before when he rings the doorbell. It is Meggie that opens the door, again. She looks happy. Positively radiant.

Dan’s resolve strengthens that he cannot yet talk to her. If he wants to be in some way a good friend, he cannot possibly talk to Meggie now. He needs to wait until he is more or less passive towards Phil, and then, he vows to himself, he will talk to Meggie about everything and anything she wants to tell him.

Dan is thankful when Phil does not approach him in the nursery. That means his message has got through to him. It hurts to not talk to him, but Dan knows that it’s for the best.

He can concentrate fully on saying goodbye to Mes and hugging extra close. Mes squeezes back tightly, which means he has sensed once again, that Dan is unhappier than he wants to appear. Still, as long as it’s only Mes that noticed, Dan can still consider himself lucky.

When Dan reaches the studio, he adds the fact that he runs his own studio on the list of things he can consider himself lucky for. There is literally only Mes and the rest of Dan’s family on that list apart from the studio, but that is already a lot.

That list is certainly meant to cheer Dan up rather than make him even unhappier.

Inside the studio, Dan settles down on the sofa after turning on all lights and puts on the penultimate Christmas film on his list. Towards the end of the film, Dan notices that it’s not exactly a Christmas film as such, but there are enough elements that he can easily include the film in the list. Also, now that he has spent over an hour watching the film, he needs to make use of it and not let the hour be a waste of time.

For the actual writing part of the blog post, Dan gets up from the sofa and settles at the counter. It is not bad for his back to write standing up. Also, from the outside, it certainly looks more professional to be standing at the counter rather than to be lounging on the sofa.

Dan has the film running in the background while he writes the blog post. It is his sort of peace and quiet of unimportant characters discussing their lives and his own typing sounds.

This almost serene calmness suddenly gets disrupted by the bells over the door, announcing a new visitor.

Dan looks up and sees that Martyn has come into the studio. Dan tenses a little bit, but Martyn is only smiling brightly at him, walking over to the counter without any sign of discomfort. Dan decides that he won’t be uncomfortable either.

“It’s good to see you, Dan.” Martyn says.

“Likewise.” Dan answers.

“I came here for the pictures. Phil has not yet taken them around, so I thought, I would drop by quickly.”

“Of course.” Dan says, willing his face not to portray any sort emotion when Martyn talks about his brother.

Dan pauses the film and opens the folder with the pictures. He talks Martyn through the ones he chose and saves them on the memory stick that Martyn hands him.

He closes the folder and hands Martyn the stick. Martyn’s gaze, however, is fixed on the screen. Dan sees that his blog draft is open, to make the uploading process quicker as soon as he is done with writing the post.

“Oh. That is a blog I do.” Dan waves his hand unnecessarily. He is not really ashamed of his blog, but it is difficult to talk it in positive tones without sounding fake to his own ears, so he doesn’t love talking about it.

“I heard about that.” Martyn says with a smile.

“Pardon?”

“It’s a nice blog.” Martyn puts the memory stick into his pocket and says: “Thank you so much for the pictures.” He smiles but does not move. “Listen.” He says, and Dan can feel his whole body tensing. “I have something to show you. So, maybe: Look, not listen. Whatever. Here.” Martyn holds out his phone for Dan to look at.

At first, Dan does not understand what he is looking at. Then, the words register.

“I sent Phil a text the evening before yesterday to come to a meeting with me yesterday.”

“Oh.” Dan says slowly. He can almost feel the wheels in his head turning, which is an uncomfortable feeling. He knows that something will slot into place soon, but he cannot yet quite grasp it.

“Phil will back off because he is convinced that that is what you really want, but he likes you. A lot.”

Martyn leaves shortly after that bomb he dropped, but his words stay with Dan for literal hours afterwards.

Dan uploads the blog and at some point, steps outside to eat something. After lunch, Dan works with customers and clients, mostly filing vouchers, but those ensure an interesting start to the year, so he is very happy to do that.

Some time in the early afternoon, Dan realises, while his stomach literally swoops, that the contact saved as M with a red heart is not Meggie but Martyn. Phil and Meggie did not go on a date.

Dan even feels safe enough to think that his initial impression of Phil did tell him that he would not willingly hurt anyone. Phil has told him that he likes him. Phil has kissed him!

Very slowly, Dan dares to think that maybe, Phil does really like him. Maybe, he even has feelings for him. Maybe the kiss was to show that Phil wanted to be more than friends.

Of course, all of this makes perfect sense all of a sudden. Dan is only still a little wary because it is very clear that he desperately wants this to be true and not what he has thought the last days.

Suddenly, Dan cannot wait for the day to be over so that he can go and speak to Phil. Well, his plan is to confront him and hope that Phil then leads the conversation.

Even if Dan promised Mes to potentially come back to the studio, he closes it properly and double checks that all windows are shut, all devices are unplugged, and that the radiator is going to keep this place habitable as to not create any lasting damage over the days he will not be at the studio.

Once he is satisfied with everything, he says goodbye to the studio for now and makes his way to the nursery.

Dan’s hand is shaking when he rings the doorbell, but there is no need to make this situation worse by beating himself up about that, so, instead, he puts on a brave face and waits for the door to be opened.

Meggie smiles at him and he immediately pulls her close into a hug.

“You are enthusiastic to see me, I love it.” Meggie laughs and pats his back. “I am not quite done talking to Victor’s parents yet but come find me in a moment.”

Dan lets go of her and smiles at her, which she happily returns.

Dan has barely closed the door behind him when he hears a small wail that makes his heart ache. Moments later, Mes collides with Dan’s legs, pressing his face into his trousers.

“Hey, Mes. What is the matter?” Dan asks. He kneels down and pulls Mes into a hug.

“P…Ph…Phil do… doesn… n’t… like… m… me.” Mes sobs quietly and hides his face in Dan’s neck.

“That is not true.” Dan says decidedly and gently strokes Mes’ back.

“He… he… didn’t read to me.” Mes has stopped crying quite as violently and sags into Dan.

Dan scoops him up and stands up. He spots Phil in the big room and walks there determinedly. Mes hides in his neck again, and Dan places an extra protective hand over Mes’ ear.

“Phil Lester.” Dan calls. Phil turns around surprised. He looks even more surprised to see Dan. “You do not get to decide who loves you.” Dan’s heart is already beating wildly, which is not helped by Phil’s big eyes. “You cannot ignore Mes just because I am stupid.”

Phil’s POV 

Phil wakes up the next day even unhappier than the day before. Today, he does not have a lot of hope for things to miraculously get any better. Where he had hope the day before, he now has resignation, which is in no way a good motivator in the morning.

Phil hides his face in the blanket and closes his eyes for a few seconds. He will have to stick to the promise he has made in front of Martyn to keep his distance to Dan. He cannot press on him and wail about how much he likes him. That will not do him any good at all.

No, Phil will have to ignore Dan as good as he could.

Finally, Phil manages to leave his bed. He washes up and puts a reasonable amount of effort into his clothes. He will be home again quite soon, so he doesn’t bother to tidy his bedroom even if it is in dire need of some tidying and cleaning preferably too.

What is Christmas for if not to clean one’s bedroom feeling sorry for oneself because one’s love is not being returned?

After getting dressed, Phil has some breakfast and leaves for the nursery. It will be easier to ignore Dan if Phil is already there by the time he arrives. That way, Phil will be on high alert every time the doorbell rings, but if that means he can fulfil his promise, this is clearly the best way.

On his way to the nursery, Phil notices with a pang to his heart that he will most certainly also have to ignore Mes. If Dan does not want Phil to talk to him, it is rather self-evident that Dan cannot want him to talk to Mes.

It will be heart-breaking to keep his distance to Mes, but Phil has the chance to do the right thing now. He needs to use it for once.

Meggie opens the door for Phil and immediately gives him something to do. Phil appreciates that greatly and does what Meggie asked him to do, which is only arranging chairs into a circle, but it’s a task, and a task means that Phil can focus on something that isn’t Dan.

Once Phil is done with the circle, he re-joins Meggie in the front. He sees immediately that Mes is not yet there, which is nerve wracking. Thankfully, Dan arrives shortly afterwards.

Phil does allow himself to look at him, if only to assess whether he thinks Dan looks healthy, but that is all. He does not approach them, and he does not stare.

Before Phil really registers what’s happening, he sees Dan leaving and Mes running towards him excitedly.

“Can you read to me, Phil?” Mes asks with bright eyes.

“Not now, Mes. I need to say hello to the others.” Phil does need to say hello, which means, at least the first time he declines one of Mes’ invitations, he does not lie.

The next few times, Phil’s excuses are certainly more like lies. Mes takes the excuses in his stride and continuously returns to ask Phil to do things with him.

Only when Phil tells him that he cannot read to him because he wants to play with some other children does look Mes look properly sad. This promptly breaks Phil’s heart, all the more intensely when he has to tell himself that his heart has no business breaking over Mes.

Phil does not dare to speak about his avoidance strategy with Meggie. He is rather relieved when Meggie is texting someone on her phone the entire time. That gives him the chances to check his phone for any notifications.

One, he would certainly not have expected but welcomes anyways, is the notification that the blog has been updated. Phil makes them both a cup of tea and then settles into the chair to read the post. He really hopes that the author is feeling better again.

**A Royal Winter – important disclaimer: this is not a Christmas film, strictly speaking**

**The disclaimer in the title wants to alert you that his film, rather controversially chose to not put its compelling and romantic action into December to reach their height at Christmas. Instead, it chose to only employ the usual winter season tropes and lets the action take place in January. If it is not terribly convenient to miss out on the opportunity to call one’s film a Christmas film, it is certainly original for which I applaud the writers.**

**Because we are quickly approaching the end of our thrilling Twelve Days of Christmas series, I thought it would be fine to include a January and not Christmas film on the list. There is enough wrong with this film to make for an interesting blog read, so please bear with me and enjoy the film vicariously through me – I do have to say that I think I am being incredibly kind in potentially saving you the time and agony of watching these films. That being said, you can certainly do worse than this film (if I may refer you to the previous post), so for today, I do not need that much of your sympathy.**

Phil smiles at his phone, briefly checks whether Meggie saw him, and then continues reading. He is very relieved to hear that the author seems to be doing at least somewhat better. Really, through just the opening of the blog, it is very difficult to come to a conclusion on the author’s well-being.

**This film is very eager to show everyone that they can take on any Christmas film with the number of necessary tropes they employ. The film starts us of in a primary school classroom somewhere in America. Yes, primary school, which means, you have guessed correctly, that we have a literal class load of inconsequential little children. These children seem to have never had someone read to them. They allegedly like the way the female lead reads to them. In my opinion, it might as well have been some computer voice warning you about terms and conditions, but hey, if that’s what they dig, I am not going to stand in their way. And I mean that literally. I am not going to stand in between children and the female lead, that would mean I would have to listen to hear reading a story, and I can think of at least three torture methods that I would more willingly undergo.**

**After the first children’s appearance, the film continues strongly with an unimportant best friend of the female lead that presents the perfect solution for the lead’s anxiety of leading a mundane life as a lawyer, which is a trip to Europe. Not anywhere in Europe though. We are talking about the gorgeous, 100% fictional kingdom of Calpurnia. Not even the overly specific region od South West of the French Alps can convince me that such a little haven of British aristocrats with their own monarchy exists.**

**The film pulls out all stops in that discussion scene, as it takes place in a café where everyone is seated but drinking out of THE brown paper cups we have admired abundantly in the other films. This truly is a winter film, simply in January, not at Christmas. Maybe, this film is a societal statement to be less rigid with our way of thinking and to extend expectations and prejudices onto other things as well.**

**Our female hero arrives in that kingdom with her friend and gets her phone taken away for an impressive minute and a half because she is checking for mails of that law firm she applied to. The two friends split ways because they apparently don’t have anything in common at all. First, the best friend forces the female lead to buy a stupid hat, which is not going to be any use in really cold weather, which we are made to believe is what is happening in Calpurnia. This hat is of course incredibly important as a plot device, thankfully nothing else. It turns out the hat does not even fit well enough to stay on her head after one gust of wind. It falls down and a reckless biker runs straight over it only to then steal it and drive off (I feel the need to point out to you that this is a motorbike we are talking about, it was not a reckless cyclist that ran over her precious hat in deep snow). She is aghast, needless to say. The Calpurnian culprit turns out to be the prince of course who buys her another hat and asks her out. Right from the moment where she hesitates whether she should go, there is no doubt about this film being rather bad than good.**

**Over some weird flirting, pseudo-deep stories, and the complications of an opposing mother (who happens to be the queen), the two end up falling in love and saving the world. Well, she achieves that the mother meets the _real_ prince and that he gets crowned, which is at least something. **

**Instead of retelling this thrilling cinematic masterpiece step by step, I am going to focus on different categories again. First up, we have bad dialogue throughout. I cannot really point out specific scenes, but this should serve as a sufficient warning. Be aware to be – whatever the opposite of wowed is.**

**Another issue I have with this film is the lose background of the prince. The whole world (yes, it is that important) seems to think he is a party bachelor sort of person, based entirely on him giving a tourist directions. Nobody knows that he is actually a really soft and benevolent prince though. He created a volleyball group with a choir rehearsing alongside. If it would take Billy Elliot sort of dimensions, I would have immediately been fine, but this is just for the prince to show he is oh so kind while she can show what an amazing psychological mastermind she is in convincing a little girl to sing. This already gets us to the next point.**

**This film had way too much of a saviour thing going on. She is the one to give that vital tip to the little girl to start singing on stage which no one has ever managed before. In another scene, she saves a girl from being told off by her father for selling souvenirs in the lobby, which, if I am quite honest, is his full right. Another similar incident is when she saves the prince because she, as a modern American, too thinks that the coronation should be open to the public. Oh, and as an American, she also knows most about European history, of course!**

**Something that is not necessarily all too bad an offence but still annoyed me incredibly is the fact that they chose a very ugly castle to represent Calpurnia and not just that, they also show it from either a billion different perspectives, or they simply chose a couple of very different looking buildings, which is lazy, if not just mean on the coherence- and symmetry-seeking among us.**

**There are, nevertheless, also one and a half nice scenes in this film. The first one is the story about a Lavender song the late king used to sing to the prince which he asked the choir to sing for him. While they do that and explains the meaning behind the song for him, his mother comes inside and realises that her son is a lot nicer than she thought, which is good, I guess.**

**The half scene is a little random, but it was literally the only thing that made me smile, so, I wanted to include it. The prince sends room service to her to which she says: “I did no order room service.” The employee then says: “You did not, and yet here it is.” in such a heart-warmingly sarcastic way that I immediately counted him to my top three characters. The other two are the queen and the prince. The queen is mainly good because Samantha Bond plays her, anyone capable of both Outnumbered and Downton Abbey is bound to also ace the role of a queen in some weird fictional kingdom. The prince is also up there, because he has a charming smile, funny expressions, a delightful way to talk to his assistant and, let’s face it, a voice to die for. I would not have minded having terms and conditions read out loud to me by him. Yes, that’s how nice the voice is.**

**The film ends with a happy ending on all sorts of levels. There is a public coronation, the queen sees what her son is really like, the female lead gets a job to take the children charity into all of Europe, and they kiss. I personally did not need that overly public kiss at the coronation, but at least it was a nice ending to the film, as in, it made me want to switch it off. Any sort of particularly strong reaction is probably a good thing for a film.**

**If you think you can withhold all the truly challenging obstacles this film presents you with, I highly suggest you watch it, if only to be reminded that there are good things in the world when you listen to the prince’s voice.**

Phil is still smiling when he finishes the blog post. He experiences a very unnecessary pang of jealousy to hear the author admire someone’s voice that much, but he can quickly drown that out when he focuses once again on the information he gained about the author. It is nice to know that the author also likes British sitcoms like Outnumbered, but also Downton Abbey.

The more Phil gets to know about the author, the more he truly seems like the sort of person Phil would really like.

Meggie is mercifully as engrossed in her phone as Phil is in his, which is why he can read the blog post two more times before they need to start moving because the first children are waking up.

Phil is in a good mood after the somewhat more upbeat blog post and nearly agrees to read to Mes, only to be asked to help with gluing in the same second, which he thankfully accepts as a good enough reason to say no to Mes’ question.

Mes looks unhappy, but Phil cannot do anything else, when it comes down to it, it’s really also for Mes’ own good.

When every child has been equipped with the present they have made for their parents, the parents start arriving and say goodbye to both Meggie and Phil. It feels weird to think that Phil will now not get to see the children for quite a while, after he has just got to know them. He hopes that they will still remember him in the new year.

As there are no new parents arriving, Phil goes back into the big room and creates the piles of chairs he has seen this morning before creating the circle.

He is working, trying not to think of anything, as that is what he will be doing at home later, so he does not need to soil this good atmosphere and place with his gloomy thoughts.

“Phil Lester.” Someone suddenly says behind him. Phil turns around and sees Dan, with Mes in his arms.

“You do not get to decide who loves you.” Dan is speaking loud enough for Phil to hear him, but not too loud so that Mes cannot hear him through the hand Dan has pressed against his ear. “You cannot ignore Mes just because I am stupid.”

“I don’t think you’re stupid.”

“I really am, though.” Dan says, and there is the faintest hint of a smile on his lips.

“Dan?” Meggie suddenly calls.

“Can you take Mes, I need to talk to Meggie.” Dan says and hands Mes over to Phil without waiting for an answer.

Phil holds Mes securely in his arms and gently pats his back.

“I am sorry that I could not read to you yet.” Phil says quietly. He is definitely stretching the truth a little bit, but that is the best option for once.

“I am sorry too.” Mes says. “I wanted you to read to me.”

“I am very sorry, darling.” Phil says, squeezing Mes. Mes leans his head against Phil’s shoulder and puts his arms around Phil’s neck.

Simply do something, Phil starts talking to Mes about things he and Martyn have done when they were younger.

“I like Martyn.” Mes says, still clinging to Phil’s neck.

“Good.”

“I like you more.” Mes adds.

“Good.” Phil smiles and tightens his hold on Mes small body. “Very good.”

Not long after this, Dan joins them again. There is a smile on his face. Phil loves to see him smile, and he can already feel his heartbeat accelerating in anticipation, but he also tells himself to be careful and not to expect anything. He will adjust to Dan’s speed, no matter what it is they are doing, if an entity like ‘they’ even still exists.

“She had a date yesterday.” Dan tells Phil.

“Ah, yes. Good.” Phil says, in no way even remotely guessing where this is going.

“I thought she was on a date with you.” Dan is looking openly at him. He does not seem to be lying, but, what?!

“What? Why?”

“I thought I had connected all the dots, turns out I just knotted together some loose ends.” Dan rubs his neck. “I thought that the contact telling you they’d see you the next day was Meggie.”

“Meggie? I have her saved as Meggie.” Phil frowns.

“You probably do.” Dan scratches his head. “I saw M and a heart and jumped to conclusions.”

“M and a heart? That’s Martyn. He saved himself like that.”

“Yes, I thought as much.”

“What? When?” Phil still cannot grasp the whole situation.

“He came around to the studio to collect the pictures and he showed me the text he had sent you.”

“He did what?” Phil sighs. “I don’t know whether I should be annoyed or thankful, embarrassed or touched.”

“Both?” Dan asks and for the first time since the kiss, Phil is blessed with a through and through genuine smile. A smile that lights up the room and makes Phil’s life infinitely better and brighter.

“Would you like to come home with us?” Dan asks, not directly looking at Phil.

“Yes.” Phil answers immediately. Dan looks up and smiles at him. Phil puts Mes down and collects his things while Dan helps Mes dress.

They stay and help Meggie close the nursery for the Christmas break without saying much, either one of them.

Outside, they say their goodbyes with tight hugs and then go their separate ways.

Dan grabs Mes’ hand who in turn takes Phil’s hand. Carefully and certainly not at full force, Phil lets himself enjoy this family-like scene.

Dan and Mes play spot something sparkly on the way home. When Phil points out the shop window of a jeweller, Dan smiles brightly at him, which encourages Phil to play along for the rest of the trip.

They arrive home. Phil picks Mes up while Dan unlocks the door and then, they climb the stairs together. Dan goes straight into the kitchen, so Phil helps Mes to take off his shoes and jacket before taking off his own. Such a simple action has never before made Phil as happy as this.

Phil joins Dan in the kitchen. Completely unprompted, Dan smiles at him which is certainly a welcome surprise.

“We don’t really have any food.” Dan says, and Phil tries not to spontaneously die at Dan referring to the three of them as ‘we’. He really needs to get his act together, otherwise, he might seriously damage his heart while he is with Dan.

“We could order something.” Phil says. “My treat.”

“You don’t have to pay.”

“But I can.” Phil smiles.

“Fine.” Dan says and grabs his phone out of his pocket. They discuss a little what to order, and then, Dan hands Phil the phone to arrange the payment.

Once they have ordered, Dan asks Phil whether he wants some tea, to which Phil obviously readily agrees.

Phil gets three cups out of the cupboard while Dan fills the kettle. Phil leans against the counter and is fine to just wait until the tea is done. However, Dan joins him at the counter and leans a tiny bit into him. He then slowly reaches out and intertwines his fingers with Phil’s.

Phil’s heart is going absolutely berserk, and he cannot stop himself from staring at Dan.

“I am glad you are here. I am sorry for being an idiot.” Dan says and then leans his head against Phil’s shoulder.

“You are not that much of an idiot, Dan.” Phil says when he can at least trust his voice again. “You could have just asked me, though.”

“See, an idiot.”

“No, only a little bit of a fool.” Phil says and carefully raises his hand to pat Dan’s head.

“Is that any better?” Dan whines and looks up at Phil. He is close. Very close.

“Maybe if I tell you that I am a gigantic fool?” Phil smiles.

“You are not a fool.” Dan protests.

“I was nearly willing to let you go. That is the foolish-est thing I would have ever done.”

“Nice superlative.” Dan laughs, and Phil cannot resist kissing him.

Dan’s eyes widen, but Phil cannot blame him. He himself is surprised how bold he managed to be.

“Is grammar such a turn on for you?” Dan asks a tiny bit breathlessly.

“You are.” Phil says simply and enjoys the sight of Dan’s mind going blank. “I really like you, Dan.” Phil whispers and presses his forehead against Dan’s.

They stay like that until the tea is done. Then, Dan extracts himself from Phil’s hold, and Phil immediately misses the comfortable warmth.

“Let’s take this to the living room.” Dan says, taking one cup, the milk, and biscuits. Phil takes the other two cups and follows Dan into the living room.

For tea, they sit civilised on the sofa, but once Mes has finished his cup of tea, he slides off the sofa and gets a book.

“Can you read to me, Phil?” Mes asks. Immediately, Phil nods and sits down on the floor immediately.

“You don’t have to do everything he asks you to do.” Dan whispers.

“Today, I really have to.” Phil whispers back and turns around. Dan smiles at him and leans back looking at the two of them. Phil turns back to Mes and starts reading him the book he has chosen.

Phil does a good job reading the entire time, only when Dan suddenly starts playing with his hair does he hiccup a little, but he soon settles into the comfortable feeling and continues reading for Mes.

Dan gets up when the doorbell rings, but Phil diligently finishes the book before he turns his attention to the pizza.

While they are eating dinner, Dan puts on some Christmas themed Bake Off episodes.

“This is so much better than any baking they show in Christmas films, but that’s probably because this is actual real baking.” Dan tells Phil and leans against him while eating his pizza.

Phil is pretty sure that the author would agree with Dan in that aspect. Phil smiles and enjoys the pizza and Dan’s company.

When they are done with the pizza, they continue watching Bake Off, but Dan actually leans against Phil now. He is more on Phil or in Phil’s lap at least than just next to him, which is a very nice development.

At some point, Phil’s phone buzzes, so he takes it out and checks the notification. Martyn wrote him.

I know who MMAHB is…

Martyn is definitely joking which does not change the fact that Phil’s heart starts beating faster.

“What does he mean?” Dan whispers. “Ah, sorry. I genuinely did not mean to read that.”

“It’s fine.” Phil smiles and puts his phone onto the table. “He is just teasing.”

After another episode of Bake Off, Dan insists that Mes changes into his pyjamas.

“Can you help him?” Dan asks Phil, which immediately makes Mes less opposed to the idea, which warms Phil’s heart.

“Of course.”

It is a team effort to get Mes changed into his pyjamas, but they are successful in the end.

Dan stands in the doorway when Phil is done. He is wearing pyjamas and holding out another pair for Phil.

“These are the biggest ones I could find.” Dan says and smiles. “You are welcome to put them on and stay, if you want.”

Phil only nods, pretty sure he could not have found any words even if he had tried.

It takes only one more episode until they are all tired. Mes is actually already sleeping. Phil picks him up carefully while Dan puts the lights out.

Phil tries to put Mes to sleep in his bed, but he starts squirming and whining.

“Ah, he is like that sometimes.” Dan whispers next to him. “We can just take him to bed with us.” Dan says, blissfully unaware that Phil is moments away from fainting.

“Yeah.” Phil whispers back and follows Dan to his room.

Dan climbs into his bed first and then holds his arms open for Phil to lower Mes into them.

“Come on.” Dan smiles at Phil while he tugs Mes underneath the blanket.

Phil takes a deep but hopefully discrete breath and lies down next to Dan. It will be nothing short of a miracle should he be able to calm down his heart far enough to be able to fall asleep.


	24. 24.12.2020

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Christmas Eve! <3 Please enjoy the chapter! :) I will be back for the last chapter tomorrow morning! :) Have a lovely time until then! Take care and stay safe, you lovely people! xx

** Thursday, 24th of December 2020  **

Dan’s POV 

Dan does not wake up because of an alarm clock, but that is not the only reason why he is immediately happy. It does take a while until he makes out the exact reason for why he is happy, but in his defence, he still has his eyes closed, so he is bound to take a little longer to make out the reason for his happiness.

Only when Phil shifts a little and pulls Dan even closer to his chest does Dan notice that he is happy first thing in the morning because he has woken up in Phil’s arms.

Dan pries one eye open and sees that Mes is lying at the foot of the bed. He is securely wrapped up in the blanket, so Dan decides not to worry.

Dan looks back at Phil, which involves a bit of straining of his neck as he is pressed against Phil’s chest but that is well worth it. Phil looks peaceful. He looks beautiful. If Dan does not read too much into this, he also looks happy.

Phil looks happy to be with Dan and Mes. Dan thinks he could actually cry. He is incredibly happy. All complications had been entirely his fault. He can still understand his reasoning, but what is really important is that the complications are entirely resolved.

It will take a while before Dan can accept his luck, but that does not mean he cannot be happy right now. He would be an absolute fool if he could not be happy right here in Phil’s arms.

After enjoying the comfort of Phil’s arms for a little longer, Dan tries to get out of the embrace so that he can make breakfast for the three of them which is a weak way of trying to repay Phil for his kindness and to make up for Dan’s unfair judgement, but it is something he can do.

Dan is careful about not waking Phil, but Phil does not ease his hold. In fact, he pulls Dan even tighter against his chest when Dan nearly managed to free one of his arms.

“Don’t think I will ever let you go again…” Phil whispers. His voice is incredibly unfairly deep.

“Not even for pancakes?” Dan asks, because he cannot possibly get carried away right now.

“Mmhh.” Phil is conflicted which is funny to see. Phil eases his hold a little so that Dan can look at him.

“Pancakes?” Dan asks again.

“Can we stay here just a little longer?” Phil asks, pulling Dan against his chest again. “It is nearly Christmas, after all.”

“It’s actually already Christmas in Germany. They celebrate this evening…”

“That’s good to know-it-all.”

“You are missing one ‘know’.” Dan laughs and snuggles into Phil.

“See, a know-it-all.” Phil says softly and presses a kiss to Dan’s head.

“Common-knowledge-deficiency can be treated only by pancakes in the morning.”

“Is that so?” Phil mumbles drawing circles on Dan’s back.

“That’s what I heard, and I must know, seeing that I am a know-it-all.”

Phil hums but does not move. Dan cannot pretend to dislike this situation. He does want to repay Phil with pancakes, but a few more minutes in bed are at least just as good.

The peaceful moment comes to an end when Mes wakes up and kicks Dan in the process. Dan hisses a little, and Phil laughs.

“I am really happy.” Dan says honestly, which makes Phil push him away.

“You cannot just say something like that.”

“What is more, I mean it.” Dan grins, but loses yet another round when Phil presses a quick kiss to his lips.

“What do you say to pancakes in the morning?” Phil asks Mes.

“Good morning?” Mes asks clearly still half asleep. Phil laughs and sits up to pull Mes between them.

“I am very happy.” Phil says with a bright smile at Dan.

“I am happy.” Mes says and flops on his back, staring at the ceiling.

They stayed like that for quite a while, but eventually they could agree that pancakes sound like a good idea. Phil does most of the whisking again, but Dan is busy tidying away the pizza boxes from the evening before, so it is not all that unfair.

Over breakfast, Dan’s thoughts slowly drift to Christmas, which is not that marvellous seeing that there is literally one day left.

“Phil?” Dan asks, carefully chewing on his pancake.

“Yes?”

“I know it is all rather quick, and you don’t have to say yes or anything, but I would love for you to spend Christmas here. You don’t have to… we don’t need to…”

“Only if you come to my parents’ house for lunch.” Phil smiles.

“Isn’t that too sudden for them?” Dan asks.

“Mum always cooks, hoping I will bring someone. She might even make the same pudding again, hoping that Mes will come along too.”

Dan is a little very much dumbfounded at this confession. Why would Phil’s mum hope that Phil would bring Dan and Mes around for Christmas? Did Phil tell her something? Why else would he be so unfazed by her expecting Dan and Mes’ company?

“I don’t have a tree yet.” Dan blurts out which makes Phil laugh.

“We can arrange that.” Phil smiles. “I need to go home for a bit today too.”

“Alright.” Dan says and they continue eating.

They are fine.

Dan is still very nervous because of the situation in general, but they are fine. Phil likes to spend time with him. Everything is alright. Dan has never been happier, in fact.

After breakfast, Phil washes up while Dan dresses Mes and himself. Dan and Mes dry the dishes while Phil gets dressed and then, they set out to scout for a small Christmas tree.

They find a small tree. Dan can actually carry it on his own which is why Phil decides to quickly dash home.

“Dan, I would like to buy a present, but I need your consent for that.”

“What?” Dan asks. “Why would you need my consent?”

“Well, you need to be happy with it.” Phil kneads his fingers and does not look at him.

“Spit it out.” Dan laughs.

“Matching pyjamas for the three of us?” Phil asks.

“Yes.” Dan answers, trying to not let his smile split his face in half.

“I will see you shortly, then.” Phil smiles and practically dashes off.

“Where is Phil going?” Mes asks, clearly unhappy.

“He needs to go to his house, but he will come to ours very shortly.” Dan says and takes Mes’ hand.

Guiding both Mes and the Christmas tree through the park and then bits of the town is not exactly easy.

Dan is drenched in sweat. He sets up the tree quickly and then puts the last film on his list on to keep Mes busy while Dan takes a quick shower.

Dan gets his computer and quickly starts taking notes. He needs to get done with the last blog post today and it would be amazing if he could be done before Phil came back.

Dan does not manage that, not even slightly. They are not even halfway through the film when the doorbell rings. Mes jumps up and runs to the door. Dan pauses the film and follows him.

“How can we help you?” Dan asks when he opens the door.

“Grant me entry to your kingdom.” Phil laughs. Dan wants to continue, but Mes already pulls Phil inside, so Dan only shrugs and closes the door behind Phil.

“We’re watching a film.” Mes tells Phil and sits down on the ground again.

“We can have a snack first, though.” Dan offers and allows Phil to help him prepare some toast for them to eat while watching the film.

Dan has only just pressed play when Phil’s phone rings.

“Martyn.” Phil says.

“Answer it.” Dan says, pausing the film again.

“Hello?” Phil says into his phone and smiles at Dan apologetically. “Yes, I am. On speaker?”

Dan shrugs and leans against the sofa.

“You are on speaker now.” Phil says, glaring suspiciously at his phone.

“Perfect. You did not answer my text yesterday, so I called to tell you again, I know who Mab is.” Martyn says cheerfully. Dan is certain that he has heard Mab before.

“I don’t care.” Phil says, his cheeks blushing.

“You do. You love him, Phil.” Martyn says, and Dan suddenly feels very uncomfortable.

“Martyn!” Phil hisses a little. “I like the blog. Love… is too much.”

“Ah, you can’t even fool yourself. Come on, you love that Advent Calendar blog.”

“How to Ruin Your Twelve Days of Christmas.” Phil corrects, and Dan stops breathing.

“Pardon?”

“I… read a blog. Someone reviews movies and this year they, well _he_ , reviewed Christmas films, one for each of the twelve days of Christmas. How to ruin the twelve days of Christmas or something.”

“Phil, that’s me.” Dan rubs his neck. He can feel a blush on his cheeks, but he cannot attend to that right now.

“What? No. You don’t ruin anything.”

“No, I mean, that’s my blog.” Dan says.

Phil stares at him for a while and then, rather loudly asks: “What?”

Martyn chuckles over the phone and says: “See, I knew you would like to know that.”

“Fine, and now hang up you noisy idiot.” Cornelia says. “Have a merry Christmas, you three.”

“Until tomorrow.” Martyn singsongs and hangs up. He also suspected Dan would come?

That is not the most important issue right now, though. Phil is still staring at him.

“You are him?” Phil whispers.

“I am I-review-films.” Dan tries to smile.

“But how?”

“Did you think I could not write something as poetic?” Dan tries to joke.

“No. It’s just not fair that everything about you should be perfect.” Phil sounds completely serious which seriously makes it difficult for Dan to continue breathing normally.

Phil’s POV 

Phil is pretty sure that in the dictionary, under the definition of Christmas bliss, there is a picture of Dan lying in his arms on Christmas Eve.

Well, it would be pretty creepy it that was the case, but still. This is as close to perfect bliss as Phil has ever come. He has Dan in his arms – he checked very briefly after he woke up, just to make sure that he does not suddenly have unfathomable creativity with which he can imagine a cushion as Dan. Dan is nestled against his chest and Mes is sleeping peacefully at the foot of the bed – Phil checked on that too.

In this moment, Phil feels like time could come to a still and he would be happy for all eternity onwards. Dan is with him, Mes is with him, and they are all happy.

There is no way anyone could ever deserve this level of comfort and happiness. Phil has certainly done nothing to deserve it.

However, in that moment, Phil decides that as this is a very generous present, he will do his uttermost to keep Dan and Mes comfortable. He might not deserve it, he will not be able to earn it with no matter what he does, but he can still give all the love he has in return in order for Dan and Mes to be happy. They have selflessly let Phil into their lives, so the one thing Phil can do is repay them with all the love he can give.

Phil is intent on keeping Dan in his arms for as long as possible. Not even Dan’s careful wiggling seems like a good enough reason to break up this arrangement.

Phil pulls Dan closer against him and mumbles: “Don’t think I will ever let you go again…”

“Not even for pancakes?”

“Mmhh.” Dan is clearly not playing fair.

“Pancakes?” Dan’s voice is teasing.

“Can we stay here just a little longer?” Phil asks and pulls Dan as close as he can. “It is nearly Christmas, after all.”

“It’s actually already Christmas in Germany. They celebrate this evening…”

“That’s good to know-it-all.” Phil is sleepy, not tired maybe, but too comfortable to really use his brain.

“You are missing one ‘know’.” Dan’s laugh is the loveliest sound Phil has ever heard, especially when it’s this close to his ear. When Dan also shuffles a tiny bit closer, Phil feels just about the happiest he has ever felt.

“See, a know-it-all.” Phil cannot resist kissing the top of Dan’s head.

“Common-knowledge-deficiency can be treated only by pancakes in the morning.”

“Is that so?” Phil draws circles on Dan’s back.

“That’s what I heard, and I must know, seeing that I am a know-it-all.”

Phil hums but he will not be the first to move. If Dan really wants those pancakes, he will have to be the one to move.

It is Mes that ends up moving first, but that only changes the constellation of how they are lying next to each other. It does not yet make them move. Phil is happy to stay dozing a little with two of his favourite humans. He will not rush anything with them. Not even getting out of bed.

Phil steals a quick kiss and then they stay lying there not really talking.

Eventually, it is time for them to get up, but Phil is far from minding. He will simply enjoy every single moment as much as he can and that way, he will not even have to regret that they have left the bed.

Phil prepares the pancake batter, smiling like a fool the entire time because this feels like a tradition already.

Dan tidies the traces of the last evening and then, they sit down in the kitchen and have breakfast. Just the three of them. Phil has been in the fortunate position of sharing a meal with Dan and Mes a couple of times now, and he is absolutely certain that nothing, no matter how good the meal, will ever taste as good as literally anything he eats with Dan and Mes.

“Phil?” Dan asks at some point. He seems a little nervous.

“Yes?” Phil asks calmly.

“I know it is all rather quick, and you don’t have to say yes or anything, but I would love for you to spend Christmas here. You don’t have to… we don’t need to…”

Phil’s smile is threatening to give him cramps, but there is no human way to tone it down.

“Only if you come to my parents’ house for lunch.” Phil interrupts Dan gently.

“Isn’t that too sudden for them?”

“Mum always cooks, hoping I will bring someone. She might even make the same pudding again, hoping that Mes will come along too.” Phil knows how to read his mother’s many micro expressions as well as her rather evident demand that they take a picture all together.

“I don’t have a tree yet.” Dan bursts, making Phil laugh.

“We can arrange that. I need to go home for a bit today too.” He will have to collect the presents.

Dan agrees easily, and they continue eating.

They get changed in turns and tidy away the remnants of breakfast before they go outside, looking for someone to sell them a small Christmas tree.

“Can you carry that on your own?” Phil asks Dan.

“Yes, I am not that weak, Phil.

“I never said you were.” Phil smiles. “If you don’t mind, I could quickly go home now and be back at yours as soon as possible.”

“Of course.” Dan smiles. He struggles a little to get the tree onto his shoulder, but once it’s there, Phil is happy to see that he looks stable and not too strained.

They walk towards the road again when Phil catches sight of a Christmas advert. It’s one of those advertising either wine, ham, or chocolate, which Phil never seems to be able to guess correctly.

The things advertised on it don’t matter. What matters is the smiling people, or rather what the smiling people are wearing. They are all wearing the same rather hideous pyjamas, and suddenly, there is nothing Phil wants to do more than have matching pyjamas with Dan and Mes.

“Dan, I would like to buy a present, but I need your consent for that.” Phil makes himself say. He can feel his cheeks heating up, but he will have to deal with that later.

“What? Why would you need my consent?”

“Well, you need to be happy with it.” Phil is nervous suddenly. Is this all too soon? Maybe Dan is not ready for something quite as cheesy as that.

“Spit it out.” Dan laughs.

“Matching pyjamas for the three of us?” Phil is happy to note that his voice is not terribly quiet.

“Yes.” Dan smiles brightly which Phil gladly accepts as Dan liking the idea nearly as much as Phil. 

“I will see you shortly, then.” Phil smiles and starts walking towards the nearest M&S.

There is not a lot of choice left, but Phil manages to find the same pyjamas for him, Dan, and Mes too. He is already feeling emotional just looking at the pile, which means Christmas is going to be fun. Well, of course it’s going to be fun, but not necessarily easy!

Phil starts walking home but simply has to stop at the bookshop to buy Mes a dinosaur book. He has bought Dan a present way too early on, so he has to get a present for Mes too. Dan has bought books when they were in the bookshop together, but Phil hopes he has not bought this precise one.

At home, Phil throws all pieces of clothing into his laundry hamper and makes his bed. That makes an awful lot of difference already. He gathers some clothes he might want to put on tomorrow at his parents’ house. He then packs Dan’s present, puts on his coat, and leaves again.

He is not taking too much to Dan’s place, which calms his mind a little. Phil does not want to seem overbearing and scare Dan away with that.

Phil walks to Dan’s place, which he regrets a little because his bag is really rather heavy, but the path is too special for him to miss the opportunity to walk it once more before Christmas.

Phil climbs the stairs after finding the front door slightly ajar and rings Dan’s doorbell.

Dan opens the door and asks: “How can we help you?”

“Grant me entry to your kingdom.” Phil laughs and gets pulled into the apartment by Mes. Dan shrugs which makes Phil feel warm. This all feels normal and so perfect.

“We’re watching a film.” Mes tells Phil when they go into the living room. Dan suggests having a snack first which they prepare together in the kitchen. They are just settling down to start the film again, when Phil’s phone rings.

“Martyn.” Phil tells Dan.

“Answer it.” Dan pauses the film.

“Hello?” Phil grimaces at Dan which he hopes looks apologetic.

“Are you at Dan’s place?” Martyn asks.

“Yes, I am.”

“Amazing. Can you put me on speaker?”

“On speaker?” Phil does not love where this could potentially be going, but he decides to trust Martyn a little, it is nearly Christmas, after all.

Dan shrugs again, so Phil puts Martyn on speaker and tells him as much.

“Perfect. You did not answer my text yesterday, so I called to tell you again, I know who MMAHB is.” Martyn sounds very pleased with himself. This means that Martyn called to create trouble in some way or other.

“I don’t care.” Phil says quickly. His cheeks feel warm, but he is telling the truth. Together with Dan, about to watch a film together, Phil does not even care for MMAHB, the author!

“You do. You love him, Phil.” Why did Martyn have to choose today of all days to be insufferable?

“Martyn!” Phil warns. “I like the blog. Love… is too much.”

“Ah, you can’t even fool yourself. Come on, you love that Advent Calendar blog.”

“How to Ruin Your Twelve Days of Christmas.” Phil says, realising only then that that was one of Martyn’s cleverer traps.

“Pardon?” Dan stares at him with wide eyes.

“I… read a blog.” Phil does not want to hide the blog from Dan, but he would have preferred not to have to explain everything after Martyn has put him on the spot like this.

“Someone reviews movies and this year they, well _he_ , reviewed Christmas films, one for each of the twelve days of Christmas. How to ruin the twelve days of Christmas or something.”

“Phil, that’s me.” Dan is not looking at Phil. This is all going horribly wrong. Horribly, horribly wrong,

“What? No. You don’t ruin anything.” Phil says quickly.

“No, I mean, that’s my blog.”

Phil is sure he has heard Dan, but he cannot have heard him correctly, can he? Dan is the author? Dan cannot be him, can he?

Phil tries to put all his questions into one eloquent phrase and so ends up asking: “What?”

Phil can hear Martyn’s laugh which at the same time annoys him but also grounds him. If Martyn is laughing, it’s because Phil is catching up to something Martyn has already known.

“See, I knew you would like to know that.”

“Fine, and now hang up you noisy idiot.” Cornelia says, being the voice of reason between the two of them as usual. “Have a merry Christmas, you three.”

“Until tomorrow.” Martyn sounds delighted. Maybe, Phil will be able to accept that he has helped at some point, but he will certainly not be ready to admit to that now.

Phil cannot look away from Dan. Are all these thoughts Phil has enjoyed so much for the past month really stored in this unfairly beautiful head? Is Dan really kind and sweet in real life as well as sarcastic and unapologetic on the internet? Surely someone at some point is bound to have some sort of compassion with Phil and makes Dan a little less perfect than this.

“You are him?” Phil does not dare to speak loudly.

“I am I-review-films.” Dan smiles a little.

“But how?”

“Did you think I could not write something as poetic?”

“No.” That idea is ridiculous. If someone can create poetry or a literal masterpiece, it would be Dan. “It’s just not fair that everything about you should be perfect.”

“I am hardly perfect.” Dan says.

“To me, you are.” Phil says.

“That is all very sweet, but can you please stop staring at me?” Dan asks and hides his face behind his hands.

“How can I not stare. Dan, you are him!”

“Who is _him_?”

“Well you!” Phil is confused.

“No. Why does it matter so much that I write a little blog?”

“A little blog? The best thing I have ever read, if you please!” Phil is about to go on when he realises something and gasps loudly instead.

“What is it now?”

“I could have almost figured it out!” Phil whispers dramatically.

“What? How?” Dan reappears from behind his hands.

“The song Mes had been singing the entire day had been from the movie you reviewed that day, the Cinderella one.”

“Don’t remind me.” Dan groans, and Phil feels giddy with the puzzle pieces slotting together. Dan really is the author.

“And the way you wrote about the photographer!”

“Don’t remind me!” Dan says a little more forcefully and goes into hiding again.

“And the pumpkin spiced popcorn.”

“Mh?” Dan glances out between his fingers.

“I recommended it under one of your posts.”

“That was you?” Dan’s eyes widen.

“Yeah, I have occasionally commented.” Phil says, cheeks warming up immediately.

“You have? Even now? In December?”

“Maybe…” Phil says, suddenly not that eager to talk about the blog. He cannot remember what he wrote but he cannot trust his past-self enough to be absolutely certain that he did not write something embarrassing.

“Comments always make me very happy.” Dan admits quietly.

“You do not always seem like it.”

“Fine. I am socially incapable, go and shout it from the rooftops.” Dan whines. Phil laughs and pulls Dan into a hug.

“Thank you.” Phil whispers.

“Whatever for?” Dan asks.

“For making me so happy with your blog and as yourself.” Phil whispers and hooks his chin over Dan’s shoulder.

“Do you really like the blog?” Dan whispers.

“Yes, I do.” Phil answers sincerely and allows himself to melt into Dan a little bit.

They sit like this holding each other until Mes climbs between them and asks why they haven’t started the film again.

“Oh! Is this a film for the blog?” Phil asks excitedly.

“Yes.” Dan says, rubbing his neck.

“You are going to write the blog now?”

“I was going to, yes.”

“Can I watch?”

“That sounds incredibly creepy.” Dan whines.

“Please.” Phil says.

“Don’t you dare pout at me. I am completely immune to Mes’ pout too.” Dan says and turns away quickly, which means he is not immune at all.

“I first have to watch the film and then I can write the blog while watching it a second time. If you can bear that, I guess you can watch me write the blog?” Dan frowns, not terribly happy with the idea, but Phil is ecstatic.

“Deal!” Phil shouts excitedly. “Do we want popcorn? I make some mean popcorn!”

Dan nods and laughs and stays with Mes to explain to him what Phil meant with ‘mean’ popcorn.

Phil returns with the popcorn and sits down next to Dan. Dan’s computer is on the coffee table, an empty document open.

“Can I come a little closer, or do you need the space?” Phil asks.

“If you ask, you make me shy.” Dan grumbles a little and wipes imaginary dirt off his trousers.

“Alright.” Phil says and sits close enough for their knees to touch. Dan glances at him and smiles which is all that Phil needs.

During the film, Phil watches the actors on screen as much as he watches Dan scowl and take notes in his computer. It is hilarious that the films really do annoy him as much as he let’s one believe in his blog posts.

Dan catches Phil staring a couple of times and glares at him, but those glares are always accompanied by a blush on his cheeks, so Phil can be pardoned for not taking them incredibly seriously.

Dan does start the film for a second time and pulls the computer onto his lap. Phil wants to put some more distance between them to give Dan some space, so he starts edging away.

“No. I mean, you don’t have to. You can stay there. You can get as comfortable as you like. Don’t mind me.” Dan says all while staring at the computer.

“So, this is fine?” Phil asks cheekily and puts his head onto Dan’s shoulder.

“Yes.” Dan says, which is already more disarming than Phil would have thought, and then, he kisses his cheek!

The film is already well underway before Phil has somehow found his way back to the sofa. He totally spaced out for a moment there, not that anyone can blame him. It is quite a shock to be kissed by Dan. The circumstances of having found out just what else Dan is capable of – in terms of the blog – hardly made it any easier to react normally.

Phil did not dislike the film the first time he watched it. Watching it a second time, however, is rather exhausting. Phil’s heart has run a couple of extra miles, so he is well and duly exhausted. Also, Dan’s shoulder is simply too comfortable.

Phil is convinced for a long time that he has simply closes his eyes but is still very much paying attention to the film. It turns out that that is not quite true though, as Dan gently strokes his hair and says: “You can open your eyes, they are married, everything is well.”

“Spoiler.” Phil mumbles.

“We literally just watched it together. That is not a spoiler.” Dan laughs.

“Are you done with your blog?” Phil asks and shifts a little so that he can look at Dan properly.

“Yes, for quite a while now.”

“Why did you not wake me?” Phil asks.

“I was comfortable.” Dan answers and pouts a little.

“I have to warn you, I am absolutely, totally, not immune to anyone’s pout.” Phil says and cranes his neck to press a kiss to Dan’s cheek.

“Oh.” Dan replies softly with a pink blush on his cheeks once again.

“Can I read the blog now?” Phil asks.

“We literally just watched the film!”

“I have watched most of the films you write about that does not mean I can skip the blog!” Phil protests.

“You really read them all?”

“Yes.” Phil admits readily. “Please do yourself a favour and don’t engage in a conversation about the blog with Martyn tomorrow.”

“Why, does he have secrets to share?” Dan wiggles his eyebrows.

“Probably.” Phil says which makes Dan’s jaw drop. “Can I read now please?”

Dan refuses and first orders that they feed Mes and then take him to sleep. Mes is tired enough to fall asleep quickly. Dan talks to him a little, but this time, Phil also gets to be in the room, which is a great privilege.

Dan softly closes the door to Mes’ room and sits down on the sofa again.

“Can I read the blog now please?” Phil tries his luck again.

“Fine.” Dan says and pushes his computer into Phil’s lap. “Feel free to point out any mistakes.”

“As if.” Phil rolls his eyes and starts reading eagerly. This is absolutely surreal. He is reading the blog almost as soon as it was finished. Additionally, Phil’s long harboured wish of watching a film with the author has come true!

Phil smiles at Dan who is nervously playing with his lip.

“Relax, I love it already.” Phil says.

“You can have only read the headline.” Dan narrows his eyes at him.

“I haven’t actually, but the layout looks good.”

“It’s the same as always. If you want to tease me, you can do that without reading the post.”

“I will behave, I promise.” Phil says and puts a hand onto Dan’s knee. He is probably more nervous than Dan in this moment. There are a lot of potential emotions he would maybe prefer not to show Dan like this – for instance how incredibly smitten he is with him.

Phil keeps his hand on Dan’s knee and then starts reading properly. He is sure to love the blog post, so there is no need to guard his real reaction. It might do Dan some good to see how much Phil loves everything he does too, so Phil can enjoy the post freely.

**A Bride for Christmas – the grand Christmas wedding finale we all deserve**

**Do not be alarmed at that disgustingly cheerful headline. There is still a lot that is wrong about this film and we will get to that in due course. I do, however, want to use this introductory part of the blog (should you not have noticed that I actually provide structure in these posts for you) to congratulate you on making it this far. We are now very close to Christmas, which means you have deserved the first stressful part of Christmas which is the preparation. Secondly, you have also reached the end of this incredibly helpful blog post series. There are, of course, a whole lot more films which lend themselves very well to ruin any day, but I think this is a decent representative selection of all the crap that is out there, calling itself a Christmas film. That shall be enough of a sappy wrap up of this series, so, without further ado, let’s dive right into the film, that we may get out of it quickly too.**

“I really liked the series.” Phil smiles up at Dan.

“Please be quiet and just read. Get it over with.” Dan whines and demonstratively turns away from Phil. He does turn back slowly though, when he thinks Phil cannot notice because he is reading.

**This film, I have to admit, is my uncontested favourite out of the twelve films I have introduced to you. That is a miracle in a way, because all clichés and necessary tropes feature just as predominantly, and enough questionable stuff also happens. Somehow, this film has found an equilibrium to make this the classy sort of shitty Christmas film.**

“Classy sort of shitty Christmas film?” Phil quotes back at Dan.

“I will not hesitate to take the computer away from you.” Dan says, but he has to fight his laugh while he does so.

**As everyone will have guessed based on the title, weddings will feature in this film. There is quite a surprising amount of them, actually. Our romantic heroine is an interior designer, has been engaged three times already and has now set herself free from all matrimonial ideas, which in its basic groundwork is rather similar to Much Ado About Nothing, as we will have all noticed immediately. Anyone resolutely telling you they are never going to marry, in films and books at least, are bound to marry after all, so it is hardly a surprise that she does end up getting together with the clearly singled out male hero. Before they get that far though, she first has to break up with her current fiancé. She does so with simply continuing to walk down the aisle, which turns her from a bride into a fugitive in one swift move, which is, frankly, a hilarious way to start a film.**

**In the course of the film, we get to know that she has only been engaged so many times because her then boyfriends all chose some grand public gesture to propose to her which made her feel compelled to accept the offer. So, any man or woman out there reading this, thinking of a grand proposal, please don’t. Ask your significant other in private and don’t put them on the spot. As our heroine’s sister kindly points out, breaking someone’s heart at the altar (which our heroine is compelled to do) is not a nice feeling either. In conclusion, therefore: Don’t.**

**To everyone, it seems like our heroine is scared to get attached. Maybe, she is simply aware that she will not get happy with grand-gesture sort of guys, but that is but an amateur’s guess.**

Phil chuckles.

“Why are you laughing now?” Dan whines.

“Because you are funny.”

“Where? No, don’t tell me.” Dan closes his eyes. “Maybe do tell me quickly?”

Phil laughs and quotes the sentence that made him laugh. Dan’s cheeks turn a deeper shade of red. He does not say anything else, so Phil continues reading quickly.

**Of course, this is a perfect universe, so she easily finds her match. Well, she does not find it herself, but it is found for her by someone else. Our heroine is a pretty woman, so at an art gallery where she and her sister are mingling to find new clients for their interior design company, a man hits on her. Her sister quickly saves her and herself from more blatant flirting. “And the sister…” “… is gay.”, she completes for him, which makes for one of the rather great pieces of conversation of this film. I wish I had been out and proud at least at some point in life. The sister is certainly an inspiration for everyone in regards of consent and boundaries and professionalism, even if she then pushes the romantic hero onto her sister as he is a possible client where all manners of flirting, no matter how blatant, are of course welcome.**

Phil feels like he is getting whiplash with how casually Dan jumps in between serious topics connect to his real-life and the plot of the film. Phil does not say anything, but he squeezes Dan’s knee. He will be there for him, and if Dan wants, he can help him with being out and proud.

**The male romantic lead only approaches her because he has a bet going on with the first one to approach the female romantic lead about some office space or something (that too is a bad idea, kids). As with all good stories, he too ends up genuinely falling in love with her, and she with him. The highly anticipated complications because he cannot deny there has been a bet are also somewhat smoothly overcome (by arranging a marriage behind her back and marrying her off at Christmas, blink, and you’ll miss her consent which would make for a completely different sort of movie!). There is a somewhat strong scene of her proposing to him in the privacy of his place (she learned first-hand not to make a public proposal!) before all falls apart, but the mother ruins that a little with calling it unconventional, as though she has to get used to the idea first, an idea that should not be any of her business in the first place.**

**The story in itself and the way it’s executed are not all too bad. I will not let you go with just that, though. Let me show you all the things that did not agree with me, because we all want to hear me scream into the void.**

“I do.” Phil says quietly.

“You do, what?” Dan asks, he has started reading alongside Phil now, but he cannot know which part Phil has reached.

“I do want to hear you scream into the void.”

“Well, you are certainly too kind, so you are automatically exempt from my sarcasm.” Dan rolls his eyes. Phil presses another kiss to Dan’s cheek which makes Dan gasp and shove him a little, which means that Phil won, for the record.

**The biggest issue I have with this film, which seems to have been a continuous theme, is the food. First of all, the male lead and his friends always eat at a hot dog place for lunch. Is one hot dog enough to feed a grown man? I doubt it, also, is the hype really that justified? They looked edible, but that is the biggest compliment I can give. Secondly, the male lead describes a vegan colleague as only eating seeds for lunch, which does seem a tad outdated as I have had tons of vegan meals better than what those hot dogs could have ever tasted like. As with any film daring to put Christmas somewhere near its title, overly iced sugar cookies also have to feature that everyone loses their mind over. It is again the mother’s secret recipe and a communal effort to ice them all to perfection, and even if it might not have been, the tone is definitely set to accommodate unnecessary sentimental details like that. The last food related anger controlment checkpoint of this movie is the male lead celebrating the female lead as finally someone special because she likes to eat burgers and not sushi or Thai. I personally think that this makes her wonderfully averagely American but in no way special. Also, any one person eating only one thing instead of trying different things is certainly special, but not in the positive sort of way.**

**The male lead is, however, obsessed with thinking he has found someone incredibly special. He does not think so because of the engagements, but rather because she likes burgers and horror movies not romances. Maybe, this is only another nod to the romantic film industry because the writers have noticed in the course of this film that it is not easy to make a good romantic film and that good horror films are a lot easier to come by. In favour of cutting the male lead some slack, I am willing to interpret that ridiculous statement this way. You are welcome, male lead.**

**Other than that, the characters are all not half bad. I like both leads well enough. They seem to fall in love over the other’s treatment of a dog but that seems accurately relatable for me (and almost excuses the lack of inconsequential children). They fall in love to the most obnoxious background music though, which is more than just a little annoying. I have to admit that I liked the male lead a lot more than I thought I would, mainly because he also featured in the cheap cop-off of the amazing anime Yuri on Ice.**

Phil gasps which makes Dan look at him in confusion.

“You like Yuri on Ice?” Phil asks.

“Like is an understatement.” Dan says proudly. “Mes tried carpet figure skating for a while and nearly made it to the nationals.”

Phil laughs and has to force his eyes to look back at the blog, which is certainly a first.

**I could make a series about cheap cop-offs that are infinitely worse than the original, so I will not bore you with this now. Let’s just say, the male lead surpassed my expectations. Good for him.**

**There are also some scenes that do not make sense whatsoever, but that is fine. There are the mother and sister doing U-turns with almost any of their attempts to meddle in the heroine’s life. First setting her up with the ex, then pushing her to the male lead, all sorts of mixed messages going on there, in any case. Another favourite nonsensical scene of mine is her happening to wear a wedding dress for Christmas at her parents’ house. Also, her father throws the door open when she and her sister arrive which fazes neither of them, which either means they are duly traumatised to not react or have been subject to this sort of greeting for their entire lives, which sounds horrible to me. At her parents’ house, the heroine is married to the hero, which can only have worked in a white dress, which she had fortunately chosen by chance.**

**The carols in this film are certainly not bad, though I have to say that probably only The First Noel really counts. I have admitted that I like the hero, which does not mean that I take his word for Should Old Acquaintance be Forgot being a carol, but it’s a nice song, so I nearly forgave him for that blunder.**

**My favourite unnecessary but genuinely funny scene of this movie is hands down the side character friends of the hero fighting each other over the office cubicles with throwing erasers back and forth. It makes for very entertaining background action, which shows an attention to detail I would not have expected from this film.**

**Yes. There are things wrong with this film, but it is by far the least terrorizing out of all the ones I have introduced to you. Enjoy the film should you decide to watch it. Feel free to let me know what you thought about the films. Eventually, I will be back (I (somewhat) promise). I think this film is quite entertaining to watch, even if someone found it boring enough to fall asleep watching it.**

“Dan!” Phil shouts. “I only fell asleep because it was the second time I watched it and because your shoulder is comfortable!”

Dan laughs and closes the computer. “Was it worse than usual?”

“The dig at me? Yes.” Phil says and lies his head down into Dan’s lap. “I loved the post. I love everything you do.”

“I don’t like absolute statements. I don’t trust them.”

“I completely agree with everything you have said.” Phil says and has to admit that the tickles that follow are probably well-deserved.

“I really liked today’s blog post.” Phil says seriously when Dan has finally shown mercy.

“Why?”

“Because it seemed like a real translation of what happened inside your head. It feels like I got a look at what you think, but now while also seeing you think.” Phil grabs Dan’s hand and starts playing with his fingers. “I don’t know, Dan. I just really liked it. Thank you for allowing me to read it.”

“There is nothing I wouldn’t allow you to do.” Dan whispers.

“Ah, so you are weak to a pout after all?”

“Certainly not yours.” Dan whispers and presses a kiss to Phil’s forehead.


	25. 25.12.2020

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas dear people! <3 I got all emotional over ending this story. :O I hope you like this chapter, I hope you liked the story, and I hope you are happy! <3 I wish you all the very best for the next year! <3 Thank you for being such faithful readers. It was a great pleasure to upload chapters for you daily! :) Take care now and stay safe! Lots of love! xx

** Friday, 25th of December 2020 **

Dan’s POV

This is the absolute best Dan has ever felt when waking up. The day before, he had thought waking up in Phil’s arms would be the best possible way to wake up, but he stands, well, lies, corrected.

The best way to wake up is to lie in Phil’s arms and have soft kisses pressed against his temples.

Dan can feel a pleasant shiver run down his spine and he presses a little closer to Phil.

“I know you’re awake.” Phil giggles and presses another kiss to Dan’s forehead.

“Sush.”

“That’s not very kind.”

“Mes might not yet be awake.” Dan murmurs and buries his head into Phil’s chest.

“Scandalous.” Phil says, which makes Dan pull away immediately.

“Phil! What on earth do you think I’m thinking?” Dan asks and lets his head drop onto a pillow.

“That you want to make use of the fact that Mes is still sleeping with cuddling some more.”

“No!” Dan says and then quickly: “Yes, that’s what I was thinking!”

“Dan!” Phil pretends to be shocked. “What did you think I thought you were thinking?”

“Stop it.” Dan says and shuffles closer to Phil again, mainly to hide his red face, but also because being in reach but not actually in Phil’s arms is not to be borne.

“We will take things slow, Dan. I am ready, willing, eager, excited to do anything with you, but there is no rush. I will always be by your side.” Phil speaks softly and starts drawing circles on Dan’s back again.

Dan hums in response and snuggles closer into Phil which is only almost impossible.

“Thank you.” Dan mumbles.

“This is only natural, so, thank _you_ too.” Phil says, kissing the top of Dan’s head.

“I am sorry if I thank you too much.”

“That is literally two offences in one sentence, Dan.” Phil laughs. “You never have to apologise for being the way you are, and you do not have to thank me for showing common decency. You _can_ do that, but you don’t ever have to.”

“Tha… Got it, cheers mate.” Dan says which makes Phil poke him until Dan apologises, which is ironic too.

“We are a mess.” Dan says happily.

“Some wise man once said: The messier the life, the better.” Phil says.

“Has Meggie quoted me to you?” Dan groans.

“Yes, but that was before I knew who you were.” Phil laughs. “We are a mess.” He repeats delightedly.

“We are. Be warned, I will make Meggie tell me everything you have talked to her about when we meet up for New Year’s.”

“Well, I gather I am invited, so I will do the same.” Phil laughs. “Also, she barely shared anything with me about you.”

“Ah, so you did ask.” Dan laughs.

“I really can’t remember that now.” Phil says and makes the worst innocent face Dan has ever seen. “That was non-verbal sarcasm for you.” Phil says proudly.

“Oh wow, do you give seminars?”

“I only have a newsletter.”

They continue teasing each other for a while, gradually increasing in volume, which means Mes coming into the room comes as no surprise to either of them.

Phil lifts Mes into the bed with them and they all cuddle together for a while.

“What is Christmas?” Mes asks staring at the ceiling, head on Dan’s stomach, legs propped up on Phil’s stomach.

“You would better ask grandma-mama about that.” Dan says.

“Can you explain it to me?” Mes asks Dan with a pout Dan is obviously weak to, not that Phil believed him when he said he wasn’t, but still.

“I can try.” Dan says and tells Mes what his grandmother had always told him at Christmas time. Mes is looking at the ceiling, listening intently, but Phil is looking at him. It does make Dan stumble a little at first, but then it gives him the support he needs to successfully navigate through the story.

“Merry Christmas.” Mes whispers at the end of the story and crawls up to Dan to kiss his cheek. Next, he crawls over to Phil and kisses his cheek too. Dan can see that there are tears in Phil’s eyes, which certainly makes him tear up too.

No tears actually roll, and Dan and Phil manage to get up and take Mes into the living room without any more sentimental incidents.

In the living room, however, controlling his emotions is suddenly even more difficult for Dan. Mes inspects the tree while Phil gets a bag of presents from the front door. Dan distracts Mes while Phil places the presents down and then, Phil distracts Mes while Dan gets the presents he has bought and received for Mes, as it were. They are an amazing team and already communicate very well without actually saying anything. Dan already feels like crying again.

“Presents!” Mes shouts and runs back to the tree.

Phil instructs Mes to open the big bundle first. Inside, there are matching pyjamas for the three of them. Mes jumps up and down, demanding they change into the immediately. Dan laughs the tears away and helps Mes into his pyjama. Mes is adamant about pulling Dan’s shirt over his head, which makes him self-conscious, but he quickly puts the new top on and pretends like nothing has happened.

Phil is also wearing his pyjama top which fits him perfectly, because any less would not have been how the universe rolls, apparently.

“You can open this one now.” Dan says and hands Mes first the picture books and then the dinosaur toys Mes celebrates with some very wet kisses to Dan’s cheek.

“I love you, dad.” Mes says.

“A victim of capitalism.” Dan whispers dramatically to Phil, who shoves him gently.

“I have a present for you too, Mes.” Phil says and pushes one of two almost identical presents over to Mes. Dan is just as interested in the present as Mes it.

It is an encyclopaedia style of book about dinosaurs.

“Thank you! I love you, Phil.” Mes shouts and kisses Phil’s cheeks as well.

“He has fallen.” Phil whispers to Dan which almost works as a distraction from the tears that welled up in Phil’s eyes.

“This one is for you, Dan.” Phil says and pushes the other present over to Dan.

“An encyclopaedia about photography?” Dan guesses.

“It can be whatever you want it to be.” Phil says mysteriously.

Dan opens the present and nearly drops it in shock. It is a brand-new computer. A billion times better than what Dan is currently using.

“Get it? It’s a computer, so you can look up whatever and that makes it whatever you want it to be.”

“Yes. Very funny, Phil. Good joke. I cannot possibly accept this though.”

“Why not?” Phil asks. He looks troubled.

“That is way too generous! When did you even buy this?”

“When you said yours wasn’t working properly.”

“That was like the second time we even met, Phil!” Dan groans. “I can’t…”

“Please take it. I… well… I might be rich, I guess. Don’t know how you define that, but Martyn and I run a company called the IRL store. I am well off. I can afford to buy you a computer.”

“Which does not mean that you should have.” Dan protests, trying to process what Phil has just told him.

“Well, it is thankfully too late now.” Phil says cheerfully and squeezes Dan’s hand.

“Thank you, Phil.” Dan leans over to Phil and presses a kiss to his cheek. “I don’t have much for you, which is to say I don’t yet have anything physical because I did not print the picture yet, but I have plans to do that!”

Dan gets out his phone and shows Phil a picture of him holding Mes, both of them smiling brightly.

“Not bad.” Phil says.

“Sorry?”

“You are not in it, so there is room for improvement!”

“Fair enough.” Dan says with flaming cheeks.

“You are adorable.” Phil whispers and kisses Dan’s cheek. “I do not need any presents from you. Being allowed to fall in love with you is more than enough.”

“Sappy.” Dan says, which could have worked to cool down his cheeks had Phil not cupped his cheeks gently to kiss Dan. Dan drops his phone onto the sofa, slowly putting his hand into Phil’s hair, loosing himself well and truly in the kiss.

That is why, when Mes suddenly calls: “Dad!”, Dan jumps and screams. Phil laughs loudly and therefore manages to look like they had not just been kissing.

“Yes?” Dan asks.

“This is you.” Mes says pointing at a dinosaur.

“Me?”

“Yes. A traitosaurus. Phil says the dads take care of the children. You are a traitosaurus.”

“A theropod.” Phil whispers and smiles. “There are dinosaurs where the father takes care of the children. I told him I liked them.”

“I love them!” Mes shouts. “You are traitosauruses.”

Dan’s heart is beating faster, and Phil’s eyes are big and round.

“Well, I suppose we are.” Phil whispers, and Dan would have liked to see anyone try to stop themselves from kissing Phil in this moment. Impossible!

After exchanging presents, they have a very festive cereal breakfast. They are piled together on the sofa listening to some good Christmas music sung by one of those Cambridge university choirs.

Dan’s phone disrupts the calm. It’s grandma-mama calling, which is never not a nice surprise.

“Merry Christmas!” Dan says when he answers the phone, belatedly realising he could have at least told Phil who he is going to be talking to.

“Merry Christmas!” grandma-mama calls back. Dan guides her through accepting the video call as usual and angles the phone so that he is the only one visible.

“That’s my grandma-mama.” Mes explains to Phil, which Dan is very thankful for.

“I have a guest over, grandma-mama, so behave.” Dan says teasingly.

“What sort of guest? A friend?”

“A boyfriend sort of guest.” Dan says and enjoys the sensation of Phil tightening his grip on Dan’s leg.

“Oh that is lovely. Well, show me! I have seen your face before!”

The call does not last long but it is very lovely. Dan’s grandmother is friendly and not at all intimidating. She takes to Phil immediately, which only strengthens Dan’s resolute belief that Phil is too perfect to be true but also that Dan cannot possibly ever let him go.

“Have a blessed Christmas, the three of you.”

“You too.” Phil replies with a pretty smile, a pretty smile Dan will get to see every day.

“Take care, grandma-mama, we will see you soon!” Dan says, waving at the camera.

“Soon?” Phil asks.

“Sunday after Christmas?” Dan grimaces.

“So day after tomorrow?”

“That’s the one.” Dan smiles. “You don’t have to…”

“I want to, Dan. You are coming to my parents’ house today, of course I can come to your grandma-mama’s house on Sunday.”

Dan manages to wait with kissing Phil until they are in Dan’s bedroom giving Mes a chance to choose some clothes for himself.

“Oh, what is this for?” Phil smiles.

“Everything. When it comes down to it, probably being so enraptured by my first impression on you.”

“That lawnmower joke was something else.”

“You are not allowed to speak of anything ever again.”

“I love how you are not dramatic at all.” Phil says and pulls Dan in for another kiss.

“Thank you for being with us. Thank you for… liking me.”

“That is not something you should have to thank people for.” Phil whispers and kisses Dan again. “It is Christmas though, so, you’re welcome.”

“I love how you have immaculate reasoning.” Dan says and kisses Phil.

“There is nothing I want to do more than kiss you all day and tell you what I love about you, but we should probably get ready if we want to have Christmas lunch and not dinner.”

“Fine.” Dan says and steps away.

“You are adorable.” Phil sighs and squeezes Dan’s hand. Dan squeezes back. He appreciates that holding Phil’s hand helps to ground him and keep him focused on reality, because yes, all of this is actually real. All of this is actually happening.

Dan is happy, happier than he has ever been before. He highly suspects that might also stay this happy for quite some time to come. A messier life is a happier life, and a life philled with happiness evidently is too.

Dan shudders at that horrendously lame pun.

“What is it?” Phil asks with a confused smile.

“Nothing.” Dan says quickly. He cannot just share this particularly cheesy thought with Phil after he has made fun of something completely acceptable before.

“I love that I understand some things about you, and I love that I don’t understand other things.” Phil says.

“I love you.” Dan blurts out really rather very unceremoniously, but Phil does not seem to mind. He laughs and pulls Dan against his chest to kiss him again.

“I love you too, I am pretty sure.”

“I take that.” Dan smiles and kisses Phil again.

It is once again Mes that disrupts them, but Dan would not have it any other way. Mes and Phil are the biggest part of Dan’s life. They are supposed to interact seamlessly.

Phil’s POV 

Phil is the single most lucky person on this planet. The sleeping man in his arms proves that.

Phil has to be the luckiest person alive, otherwise he would hardly wake up on Christmas morning with Dan against his chest, sleeping peacefully.

Dan is gorgeous wherever, whenever, but there is something special about being able to see him sleep from this close. As Dan had been awake before Phil the morning before, this is the first time Phil actually sees him sleeping from this close. It is a sight that immediately etches itself into his memory.

That is probably not even that necessary as Phil will very likely wake up like this rather regularly in the future. Dan does not seem opposed to the idea, and if Phil could, he would move in this instant.

Chances are really rather good that this will become a new sort of normal, and Phil has never been more thrilled about anything in his life ever before.

Phil enjoys watching Dan sleep, but he can also not resist the urge to kiss Dan’s temples softly. He does not do so to definitely wake Dan up, but that is a side-effect he is willing to accept.

Phil notices that Dan is awake when he presses into Phil a little.

“I know you’re awake.” Phil tells him and kisses Dan’s forehead.

“Sush.”

“That’s not very kind.” Phil teases. In fact, he continues teasing Dan about improper thoughts. Highly appropriate thoughts really, but teasing is a lot more fun.

“We will take things slow, Dan.” Phil tells Dan when he has teased him enough. “I am ready, willing, eager, excited to do anything with you, but there is no rush. I will always be by your side.”

“Thank you.” Dan says quietly.

“This is only natural, so, thank _you_ too.” Phil will most likely just collapse under the weight of Dan’s adorableness one day. But kissing the top of Dan’s head seems to be a good outlet of energy, so Phil does that repeatedly. 

“I am sorry if I thank you too much.”

“That is literally two offences in one sentence, Dan.” Phil laughs. “You never have to apologise for being the way you are, and you do not have to thank me for showing common decency. You _can_ do that, but you don’t ever have to.”

“Tha… Got it, cheers mate.” Dan gets what he deserves with Phil tickling him. Phil shows mercy at some point, and they lie next to each other, talking much but without much sense.

At some point, Mes joins them and makes Dan tell him what Christmas means. Phil loves the sound of his voice, and he loves how he talks to Mes. And most importantly, Phil loves how he gets to be part of this conversation even if it’s only as a passive listener.

“Merry Christmas.” Mes whispers and kisses first Dan and then Phil’s cheek when Dan is done with his explanation. Phil feels himself well up and is relieved to see that Dan is not faring any better himself.

It is, however, Phil that starts crying a little when they exchange presents.

Mes likes the book Phil got him well enough to shout: “Thank you! I love you, Phil.” and kiss Phil’s cheek, which would have made anyone cry, Phil is pretty sure.

Phil has always known that buying Dan a literal computer for Christmas was a great example of how he had no impulse control, but not so much an appropriate present choice. It is a great present choice because Dan can actually use it, but it is not exactly sensible to buy someone you have met a couple of times a computer because you like them.

Phil only realises how lucky he is that for him this has still somehow worked out.

Dan somewhat reluctantly accepts the computer, but even the bit of reluctance is actually less than Phil had anticipated. He will think more about presents for anyone in the future, but for now, he can be happy that Dan likes his present.

“Thank you, Phil.” Dan kissed Phil’s cheek. “I don’t have much for you, which is to say I don’t yet have anything physical because I did not print the picture yet, but I have plans to do that!”

Dan shows Phil the single greatest picture anyone has ever taken of him. He is smiling brightly with an equally as brightly smiling Mes in his arms.

“Not bad.” Phil says, because the alternative would be crying.

“Sorry?”

“You are not in it, so there is room for improvement!”

“Fair enough.” Dan blushes.

“You are adorable.” Phil kisses Dan’s cheek. “I do not need any presents from you. Being allowed to fall in love with you is more than enough.”

“Sappy.” Phil ignores Dan in favour of kissing him properly.

Mes’ scream for his father makes them break apart. It also makes Dan scream, which is also incredibly adorable.

Mes shows them the picture of what he thinks are traitosuruses, commonly better known as theropods. Phil wants to melt at Mes’ adorable explanation of liking them because the dad’s take care of the children, and he does not know what to do at all, when Mes calls not only Dan but also him a traitosaurus.

Over breakfast in a heap on the sofa, Phil calms down again. Until Dan’s phone starts ringing and they talk to Dan’s grandmother. It is absolutely Dan’s fault that Phil becomes agitated again, because, out of the blue, he introduces him more or less as Dan’s boyfriend.

Dan’s grandmother is lovely, and Phil likes her immediately. He hopes that he is interpreting her answers correctly and that she actually also likes him.

It turns out, that they will be visiting Dan’s grandmother this Sunday. Dan tries to be considerate again, but Phil manages to convince him that it’s more than alright, especially seeing that Dan is literally coming to Phil’s parents’ house on Christmas Day.

After the phone call, they get dressed. Dan and Phil might get a little distracted with kissing, but surely, such an offence is pardonable. If Phil cannot go into a park when Dan says things like: “Thank you for being with us. Thank you for… liking me.”, he simply has to resort to kissing him.

They manage to stop kissing for a short while in which Phil only manages to take out the trousers out of his bag. He sees Dan shaking himself and asks: “What is it?”

“Nothing.” Dan answers quickly.

“I love that I understand some things about you, and I love that I don’t understand other things.” Phil says. He genuinely means that. He would like to know everything about Dan, but he also likes nothing more than still having all of that in front of him.

“I love you.” Dan says suddenly. He looks surprised at himself which makes Phil laugh.

“I love you too, I am pretty sure.” Phil whispers.

“I take that.” Dan smiles first and then, kisses Phil.

They are interrupted by Mes, but Phil does not care to mind that. He takes his things and quickly changes in the bathroom, as that will give him less ideas to delay them any further.

When he comes back to Dan and Mes, Dan is dressed and Mes is wearing a different jumper, which he seems just as content with.

The trip to Phil’s parents’ house does not take long. There is a good connection directly from Dan’s place too. Dan seems the tiniest bit nervous, but holding his hand seems to already help him calm down. Phil squeezes his hand gently and pulls Mes onto his lap.

“If the sky is clear tonight, we can try and show Dan the Little Bear.” Phil tells Mes, which launches Mes into an excited, predominantly monologue about stars and the universe. This also has a calming effect on Dan, as Phil had hoped.

It thrills him that he knows of ways to make Dan feel better. He does something right, which is an elating feeling.

They arrive at the bus stop and soon later at the house. Phil rings the doorbell and holds Dan’s hand.

Martyn opens the door and grins at them.

“Merry Christmas!” he crouches down and hugs Mes first. He then pulls Dan into a hug and does not let go.

“Hey, let go of him. He is mine.”

“Mine, what?” Martyn prompts.

“My boyfriend.” Phil says.

“BOYFRIENDS!” Martyn shouts into the house and lets go of Dan.

“Why would you do that?” Phil whines.

“Mum was too embarrassed to ask herself.”

“Oh, and this isn’t embarrassing?”

“Not for mum, it isn’t.” Martyn shrugs and also pulls Phil into a quick hug. “Congratulations.” He whispers.

Inside, the hugging continues once they have taken off their jackets. To Phil’s immense relief, Dan does not look uncomfortable.

“Are you alright?” Phil asks him quietly.

“Yes. I hardly think it can get any more embarrassing than that, I will be fine for anything that happens.” Dan smiles.

“An interesting technique.” Phil says, not directly telling Dan that he thinks he is being decidedly too optimistic and naïve about what Martyn can still have planned.

Phil’s mother hands both Martyn and Phil a bag of presents which they will not open in front of everyone. There is, however, also a neatly wrapped present that she hands over to Dan and Cornelia. It is so neatly wrapped that it’s immediately evident that there is a picture frame inside.

Dan unwraps the present and gasps at the picture which he has taken himself the Sunday before. But Phil also gasps when he reads the small inscription reading: Family Lester 2020.

“I hereby invite you to our wedding and ask you to write the column for us, MMAHB.” Martyn disturbs the silence.

“He is MMAHB?” Phil’s mother asks.

“I am?” Dan asks. “What does MMAHB even mean?”

“I told you not to ask.” Phil says, hiding behind Mes who is sat on his lap.

“Mysterious Man and His Blog, so to say Phil’s long-time crush.” Martyn is only too happy to provide.

Dan laughs and looks at Phil. He is not mocking him. There is, in fact, a little too much emotion in his gaze that Phil is rather thankful to still be hiding behind Mes like a coward.

Once things have calmed down and they are relocating into the dining room, Phil tugs at Dan’s sleeve and asks: “Still alright?”

“Yeah. Martyn is intense.” Dan smiles.

“I’ll take that as a compliment.” Martyn says and runs away from Phil’s kicking foot.

“You really shouldn’t!” Phil calls after him.

“Mum, he swore at me!” Martyn whines and earns a light slap from Cornelia.

“This is the perfect Christmas.” Dan says, smiling at Phil.

“It is?” Phil frowns.

“It is.” Dan says and squeezes Phil’s hand three times.

Fine, it is.


End file.
